Image Is Everything
Chapter Eighteen
Justin leaned in towards Brian as they looked at the sheaf of papers Brian held in his hand. Justin smiled slightly as he looked up at the taller man. Brian was great at posing, at assuming the correct attitude and at projecting that perfect image that any photographer would want.
"That was great!" Jon Holstrom said to them. "But let's try this." He grasped Brian's arm and turned him slightly. He raised the papers that Brian held a little higher. His hand lingered on Brian's wrist just a smidge too long to suit Justin. Justin felt Jon's other hand turn him to the right. He didn't protest. Brian had told him that Jon was a tactile person. He had seen that clearly demonstrated during this shoot. Unfortunately most of his touching seemed to involve Brian. Justin didn't like that at all.
They were almost finished their shots together. This was the last scene. Justin was tired and ready for this to be over. They had been photographed in each setting - again and again. It was getting harder and harder for Justin to stifle the yawns and keep a smile plastered on his face.
"I think that will do it for the two of you," Jon said finishing up his roll of film.
"Great," Justin said wearily and started to walk away.
"Have you still got enough left to do some of your individual shots?" Justin heard Jon ask Brian.
"I guess so," Brian replied.
Justin turned to look at them. His heart plummeted when he saw the look that passed between the two.
"Justin," Mark said coming up to him. "You look tired. Why don't you come back to the house with me? Jon's finished with you for tonight."
Justin hesitated. He hated the thought of leaving Jon and Brian together. He was exhausted, however, and the thought of lying down really appealed to him. He didn't know where Brian got the stamina to do more. Besides, if he stayed there, he'd have to watch Jon touch Brian over and over again. He didn't think he could stand that.
"Sure," he replied. "I'd like that, Mark."
Justin followed Mark to the door. He took one backward glance to see Jon with his hands on Brian's arms practically leaning on the man. They both seemed very pleased with the whole situation. But what bothered Justin the most was that Brian didn't even seem to notice that he was leaving.
Hours later Justin tossed and turned in his own bed. He had been tempted to sleep in Brian's bed. The man had told him in the morning that he wanted him there. But when he had walked into Brian's bedroom after he returned from the shoot, he knew he couldn't stay there. He knew that if Brian and Jon came back to that room together he would die of mortification, of jealousy, of hurt, and most of all if he faced the truth, of a broken heart. He knew somewhere in the days since he had met Brian that he had grown to love the man. He loved the way Brian looked at him and made him feel. Brian always built up his confidence. He loved the way Brian fucked him and made love to him, and there was a difference. He could always tell even though Brian said he didn't believe in love.
He wished Brian could face what was happening between them, but he knew Brian was fighting it, didn't even want to acknowledge that it could be happening, refused to entertain any such idea. Justin knew Brian felt something. He had thought that their attraction might end when they fucked, but that had only intensified what he felt for the man. And he was pretty sure that Brian felt much the same. He saw it in Brian's eyes sometimes, and felt it in his hands when he touched him, and saw it in the smile that Brian always had for him.
And then along came Jon. He provided the perfect excuse for Brian to deny everything that had happened between them. Jon was the perfect example of what happened to used and discarded lovers. And he could be the substitute that would allow Brian to break free of Justin. That was Justin's greatest fear, that Jon and Brian would fuck again, and leave him totally alone, a third wheel, unneeded and unwanted.
Justin had gone back to his own room and crawled into his bed. He had fallen asleep almost immediately. He really was exhausted. He had woken at midnight needing to pee. He had ventured a look out into the hall. Brian's bedroom door was still open the way he had left it. They probably weren't back yet.
After that he had dozed and awoken several times. He was afraid to look out at Brian's door. They should be back by then and he couldn't bear it if Brian had shut the door on Jon and himself, effectively pushing Justin out of his life.
Justin's hand came up and brushed at the fly that was buzzing around his head. He turned over and felt warm breath on his face. He opened his eyes. Brian was sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over him, his warm breath caressing Justin's face.
"Hey," Brian said with that goofy grin that Justin was learning to love.
Justin frowned. "What time is it?" he asked.
"Almost two," Brian said.
"Are you just getting back?" Justin could feel Brian nod his head more than see it in the darkness of the room. "That's awfully late," he accused.
"Jon and I had a couple of drinks and caught up on what we've both been doing."
"Is that all?" Justin asked trying to see Brian's reaction.
"Yeah. What else would there be?"
Justin turned away. He didn't know if he could believe Brian. He had been out with Jon for half the night.
"Justin, I don't lie. If there was something between Jon and me, I'd tell you. He's the past and you're the present." He had almost said the future. He frowned. Was Justin becoming his future?
"So, you want to fuck me?" Justin asked in his best nonchalant voice. He had wanted Brian to say he was the future, not the present. But that hadn't happened, so he was merely the current fuck. He better learn to handle that.
"Always," Brian said his voice husky with lust.
Justin leaned towards Brian. His lips found the older man's even in the dark, even when they weren't really in sync. Justin marveled once again at how they fit together. He had never experienced anything like it, but he wasn't very experienced at all. He wondered if Brian, who had apparently fucked thousands of men, noticed it. He wanted to know, and he didn't have anything more to lose.
"Brian," he gasped as the kiss ended. Brian hesitated. Justin knew he didn't like talking at moments like this. "Have you noticed how perfectly we fit together?" He held his breath waiting to see what Brian would say.
"Yeah, I have," Brian whispered. "Hard to figure when you're so short."
"I'm not short. You're tall."
"Whatever! You're just right."
Brian shoved him back into the bed and covered the smaller body with his own. Justin sighed in satisfaction.
"Am I too heavy?" Brian asked mistaking the sigh for Justin having trouble breathing.
"No, you're just right."
They each let out a little chuckle which was quickly stifled by the next kiss. Kisses led to bites and sucks and caresses and skin rubbing against skin. By the time Brian entered the blond wonder beneath him, they were both ready and needy. The earlier problems were forgotten with each thrust and corresponding gasp. They were truly perfect together. As the world spun out of control Justin wondered why sex could be so perfect when the rest of their relationship was so fucked up.
Brian pounded into him, relentlessly, perfectly. Justin felt the tingle of his building orgasm. He pushed back with each thrust Brian made. It drove Brian's cock farther up his ass filling him as only this man seemed able to. The sighs had become grunts which were becoming incoherent gasps. Brian's hand found Justin's dick and he stroked in time with his thrusts.
"Brian," Justin gasped.
"Come for me, baby," Brian whispered beside his ear.
Justin exploded into Brian's hand. His ass clamped tight around Brian's cock and they both cried out at the sensation. Brian felt his orgasm rip through him and he slumped against Justin. His head fell on the soft chest and he let out a long breath. He felt Justin's arms come around him and he knew that was exactly what he wanted, what he needed, what he had craved for such a long time.
After a bit he rolled off the boy and disposed of the condom. He looked at Justin's face trying to see what it would tell him in the dim light and the afterglow of great sex.
"I think we should have that talk now," Justin said out of the darkness.
"I thought we agreed to wait till the end of the week."
"I don't want to wait any longer. I'm falling in love with you." Justin held his breath. He half expected Brian to get up and leave. He prayed that he wouldn't.
Brian was about to bolt. Justin had said they could do this later and now he had changed the rules. "I told you that I don't believe in love," he said rather testily.
"I do."
"Is that why you're wearing Ethan's ring while you fuck me?"
"I haven't got it on now. And how come you called him Ethan instead of Ian?"
"This isn't a game anymore."
"And that's why we need to have this talk. Things have changed over the last few days," Justin said.
"Have they?"
"They have for me. I know I don't love Ethan. I don't think I ever really did."
"You love a great fuck, and that's what I am."
"No, Brian, don't do that. If you were just a fuck this would be no problem."
"We have a problem?" Brian asked deliberately being obtuse.
"You know," Justin said thoughtfully, "you told me you don't lie. I believe that, but it doesn't mean that you always tell the truth. I know you feel something for me. I know that when we fuck, when we make love, it's very special."
"See, it's all about sex."
"If it was it would be a lot easier."
"So what are you trying to say?" Brian asked. He wanted this to be over.
"I'm saying that I feel things for you. I love you, and I want you to tell me how you feel about me."
"I don't think I can," Brian said in a soft voice.
"You mean you won't."
"No, I mean I can't. I don't know what I feel. I've never felt these things before. I can't answer you because I don't know." There was a little catch in Brian's voice. He truly was at a loss to explain what he felt for this man. Furthermore he wasn't sure he wanted to put it into words. That would make it more real, and then he really would have to deal with it.
"All right," Justin said with a sigh. "You know where I stand. Will you tell me by the time we leave?"
"I'll try," Brian replied hesitantly.
"Then let's get some sleep. We have another day of shooting tomorrow."
Brian started to get up.
"Where are you going?" Justin asked confused.
"I thought the way you said that that you wanted me to leave so you could sleep."
"I sleep better with you beside me," Justin said softly.
Brian slid back into the bed. He felt Justin squiggle up against him. His arm went across the boy in a protective manner. He heard Justin sigh contentedly. Very quickly his steady breathing indicated that he was asleep.
Brian looked at the face on the pillow beside him. What the hell was he going to do at the end of the week? He truly didn't know what he felt for this man. It was all uncharted territory for him. His hand slid gently down the side of Justin's face. One thing he did know was that the thought of never seeing Justin Taylor again was unbearable.
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