Communication

**************************************  

 

Saturday was the beginning of Brian’s lost weekend.  He drank and drugged his way into Sunday, rarely leaving the couch, and playing his song over and over.  He felt like shit and probably looked like it too.

 

He was glad that he had no more visitors, especially Deb.  He didn’t think he could go another round with her.

 

Justin apparently didn’t think he had done anything wrong.  He thought Brian had gone off the deep end for no reason.  Fucking hilarious!  As usual it was Brian’s fault.  Why did no one ever take responsibility for precipitating bad events?  Just blame Brian.

 

Shit!  He must be sobering up.  He wasn’t usually a melancholy drunk.  Why the fuck should he want the world to feel sorry for him?  Poor Brian, what a joke!

 

“Justin and Ethan deserve each other,” he decided.  “They’re both two-faced, fucking around behind my back.  I thought Justin was better than that, but obviously he has sunk to Ethan’s level.”

 

Brian knew he had to stop thinking about Justin, and especially about Justin and Ethan.  He went over to the computer and logged on.  He checked his favorite porn site and started some semi-interesting cyber sex.  As he jerked off, he thought about finding a trick and inviting him over.  It would get him through the rest of the day.

 

In the chat room he found a likely prospect, one so-called Dick Dingly.  That ought to be good for a laugh.  He sent him an e-mail requesting that they get together, and the phone rang almost immediately.  He gave Dick instructions to his place and went to clean up a bit while he waited for Dick to arrive.

 

When the buzzer announced the trick’s arrival, he told him to come up and opened the door to the loft.  As the elevator came into view, he saw the top of a blond head, and for a split second he thought it was Justin.  A young blond man in his early twenties stepped out.  He wasn’t Justin, but he was no slouch in the looks department.  Brian was sure he and Dick could make the most of a long afternoon.

 

He pulled Dick into the loft and started tearing off his clothes.  Brian’s cock was hard and he was sick of thinking about Justin and about how fucked up his life was.  He dragged Dick up to the bedroom and threw him naked on the bed.  He was going to fuck this guy senseless.

 

Brian got rid of his own clothes, and Dick immediately attacked Brian’s cock.  Sucking, licking, squeezing, deep throating.  This guy was good.  Brian felt his orgasm approaching.

 

“Easy,” he said.  “I don’t want to come yet.  I’m going to fuck you till your eyes roll back in your head.”

 

“Be my guest,” said Dick, and he climbed on the bed, presenting his ass for Brian’s approval.

 

“Nice,” said Brian.  'But not as nice as...' he started to think.  “Stop it,” he said aloud.

 

“Stop what?” Dick asked.

 

“Uh, nothing.  Where was I?" and Brian attacked.

 

He squirted lube on Dick’s willing hole and plunged one finger in.  Dick grunted his approval and Brian added a second finger, scissoring in and out.  Dick gasped with pleasure.  Brian loved that sound.

 

“Ready?” he asked.

 

“God, yes.  Fuck me!” Dick begged.

 

Brian plunged in with one swift thrust.  It felt so good, trapped in that tight passage.  He hadn’t done this nearly enough lately.  He started pounding relentlessly into that warm, sweet hole, his balls bouncing against Dick’s tight ass with each stroke.  Again and again he pounded into the man.  He couldn’t get enough.

 

He adjusted the angle of assault, pushing Dick’s head into the mattress, so that he hit the man’s prostate with each thrust.  Dick cried out in ecstasy.  “Oh my God!  Fuck me!  Fuck me hard!” and he rocked back into each of Brian’s thrusts.

 

Brian had rarely had a partner so eager to match him stroke for stroke, except for Justin.  'Don’t think about that now,' he ordered himself.

 

Brian renewed his assault.  He slammed into Dick until he thought his cock might fall off.  He was in a frenzy, a goddamn fucking machine.  Dick moaned and begged beneath him.  Finally he felt himself nearing orgasm.  He reached under Dick, grabbing and pulling his cock.  As Dick moaned and started to spew cum over his chest, his hole constricted around Brian’s penis, and with a yell of release, Brian shot his load with such intensity he almost blacked out.  He collapsed on top of Dick, both of them covered in sweat and cum.

 

“Fucking fantastic!” Dick gasped.

 

“Yeah, it was,” Brian replied, rolling off the man and disposing of the condom.

 

When they had gained a little more of their senses, Brian took another look at Dick.  He did look a bit like Justin, and he had just performed a lot like Justin.

 

'Why do I keep thinking like this?' Brian wondered.  “Time for you to go,” he said aloud to Dick.

 

“I’m not sure I can walk.”

 

“Just give it a try.  It’s like riding a bike.  It’ll come back to you.”

 

“That was fabulous!  You have my number, if you want to hook up again,” Dick said hopefully, as he pulled on his clothes.

 

“Sure,” said Brian, giving his usual response that meant nothing.  He would never see him again, unless this one was different.  Justin had been different and look what that led to.

 

“Give me a call, anytime,” Dick said, as he left the loft.

 

Brian pulled the door closed behind him.  He felt more relaxed than he had in weeks.  Dick had been great, the best he’d had in a long time.  Then why was he still thinking about Justin?  Why did he wish it had been Justin that he just fucked?  He must be one sick puppy, thinking about Justin when he had just had one phenomenal fuck.  But with Justin there was always something more, something beyond just fucking...  Was that what love was?

 

**************************************

 

Monday morning came all too soon.  Work was the usual shit, nothing special.  He didn’t even have any interesting visitors, like Ted.  When did Ted become interesting?  Christ, his life was really fucked up when a visit from Ted was something to look forward to.

 

He headed for Woody’s after work.  He saw Ted, Emmett and Michael sitting at the bar.  No Ben.  That was good.  He didn’t want to see him, anymore that he wanted to see Debbie again.

 

He ordered a beer, and heard Emmett playing his game of ‘Who Would You Fuck?’ Emmett was asking Michael, “From the Newhart show, George or Michael?”

 

“All Michael’s are cute, but I hear George is good with tools.  So, George,” Michael said with an evil twinkle in his eye.

 

“Wanna play, Brian?” Emmett asked.

 

“All right,” Brian said, humoring him.

 

“From the Addams Family, Gomez or Lurch?”

 

“Gomez was kind of kinky, but I bet Lurch was well equipped.  So, Lurch.”  Ted snorted.  “How come I get the ghoul family and Michael gets Newhart?” Brian asked.

 

“Seemed appropriate,” said Emmett.

 

“Why?”

 

“I hear you’ve been running people over with the Jeep.  Kind of ghoulish.”

 

“Jesus, does the whole world know about that?  Can’t Justin keep his fucking mouth shut?”

 

“I heard it from Michael who heard it from Deb,” Emmett clarified.

 

“I didn’t try to run him over.  I never touched him.”

 

“So are you going to apologize for scaring him?” Michael asked.

 

Brian gave him a withering look.  “You know I don’t do apologies.  Besides I have nothing to apologize for.  He should be apologizing to me.”

 

“I saw him yesterday, Brian. He’s really upset about what happened.  I think he’s having trouble with Ethan too.  He said Ethan wanted to punch you out, when he told him what happened.  But when Justin tried to calm him down, he got really defensive about why Justin was trying to protect you, and why Justin was with you in the first place.”  Michael concluded his analysis of the situation.

 

“Why doesn’t everybody just keep their noses out of this?  Ethan is Justin’s problem, and neither of them is my problem.”

 

“We care about you and Justin, sweetie,” Emmett said.  “We want things to work out for the best.”

 

“What about you, Ted?  Don’t you have some sage advice for me too?” Brian asked sarcastically.

 

“No way.  I’ve learned my lesson.  I’ll keep my opinions to myself,” Ted said.

 

“Smart man,” Brian added.

 

“Ben says you and Justin should talk,” Michael stated.

 

“Ben says?”  Brian was getting ticked.

 

“Yeah.  He thinks...”

 

“I don’t give a flying fuck what Ben thinks!  Or any of the rest of you, either.  Stay out of my business!”

 

Brian slammed the beer bottle down on the bar.  He heard Michael call his name, but he kept going, and no one followed him outside.

 

He would put a stop to this right now.  He pulled out his cell phone, and hit Justin’s number.  It rang twice, before Justin said, “Hello.”

 

Brian gritted his teeth and said, “We need to talk.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, the way you sound.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“In the studio at PIFA.”

 

“Meet me outside in ten minutes.”

 

“Brian, I...”

 

Brian hung up.  “He better be waiting when I get there,” Brian thought.  “Otherwise, I’ll go in and drag him out in front of everybody.”  Brian was seething.

 

When the Jeep pulled up in front of the studio building a few minutes later, Justin was standing on the steps.  He looked apprehensive, and walked rather slowly over to the Jeep.

 

“Get in,” Brian said, opening the door.

 

“I’m not sure I want to go anywhere with you,” Justin said.

 

“I said ‘Get in!’  Now!"

 

Justin obeyed, hardly glancing at Brian.  He shrunk back against the door, staying as far away from Brian as possible.

 

'He’s afraid of me,' Brian thought.  'How did it get to this point?  Am I really a monster?'

 

They drove in silence, Brian thinking about Justin’s reaction to him, and Justin wondering what Brian was going to do to him. 

 

Finally Justin couldn’t stand it anymore, and he asked, “Where are we going?”

 

“We’re here,” said Brian, pulling the Jeep over to the shoulder of the road.  They were near the river.

 

“Where’s here?” Justin asked, looking around.

 

“Come with me,” Brian ordered.

 

He got out of the Jeep.  Justin decided to follow him.  He seemed to be a little calmer.

 

They walked down the slope to a park bench.  Brian sat down on it, looking out over the river.  Justin sat down beside him, but as far away as the bench would allow.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Brian said.

 

“I guess I know that, but you scared the shit out of me the other night.”

 

“I didn’t mean to make you think that I’d run you over.  I just had to get away from you as fast as I could.”

 

“Why?  What did I do?”

 

“You made me so angry, I was afraid I’d strangle you, if I didn’t get away from you.”

 

“But what did I do?  We were just joking around.”

 

“I wasn’t joking.”

 

“But you were talking about being nice to people, and I thought you were kidding.”

 

“Well, I wasn’t kidding.  I was trying to be nice, until you laughed at me and said I couldn’t change.  Then I wanted to break you and everyone else into little pieces.”

 

“Brian, I didn’t say you couldn’t change.  You just interpreted it that way, and then you kicked me out before I could explain.”

 

“So explain now.”

 

“As I said, I thought you were kidding at first.  Then when you got mad, I realized you were serious.  You have helped me and Michael a lot, and maybe other people that I don’t know about.  But before I could say anything, you kicked me out of the Jeep and almost knocked me down.”

 

“I’m sorry about that.  I just wanted to get away from you.  Why did you have to tell everyone that I tried to kill you?”

 

“I never said that.  I told Debbie what happened.  I was upset, and she got very angry, and went to see you.  I couldn’t stop her.”

 

“Nobody can.”

 

“That’s for sure,” and Justin chuckled.

 

“She sure tore a strip off me, and I was in no condition to defend myself.”

 

“Liquor or drugs?”

 

“Both.”

 

“Ooh,” Justin commiserated.

 

“I want this to stop now.  No more stories about me running you down with the Jeep.  Okay?”

 

“I only told Debbie, but I’ll try to put a stop to it.  Sometimes these things take on a life of their own.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Brian grimaced.

 

“How did everything become such a mess?” Justin asked.

 

“I keep asking myself the same question.  Debbie told me that you said we were out of sync.  I think you’re right, but I don’t know how it happened or what to do about it.”

 

“I used to know what you were thinking and what mood you were in.  I was so in tune with you.”

 

“When did that stop?”

 

Justin thought for a moment, and his face looked very sad.  “I think it was after the Sap.  He took something away from me.  I’d never sold myself like that.  I felt so cheap and dirty, and I couldn’t talk to you about it.  You had tried to warn me and I wouldn’t listen.  But after that, nothing seemed to be the same.  I lost that clear link that I used to have with you.  Did you feel the difference?”

 

“Yeah.  It was the first time you really lied to me, about how you got the job, and what you refused to say about the party.  I had a pretty good idea of what went on.  I’ve known and despised Gary for a long time.”

 

“Why didn’t you make me stop, if you knew?”

 

“Justin, it’s your life.  You have to make your own choices.  I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

 

“Then why did you force me to go with Ethan, just like you forced Michael to go with David?”

 

Brian’s jaw dropped.  This kid was too smart for his own good.  “If you knew that’s what I was doing, then why did you go if you didn’t want to?”

 

“I thought you wanted to get rid of me.  I felt so guilty, and Ethan was there.  What else could I do?”

 

“Lindsay said I didn’t give you a choice.  I thought I was making your choice clearer, that Ethan was what you wanted.”

 

“Brian, you’re what I want.  I’ve been with Ethan because he’s kind and I like him, but he’s not you.  No one could ever replace you.  You spoiled me for anyone else that first night we were together.”

 

“If that’s true, how did it all get so fucked up?”

 

“If you had talked to me back then like you’re talking to me now, none of this would ever have happened.  There’s only so much un-communication that I can deal with, before it starts to become mis-communication.”

 

“Lindsay said I was relying on you to read my mind.  That I needed to hold up my end of the communication line.”

 

“Smart woman.”

 

“So where do we go from here?”

 

“I need to talk to Ethan, and then I think I should move into Deb’s or the dorm.  We have some things to work out before we jump back into anything.  That is if you want me back.”

 

“Yes, I do.  I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out what to do.”

 

“There, you said it. That wasn’t so awful, was it?”

 

“I guess not, but there are still some things that you want me to say that I’m not ready to say.  Can you live with that?”

 

“As long as I know that you want me, and you are willing to talk to me like this, I think we can work it out.”

 

“Good.  Now come over here.”

 

Justin slid closer and Brian grabbed him, pulling him to his chest and smothering his face with kisses.  Tongues dueled, spit changed mouths, lips swelled from the pressure.  Their heads reeled from the delicious sensation of being together again.  Brian reached for Justin’s crotch, and he felt the boy pull back.

 

“What’s wrong?” Brian asked, breathlessly.

 

“Let’s not do that yet.  Sex has never been the problem between us.”

 

“A problem?”  Brian looked at him in disbelief.

 

“All right, sex is fabulous, but it muddies the waters.  We have other things to work out and get straightened out before we do that.”

 

“But I want you so bad!”

 

“And I want you, but we have to be practical.”

 

“Fuck practical,” Brian groaned.

 

“I have to see Ethan.  I’m not going to cheat on him too.”  Brian looked annoyed.  “I have to end if first,” Justin affirmed.  “I do have some scruples.”

 

“All right, but can I kiss you some more?”

 

“Uh huh,” Justin smiled, and Brian was all over him.

 

After a much too short eternity of passionate kissing and making out, Justin sat up and said, “Brian, we have to stop or my good intentions will be lost.”

 

“Good,” said Brian, continuing to kiss his neck.

 

“Brian, stop,” Justin begged.  “Please.”

 

“Oh, all right, but you’re killing me!  It’s been so long and I’ve missed you so much.”

 

“Right thing to say!” Justin said.

 

“You mean I’m starting to get the hang of this communication thing?” Brian teased.

 

“You get a gold star for tonight’s efforts,” Justin told him.

 

Brian smiled and put his arm around Justin’s shoulder.  He wished his cock didn’t hurt so much, but he would try to ignore it.  They looked out at the lights reflected in the water.

 

“This place is beautiful and peaceful.  Why did you bring me here tonight?” Justin wanted to know.

 

“I was just going to drive around and yell at you for telling everyone that I tried to run you down.”

 

“So why didn’t you?”

 

“I saw how frightened you were of me.  I don’t want you ever to be afraid of me.  I wouldn’t hurt you like that, and if I hurt you in other, less tangible ways, it won’t be intentional.”

 

“I understand, and I believe you.  But you still haven’t told me why we’re here.  How do you know this place?”

 

“Only Michael and I know about it, until, now you do too.  This is where I used to come when my father was drunk and the house was unbearable.  When I need to be alone and think, this is where I come.  I decided to share that with you tonight.”

 

“Thanks, Brian. That means a lot to me.”

 

“If we have troubles, and you can’t find me, this is probably where I’ll be.”

 

“That’s good to know.”

 

“Do you think there’s hope for me, for us?”

 

“You better believe it.  I haven’t been this happy in months.”

 

“Me either,” Brian conceded.  “Now if you’d just let me fuck you.”

 

“Later,” Justin teased.

 

“Later,” Brian agreed.  “Do you want me to take you to Ethan’s so you can deal with that?”

 

“I guess so.  I’m not looking forward to hurting him.  He really doesn’t deserve this, even though things haven’t been going very well.  I think he knows I still want you.”

 

“Let’s go.  The sooner you get this over with, the sooner we can get on to bigger and better things.”

 

They walked up the bank together, arms around each other’s waist.