Domestic Bliss

Lists

Justin glanced at his list of things that would happen if he could or couldn't forgive Brian. He sighed and wrote one more point. If he couldn't forgive Brian he would have no one to commiserate with him when he lost his job. Because he was pretty sure that was what was going to happen; he was going to lose his job.

This was the second day that the new boss Alec Bischoff had been on the job. He had seen the man everywhere scanning the office, making notes and looking disapprovingly at them all, but particularly at him. He sighed and was about to slide the list back into his bag when suddenly Alec was beside his work station.

"Is that something to do with your work?" Bischoff asked.

"Um … no, it's just a note I was writing for myself."

"And you feel that you can use company time for that purpose?"

"I was only writing for a minute at most," Justin protested.

"Any use of work time for reasons other than work is not permitted."

Justin wanted to ask this idiot if he was nuts or had just arrived from some other planet. Instead he merely said, "I'll make sure not to do that again."

"That's a fine statement, Mr. Taylor, but this is not the first time that I have seen you shirking your job."

"Shirking?" Justin was amazed that this man would make such a statement. He worked hard and was certainly not shirking.

"Yes, shirking. I have been making a list, Mr. Taylor, and according to what I have noted this is the third time I have caught you doing your own business when you should be doing the company's."

"But…"

"I expect better from you. I will meet with you Monday afternoon to discuss your work habits and your future with this company. You have until then to show me some positive things that you do that can be added to my list. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Bischoff." The obsequious little man bustled away. "Shit!" Justin muttered.

"That was totally uncalled for, Justin. The man's an idiot. You're one of the hardest working people here."

"Apparently he doesn't see it that way," Justin sighed.

"Well he's wrong."

"Thanks for the support, Kyle, but I have a feeling my days here are numbered."

Kyle shook his head. "I think that sucks."

"Me too, but you better get back to work before he adds this conversation to his list of workers shirking their duty."

Kyle grimaced and went back to his table. Justin sighed again and got back to work.

When Justin walked out of Hartford Graphics he heard a horn toot and looked around. The Corvette flashed its lights down the street and Justin made his way over to the car.

"What are you doing here?" Justin asked as he climbed in.

"I knew you'd need a ride home since I dropped you off this morning."

Justin smiled. This was Brian being a good partner and today Justin really appreciated it. He leaned his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. He felt Brian move out of his parking space and accelerate down the street.

"You look tired," Brian said glancing over at Justin.

"I am."

"Did something happen today?"

"I got told that I have been shirking my responsibilities at work."

"Shirking?"

Justin gave a kind of strangled laugh. "That's exactly what I said when that fucking bitch Bischoff said that to me."

"He actually said that!"

"Yep. I figure my days there are quickly running out."

"That sucks."

"And not in a positive life affirming way," Justin said with a straight face. That made both of them laugh. This was one of the things he would miss if Brian and he broke up. That was what he had been writing on his list when Bischoff caught him.

"What are you going to do?" Brian asked.

"I figure I'll work as hard as I can and see what happens. Meanwhile I'll polish up my resume."

"Good boy. You know you can always use me for a reference."

Justin snorted. "For what position? Bottom boy?"

"Justin!"

"Sorry, but you really don't know anything about my work."

"Of course I do. You've helped me with graphics many times. Think about that great poster you did for the Carnival at the GLC."

"Hm."

"What?"

"I don't think potential employers are going to be very impressed when my reference is my boyfriend."

"Partner."

"Okay, partner."

"Maybe it won't come to that."

"I wish. I really like it there. Even Kyle's worried."

"Who's Kyle?"

"I work with him. He's been with the company for ten years."

"Surely they wouldn't fire him."

"I don't think so, but that doesn't stop him from worrying."

"Sounds like with this new management you might be just as well off somewhere else."

"Except that I don't really want to go somewhere else. Speaking of somewhere else, where are we? This isn't the way home."

"I figured you could use a little treat. We're going out for dinner."

"Really?" Justin asked with a smile. It would be nice not to have to cook and clean up.

"Luigi's."

"Yum, lasagna."

"I knew you'd say that," Brian smiled.

Sometimes they really did know each other so well. Justin glanced at Brian. He could see the concern on Brian's face.

"Thank you for this," Justin said softly. "It's what I needed."

"Along with a couple of bottles of wine."

"Definitely."

The following day Justin had a reasonably good day at work. He didn't have any visits from Alec Bischoff, so that made it a good day right there. He did see the little rat scurrying around behind the scenes making notes. He wondered if he was on any of those lists. He'd find out on Monday.

At lunch time he and Kyle went across the road to the deli. They sat eating their sandwiches in a booth, each of them talking about what the future might hold. Justin was pretty sure he was the one who was going to be fired.

"You know, Justin, if it is you there are lots of other graphics firms in Pittsburgh. Any of them would be lucky to have you."

"Thanks," Justin said around his mouthful of sandwich.

"I can't believe the new owners of this company put that weasel in to manage. So far I haven't seen him do anything except upset the whole staff, make everybody uncomfortable, and not bring in any new accounts."

"No new accounts?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, I was talking to Keith down in sales and he said that he has been getting no positive feedback from Bischoff at all. He seems to not want to make any deals with companies, and as a result they have lost three potential accounts. Bischoff didn't seem to care."

"You're kidding?" Justin could hardly believe his ears. "If we're losing business then I'm sure to be fired. But I don't get Bischoff's lack of concern. Isn't profit the bottom line in business?"

"You would think so, but he just doesn't seem to care."

"There's something screwy about this whole takeover," Justin said thoughtfully.

"I think so too."

"If we only knew what it was."

"If only…"

After lunch Justin worked on his project diligently. He didn't see anything of Bischoff. When he mentioned that at coffee break one of his co-workers said he had seen some handsome, well dressed man go into Bischoff's office right after lunch. He thought they had been in there ever since behind closed doors.

"Maybe he'll pull in a new account and I won't be fired," Justin sighed.

"I don't know who the guy was, but that's a long meeting."

"Curiouser and curiouser," Justin remarked.

At five Justin and Brian had their next appointment with Dr. Jamison. Justin made sure he wasn't late, meaning that he left his job fifteen minutes early. He wondered if he should, but he had come in a half hour early and had completed all his work for the day. He didn't want Brian and Frank talking about him when he wasn't there. And he hadn't seen Bischoff since he went into that mysterious meeting with the handsome stranger.

Frank ushered them into his office. He asked how they were doing and got some non-committal replies. Therefore, he decided to get right to the point.

"I sense some reluctance on both your parts today," Frank stated. Brian and Justin looked at each other, but said nothing. "So, I want to see your homework."

Each man reached into his pocket and drew out a piece of paper.

"Who would like to go first?"

Justin decided he might as well get this over with. "I will," he volunteered. He began reading his list beginning with how lonely he'd be without Brian and ending with having no one to commiserate with about losing his job.

Frank looked thoughtful at the end of Justin's remarks. "Are you worried about losing your job?"

"Yeah."

"Is that adding to the strained relations between you and Brian?"

"Probably, but I had these feelings long before there was the takeover."

"I see. Brian, what did you write down?"

"I only wrote one thing," Brian said after he cleared his throat.

"One thing?" Justin asked. "You could only think of one thing?"

Brian shrugged and Justin looked aghast that Brian could only think of one thing that would affect him whether they stayed together or not.

"Let's hear it, Brian," Frank said sensing that Brian's words were going to make an impact or would destroy everything.

Brian pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it. He cleared his throat and took a quick glance at Justin. Justin was staring at the floor refusing to look at him. "My life will never be the same," Brian read from his paper and then refolded it.

"What does that mean?" Frank asked.

"If Justin stays and we work things out, my life will be … good. It won't be the same as it is now, but it will be good. And if Justin leaves and we can't work this out, my life will be … meaningless."

Justin's eyes came up at Brian's words and he looked into the hazel ones that he knew he still loved. "You mean that?" he asked tentatively. Brian nodded. Justin gave a wan smile, but at least it was a smile and he was no longer angry.

"Sounds like you both have a lot to think about."

They nodded. "I think we should stop there for today."

"No homework?" Justin asked.

Frank smiled. "You might want to discuss what you wrote on your lists."

"Thanks, Frank," Brian said. He placed his hand on Justin's back and guided his partner to the door.

Frank watched that intimate gesture and thought about all the couples that he had counseled, many of whom would never think to touch each other in any way, shape or form. He seriously hoped he was making headway with these two men. He wanted them to succeed.

-----

Justin looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom. He expected that when he came home after work this day, that he would look different. He would be unemployed and he hated that idea.

He thought back to the weekend that he and Brian had had. They had talked a little when they came home from Frank's office, but mostly they had skirted the big issues. They had fucked a few times and Brian had tried to make love to him once. He could always tell the difference. Justin wondered if Brian appreciated how hard he had tried to get into it, even though he hadn't totally succeeded. It had, however, been … better.

Justin wished he knew if Brian thought the same thing. Maybe Brian thought it was just the same old, same old. If that was the case maybe they didn't have a chance of working things out.

Brian came into the bathroom. "Want a ride to work?"

"Sure," Justin said wiping the toothpaste off his face and heading into the bedroom to get his sweater.

Brian followed him looking furtively at Justin.

"What?" Justin demanded growing uncomfortable under the scrutiny. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You weren't supposed to notice," Brian said sucking in his lips.

"I notice a lot more than you think I do."

"So do I?"

Justin looked into Brian's eyes. Had he noticed? Had Brian really seen how hard he was trying? "What are you trying to tell me?"

"There used to be a time when I didn't have to tell you anything. You just knew."

"I guess those days are gone," Justin said before he realized how harsh it sounded.

Brian shook his head. "I've been trying to figure out how to tell you that … that … I noticed."

Justin smiled in spite of himself. "Maybe those days aren't totally gone," Justin said softly. He knew exactly what Brian meant. Brian had felt it, and he had expressed his appreciation in his usual Brian way. "I hope it made a difference."

"It did. It made clear that you want this to work. I think we can do it if we persevere."

"I'm willing if you are."

"Me too. Let's go to work."

"For the last time," Justin said sadly.

"Wait and see."

-----

Brian picked Justin up after work. He could tell by the look on his partner's face that it had not been a good day.

"What happened?" Brian asked as Justin climbed into the car.

"They let me go," Justin managed to choke out.

"Fuck!" Brian reacted as he pulled Justin into his arms. He kissed Justin's forehead and held on tight as he felt the silent sobs emanating from his lover. Finally Justin calmed down and Brian released him a bit. Justin's tear filled eyes looked into Brian's.

"It's not fair," he whispered in a barely audible voice.

"I know."

"No, you don't understand."

"What don't I understand?" Brian asked.

"He … he told me that I was incompetent."

"Incompetent?" Brian asked in disbelief. "Is that what he actually said?"

Justin nodded. "He called me into his office about ten minutes ago. He waited the whole fucking day knowing he was torturing me. He said I had been doing a lousy job, shirking my responsibilities and costing the company business. It's Bischoff that's fucking costing the company business. Everybody knows that."

"I'm going in there and kick his ass," Brian said making to get out of the car.

"No, no, don't do that. I feel stupid enough as it is. I'm never going back there."

"But…"

"No buts. Take me home, please, Brian."

Justin wanted to get away from there, from his public disgrace of being dismissed just as everybody was walking past the office. Bischoff had deliberately left the door open so that everyone could hear. It was so fucking humiliating.

Brian pulled out into traffic but he gave the front door of the company a murderous look as he drove past. It didn't take long to get home. Brian made Justin a cup of his favorite tea while Justin lay in a ball wrapped in an afghan on the couch of the family room.

As Brian handed Justin the tea, he sat down beside the boy that he knew so well, the boy who was now a man in so many ways, but still a boy in so many others.

"Are you all right?" Brian asked after swiping the hair back from Justin's forehead. It was the only form of caress and comfort that seemed right at that moment.

"I will be," Justin declared.

Brian was glad to see some of the old defiant bulldog Justin. The despair he had seen in the blue eyes outside of Hartford Graphics had really scared him. "Can I do anything else?"

"Hold me," Justin asked as he set down the cup of tea.

Brian pulled him into his arms and wrapped the afghan around both of them. He heard Justin sigh against his chest as he rubbed the boy's back. "We'll get past this," Brian whispered into his hair.

Justin heard the 'we' and that did comfort him, but it wasn't enough. "You know, almost everything Bischoff said about me is untrue."

"I know."

"I really mean it, Brian. It's all lies. Kyle has worked in the art department and he told me that I am one of the best workers they have. If Bischoff had said I was fired because of downsizing I could have handled that. I wouldn't have liked it but I could have taken it. This … this was just … lies!"

Brian thought about Justin's statement. He knew Justin was hard on himself. If he said Bischoff's accusations were false, then they were. Besides, Brian knew Justin's talent and work ethic. There was no way he would not be doing his job properly. Hell, his work would have been exemplary. Brian frowned.

After a few minutes Brian said, "How would you like some macaroni and cheese from Luigi's?"

"I'd love some, but I can't go out in this state."

"You don't have to. I'll get them to deliver."

"Luigi's doesn't deliver," Justin replied.

"They will. They owe me a favor."

Justin looked up at Brian and knew the man was doing his best to look after him, including getting him his favorite comfort food. "You think you can arrange it?"

"I know I can. Drink your tea while I order it. I'll be right back."

Brian extricated himself from the afghan and the blond and went to make his phone call. Justin pulled the wrap back around himself and snuggled into it cradling the tea in his two hands. Brian had put it in his favorite big round mug. Justin smiled in spite of his depression. Brian really did love him. He was looking after him so well, just like he had said on his list of reasons to fix things between them.

"It'll be here in twenty minutes," Brian said coming back into the room. Justin lifted the afghan and slid back up against Justin's warm body. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little. But now I'm getting fucking angry. I hate that fucking Bischoff. I would never have been fired if Mr. Hartford was still there."

Brian kissed the top of Justin's head. He knew that was probably true. "You can't live your life on 'what if's'. You'll find a new and better job."

"You think?"

"I know," Brian said well aware that Justin needed all the reassurance that he could get at the moment.

Justin's head rested on Brian's chest and he could feel the gentle rise and fall as Brian breathed. He felt Brian's fingers massage his scalp and sift through his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes. He was almost asleep when the doorbell rang heralding the arrival of macaroni and cheese.

Brian gently shoved Justin over and covered him with the afghan. He went to answer the door. Justin looked at the cold remains of the tea in his mug. He could use some more nice, hot tea. Brian returned in a moment carrying a paper bag. He set it on the ottoman and picked up Justin's cup. Justin smiled as he realized that he was going to get the refill he had been wishing for.

It took a few minutes for the kettle to boil and then Brian returned with a steaming mug of tea and a fork.

Justin gave out a little laugh.

"What?" Brian asked.

Justin nodded at the fork. "You're going to let me eat macaroni and cheese in here?" he asked.

"No."

Justin's face fell. "Then what's the fork for."

"I'm going to feed you," Brian said matter-of-factly.

Justin almost choked on his sip of tea. It was hot and sweet, but he couldn't believe Brian's words.

Brian nudged him over and sat down beside him. He took the foil dish containing the macaroni out of the bag. He carefully loaded the fork and brought it to Justin's lips. "Open up," Brian whispered.

Justin opened his mouth and accepted the food. "Yummy," he smiled as he chewed the creamy, cheesy mixture.

Brian continued to feed him mouthfuls of food watching Justin's lips and tongue the whole time. He was getting hard from the sensuous effect of watching his lover eat. After many mouthfuls Justin grabbed Brian's wrist and directed the food into Brian's mouth. Brian balked a bit but finally ate it knowing that it tasted delicious. At that point he didn't want to refuse Justin anything. Justin took the fork and fed Brian a few forkfuls. Taking one for himself, Justin leaned in and kissed Brian licking cheese from Brian's lips and depositing some of his own food into his lover's mouth. He heard Brian moan.

"You know what," Justin said. "I'm not going to worry about Bischoff anymore. Fuck him and his lists!"

"No, fuck me."

The next thing they knew the macaroni dish was on the floor along with the afghan and their clothes. As they rocked together Brian could feel that they were almost there, almost back to what they had had before and then Justin shut down. Their orgasms were almost upon them and they came to completion, but that last intimate bond wasn't shared once again.

"Almost," Brian whispered as he regained his breath.

Justin smiled up at him. "Maybe we can make it next time." Brian caressed Justin's cheek and drew out. He hoped that would be the case. This had been better but it just wasn't good enough.

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