Resist

Part 5

Brian was stacking the shelves at the bookstore when he saw Lindsay come in. He ducked down hoping she hadn't seen him. He didn't want to talk to her after he had got so drunk and had fallen asleep on her bed two days ago. He knew he had spilled his guts to her, but he couldn't remember exactly how much he had told her. She must think he was totally pathetic, and he didn't want to face her.

"Nice view from back here," Brian heard Lindsay's voice say from behind him. She had found him.

"What?"

"Nice view. I could look at your ass all day long," Lindsay declared.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Brian asked standing up.

"You have a really nice body."

Brian snorted. "What are you on about?" he asked frowning.

"Are you still looking for another job?" she asked seeming to change the subject.

"Yeah, but I don't have enough hours in the day to fit one in."

"I know of one that might work."

"Oh yeah, what?"

"My life class needs a model."

"As in naked model?"

"Right."

"I don't think so."

"Bashful?"

"Not at all," Brian bragged, "but I don't want to give away all my secrets."

"It pays two hundred for an hour."

"Fuck me! Are you serious?"

It really paid a hundred but she had doubled it with her own money making it, she hoped, too sweet for him to turn down. "Them's the facts," she stated.

"I … I just have to, what, you know, sit there … naked?"

"Yep. Or stand or lay, whatever the Prof wants."

"And they all get to look at my dick including you?"

"I've seen your dick." He had the good grace to blush at that comment. "Besides, they will be drawing all of you, not just your dick."

"Do you think anybody would really want to draw me?"

"Brian, you're beautiful! You should see some of the old coots we've had as models. The whole class will be drooling all over you." Brian blanched. She could tell that idea frightened him. "But, of course, no one's allowed to touch you or come near you or even speak to you. It's all very professional."

"How do I get this job?" Brian asked.

"Say you want it. I've already cleared it with the professor."

"Then, sure. I can really use two hundred dollars."

"Day after tomorrow. I'll take you there. We can meet for coffee beforehand."

"Great," Brian said hardly knowing what to say about this stroke of good fortune.

"Oh look," Lindsay said, "there's Daph and Justin. Hi, guys," she called before Brian could stop her.

Daphne dragged Justin over to them. "Hey, Brian," she said and gave Justin an elbow in the ribs when he remained silent.

"Brian," Justin said with a curt nod.

"Justin."

"You guys aren't very civil," Lindsay griped trying to encourage them to talk. "Isn't your shift almost over, Brian?" she asked. "We could all grab some dinner at the café."

"Um, no thanks," Brian protested although his eyes lasered into Justin daring him to say otherwise. "My aunt is expecting me."

"You could call her," Daphne suggested. "You're available, aren't you, Justin?"

"Um … I … I guess so," Justin admitted looking everywhere but into those eyes of Brian's.

"Look," Brian said, "I don't think Justin wants to eat with me, and … and that's just fine by me." He stomped off to the back room hoping that this time Justin wouldn't follow him, and that they'd all be gone when he came back out.

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The next day Brian met Lindsay at the usual coffee spot. She told him that everything was arranged for him to be the model in her life class the following day. He seemed pleased. She asked him to sit in the coffee shop and talk to her before they went off to class. Reluctantly he agreed.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked although he suspected that he already knew.

"Justin."

Brian closed his eyes trying to block out the image that name conjured. He had been jerking off to the same image for a week now. He couldn't understand why he could not get the fucking insensitive bastard out of his mind.

"I don't want to talk about him," Brian said.

"Well, I do."

Brian sighed. "So what the fuck do you want to say?"

"He's as miserable as you are."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I … I don't understand. What's he got to be miserable about? He kicked me out."

"He's afraid," Lindsay said hoping she wasn't revealing too much. Justin would kill her if he knew she was telling Brian.

"He sure didn't seem afraid when he told me to fuck off."

"He is."

"Afraid of what?"

"Relationships."

"We don't have a relationship. We fucked and he made it clear he wanted me gone. What does that have to do with relationships?"

"Justin's had a couple of bad experiences. He vowed never to let himself be hurt like that again."

"He was hurt?" Lindsay watched Brian's eyes as he asked that question in a soft voice. It was almost as if Brian felt the hurt too. "Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Things happen."

"Like what?" Brian asked wanting to know what had made Justin so cruel.

"That's for Justin to explain."

Brian shrugged. When he looked up Lindsay was waving at Daphne and Justin who had just picked up coffee from the counter. They came over, Daphne practically dragging Justin behind her. Daphne pulled up a chair and plopped down. Justin stood behind her. She elbowed him in the hip and he grabbed a chair and sat down too. He studiously avoided looking at Brian.

"It's nice of you to join us," Lindsay said pointedly looking at Justin.

He scowled. "Didn't have any choice."

"Gracious as always," Lindsay replied.

"How are your classes going, Brian?" Daphne asked.

"Peachy."

Daphne giggled and Brian thought he saw a flicker of a smile from Justin. Maybe this guy wasn't so mean.

"Have you got a favorite?" Daphne asked.

"I like the philosophy course. The TA is a hunk and has a great package from what I've been able to see." Brian was being deliberately provocative and he watched Justin's reaction.

"I have to go," Justin said standing up. He appeared decidedly uncomfortable.

"So soon?" Brian cooed. He was enjoying making Justin sweat.

Justin gave him a glare and marched away.

"I just thought of something," Brian said to Lindsay. "You said that Justin was in some of your art courses. Is he in this life class?" Lindsay nodded with a little grin. "Well, fuck me!"

"We hope you'll fuck Justin," Daphne responded.

Brian looked from one to the other and they all burst out laughing. "This is all part of some plot you two have cooked up, isn't it?" Brian asked shaking his head but still smiling.

"We think you two should be together," Daphne stated.

"And why's that? Justin can't even stand to look at me."

"That's because he's ashamed of how he treated you. He's scared of what he feels."

Brian stared at her as if assessing the truth of her words. He shook his head and decided to be honest. "I … I really liked him. He was so kind and gentle with me when … when we were together."

"That's probably what scared the shit out of him. He is usually cold and matter-of-fact, even about fucking. It's his carefully developed persona."

Brian seemed to be absorbing this information. Justin hadn't been cold like that at all, until the next morning. Could Justin really have feelings for him? Brian knew he wanted to find out, because he still had feelings for the jerk no matter how hard he tried not to.

"Does Justin know I'm the model in your class?" Brian asked Lindsay. She shook her head. "Then I'll have to make it quite a show for him and see how he reacts."

All three smiled and nodded.

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Justin set up his supplies at the easel. He saw Lindsay arrive and take the easel next to him. He hoped she didn't start in about Brian. He was trying to forget all about the beautiful Irishman, but he seemed to be constantly thrown together with him. He had had several tricks since Brian, but none of them had really satisfied him. None had been able to erase the image of another face, another dick, another pair of extraordinary eyes.

"Justin," Lindsay was saying.

"Hmm."

"Where were you? I've been jabbering away at you and you never responded."

"Thinking."

"About what?

"Um … about what kind of ugly woman will be the model for today's class."

Lindsay almost swallowed herself when she heard that. Instead she grinned at Justin trying not to give everything away.

"Class, we are about ready to begin," Professor Mendez began. "Please make sure you have all your materials organized. The model will be out momentarily."

"I can hardly wait," Justin griped. Lindsay stifled a giggle. If he only knew! She could hardly wait to see his reaction when Brian walked out.

"Class, this is Brian Kinney, our model for today."

Lindsay's eyes were riveted on Justin. She watched as his head shot up at the mention of Brian's name. She saw the color drain from his face only to be replaced by a glorious pink flush. She watched Justin's eyes follow Brian as he walked out in the big, fluffy white robe that all the models wore. She followed Brian's eyes around the class until they came to rest on Justin. She saw Justin grip the edge of his easel until his knuckles were white and it looked like he and the easel might both topple over.

"If you will disrobe, Mr. Kinney," the prof said, "and find a comfortable position on the platform. You'll need to stay in that position for almost an hour, so choose a position you can maintain."

Brian nodded. He slowly undid the belt of the robe and let it slide off his shoulders. He kept his eyes riveted on Justin. Justin stared at the floor. Brian dropped the robe beside the platform and there was a collective intake of breath as the class got a good look at what they had to work with today. Justin looked up and Lindsay saw the level of emotion that a naked Brian was drawing from him. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Justin looked positively sick.

Brian climbed onto the platform and stretched out. He turned onto his side resting his head on his hand which propped it up. He pulled one knee up so that his cock and balls were fully exposed and framed right in front of Justin. He'd fix the little fucker for what he had done to him.

"Comfortable, Mr. Kinney?" the prof asked.

"Absolutely," Brian purred.

Lindsay saw the front of Justin's jeans bulge and she knew he was going to pay greatly for the way he had treated Brian. This would be the longest hour of his life.

The class began sketching, but Lindsay noticed that Justin had yet to put charcoal to paper.

"What's wrong, Justin?" Lindsay asked knowing full well what was wrong with him.

"Um … nothing," Justin lied. He made a tentative stroke with his charcoal.

"It helps if you look at the model, Mr. Taylor," Professor Mendez said coming up behind him.

"Yes…yes, sir," Justin replied making a few more strokes on the paper. The only thing he wanted to stroke was Brian's dick, or more precisely he wanted Brian to stroke his. Trying to draw with the rock in his pants was proving very difficult. He shifted trying to move his swollen dick into a better, more comfortable position. All he succeeded in doing was making it grow even larger as he glanced up to get a full frontal view of Brian in all his glory. He groaned inwardly, at least he thought it was inwardly.

"Did you just groan?" Lindsay said to him.

He knew he was blushing scarlet, and he dropped his hand to cover the tent at the front of his jeans. "I'm not feeling too well."

"You better get to work fast then, because you have to finish this sketch and hand it in at the end of the class," Lindsay reminded him.

"We do?"

"Don't you remember? This is one of Mendez' timed assignments. He explained it last class."

"Shit!"

"Calm down, Justin, and get to work."

"I'll try," he said looking truly forlorn.

Lindsay got back to work on her own sketch. She didn't want Justin to flunk this assignment, but he seemed incapable of drawing Brian. His hand hovered over the paper but he hardly made any marks with the charcoal. Lindsay was beginning to regret that she had cooked up this plan. She had proved to herself that Brian had a very powerful effect on Justin. She wanted them to be together, but she didn't want Justin to flunk this class.

Justin looked up and into the golden eyes of Brian Kinney. He felt his mouth go dry and his hand trembled. Brian looked defiantly at him, but then something changed. Brian smiled slightly and glanced away. When he looked back, Justin could see a change. It was like Brian had forgiven him … or something. The defiance was gone and there was hurt and sympathy and something more in those eyes.

Brian had been glaring at Justin. He wanted the man to know how he had hurt him. Suddenly he really looked at Justin. Justin was pale and his hand was shaking. He looked like someone had punched him in the gut … hard. Brian had to glance away from the pain in Justin's eyes. He didn't hate Justin. He felt all kinds of things for the man, but hate wasn't one of them. Maybe he should give the guy another chance. He looked back and tried to tell Justin that it was all right. He would forgive him if he wanted him to.

Justin's hand began to move swiftly and surely over the paper. His strokes were precise and effective. In a matter of a few minutes Brian Kinney began to come to life on his paper. He poured everything he felt for Brian into the sketch. He wanted Brian to feel that he was sorry, that he regretted hurting him. He still wanted Brian, needed him. His hand moved at lightning speed as the end of the hour began to approach.

"Time's up!" Professor Mendez said. "Put down your charcoal, select the best sketch if you made more than one and hand it in. Thank you very much, Mr. Kinney," he said turning to Brian. "You make an excellent model. Perhaps you'd like to walk around and look at some of the drawings before you leave."

Brian nodded, retrieved his robe and deliberately went to the student farthest away from Justin. He was surprised at the representations of himself as he went from easel to easel. They were all very good, but he could see why some were better than others. Those were the ones that captured some emotion or essence of a moment in time when he was feeling a certain thing or thinking something pleasant or unpleasant. He noted that one or two had caught his defiant look and must have drawn the face first, the way he had been when he first started to pose. Most had drawn him with a more sympathetic look after he had sort of made his peace with Justin.

He arrived at Lindsay's drawing and was quite surprised at how good she was. He told her so making her blush. Then he moved to Justin's drawing and he felt his breath catch in his throat. Did he really look like that? He was radiant. And peaceful. And powerful. And sexy as hell. He didn't need to look at any more of the drawings.

"Do you like it?" Justin asked.

"It's magnificent," Brian said unable to take his eyes off the drawing.

"I think we need to talk," Justin said. "Will you meet me out front after you get dressed?"

Brian nodded. He went to gather up his clothes and get dressed in the little change room. When he came out the room was empty except for Lindsay. He wondered if Justin was really waiting out front. Lindsay handed him an envelope with his pay. She told him that the professor would be happy to have him come back anytime as a model. She wondered how she could explain why he would only get half the pay he got this time, or maybe she would keep doubling his fee. The professor had said he got some of the very best work he had seen in a long time from this particular model and class. She told Brian she had to run having overheard him agree to meet Justin. She hoped that went well as she slipped out another door.

Brian went to the front door and saw Justin sitting on the steps. He walked slowly out to him.

"Sit for a minute?" Justin asked and Brian sat down beside him. "I'm sorry about what happened the other morning. I just never let tricks stay overnight, and you took me by surprise when you were still there."

"I'm not some trick," Brian stated. He didn't like how this had started out.

"You were to me at the time."

"Well, thanks a fucking lot!" Brian said starting to stand up.

Justin grabbed his hand. "Wait. Let me finish." Brian sat back down. "I never do tricks more than once, but I want you … again. I need you," Justin whispered. It took a lot for him to admit that.

"So, what does that mean? We fuck again and you kick me out again?"

"I … I don't know what it means other than I want you," Justin said knowing that sounded pretty lame, but that was all he could admit to.

"I don't think that's what I want," Brian said sadly. He didn't want to be the trick du jour. He needed and wanted more from Justin. He needed to know that somebody could love and want him, not just want him.

"I can't promise anything more."

"I didn't ask for a promise. I think you still see me as one of your tricks, and until that changes, then we have nothing further to talk about."

Brian stood. This time Justin didn't try to stop him. He would have stopped if Justin could have done something, anything, to show him that he considered Brian more than just a good fuck. Brian hesitated at the bottom of the steps. He looked back up at Justin who sat with his head down refusing to make eye contact.

Brian made his way around the end of the building out of sight of the man he had fallen in love with. He had tried so hard to tell him that in the class, when he had realized that there was more to his feelings for Justin than mere hostility. But apparently Justin didn't return those feelings. It was all about sex, and sex only led to trouble, bad trouble. He knew that all too well. Brian leaned against a lamppost and took a few deep breaths. He hurt somewhere deep inside. He had hoped for the last hour that maybe he had found someone. And that drawing of him, the way he always dreamed someone would see him, had made him think that he had found the one. How could he have been so wrong? He wiped his eyes refusing to cry and started for home.

Justin sat on the steps all the life draining out of him as he watched Brian walk away. He wished he could have promised Brian more, but he just couldn't risk doing that. He had hoped Brian would see how he felt about him in the drawing he had done in class. It hadn't been enough and he was incapable of more. Brian was about the best thing he had seen in a long time. He had made love to him the other evening. Brian had not been just another fuck. Why couldn't he have admitted that? Because it would hurt too much when Brian turned against him, and they all did. But he had hoped for a few minutes, for most of the last hour, that this might be different. He wiped at his eyes refusing to cry as he wondered how everything could have gone so wrong.

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