Dumb Blond

Chapter 3

Justin Taylor leaned his head against the cool glass of the bus window.  His stomach bubbled and churned.  He wasn’t hungry.  He was upset.

Who was that guy, the one who had accosted him on the street?  The man had the most amazing green eyes, and that nose – aquiline was the right word he thought.  Yes, he was sure that was the word.  And his mouth.  Man, he had so wanted to kiss that mouth.  But that would never happen, especially since he had effectively run away from the guy.  Besides Justin was simply too scared to get that close to someone or ever do something like that.  He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

Justin had been aware of that man in the club.  He had felt the man’s eyes on him during his performance.  The connection had been palpable.  He had even locked eyes with the guy at one point, and he had been … overcome by feelings.  That had never happened to Justin before, certainly not since he had been performing at Club Emvic.  The audience was just that – an audience.  He had never had any feelings about them, until tonight. 

The men who came to Club Emvic were voyeurs for the most part.  Justin was happy to let them look, but nobody was going to touch.  He had told Emmett and Vic that, before they hired him.  Justin knew that some of the dancers were available for other activities after their performances, but Justin would never be.  He had made that very clear to his employers.  They had seemed fine with his stipulations, even telling him that they did not condone what some of the other dancers chose to do, but they did not interfere with their dancers supplementing their income by whatever means they chose.  Justin had been okay with that, as long as he was not required to follow suit.

Following his successful audition and some genuine interest shown by his potential employers, Justin had told Emmett and Vic a little bit about his circumstances, and they had agreed to protect him, to keep his secrets, to employ him on the terms that he asked for.  There weren’t many places that would do that, so Justin had been relieved.  He thought he could work at Club Emvic, and he certainly needed the money.

Justin sighed heavily and closed his eyes.  His life was a fucking mess.  He missed his family … so much.  It was hard being on his own with no one to help him.  Justin drew in a deep breath and fought back tears.  There was no point in wallowing.  He had done that at the beginning, but it had got him nowhere.  He had chosen to be where he was now, so that was where he would have to stay.  There was no going back.

Thinking about how he had become “The Dumb Blond” made Justin smile, in spite of his depressing thoughts.  It had almost been like salvation when he had seen the ad in a gay newspaper he had been glancing through at a coffee shop on Liberty Avenue.  The ad was for auditions for exotic dancers at a new gay club that was opening.  It was called Club Emvic.

Justin had thought the name of the club was kind of stupid.  It should have been something more flamboyant … like Club Bang or Club Brilliant, or maybe something classic like Club Baroque or maybe just one word … like … Flash.

Justin had thought long and hard about whether he should audition or not.  He had never done anything like that before, but he did love to dance, and people had told him he was good at it.  He and his best friend Daphne used to dance together in his bedroom or hers.  They had fun practicing their moves, but Justin knew this would be a different kind of dancing.  He wasn’t sure he’d be any good at exotic dancing, but he didn’t see how it could be so different from regular dancing, except for the part where he took his clothes off.

Another small smile passed over Justin’s face.  He thought back to the couple of days before the audition.  He had spent all of his spare time, which wasn’t much, listening to music to choose something to dance to.  He had finally decided on High School Confidential.  It was an old song, but he liked the pounding beat.  He thought he could dance to it.

Then it occurred to him that he should really build on the high school theme.  Everyone thought he looked so young, and he had heard that a lot of gay men liked them young.  Nobody seemed to want to get old in the gay community.  But then nobody wanted to get old no matter what community they belonged to.  Justin shuddered at the thought. 

Once he had decided on the music he would use, Justin had pulled out his old St. James uniform from his meager closet.  He had to wonder why he was keeping such a thing from his high school years.  The blazer was a symbol of his old life, the one that no longer existed.  He wasn’t a high school student anymore, never would be again.  And the uniform reminded him of other unpleasant thoughts.  After some deliberation, Justin decided that there was no way he could wear it. 

Suddenly he had had the greatest urge to get rid of it.  It would be like getting rid of his old life and all that it represented.  As a result he had stuffed the blazer into a plastic bag from the Big Q and shoved it down the garbage chute in the rickety old apartment building where he lived.  He did it before he gave himself a chance to change his mind.  He just wanted it done.  That phase of his life was over.  He would never wear that uniform again, and furthermore he didn’t want it around to remind him of everything he had lost.

Having made the decision not to go with the school uniform as his costume, Justin had to come up with something else.  He had been walking past a secondhand shop the next day when he saw a cowboy hat in the window.  Well, it was more like a cartoon cowboy hat, but it looked young.  And young was the look Justin had decided to go for.  He went in and tried it on.  When he got home with the cowboy hat, which had cost him all of two bucks, he tried it out with all of his shirts and jeans.  That was a total of four combinations he had been able to make.  Finally he had decided that his plaid shirt looked best with the hat, and that was the outfit he wore to his audition.  He still wore the same outfit to perform.

At the audition was when he had met Emmett and Vic.  He immediately understood the name for the club, and he liked both men right from the outset.  Neither of them was at all what he had expected.  In fact, Justin hadn’t been sure what he would find when he went to the club.  He had heard lots of stories about sleazy clubs and even sleazier men who ran them.  He decided if that was what he found when he got to Club Emvic then he could just walk out of the place.  Nothing said he had to stay.  Nothing said he had to go through with the audition.  He told himself to give the club and exotic dancing a chance.  He could use some more money, and this potentially was a way to get some.  But if he didn’t like the place, he didn’t have to stay.  He would find some other way to make ends meet.

When the music had started at the audition, Justin had been petrified.  He wondered what the fuck he was doing there.  But he had made up a routine and he was determined to go through with it.  He had danced to the best of his ability, shaking his booty and trying to be seductive as he stripped off his clothes.  He thought he had done okay, but he didn’t like the looks on the faces of the two men when he was finished.

“We’re really looking for someone who will take everything off,” Emmett had said.  Vic nodded in agreement.

Justin had blanched when he heard that.  Going down to his underwear was one thing, but revealing it all was something quite different.  Justin had shaken his head and was prepared to walk out.  He started to gather up his discarded clothes, putting on his jeans as quickly as he could.

Then Emmett had stopped him by saying something that had changed Justin’s way of looking at this whole enterprise.  In fact it had probably changed his whole life.

“Wait just a minute,” Emmett had said to him.  Justin had hesitated as he slipped his plaid shirt back on, knowing that he probably should just get out of there while the going was good.  “Come over to the bar and let’s have a drink.  There are a few things I’d like to tell you.”

Hesitantly Justin had nodded and followed the two men to the bar.  He supposed it couldn’t hurt to hear what they had to say, and a drink was a drink.  He didn’t have money for alcohol most of the time.  They all sat down on the bar stools.  Justin asked for a beer, thinking that would be a safe thing to have, and then he waited for whatever supposed words of wisdom these men wanted to impart to him.  To say he was skeptical would be putting it very mildly.

“I came to Pittsburgh from a bigoted little town in Mississippi,” Emmett began.  Justin had looked at the man wondering what that had to do with the price of beans.  “I used to get harassed and picked on all the time.  I was the town fairy, you see.” 

Justin had smiled at that comment. 

“I even had lit matches thrown at me.” 

Justin cringed when he heard that.

“But I refused to let them get me down.  I left that ugly place of no hope as soon as I could,” Emmett explained.  “And I made a promise to myself when I did.”

Justin raised an eyebrow and waited.  This promise must be what Emmett had wanted to tell him.

“I promised that I would never deny who I am.  I would be proud of being the town fairy.  I would be proud of what I did and who I would become.  I’ve lived my life that way ever since, and here I am, the owner of a club.”  Emmett had smiled his toothy grin.

Justin found himself smiling back at the man.  He wondered if he could ever live his life with pride.  He knew he wanted to, but life had not been kind to him.

“So, why am I telling you this?” Emmett asked Justin. 

Justin shrugged and took another sip of his beer.

“Emmett’s lesson is a good life lesson,” Vic said with his kindly smile.  “He’s trying to tell you that you should be proud of your dance, proud of your body, proud of who you are.”

“Oh, Vic, you took the words right out of my mouth,” Emmett said giving the older man a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Justin watched them wishing he had a friendship like that.

“So, what I would like you to do,” Emmett said, “is get back on that stage, do your routine again, and be proud of every moment of it, including taking everything off if that’s what you decide to do.”

Justin had stared at the tall, proud man.  He wondered if he could ever have Emmett’s philosophy in life.  It was how he would like to live his life, but could he…?

“So, what’s it going to be, young man?” Vic asked.  “Are you going to get back on that stage, or are you ready to give up?”

Justin frowned and thought about what he wanted in life.  He didn’t want to work as an exotic dancer, but he needed the money … a lot.  If he was going to do this, he would do it with pride.  He would make his performance something to be proud of.

With no other answer, Justin slid off the barstool and headed for the stage.  He pushed the play button on the boom box that they were using for auditions.  High School Confidential started and Justin began moving his hips in the most sensuous way that he could.  Now that he knew there was a pole on the stage he decided to use it.  He made a tentative whirl around the pole, then did it more quickly spinning with his feet off the floor.  He heard Emmett squeal and clap.  That made him smile and he looked out at the two men … proudly.

And that was how Justin had become an exotic dancer known as The Dumb Blond.

Justin glanced out into the street.  Rehashing his memories and the gentle sway of the bus had lulled him into a stupor.  He realized he had missed his stop.  He pulled the cord and waited for the next stop.  As soon as the bus halted, Justin jumped out and started running back the way the bus had come.  It was several blocks and he was out of breath as he entered the alley that led to his destination.

He took note of the lone van that was parked in the area in front of the old building.  He was glad to see it there.  At this time of night being in an alley by himself wasn’t a particularly good idea, even in this part of town.

Justin ran up to the door of the building and tried to yank it open.  It was locked.  Momentary panic set in as Justin looked around hoping that he wouldn’t see anyone.  His wish was fulfilled; the alley was empty.  However, that still didn’t get him into the building.

Justin made a fist and started pounding on the heavy glass door to the building.  At first there was no response.  Justin looked around nervously and pounded harder.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” a voice called from inside.

Justin breathed a sigh of relief.  The door opened and he stepped inside.

“You’re late,” the man said.

“I missed my stop on the bus,” Justin replied.  “I had to run back several blocks.”

“You need to be on time,” the man chastised.  “I waited for you outside for a while, but I have work to do.  So do you.  I might not have heard you knock if I was way in the back or if I had the floor polisher going.”

“I’m really sorry, Joe,” Justin told the big black man.  “I was thinking about something on the bus, and the next thing I knew I was past my stop.”

“Enough said,” Joe replied.  “Take this bin and empty all the wastebaskets.”

Justin nodded and started to push the large garbage can on wheels towards the back of the building. 

“Did I lock that door after you came in?” Joe asked with a frown.

Justin shrugged.  Joe gave him a look and went to check the door.  Justin headed down the hall.  He had been here many times before with Joe.  This job had kept him going when he thought he was going to have to give up.  Joe was a big bear of a man, but he had the kindest heart. 

When Justin had applied for the job of late night office cleaner, Joe had been a little skeptical.  Justin could tell by the look on the man’s face that he didn’t think Justin was up to the job.

“I’m stronger than I look,” Justin had averred.

“There’s not a lot of heavy lifting in janitorial work,” Joe had said.

“Then why do you look like you think I can’t do the job?”

“We start at midnight and work till three.  Are you up for those hours?”

“I go to school during the day, so that will work for me,” Justin had explained.

“I have another guy who works with me, but I need someone for three nights a week – Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights.”

“I can do that.”

“Are you sure?  I need someone reliable.  No shitting around.  And I expect you to work while we’re on the job.  No goofing off.”

“I’ll work hard,” Justin had promised.

“I don’t know,” Joe had said scratching at his chin.  “Young people these days just aren’t … reliable.”

“I am!”

Joe had stared at Justin for a good minute.  “Okay, we’ll give it a try, but if you don’t hold up your end of things, you’re out.”

“Fair enough,” Justin had agreed.

And here he was – a janitor.

And that was okay with Justin.  It was honest work, work that Justin could be proud of, as Emmett had said.  And it helped him pay his tuition and his rent.  Helped, but didn’t quite cut it.  That was why he had been looking for another job.  It was tough to find something that would fit into the limited time he had in his busy schedule.  That was, until he found Club Emvic. 

Friday night was the one night that Justin worked at Club Emvic which overlapped with the work he did with Joe.  He had to leave right after his second performance on Friday to get to his job on time.  And then he had missed his stop.  Justin was sure Joe would forgive him; at least he hoped Joe would.

After emptying all the wastebaskets, Justin was ready to start on the toilets.  That was the part of the job he liked least, but he knew it was his responsibility.  He could hear the big floor cleaning machine roaring.  Joe always did that part of the work, partly because the machine to polish the floors was expensive, but it was also very heavy and awkward to maneuver.  Joe always took it upon himself to use it.  Justin figured that was a fair tradeoff – toilets for the heavy machine.

As Justin finished cleaning the three stalls in the men’s restroom, he heard Joe coming down the hall with the floor polisher.  The machine shut off.  Justin looked at his watch.  Time for a break.

“Hey,” Joe said pushing the restroom door open.  “Come have something to eat.”

Justin smiled at the big man as he finished wiping out the last basin.  He saved the basins till after he was done with the toilets.  “Great,” Justin said.  He walked out of the restroom and down the hall to the break room of this business.  He washed his hands in the sink there and sat down, after pulling a granola bar out of his back pocket.

“Save that for dessert,” Joe ordered as he pulled out his thermos.  “Grab a cup out of the cupboard.”

Justin smiled and retrieved a mug from the cupboard.  He handed it to Joe.

“The wife made chicken gumbo,” Joe said with a smile.

“You do know that you don’t have to feed me,” Justin said with a grin.  He said that every night that they worked together, but he still got soup.

“Try telling my missus that.  Ever since I said you were a skinny kid, she’s felt the need to feed you.”

“I do appreciate it,” Justin admitted taking a sip of the hearty soup.  “Tell Lydia she makes the best soup I’ve ever tasted.”

“Yes, she does, and I’ll be sure to tell her,” Joe said sipping his own soup.  “Grab a couple of spoons,” he said to Justin.  “This is too good to waste a drop … or a piece of chicken.”

When Joe and Justin finished their soup, Joe handed Justin half a sandwich.  Joe had tried bringing a separate sandwich for the boy, but Justin had refused to take all that food as he called it.  So Joe and Lydia had come up with a different plan.  She made a mammoth single sandwich, which she cut in half, well, more one third to two thirds.  Justin always got the smaller piece.  Justin seemed to accept that with no argument.

“I love ham,” Joe said as he wiped his mouth.  “I think they should put ham in every meal.”

Justin laughed.  “Yeah, you can’t beat ham.”

“So, how are your studies going?”

Justin smiled.  He loved these breaks with Joe.  It was almost like having a family dinner or as close to one as he got these days.  Joe always asked how Justin was doing at PIFA.  He wanted details about any projects Justin was working on, and he wanted to hear about Justin’s grades and the professors.  He wanted to know everything.  And Justin was pleased to tell him.  He had no one else to talk to about the highs and lows of art school.

“I just finished this great project,” Justin said.  “We had to use junk and turn it into a collage.  It was great.”

“Junk?”

“Yeah, you know, making something out of nothing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?  I have lots of junk you could have used for that assignment,” Joe laughed.

“Thanks, but I have my own junk,” Justin teased.  “Anyway, I made a collage about violence.  I used headlines from newspapers, and some pictures plus a toy gun I found lying in the street.  Some kid must have dropped it.  Then I painted around and over them.  I used lots of red, a blood color,” Justin said.  He hesitated as that color flooded his mind.

Joe watched the look on the boy’s face.  He had seen it many times before, usually in relation to some discussion of a crime or a murder, something in the newspapers.  Joe wondered why that kind of topic upset Justin so much, but he knew it did every time it came up.  And here was the kid making an art project about that very thing.  Joe wanted to ask what caused that look on the kid’s face, but he didn’t think Justin was ready to tell him yet.

“What was your mark on that assignment?” Joe asked.

“A,” Justin said proudly.

“Good lad,” the big black man replied.  “Finished your sandwich?”  Justin nodded.  “Let’s get back to work.”

“I’ll wash up the dishes we used,” Justin said.  “I still have the ladies’ restroom and the one off the main office to do.”

“Finish those and then make sure everything is dusted,” Joe instructed as he packed his thermos into his lunch pail.

“Will do,” Justin replied running some water into the sink in the break room.

Some time later, Justin was finishing the bathroom off the main office of the business.  He glanced at the bottles of cologne, after shave and skin refresher lined up near the sink.  He picked up one bottle and sniffed.  This was his favorite.  Every time he cleaned this bathroom, he sniffed that bottle.  It was called Baldessarini by Hugo Boss.  It smelled divine.  Justin wanted to splash some on himself, but he refrained, like he always did.  A sniff was one thing, but using the cologne from one of Joe’s customers was a definite no-no.  Reluctantly Justin set the bottle back where it had been.

He looked around the bathroom making sure everything was pristine and in its place.  When he was satisfied that it was done, he walked out into the main office.  He had dusted the other rooms while Joe was cleaning the glass blocks and windows throughout the office complex.  All he had left to do was dust this room.  Justin picked up his cloth and the tray of cleaning products.  He was to use lemon oil on wood, and a different cleanser on tile or granite.  He started with the big table at one end of the room.

As he dusted he looked at the work that was standing on easels beside the table.  He wrinkled his nose, but kept dusting.  His brain, however, had gone into overdrive.

A little while later Joe stuck his head into the office.  “You done?” he asked.

“Yep,” Justin replied giving a last swipe of lemon oil to the big boss’ desk.

“Come on then,” Joe said.  “I’ll give you a ride home.”

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