Mayor Kinney

* 8 *

Justin had been tired when he came home and wasn't in the mood to placate Brian about whatever the fuck news he wanted to tell him.  The momentary lapse had caused Brian to get angry and leave to go who knew where.  Justin had been so stunned when Brian walked out over seemingly nothing that he had momentarily been at a loss of what to do.  He had started to follow Brian out onto the landing.  The man disappeared from view almost immediately and Justin realized that it was unlikely that he would be able to catch him.  He went back inside and called Chuck.

 

They had relaxed their surveillance quite a bit since the arrests of the men who beat up Brian and had sent those threatening letters.  Chuck or Phydeau were no longer stationed outside the loft all of the time, but Brian was not supposed to venture out after dark unescorted.

 

Chuck didn't seem overly concerned that Brian had gone out alone but said he or Phydeau would come over immediately.  Justin had waited in agitation until Phydeau arrived.  He had been hoping it would be Chuck who always seemed much easier to deal with.  Justin was a bit afraid of the leather clad Phydeau.

 

When the front door buzzer finally rang Justin answered immediately.

 

"Yes?" he said.

"Phydeau here," a strange voice replied. 

 

Justin realized that was the first time he had actually heard Phydeau's voice.  "Come on up," Justin replied and pushed the release for the front door.  He opened the loft door and waited for the elevator.  As it came into view he could see Phydeau dressed in his leathers behind the grating.  He wondered just what he had called Phydeau away from.  "Hi," Justin said not knowing how else to begin.

 

Phydeau nodded and entered the loft.  Justin closed the door behind them.

 

"How long has he been gone?" Phydeau asked.

 

"About thirty minutes.  I called as soon as I realized he wasn't coming back."

 

"What happened?"

"We had a … fight, I guess."

"You guess?  Don't you know?"

"It happened so fast I hardly know what went on.  I just know that Brian shouldn't be out wandering around by himself, especially after what happened to him the last time."

"He didn't take his car?"

"No, I have the keys."

"Would he take a cab?"

"Maybe, but he didn't call one.  He would have to catch it by accident on the street."

 

"Any idea where he might go?"

"Not really."

"Friends?  Family?"

 

"Yeah, some of each, but I didn't want to worry them by calling."

 

"If he doesn't come back soon, you better call."

Justin nodded.  "Is there anything else we can do in the meantime?"

"Chuck's checking Woody's and Babylon and some of his other hangouts."

 

"I don't really think he'd go there.  Since he got elected he's been trying to keep a clean image.  What about the diner?"

"He'll look there too."

 

"Is there anything we can do?" Justin asked frustrated by being left behind with nothing to do to help.

 

"As soon as we hear from Chuck, we'll know how to proceed.  Either he will have found him or you start calling all the people he might have gone to visit."

 

Justin studied Phydeau.  He didn't seem so menacing now that he was talking.  "Want to sit down?" he asked indicating the couch.

 

Phydeau walked around and sat down.  Justin took one of the chairs.  They stared awkwardly at each other.  Justin realized if he wanted to break the uncomfortable silence, he was the one who would have to do it.

 

"So…," Justin began, "how long have you been into leather?"

 

"Long time."

This wasn't going to be easy.  "Um … would you like a drink?"

Phydeau shook his head and they sat in silence for a little longer.

 

"Um … where'd you get the name Phydeau?" Justin finally asked.  He had always wondered about that.  Phydeau made a face.  "Sorry, it's none of my business if you don't want to talk about it."  Justin didn't want to piss him off.

 

"It's okay.  It's not my real name."

 

"No shit!"  Justin was immediately sorry he had said that.  He really didn't want to make him mad.

 

"No shit," Phydeau repeated and grinned at him.  "I never liked telling people my real name.  Since I got into leather I have always worn this spiked dog collar."  He touched the studded piece of leather around his neck.  "Somebody called me Fido one night."

 

"That's how it started?"

 

"Yeah, I just changed the spelling from the dog version.  I suppose it's better than Rover or Poochie."

 

Justin chuckled.  "Yeah, I never thought about the other possibilities."

 

"I have, believe me.  I suppose now you want to know what my real name is?"

 

"Only if you want you tell me."

"Well, to be happy being called Phydeau, you have to know the real name is something … strange."

Justin nodded not knowing what else to do.  "I won't spread it around if you want to tell me what it is."

"I should hope you won't."  Justin could hear the implied threat.  "My real name's … Atticus Phipps."

"Really?"  Justin was very surprised.  That was probably the last name he would ever have thought of.  It was probably the last name anyone would come up with.  He wondered at the mother who had saddled her son with that handle.

 

"Pretty bad, huh?"

 

"No, um … I mean … I guess you were named after Atticus Finch from "To Kill a Mockingbird".

 

"You know that story?"

"It's one of my favorites."

"No shit!  I hardly tell anybody my name, but when I do, it's rare that they know where it came from.  They just think it's weird."

Justin could imagine that many of the folks on Liberty Avenue might not have a clue about Atticus Finch, especially in the leather bars.  "I like stories about the underdog and somebody who stands up for human rights, and isn't afraid to take on the powers that be."

"Me too," Phydeau replied, still a man of few words when given the chance.  "I guess that's what I like about Mr. Kinney."

 

Maybe they did have one or two things in common, Justin thought.  The silence fell around them once more.  Justin looked at his watch.  It had only been about five minutes, but it seemed much longer since Phydeau had arrived.

 

"Do you think I should start calling people?" Justin asked wanting to do something concrete.

 

"Not yet.  Wait for Chuck to call."

 

Justin sighed.  He needed to do something.  His sketchbook sat on the coffee table so he picked it up, flipped to a blank page and began sketching Phydeau.  He didn't know how long he had been sketching when the phone rang.  He jumped as it broke his concentration and rang to answer it.  It was Chuck.

 

"Haven't found him," Chuck said.  "Start trying his friends and family."

"Okay…," Justin said.  "Do you think something has happened to him?" he asked fearfully.

 

"Probably not, but we need to find him.  I'm going to try a few other places, but they're not very likely, so start calling."

"I will," Justin said and hung up.  Phydeau looked at him waiting for an explanation.  "He hasn't found him, but he's going to try a few other places.  He wants me to start calling."  Phydeau nodded in agreement.  "I guess I'll start with Lindsay."

That proved fruitless.  She hadn't seen or heard from Brian in days, and she told Justin to make sure that Brian called her … soon.  He then tried Michael who informed him that Brian had just left and should be back at the loft in a few minutes.

 

"Shit!" Justin said when he got off the phone.

 

"What?" Phydeau wanted to know.  He had been looking through Justin's sketchbook, very impressed with the drawing of himself and all the other sketches that he found inside.

 

"He was at Michael's and should be on his way home right now."

"I'll let Chuck know."  Phydeau pulled out his cell phone and filled Chuck in on what they now knew.  He stood up when he was finished.  "I'll get out of here before he gets back.  He doesn't need to know that we were looking for him."

Justin nodded, realizing that Phydeau understood how Brian liked his privacy and would hate the idea that others knew about the fight and him walking out.  "Thanks for coming over."

Phydeau started towards the door, then stopped and turned around.  "Those are very good," he said indicating the open sketchbook that lay on the coffee table.

 

"Thanks," Justin said with a smile.

 

"I … I paint," Phydeau said looking very unsure of himself.

 

"You do?"  Justin was surprised.

 

"Yeah."

"I'd like to see your work sometime."

"That … that would be nice," Phydeau said rather shyly.  "I'd better get out of here before the mayor comes back."

 

He rushed down the stairs like he was embarrassed to have told Justin about his art.  Justin made a mental note to be sure to ask to see the man's work.  It had to be interesting if it was half as intriguing as the man who painted it.

 

Justin pulled the loft door closed and locked it.  He wasn't going to make it easy for Brian.  He didn't appreciate being treated the way Brian had acted before he left.  He was prepared to take a stand on that.  He picked up his sketchbook and pencil and began to work on the sketch of Phydeau.  He had the basics done, but there was still a lot more to do to it before it was finished.

 

He heard the loft door open some minutes later.  He was really engrossed in his drawing.  The likeness of Phydeau was excellent and he really wanted to finish it while it was clear in his memory.  He also wasn't ready to talk to Brian, and he certainly wasn't ready to forgive him.  He kept sketching, paying no attention to Brian as he came in and went up to the bedroom.  Neither of them spoke.

 

Justin decided he could outlast his lover.  If he wanted to play the silent treatment game then he would get a dose of his own medicine.  He worked away adding touches to the likeness of Phydeau and ignoring Brian moving around the loft.  He half noticed that he worked at the computer for awhile, but he was enjoying the sketch he was doing.  It looked real enough to open its mouth and speak to him from the page.

 

Finally it was done and Justin took a last survey of his work, smiled in satisfaction and closed the pad.  He massaged his right hand which still got tight and knotted if he worked for too long a stretch like he had just done.  He looked around.  Brian was nowhere to be seen.  He had forgotten about him when he got so engrossed in the drawing.  They still hadn't spoken to each other.

 

He stood up and stretched.  He could see a lump in the bed up the steps.  Brian must have given up and gone to bed.  Justin got a drink of water and went up to the bathroom.  There was no sound from the man as he went by, so he must be asleep.  When Justin finally climbed into bed next to Brian, the shallow breathing told him that he really was asleep.  Justin rolled to the edge of the bed and tried to sleep himself.

 

The next morning Justin woke when he heard Brian get up.  He still didn't want to be the one to initiate talking so he stayed on his side of the bed and pretended he was still asleep.  He hoped Brian would wake him and say he was sorry.  He hated it when they fought.  Suddenly he heard the loft door slide open and then shut.  He knew Brian had left.

 

"Shit!" he said out loud.  "The bastard didn't even have the decency to explain his actions and apologize."  Justin continued to mutter to himself as he got dressed and ready to go to school.  They would have this out tonight.  Enough pussy footing around.

 

                                                                -----

 

When Justin arrived home from school there was no sign of Brian.  He decided he would cook dinner for the two of them.  Maybe that would break the ice and get Brian to talk to him.

 

He checked what he had to work with and decided on pasta with chicken and mushrooms.  He knew Brian would think it was fattening, but tough luck, that's what he had supplies for and that's what he felt like making.  He had most of it ready when Brian finally arrived home.

 

"Hey," Brian said as he came through the door and smelled the food cooking.

 

Justin smiled.  Brian had spoken first.  "Hey," he responded.

 

"That smells good."

"Thanks.  Are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"It'll be ready in about ten minutes."

 

Brian went up to change his clothes.  He was relieved that Justin had answered when he had greeted him.  He didn't think he could take another night of silence.  It was much too hetero to suit him.  Anyone would think they were a fucking married couple.

 

When he reappeared Justin was finishing setting the table and he handed Brian a bottle of wine to open.  Brian did his duty and they sat down to a delicious meal.  He could feel Justin's eyes on him, but he didn't say anything.  Neither was willing to give in.

 

"Fuck this!" Brian finally said.

 

"Fuck what?"

 

"This silence."

"Oh, you don't like some quiet time?"

"Don't be a fucking smartass.  When are you going to get over it?"

"Me?  When am I going to get over it?  In case you don't remember I didn't do anything.  You expected me to read your mind.  You expected me to magically appear when you wanted me.  You're the one who walked out."

Brian studied his young lover for a minute.  He had a smart retort all ready, but the look on Justin's face told him he better be careful.  This wasn't the old Justin who put up with his shit without any complaints.  "Yeah, I guess I was," Brian said slowly.

 

"So what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I … I shouldn't have left like that."

"No, you fucking shouldn't have!"

 

"But I did, and it's over.  Can we just get on with things?"

"I don't know, Brian.  Can we?  I'm not prepared to have you walk out whenever you feel like it.  Do you have any idea how worried I was?  Do you remember what happened to you the last time you pulled something like this?"

Brian looked a little sheepish.  "I only went to see Michael."

"And just how was I supposed to know that's what you were doing?"

 

"I … I guess you couldn't know that."

"So?"

 

"So … what?" Brian asked bewildered.

 

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Sometimes I … I just need to be alone.  When things don't go the way I want, I … I want to escape."

"So that's what you were doing … escaping?"

 

"Yeah."

"Escaping from what?  Me?  Our life together?"

"All of the above."

"Well, thanks a fucking lot!"  Justin threw down his napkin and stomped up to the bedroom, his appetite completely gone.  He sat down on the side of the bed and leaned his forehead into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.  He wondered if he had made a huge mistake.  Brian would never change.  He would never really let him into his life no matter what he said.  Brian was the one with all the power and decision making prerogative.  He was fooling himself if he thought that Brian would really alter that fact or make any real concessions to include him in his life.

 

"Justin," Brian said tentatively still at the bottom of the steps to the bedroom.

 

Justin sighed and remained silent.

 

"Justin," Brian tried again.

 

Justin decided to listen to whatever pathetic excuse Brian was going to make.  "What?" he finally said.  He heard Brian come up the steps.

 

"I just needed to be by myself for a little while.  I didn't want to cause all this trouble."

That was probably as close to an apology as he was going to get.  "Well, you make me feel like shit when you walk out like that.  It's like you have no consideration for me at all.  If I can't read your whims or moods fast enough, then you ignore me or walk out.  I suppose Michael's better at it than I am."

 

"Michael's pretty obtuse sometimes," Brian said with a grin.

 

Justin had to giggle at that.  "He is?"

Brian nodded.  "He thinks he knows me so well, but you're really the only one who does."  Brian hesitated.  "And then sometimes you don't like me very much … like now."

"You're right."  He turned to look at Brian.  He could tell that his last words had really hit home.  "I want us to work on things together.  I just want you to include me."

"I'll try," Brian said simply.  All he wanted was to hold Justin in his arms and kiss that sad look off his face.

 

"You mean it?" Justin asked giving in.

 

Brian nodded.  He took a couple of steps towards his partner and found Justin standing waiting for him.  He took the young man into his arms and kissed him tenderly.  He really wanted to make this work.  He didn't intend to hurt Justin.  He really would try.  They made love long into the night.

 

                                                              -----

 

As they slept, the latest editions of the local newspapers were being cranked out.  Neither would be prepared for what they held.

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