Image Is Everything

Chapter Twenty-one

Justin pretended to doze on the plane as it headed back to Pittsburgh. He could hardly believe that a week had gone by so quickly. And everything was so different from when he had left. He looked over at Brian who kind of dozed too. He thought about last night and the consequences of his actions.

Brian had let him top him. He could hardly get his head around that one. He had drummed up enough courage to proposition the man, thoroughly expecting to be blown out of the water. Instead Brian had rolled over for him. He had fucked Brian to within an inch of his life and the man had liked it. Justin smiled. When he had awakened this morning Brian was in the shower and on his pillow was a piece of paper.

Justin grinned as he thought about it. He wondered how long Brian had been up to make his diploma. It was a doctor of sexology degree saying that he had graduated summa cum loudly (yes, he spelled it like that) from the Kinney International School of Sex. It further stated that he was granted a doctorate in both top and bottom positions having mastered both at an exceptional level. It was signed by the head of the university, one Brian A. Kinney, DSE, doctor of sexology extraordinaire. Justin had the document tucked away in his backpack. He thought he might frame it. He grinned.

When Brian came out of the bathroom Justin made him come back to bed long enough for the best blowjob he had ever given. Justin called it the final installment of his tuition.

They had started to pack, kind of a preliminary throwing together of their belongings. They both would eventually get to keep all the clothes that they had modeled. Justin could hardly believe it. He would have two beautiful suits and a tux all his own, to say nothing of the casual wear that he would get a lot of use out of. Mark was having them shipped back to Pittsburgh. They would be cleaned and probably used for some promotional events. Later they would be Justin's.

Brian and Justin talked very little, maybe afraid of the subject they both knew had to be confronted. Finally they went to the dining room for breakfast and found Mark and John already at the table. They sat down with them but neither Brian nor Justin had much of an appetite. After a bit Brian stood up and said he was going down to the beach one last time. Mark said the car would be ready at two to run them to the airport. He was going out later and might not see them again.

Justin went over to him and shook his hand. "I really appreciate this opportunity you have given me," Justin said sincerely.

"You did a great job, Justin. I'm sure the photos will be great and I'll be in touch about future gigs."

"Thanks again," Justin said. Mark gave him a hug and Justin went out onto the terrace while Brian said goodbye to Mark.

"Justin," Jon said from behind him. "Have you and Brian decided what you're going to do?" Justin looked at him and shook his head. "I hope you each make the right decision. You look great together as models, but you seem even better together as friends … as a couple," he added hesitantly.

"Thanks for saying that, Jon, but a lot depends on Brian … and I just don't know."

"Let me tell you one thing. In spite of what Brian thinks he deserves to be happy. Don't take his bullshit at face value, because it is bullshit."

"I'll try to remember that."

"Good luck, Justin. I think you have the potential for a great career in modeling."

"Wow, thanks a lot."

"I mean it. I guess this is goodbye because I have to leave for the airport in about an hour. Hope I get to work with you again."

"Bye, Jon, and I'll remember what you told me." He gave the man a quick hug.

Justin stared out at the ocean. He waited for Brian to come out. He wanted to go down to the beach with the man. Their talk should take place there since that's where everything had started … sort of. Justin knew that Brian would be saying goodbye to Jon as well as Mark. Jon had surprisingly turned out to be a friend once Justin got over his initial misgivings about the man. He wondered if Jon would give Brian any advice, not that it would make much difference. Brian would do what Brian would do … regardless.

Justin felt hands slide around his body and he was squeezed back against the strong chest that he had come to know so well.

"Let's go," Brian whispered.

The arms fell away and Brian's hand captured his drawing him towards the stairs to the beach. Justin took a deep breath. This was it.

When they arrived at the beach, neither of them knew how to begin. Brian paced with one hand on his hip and the other dragging through his hair. Justin stood holding his breath wondering what was going to happen.

"Brian?" Justin finally said unable to wait any longer.

Brian stopped pacing and turned to face the clear, blue eyes that stared back at him. "What do you want to do?" Brian said softly.

"Talk?" Justin replied trying to lighten the tension.

"I meant about … us … about this situation."

"Oh, is that what we are - a situation?"

"You know what I mean."

"I've already told you I love you." Brian frowned. It never ceased to amaze him how Justin could confront things and be so open about his feelings. On some level he wished he could do the same, but he knew he couldn't, at least not yet. "I understand that you can't say the same to me. I guess what I need to know is where we stand when we get back to Pittsburgh."

"We still have some work to do together."

"I don't mean professionally or when we happen to run into each other at a fashion event." Sometimes Brian was too dense for words, or maybe it was more of his avoidance technique.

"So what are we going to do?" Brian asked softly.

"What do you want us to do?" Justin stressed the word "us".

"I don't know."

"Do you want to see me again?"

"God, yes!" Brian said before he could stop himself.

A smile flickered across Justin's face. Brian wanted him. Justin waited.

"What about Ethan?" Brian asked.

"I need to talk to him before I decide anything."

"What will you tell him?"

"I think that should be between me and Ethan."

"Will you go home with him?"

"That remains to be seen. Do you care?"

Brian wanted to tell Justin to come home with him … and never leave. "It's your call," was all he could say.

Justin sighed. It was impossible to get Brian to say what he felt. "Fine. I'll make my decision and we can both live with it."

Justin turned and started to climb the stairs. He knew what he was going to tell Ethan. He knew what his life would be like from here on out. He could live with that. He could live without Brian.

He had climbed several steps when he heard Brian call his name.

"Yes?" he said turning with a flicker of hope in his eyes.

"I … we … it was a great week."

"Yeah."

Justin climbed the rest of the stairs refusing to look back. He went to the bedroom and finished packing. When Brian arrived some time later to do the same, Justin grabbed his sketchbook and went out onto the terrace to draw. They could barely stand to look at each other.

And that's how it had been ever since. They spoke only to make sure they were ready for the flight. Their eyes hardly met, each afraid to reveal the longing the other might see there. They hadn't touched at all. That was maybe the hardest part of it. Justin longed to caress Brian's face, to be in Brian's arms, to be loved.

He wondered what Brian was thinking. He knew the man was not asleep. He wished the photographer could tell him what he really felt. Justin sighed and checked his seatbelt. They were starting the descent into Pittsburgh.

When they had claimed their bags and cleared customs, they walked towards the exit, the silence almost unbearable between them. The doors opened and Brian could see a smiling Ethan waiting in the front line of family members picking up travelers. Brian glanced at Justin. There was no corresponding smile on his face. Brian wondered what that meant.

They walked a little further before Ethan ran up, grabbed Justin and gave him a hearty kiss. Justin did not protest, but he didn't seem to be kissing back with any enthusiasm.

"I missed you so much," Ethan gushed.

"Oh?"

"Of course. Didn't you miss me?"

"Sure. I need to talk to you."

"I want to talk to you too. Let's grab a cab."

"There's some seats over there. Let's sit down for a moment." Ethan took Justin's suitcase and moved to the seat. Justin turned to Brian who had hesitated to leave. "Guess this is goodbye," Justin said.

"Guess so. I could give you a ride," Brian said hopefully.

"I have to talk to Ethan first."

Something about that statement sounded strange to Brian, but he wasn't sure why. "So, I'll see you around," Brian said and headed for the exit.

"Later," Justin said to Brian's back. He took a breath and turned to join Ethan.

"So how was it?" Ethan asked as Justin sat down beside him. "Did everything go all right? Did you do good or screw up?"

"No, I didn't screw up," Justin replied testily. Why did Ethan always say stuff like that to him? "I did great. Everybody said so."

"Oh?" Ethan seemed surprised and not at all pleased by that revelation.

Justin took a breath. "I have something for you," he said slowly.

"You brought me a present?" Ethan asked with a grin. He tried to kiss Justin but Justin put his palm against Ethan's chest keeping him away.

"No," Justin said meaning no kiss and no gift both. "I … I want to give this back to you." Justin fished in his pocket and pulled out the silver ring that Ethan had given him. He hadn't worn it since he got on the plane to go to Mexico. He had slipped it off his finger as he went down the jet way and had not worn it since. He had barely looked at it or thought about it until he had fished it out of his suitcase to have in his pocket ready to give back to Ethan.

"What? Why?" Ethan sputtered his face a mix of disappointment and anger. "What are you doing, Justin?"

"A lot of things happened this week. I learned so much." He thought about the diploma in his backpack and the modeling sessions where he had carried himself like a professional and he and Brian making love on the beach. "I've grown up, Ethan," he added softly. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, but we're over."

"Over? But I love you. You love me. Come home and we'll work it out."

"I'm not coming home, Ethan. I'm grateful to you, but I don't love you."

"Well fuck you!" Ethan reacted. He stood looming menacingly over Justin. People were starting to notice. He grabbed the handle of Justin's suitcase. "Come on," he said. "We'll talk about this at home."

"No," Justin repeated. He grabbed his suitcase from Ethan and remained seated a defiant look on his face.

Ethan grabbed Justin's arm. "You're coming with me," he spat at Justin.

"No!" Justin struggled to get away.

"I'm going to get a cab and you are coming with me."

"No," Justin repeated. People were starting to look. "Let me go!" Justin struggled. Ethan refused to release him until Justin's hand came up and connected with a sharp slap against Ethan's cheek.

"Fuck!" Ethan released him and rubbed his cheek. Tears of disbelief filled his dark eyes. "Are you crazy? What's happened to you?" he asked in bewilderment. "Come with me right now or I'm leaving without you. Do you understand? You have nowhere else to go. You need me. You can't survive on your own." Justin stared stony faced, but made no move to follow. "Justin, please, now!" Justin stared straight ahead refusing to bend to Ethan's threats and criticism and pleas. "You'll be sorry," he said. Finally with a shake of his head Ethan stalked away.

Justin stared after him refusing to move, but wondering what was to become of him now. It was true. He was all alone. He had nowhere to go, but he knew he couldn't, didn't want to go with Ethan. He'd go to the IFA and look for student housing. He'd go to a fucking motel, but he wasn't going back with Ethan.

He sat still for a long time till he was sure Ethan would have caught a cab and would be long gone. Finally he stood and made his way out to the cab line. Thankfully there was no sign of Ethan. He heard a car horn beep and glanced in the direction of the sound. Headlights flashed on a green Corvette and Justin's heart leapt in his throat. He ran towards the car.

Brian stepped out of the 'Vette and his arms went around Justin. The kiss was brief but spoke volumes.

"I need to get the car out of here," Brian said. "They've been telling me to move for five minutes."

"You waited for me?" Justin asked with his radiant smile.

Brian nodded as he squeezed Justin's suitcase into the trunk. "Get in."

Justin happily obliged and Brian took off.

"Where are we going?" Justin asked.

"I thought maybe you could stay with me."

Justin beamed at him. "I'd like that."

"Just until you work things out, of course," Brian added with a little sideways glance.

Justin almost laughed out loud. "Bullshit," he thought remembering what Jon had told him. This whole nonchalant, don't give a fuck, I don't do love image of Brian's was all bullshit. He had waited for him. He wanted him. "I love you too, Brian," Justin said as they pulled out of the airport. The silence told him everything he needed to know. He was getting the hang of the language of Kinney. He settled back into the seat with a satisfied smile on his face. They were going home.

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