Out of the Ashes

**************************************    

 

Justin pulled back the door to the loft.  Brian was seated at the computer.  He glanced up and said, “Hey!”  Justin kept walking towards the bedroom.

 

“Justin,” Brian said.

 

No reply.

 

“Justin,” he said a little louder.

 

No reply.

 

“What the fuck!  Justin, answer me.”

 

No reply.

 

Brian watched Justin go up the steps to the bedroom.  He made no acknowledgement that Brian had spoken to him or was even there.  He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

 

“Justin,” Brian called.  “Shit! Answer me!”

 

No reply.

 

Brian looked at the closed door.  Something was very wrong.  He went over to the bathroom door.  They never closed the door.  He knew there was no lock on it, but he hesitated to barge in.

 

“Justin,” he said gently.  “Are you all right?’

 

No reply.

 

“I’m coming in,” Brian said, getting really worried.

 

He pushed back the door.  Justin sat on the floor, huddled against the far wall.  He seemed frozen except for the tears running down his face.

 

Brian went over to him and knelt down.

 

“Justin....., Justin, tell me what’s wrong.”

 

He reached out to touch Justin’s face, and Justin shrank away from him.  The tears continued.

 

“Fuck, Justin.  What happened?  Please, talk to me.”

 

No reply.

 

Brian looked at Justin.  He had to do something.  He couldn’t stand to see the boy in this state.  He sat down beside Justin on the bathroom floor.  He slowly put his arm around Justin’s shoulder.  He tried to shrink away again, but Brian wrapped both arms around him, and held on.  Justin struggled at first, but then began to slump against Brian’s chest.  As he did, he started to sob uncontrollably.  Brian rocked him gently and waited.  Gradually the sobs lessened, and Brian started talking.

 

“Justin.  I’m here.  It’ll be all right.  Stop crying, if you can.  Please, baby.  Talk to me.  I’ll help you, if you tell me what’s wrong.  Justin, please.”

 

Brian kept up his one-sided conversation until Justin seemed a little calmer.  Justin had wrapped his arms around Brian’s chest, and was holding on for dear life.

 

Finally, Brian thought he heard him say something.  It was barely a whisper.

 

“Justin.  Come on.  Talk to me.”

 

“Cold.  So cold,” Justin gasped.

 

“Let’s get you in a hot shower,” Brian suggested.

 

He stood up, turned on the shower, and took off his clothes.  Justin sat on the floor, staring at Brian, seemingly unable to move, but he had stopped crying.  Brian knew he would have to undress Justin.  He pulled Justin to his feet and began taking his clothes off.  The boy seemed incapable of doing anything.  However, Justin did not fight him or try to shrink away anymore.

 

Brian pulled Justin into the shower.  They stood under the hot spray, Brian holding Justin up, his arms wrapped around the smaller man.  Minutes passed, and Brian felt Justin’s arms wrap around him.  Brian leaned in and kissed him.  At first there was no response, but as he continued his kiss, Justin began to kiss him in return.

 

“That’s it,” Brian said.  “You’ll be all right.”

 

He led Justin out of the shower.  He wrapped him in a huge, oversized towel, rubbing him gently dry.  Then he led Justin to the bed and gently pushed him down.  He lay down beside him, covering them both with the duvet.  He wrapped himself around Justin, running his hands over his body and continuing to tell him that everything would be all right.

 

Brian began kissing his face, neck, chest, as well as rubbing warmth back into his arms and legs.

 

A while later he heard, “Brian, I love you.”  It was a faint whisper.

 

“I love you too,” he said without thinking.  “Tell me what’s wrong.  What happened?”

 

“It was so awful.  I’m not sure I can talk about it.”

 

“Are you hurt?  Did somebody do something to you?”

 

No reply.

 

“Come on, Justin.  Don’t stop now.  Tell me.”

 

“Ethan,” was the answer.

 

“Ethan?”  Brian said.  “What the fuck!  What happened?”

 

“You know I left some things at Ethan’s.  I went there to get them tonight.  It was awful.”

 

“What did he do?  Tell me, please.”

 

“He has no phone, so I decided to take a chance that he would be there.  When he opened the door and saw me, he looked like he was going to be sick.  I tried to ask him how he was, if he was all right.  He looked at me with pure hatred.  He said I had ruined everything.  His music sounded awful, he was so alone, he didn’t know what to do.  I tried to comfort him, say I was sorry.  He asked me to come back, but I said I couldn’t.  That I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I couldn’t come back.”

 

Justin started to shake again.  Brian held on tight until it subsided.

 

“Can you tell me the rest?” Brian asked.

 

Justin nodded.  “He started ranting that I never loved him, I used him, I ruined his life, ruined his career.  That he despised me beyond anything, that he would spit on the ground that I walked on.  He actually spit on my feet.”

 

“Fucking asshole!” Brian said.

 

“I told him I wanted my stuff, and I was leaving.  He went berserk, and started screaming, ‘I’ll give you your stuff!’  He grabbed a box that had my Discman, some clothes and some drawings.  He picked up the Discman and threw it against the wall.  He grabbed a knife from the counter and hacked through the drawings, then he started on my clothes.  He was like a madman, ripping and slashing.  I begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t.”

 

Brian held him tightly, rubbing his back.

 

“It was horrible.  The whole time he called me names - user, cock-teaser, hypocrite!  I tried to leave, and then he ... he ...”

 

“What?  Tell me.”

 

“He said I’d forgotten one thing, the piece of artwork that I had given him.  He took the knife and ripped it apart.  He said he wished it was my heart, and then I’d know how he felt.  He grabbed the pieces from the wall and threw them at me, screaming, “No talent hack!  I never liked them in the first place.  Now they’re as ugly as you are!’  I ran to the door, but he caught me and spun me around.  He said he hoped I suffered as much as he was.  That I deserved every awful thing that was sure to happen to me.  He opened the door, and yelled, ‘Get out!’  He pushed me so hard that I hit the wall on the other side of the hall and fell down.  Before I could get up, he threw all the broken things at me, pelting me and screaming, ‘Garbage, just like you!’  Finally he slammed the door, and I could get away.”

 

“I’m going to fucking kill him!”

 

“No, Brian, I’ve hurt him enough.”

 

“And he’s hurt you too much.  He’s not fucking getting away with this!”

 

“Brian, no.  I’ll be all right - after a while.  He just scared me.  I didn’t know what to do.  I was afraid he might use the knife on me.”

 

“How did you get home in that state?”

 

“I don’t know.  I think I took a bus.”

 

“Don’t ever go near that maniac again.  Promise me!”

“I promise.  I don’t ever want to see him again.”

 

“Are you feeling a little better now?”

 

“Some.  I was just so scared.  I couldn’t believe he was the same person I knew before.”

 

“He isn’t.  He’s crazy!”

 

“I know.  He said such horrible things.  It shook me to the core.”

 

“It’s all right.  You’re here now.”

 

“Thank God.  Don’t let me go.  Hold on tight.”

 

“I have no intention of letting you go,” Brian said.

 

Brian kissed him, welding their bodies together.  Hours later, Justin was finally asleep.  Brian still lay mostly on top of him, giving him warmth and protection.  He couldn’t sleep, thinking of how shaken Justin had been.

 

“Fucking Ethan!  Justin’s had enough traumas.  I’m going to kill that bastard!” Brian vowed.

 

He clung to Justin and finally fell asleep.

 

**************************************

 

Justin awoke to find Brian wrapped around him.  He was so thirsty, probably from all that crying.  “Big baby,” he whispered to himself, “I’ve got to stop letting people hurt me.”

 

He gently shifted Brian over.  Thankfully, he didn’t wake up.  Justin slowly got up from the bed and went to the kitchen.  He drank a whole bottle of water, then took another to the couch and sat down, sipping it more slowly.

 

Brian watched him from the bedroom.  He had awakened when he heard Justin’s words.  He didn’t want Justin to be hurt anymore either, but what could he do?  Justin continued to sit silently on the couch, staring through the curtains at the city beyond.

 

Finally Brian got up and went to the bathroom.  That would tell Justin he was awake, and let him compose himself if he needed to.

 

Brian walked down to the couch and put his hands on Justin’s shoulders.

 

“I can’t believe I’m asking this, but do you want to talk?”

 

Justin looked at him, not answering.

 

'At least he hasn’t been crying again,' Brian thought.

 

“I want you to fuck me, please,” he said rather sadly.

 

“Anytime,” Brian said.  “You don’t have to ask.”

 

“Are you sure?  I feel ugly and dirty.  Do you still want me?”

 

“That filth was in Ethan’s mind.  You’re still my only sunshine.

 

“Thanks.  I needed to hear that.  Ethan hurt me so much tonight.”

 

“Let me prove how much I want you,” Brian said.  He took Justin’s hand and led him up to the bedroom.  They both were still naked.

 

“Lay down,” Brian said.  He opened the drawer next to the bed, and took out a large tube.

 

“I don’t think you’ll need that much lube,” Justin tried to tease.

 

“Lay on your stomach and be quiet,” Brian ordered.

 

He squirted cool cream all over Justin’s back, and began a slow, sensuous massage.  He worked Justin’s shoulders until he felt the muscles loosen and relax.  He continued down his back, kneading and rubbing, and sometimes just gently running his palms up and down.  From time to time he would feel Justin quiver or sigh.  He smiled to himself, and started the same process on Justin’s legs and feet.

 

Justin’s sighs got longer and deeper.

 

“I’m going to fall asleep, if you keep this up.  I thought you were going to fuck me.”

 

“Do you want to sleep or fuck?  It’s totally up to you.  I’ll adjust my massage accordingly,” Brian stated.

 

“Fuck, please,” Justin said matter-of-factly.

 

“Your wish is my command.”

 

Brian squirted cream on Justin’s ass, which he had carefully avoided until now.  Justin sighed his contentment.

 

“Don’t get too satisfied.  I want some participation on your part,” Brian warned.

 

Justin giggled.  Brian kneaded the cheeks of Justin’s ass, and ran the side of his hand up and down the crack.  Justin squirmed deliciously.

 

“That feels great,” he said.  “I’m starting to feel more like participating.”

 

Brian grinned and kissed the back of Justin’s neck.  He spread his ass cheeks, and inserted a creamy finger into his pucker.  Justin hissed his pleasure.  Brian inserted another finger.  Justin was obviously ready.

 

Brian donned a condom and plunged in.  Justin rose up to meet him.  Brian grabbed him around the waist and held them tightly together.

 

“Feel better now, baby?” he asked.

 

“Much.”

 

Brian stuck a pillow under Justin’s hips, raising his ass for better access.  Justin responded to each thrust, leaning back and twisting slightly.  The twist elicited a gasp from Brian.  The pounding became more frantic, and he pulled Justin’s bottom up farther.  He reached under and began pulling on Justin’s rigid cock.

 

“Oh, now Brian!  Now!” he cried, and they both came at the same time.

 

**************************************

 

When the alarm went off a few hours later, Brian and Justin looked at each other and groaned.

 

“I could take the day off, if you need me,” Brian offered.

 

“That would be great, but you don’t have to.”

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“You have a lot of work to do.  I’ll be all right.  You made me feel very special last night.  Just what I needed.”

 

“Anything for my only sunshine,” Brian said.

 

“Is that what the pendant means?” Justin asked.

 

“I guess so.  Yes, it is.”

 

“When you tell me I’m special and your ‘Only Sunshine’, I feel so great.  If the pendant means I am the only one you want, then I understand more about what you intended.”

 

“That’s what I meant.  I can’t envision my life without you.  Do you think we should put it back on?” Brian asked tentatively.

 

"I would be so happy to wear it, knowing that’s what it means.  Are you ready to put it on me?”

 

“Let’s do it, ‘My Only Sunshine’.”

 

Justin smiled and retrieved the pendant from the bedside drawer.  Brian took it from him, and placed it around his neck.

 

“Happy?” Brian asked.

 

“Very!  What an outcome to a horrible experience!”

 

“Out of the ashes,” Brian said philosophically.

 

“You should get ready for work,” Justin said.

 

“Trying to get rid of me already?  I give you a present and you kick me out.”

  

“You better get going, or I will make you stay here all day and make love to me.”

 

“And I would want to go to work because ...” Brian asked with a grin.

 

“Because you need to earn money to buy me more presents,” Justin said, batting his eyes and giggling.

 

“Greedy bugger,” Brian said, teasing.

 

Justin wrapped himself around Brian, kissing his face and lips.  Brian pretended to struggle, saying he should get ready for work.

 

Justin finally let him up.  “I love you,” he said.

 

Brian nodded, and kissed him.  “I love you too,” Brian whispered, barely audible, as he entered the bathroom.