Domestic Bliss

A Flash From the Past

Justin sat in the audience staring up at the stage. The philharmonic was playing a selection from the Magic Flute. At least it was light and airy, not heavy like some classical music. Justin let out a low sigh. It was almost intermission and it had been okay so far.

They had arrived at the hall with only minutes to spare. After being shown to their seats, which were third row center, the concert had begun almost immediately. They had been treated to several pieces by Mozart. But now Justin was ready for a break. Classical music would never be his thing. There was only so much of it he wanted to listen to at any one time.

Justin found his mind wandering. The last movement that had been played sounded familiar to him. Maybe it was something Ethan had played one time. Justin sat up with a jolt. Where had that thought come from? He hadn't thought of Ethan in years, ever since the violinist had left Pittsburgh behind. Ethan was somewhere in Germany the last he had heard. He thought maybe it was the Berlin Symphony that he had been studying and performing with.

The music ended and there was loud applause. Justin shook himself out of his thoughts and clapped too. The lights came up.

"Let's go get a glass of wine," Gwen said.

"I could use one," Justin said as they made their way out to the lobby. He went to the bar and got into the long line to get drinks. Finally he was able to get them each a glass of wine. They stood near the stairs to the balcony and sipped their wine.

"How have you enjoyed it so far?" Gwen asked.

"I can't say that classical music will ever be my favorite, but it was good."

"I hope it hasn't bored you too much."

"No, not at all," Justin said quickly. He did appreciate Gwen taking him out for the evening, and he was enjoying himself … sort of.

"It's not like Babylon or some of those bars that you've told me about," Gwen laughed.

"Definitely not!" Justin smiled.

"Well, the second half is always shorter, and I see from the program that there is a guest soloist." She had been reading the program while she waited for Justin to get the wine.

"Oh," Justin replied. He hadn't had a chance to look at the program. "I hope he or she is good."

"There's a nice write up about him in the program. He's American but he's been studying abroad," Gwen explained.

Just then the lights started flashing, so they downed the rest of their wine. Justin took the empty glasses over to a nearby table and they made their way back to their seats.

The orchestra played some concerto or symphonium or some fucking thing. It seemed to go on and on. Finally it ended and Justin applauded with all the rest of the audience. Then the conductor stepped to the microphone and started to introduce the guest soloist for the evening.

"This young man is just starting out on his brilliant career. He has been studying in Europe for the last couple of years and his technique which was always flawless has improved even more. We're especially proud of him because he attended our own Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts," the conductor explained.

Justin felt his heart leap into his throat. It couldn't be!

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to our solo violinist for the evening, Mr. Ethan Gold."

Justin felt his stomach turn upside down. He gripped the arm of his seat and looked up to see Ethan walk out onto the stage. He was carrying his violin and wearing a tux that fit much better than the one he had rented for the Harrisburg concert. Justin kept his eyes riveted on the young man as he bowed to the audience who were applauding enthusiastically. Ethan's eyes swept the audience that was mostly in darkness except for the first few rows that were lit by the glow from the stage. His eyes stopped on Justin and there was a flicker of recognition and then a slight nod.

Justin felt his heart leap in his throat. Ethan knew he was there and he would think that Justin had come to hear him play and he was sitting in the third row and what other assumptions would Ethan put on that fact. Justin's thoughts raced wildly as his heart pounded in his chest. He needed to get out of there, but there was no way he could just get up and run.

"Justin, is something wrong?" Gwen whispered looking at him with worry in her eyes. His rigid body told her something not good was going on.

Justin continued to stare into those eyes, but he couldn't make his voice work. He shook his head. So many thoughts and memories and fears were coursing through him. He found it hard to draw a breath.

Ethan hesitated for just a second as his gaze fell on the man he had loved all those years ago. He held Justin's gaze for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and looked away. He raised his violin and began to play. The tune was one he had played for Justin many times in the past, something ridiculously romantic. It struck him ironic that he had suggested that piece long before he had any idea that Justin might be there to hear him play it. Maybe that suggestion had come from the fact that he was back in Pittsburgh and the memories that evoked. Maybe it came from the wish to see Justin again, from the hope that Justin would be there to hear him play. He poured his heart and soul into the piece, making the violin sing in a way that he was rarely able to achieve. His eyes returned again and again to the blond sitting so close and yet so remote beyond the footlights.

Justin felt like he had been holding his breath for ages when Ethan finally stopped playing. Their eyes had met again and again. No matter how he looked at his former lover, Justin was unable to discern what Ethan was thinking. Justin could feel that the man was playing this song for him, and him alone. He had heard Ethan play it many times before, but he had never heard it played like this. It went straight to his heart and it made him afraid. What was he feeling?

Ethan began playing something else that Justin barely heard. He was still thinking and feeling the emotion of the previous piece. He knew Ethan had played it for him, and his reaction to it scared Justin. He felt so many things, none of which were clear. He tried to sort through them as Ethan started his third and last piece.

This was so unexpected and so … weird. Justin hoped the concert would be over soon and he could escape. He just wanted to get back to Brian and to their home. He didn't want to think about Ethan Gold and all the things that had happened between them. There had been love and violence and fear. It had all been too much.

Ethan finished and the audience was on their feet giving him a standing ovation. Justin remained seated while everyone around him applauded wildly. He couldn't get up. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to look into Ethan's eyes one more time.

Finally the audience quieted and the philharmonic started to play their last piece of the night. Justin looked at the stage and Ethan was gone, no doubt triumphantly to his dressing room. The orchestra played something soft and soothing and it helped Justin to relax. He was finally able to let go of the arms of his seat. He had had them in a death grip since Ethan Gold had walked onto the stage. Justin tried to breathe deeply and relax. He kept telling himself that it was almost over and he could go home to Brian.

Once again there was applause. The concert had come to an end. People were standing all around Justin and the lights had come up and people were filing out.

"Justin," Gwen said. "Justin, what's wrong?" Her eyes filled with worry as she took Justin's hand.

Justin shook his head. "I'm all right," he managed to say. With all the energy he could muster he pulled himself to his feet. His knees felt a little wobbly and it was still hard to breathe, but he told himself that he could walk. He could get himself out of the concert hall and back to the car and then to the safety of Brian's arms. He turned and started to walk down the now empty space between his row of seats and the one in front of him.

Gwen followed behind him wondering what had happened to upset her young companion. She knew something was definitely wrong, even though Justin said there wasn't.

At the end of the row stood one of the ushers. He looked at Justin and then spoke, "Mr. Taylor?"

"Um … yes," Justin said with a frown. How did this man know his name?

"Mr. Gold asked me to give you this." He handed Justin a folded piece of paper.

Justin looked at it not knowing what it was. Finally he stuck it in his pocket without opening it.

"You got a note from the soloist?" Gwen asked in awe. "How do you know him? Aren't you going to read it? Maybe he wants you to go backstage."

"Not now, Gwen. I need to go home," Justin said still feeling very shaky, and the fucking note didn't help at all.

"Okay, if that's what you want to do," Gwen said. She was disappointed. She would have liked to have met the violinist and maybe have gotten his autograph. "Let's go."

They made their way back to the car. It wasn't raining, so they didn't get drowned as they walked along the street. Justin was silent and only answered yes or no to anything Gwen asked. She knew something had really upset Justin but she couldn't figure out how to get him to talk about it. She hoped Brian would be home when they got there. She had a feeling that Justin was going to need him.

The drive home continued the same way. She was glad she had decided to drive, because Justin didn't seem to be in any shape to do anything. Finally she pulled into her driveway and they got out of the car.

"Thanks, Gwen," Justin said absently.

"I hope our outing hasn't been too much for you," Gwen said with a frown. "I was hoping it would cheer you up, but it seems to have upset you."

"It's okay. I'll see you later," Justin replied heading for his house.

"If you want to talk, you know I'm available."

"I know. Thanks." Justin disappeared around the hedge.

He went in the back way from the pool area. As he closed the door behind him, he wondered if Brian would be home. As much as he wanted to be enveloped in Brian's arms, he wasn't sure he could talk about what had happened tonight. He didn't know what to make of his reaction to Ethan. It had taken him so by surprise. But whatever it was, it had left him feeling very unsettled. He needed to sort out his feelings.

"Justin, is that you?" Brian's voice called from the family room.

"Um … yeah," Justin replied drawing in a long breath. He needed to get hold of himself. "I didn't expect you to be home."

"Where did you think I'd be?" Brian asked as Justin put in an appearance in the doorway to the family room.

"Oh, I don't know, out with Michael, dancing at Babylon, at an orgy…"

Brian chuckled. "I did go out with Michael. We shot some pool at Woody's. But I thought I'd pass on the orgy for tonight."

"That was nice," Justin replied trying to focus on what Brian had said when his mind was a thousand miles away.

"Yeah, it was," Brian said. He was staring at Justin wondering if he was all right. He seemed nervous and maybe a little pale. "How was the symphony?"

"Philharmonic," Justin muttered.

"How was the philharmonic?" Brian repeated.

"Fine. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

"Is listening to classical music that tiring?" Brian asked. He wished Justin would just talk to him. He had to smile. That was the reverse of the way things had always been in the bad old days. Brian had been the silent one and Justin had tried to get him to talk. How times had changed!

"I've got a bit of a headache," Justin lied.

"I'll come help you shower. I could wash your hair and massage your scalp," Brian offered. He instinctively knew Justin needed comfort.

"Thanks, but I can do it myself."

Now Brian knew things were really off. Justin never turned down one of his shampoos with massage. He watched Justin walk slowly up the stairs. He'd give Justin a little time and then he was going to get to the bottom of what happened at that fucking symphony.

Justin showered mostly by letting the hot water run over him. It warmed him up and made him feel a little better. So what if Ethan Gold had been the soloist. The concert was over and he didn't have to think about the man ever again. Except that he couldn't seem to stop thinking about him.

There was still a lot of unfinished business between them. He had never seen Ethan after that night Ethan had cut up all of Justin's possessions and thrown them at him. Ethan had said the most vile and hurtful things. Justin could still feel the impact of the wall against his back when Ethan had practically thrown him across the hall to get him out of their apartment.

He had thought it was all right when he got that note from Ethan a couple of days later. It had been shoved under the loft door. Ethan had said he was sorry and that if they ever met again maybe they could be friends. But Justin wasn't at all sure that that could possibly happen. Ethan had hurt him … a lot, both physically and psychologically. Ethan had called him a whore and a cock tease and a no talent hack. What was worse, he had said that Justin had robbed him of his ability to play his violin. Obviously that was no longer true, since he had played so beautifully just a short time ago.

But the words from the past still hurt. And maybe they hurt because there was some inherent truth to them. Justin remembered that he had just been fired from his first real job. Maybe he wasn't as talented as he thought he was. Maybe they had been right to fire him, even if it was at Trip Bedford's instigation. Maybe he had used both Ethan and Brian, running back and forth between them. Maybe he was a user. He still couldn't support himself. How long had this job lasted, a few weeks? Justin felt the tears running down his face and he wiped his hand across his cheeks even though the tears mingled with the warm water.

He let out a shuddering breath and turned off the shower. Maybe he was a fraud and a no talent hack and a user. He had nothing to prove otherwise. Maybe he had been fooling himself all this time thinking that he could make something of himself in the art world. The only one who seemed willing to employ him was Brian. That was some great achievement!

Justin dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his hips. He walked out of the shower into the bedroom. He looked at the bed thinking that maybe if he could fall asleep he could put all these bad thoughts out of his head. He noticed the crumpled pile of clothes he had left on the floor. He better pick them up. He might need to wear them again some time soon. Like when he actually had a job. If that ever happened.

Shaking his head he scooped up the clothes and carried them over to the closet. He shook out the trousers and grabbed his wallet when it fell on the floor. He draped them over a hanger and placed them in the closet. He selected the sweater and underwear and tossed them into the basket for laundry. Then he took his sports jacket and gave it a couple of crisp shakes to get rid of the wrinkles. That was when he remembered the note from Ethan. He had almost forgotten about it with all his other worries. He hung up the jacket and fished the note out of the pocket. He carried it over to the bed and sat down on the side staring at the note afraid to open it.

That was where Brian found him some time later.

"Justin?" Brian said as he stepped into the room.

"Huh?" Justin looked up with a blank expression on his face.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"About the symphony."

"The philharmonic. It was fine."

"I'm not talking about the fucking music. I'm talking about the fucking soloist."

"You know?" Justin looked over at Brian.

"Yes, I know. Did something happen with Ian tonight?"

"He gave me this," Justin said looking at the note.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I'm afraid to open it."

"Afraid? He can't hurt you anymore."

"I'm not so sure. You don't know what it was like to have him walk on that stage tonight. I had no idea."

"Didn't you read it in the program?"

"No, we were late getting to the hall from dinner. Someone made me late," Justin said looking accusingly at his partner.

"Oh, right," Brian said sheepishly. "So you didn't have time to read the program."

"No, and Gwen read it while I was getting us a glass of wine at intermission. But she doesn't know anything about Ethan. She just said there was some hotshot young soloist. It was a complete surprise when he walked out."

"I'm sure it was," Brian said moving to the bed and wrapping his arms around Justin's shoulders. He pulled his lover against him.

"He saw me, Brian. We were in the fucking third row, and he looked right at me. He … he nodded and it was like he was playing just for me, sucking me in like he did so long ago." Justin let his head fall against Brian's shoulder. He wanted to be protected and loved. He wanted Brian to make Ethan go far away and never come back.

"He upset you," Brian said gently.

"It all came back."

"All?"

"That night. How he ripped everything to pieces. He wanted to destroy everything. He wanted to destroy me."

"But he didn't. You're here and you're stronger and better than ever."

"Am I?" Justin asked looking up into Brian's eyes. "I feel like the piece of shit he said I was that night. I've lost my job and you're the only one who'll hire me, and I'm not really painting anymore, and everything is for shit…"

"Sh," Brian whispered. "None of that is true. You're going to build a new business with me. We're going to work together and make something great. You're a wonderful artist. You should do some paintings while I'm getting the business end of things worked out. You're beautiful and he has no power over you anymore. He said in his last note that he hoped you and he could be friends. Remember?" Brian rubbed Justin's back and cradled him against his body.

"I remember, but it hurt so much that night. He said awful things, and when I saw him that's all I could think about. How much he wanted to hurt me!"

"He's not going to hurt you. I won't let him," Brian declared.

Justin let out a sigh. "I don't want you to have to protect me. I want to stand up for myself. Why do I let things get to me like this?" Justin asked. He wanted Brian's arms around him but he also wanted to stand on his own two feet. "Why do I have to be such a baby? I should be able to handle this by myself."

"Justin," Brian said softly, "listen to me. Are you listening?"

"Yes," Justin whispered. He knew when Brian asked that question that he was going to say something really important.

"You are not a baby. You've been through so much in your young life. You're the strongest person I know. But you also feel things very deeply which is what you're doing right now. There's nothing wrong with that. It's … it's one of the things I love about you. How intensely you feel things. Makes up for me who feels nothing."

"That's not true, Brian. You're just better at covering it up than I am."

"See, there's nothing wrong with feelings."

"Do you realize what you just said?" Justin asked looking up at Brian once again.

"I know. You make me say the damnedest things. I can't help telling you the truth. You do things to me."

"I do?" Justin smiled.

"That's what I like to see. I love that smile."

Justin's smile widened as Brian hugged him harder. "Help me forget all about Ethan," Justin asked as he turned in Brian's arms.

Their lips found each other and their bodies melted into each other. The kiss was sizzling and Justin gasped for breath as Brian finally let him come up for air.

"That was hot," Justin breathed. "Nobody does things to me the way you do."

It was on the tip of Brian's tongue to ask, "Not even Ian?" But he thought better of it and kissed Justin again. His hand slid down and inside the towel effectively spreading it open. He grasped Justin's hardness and stroked.

"Aaah," Justin gasped. "I need you."

Brian pulled the towel out from under his lover and pressed him back into the bed. Justin allowed Brian to have his way wanting the intimacy that they would share. It would help to take away all the bad and confusing feelings that Ethan had stirred up. It would replace them with passion and love.

"No condoms," Brian whispered as he laid himself atop Justin.

"No condoms, just you and me.''

"Together."

"One."

Brian attacked Justin's neck and worked his way down to the hard nubs of his nipples. He used his tongue and lips to make them even harder causing Justin to pull at Brian's hair and take short rasping breaths. He worked on down to Justin's navel sticking his tongue in, thrusting like he would into the tight little ass waiting for him just below. His onslaught continued as he moved to Justin's pubes sniffing and breathing his hot breath against them. Justin moaned. Brian bypassed the leaking cock and headed for Justin's balls. He rolled them around in his hand before latching onto one and sucking it into his mouth. Justin groaned and rose up from the bed only to fall back down as Brian spit it out and attacked the other one. Justin grabbed a handful of Brian's hair and hung on.

"Oh god, Brian, fuck me now!" he commanded.

Brian sat up, quickly threw off his clothes and grabbed the lube. He turned Justin around on the bed and climbed in between his legs. He raised one leg resting it on his shoulder as he flipped open the tube of lube. Justin watched each precise movement knowing that he was in the hands of a master and wanting nothing more than to be one with Brian.

"Pleeease," he begged.

Brian smirked and squirted lube into Justin's hole before spreading some of it on his own rock hard dick. He lifted the other leg to his shoulders and positioned his cock. Before he pressed in he leaned down for another kiss promising so much with his mouth, with his body, with his soul. He grabbed Justin's hips and thrust forward breaching the muscles that tried to hold him back. Justin grimaced and Brian waited for him to adjust before pressing the rest of the way inside. He felt his dick surrounded by the velvet warmth of his lover and stopped for a moment to savor the feel of their union without the condom between them.

"Feels so good," Brian whispered.

"Fuck yes!"

Brian started to thrust hitting all the spots he knew drove Justin wild. He felt Justin rise up to meet his forward motion. Their bodies collided again and again with delicious impact and practised friction. They were made for each other. Each knew the other's body so well. They did all the things that made them pant and gasp and moan.

As their orgasms built Brian stared into Justin's eyes, telling his partner how valued and cared for he was. Justin stared back thanking Brian for being there for him, for cherishing him and having faith in him.

Brian hiked Justin's hips up farther and pumped even more furiously. They both moaned and called each other's names. Brian went deep and then deeper and then impossibly deeper. Justin felt like Brian was either going to split him in half or follow his cock deep inside Justin's body.

Brian grabbed Justin's cock and tugged a few times before letting out a mighty groan as his orgasm swept through him and Justin's ass clamped around his dick. He collapsed atop his lover bathed in sweat and exhausted from what he had tried to communicate to Justin with his actions.

Justin felt the heat of Brian's semen shoot deep inside him and he wrapped his arms around Brian's neck as his own orgasm rocked him. Brian's weight stayed atop him and Brian's cock was still inside. He wanted to stay that way forever. He reached down and threw the covers over them, letting his arm fall over the side of the bed and releasing the piece of paper that he had clutched in his hand the whole time.

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