"Buff-fly, Dada! Buff-fly!"
"Yes, Gus, it's a butterfly," Brian said making sure he pronounced the word correctly.
Gus pronounced most words correctly, and for a three year old he had quite a vocabulary. Brian was amazed by his son, but fully intended that the little boy should continue his verbal growth without relying on baby talk.
"Butt-fly," Gus said frowning. Somehow he knew that didn't sound quite right.
"Butt-er-fly," Brian repeated slowly.
"Butterfly," Gus said and then smiled. He knew he had got it right.
Brian smiled back at him. "Good boy!"
Gus grinned wider. "Pretty butterfly," Gus elaborated.
Brian and Gus were in the park on a beautiful spring day. Justin was working at the gallery, but they would pick him up in time for dinner. Brian had learned to savor these times alone with his son. He loved to have Gus and Justin with him, his two boys. But he had recently begun to look forward to time alone with his son.
Gus was interested in everything much like Brian had been as a little boy. Whereas Brian had been forced to gain most of his experiences through school and books, he wanted to make sure that Gus experienced everything firsthand, and he fully enjoyed showing it to him. He couldn't remember ever being in the park with his own father. He wanted Gus to have better memories than that. He wanted Gus to have memories, period, of him, of the things they had done together.
"Butterfly!" Gus called and began chasing the flitting butterfly as it darted away.
"Gus!" Brian called wanting Gus to come back.
When Gus continued to follow the colorful butterfly, Brian stood to go after him. Before his long strides could catch up with the running boy, the butterfly swept across an area still wet and muddy from rain during the night. Gus took one step into the mucky area and Brian saw his feet slide. He gave a funny cry and was sitting on his bum in a pool of water and mud. That was when Brian caught up to him.
He saw Gus' chin quiver as he realized what he had done. He tried to get up now putting his knees and hands fully into the mud as he tried to rise. Brian yelled at him to stay still but it was too late. Gus made his way slowly out of the goo. His hands were coated. His bum and knees were caked with mud. His chin was all grimy. His shoes were filthy and the first tears were beginning to run down his cheeks.
Brian was angry. They were supposed to meet Justin in an hour and now Gus was a total disaster. Brian opened his mouth to chastise the little boy just as Gus reached him and flung his muddy arms around Brian's leg. A huge sob escaped his lips and he clung to Brian's jeans for dear life.
"Dada," he gulped.
Brian's heart melted. He couldn't be mad at the poor little waif. Gus hadn't meant for this to happen.
"It's all right, sonny boy," he said scooping Gus up against his chest, mud and all. "It's all right."
Gus buried his face in Brian's neck. His sobs gradually subsided. Brian noticed a few people watching him. He glowered at first until he realized they were smiling their approval of how he was handling Gus. Maybe he was really getting the hang of this father thing.
"Well Gus," Brian said, "we make a fine pair." Gus' head came up to look in his father's eyes. His lashes were still wet with tears and he wasn't sure what his father meant. "Justin's going to spank us for getting so dirty."
"Sorry," Gus gulped. He looked like he was ready to cry again.
Brian decided he better take a different tack. "What if we make a quick trip to the loft and get cleaned up? Justin will never know."
Gus grinned and threw his arms around Brian's neck getting more mud all over his father's clothes. "Go now, Dada!" he ordered.
Brian smiled. He'd take a mucky hug over a crying boy any day. He started back to the Jeep carrying his wet, muddy bundle.
As he strapped Gus into his car seat, Brian thought about how his own father would have handled such a situation. First, they would never have been playing in the park, but if they had and Brian had fallen in the mud Brian found it hard to complete that thought. He could feel the slap and the shaking and the horrible words.
"Hurry, Dada," Gus said bringing him out of his reverie.
Brian and Gus stood under the spray of the shower. Brian had stripped them both and headed for the shower as soon as they got to the loft. Gus danced around at his feet playing in the spray. Brian looked down at his son. The happy little boy made him smile. It seemed like the warm water had washed away not only the mud but also the memory of the fall in the park and Brian's almost anger over it.
Brian let out a long breath. From the moment Gus had been born Brian had resolved never to allow Gus to suffer like he had. But he had been angry in the park, angry when Gus got covered with mud and angry when Gus got mud all over him, to say nothing of the car. He'd have to clean up Gus' car seat before they went to get Justin.
Brian's father had trained him well. Get angry and get even when things didn't go the way you wanted them. That was still his first reaction and he always had to fight acting on it. He thought about that day the loft had been robbed. He had been so angry. He actually wanted to hit Justin, and he almost had. It had taken every ounce of willpower he had to restrain himself. He wondered if he would ever get past that reaction. At least he hadn't acted on it.
The memory of his nephew John and his accusations flashed through his head. He had gone to Claire's house in a rage. If he had been able to get to John that night he wasn't sure what he might have done. He let out a long breath.
"Dada," Gus said looking up at him through the spray. "Up!"
Brian picked up the little body and held him close. He hoped he was training Gus better than his father had trained him. He didn't want Gus to have to fight demons his whole life like he had had to.
"Play?" he asked with that little grin that made Brian do almost anything he requested.
Brian knew what he wanted. It was one of Gus' favorite games. He liked to be held up close to the shower nozzle so that he got hit full force by the spray. Brian turned down the volume of water a bit and held Gus up close for a few seconds. Brian heard Gus cough and sputter and he pulled him away. Gus spit out water and rubbed his eyes.
"Again!" he demanded.
They had to repeat that process several times until Brian said that once more would be the last time. He was afraid Gus would get water in his ears or a cold or brain damage or something. The Munchers would be all over him. It would be his fault of course.
When Brian finally got Gus out of the shower he wrapped him in a thick warm towel covering him from head to toe and holding him tight. Gus was silent which surprised Brian. He waited to see what Gus would do. Gus stayed still and quiet.
"Gus?" Brian said wondering what the little boy could be doing and if he was all right.
"Sh," was the muffled reply.
"What are you doing?" Brian asked.
"I'm turning into a butterfly," Gus explained through the folds of the towel.
"Are you in your cocoon?" Brian asked finally cluing in.
"Yes," the little voice replied. He felt Gus shift and struggle to get out of the towel. He peeled back one section to help him. "I'm a butterfly now, Dada," Gus said as his head appeared.
"And a beautiful one you are too," Brian admitted kissing the top of his head.
"You can't kiss butterflies, Dada."
"I just did."
Gus giggled and worked his way out of the towel.
"Are you all dry?" Brian asked. Gus nodded. "Mr. Butterfly needs some clean clothes then." Brian took Gus' hand and led him into the bedroom. He pulled a clean outfit from the bag Lindsay always sent with Gus. "Can you put on your underwear and your pants?" Brian asked. Gus nodded all serious about having that responsibility. "I need to call Justin."
"Justin," Gus said with a grin as he started to pull on his underpants.
Brian smiled. Gus loved Justin. Justin would always be his favorite. After all they were growing up together. He grinned as he mentally admonished himself for thinking like that. Justin was a man, but somehow he'd always be Brian's twink, one of Brian's little boys. The thought made him hard.
"Justin," Brian said as the phone was answered at the gallery.
"Where are you? You should be here already."
"Gus had an accident at the park."
"What? Is he hurt?"
"Not that kind of accident. He was chasing a butterfly and fell in some mud."
"Butterfly," Gus called from the bedroom.
Justin laughed in relief and at the image of Brian and a muddy Gus. "So where are you?"
"We both needed a shower."
"Are you all clean?"
"Right down to my pecker."
Justin giggled. "I'll check that out later. Are you still coming to pick me up?"
"We're almost ready to leave, so we should be there in a little over half an hour."
"You better. The butterfly and I can't wait to see you."
"Later," Justin said with a soft sigh as he hung up.
After they picked up Justin they decided the diner was the best place for dinner with Gus. He loved the food there and they didn't have to worry about his table manners or eating skills.
"Hey, Sunshine," Debbie called as Justin stepped through the door. "Don't you ever get enough of this place?"
"Hi, Deb. It's like a fatal attraction."
"Gus!" Debbie cried seeing the little boy trailing Justin. "How's my handsome little man?"
Gus grinned and said, "Fine."
"Got a kiss for me?"
Gus went to Debbie who scooped him up and they exchanged loud, wet kisses.
"What am I?" Brian asked. "Chopped liver?"
"There's an empty booth in the back," Debbie said ignoring Brian's best put upon look.
They placed their orders. Gus began to fidget waiting for his hot dog. Justin could see that there might be tears or a temper tantrum coming.
"Want me to draw you something while we wait?" Justin offered.
"Butterfly!" Gus said immediately.
Justin pulled out a pad from Gus' bag and began to sketch. He quickly drew a large butterfly and made markings on its wings. "There, Gus," Justin said, "now you can fill in the colors you like." He handed Gus his box of crayons.
Gus began to color immediately studying the drawing and choosing his colors for each part. Justin and Brian watched. After a bit Brian felt Justin's eyes on him.
"So how was the park?" Justin asked.
Before Brian could respond Gus said, "Fell in the mud."
"Hey, sonny boy, that was supposed to be our secret," Brian said pretending to look upset.
"Sorry," Gus said with a frown. "Are you going to spank Dada for getting all muddy?" Gus asked Justin as he continued to color his butterfly.
"Only if he's a very bad boy," Justin said with an evil grin.
"Dada's good!" Gus said emphatically.
"Then no spanking for him," Justin grinned.
Brian did his best pout. "I could try to be even badder," Brian promised.
"No!" Gus said finishing up his butterfly.
"Guess you're out of luck, bub," Justin chuckled. Brian scowled.
"See," Gus said holding up his completed butterfly. Somewhere under the scribbles of color was Justin's butterfly.
"Beautiful!" Justin approved.
"Lovely," Brian agreed.
"For you, Dada." Gus handed him the drawing.
"Thank you, Gus. We'll find just the right spot for it when we get home."
The rest of dinner went by uneventfully. They returned to the loft to watch a bit of TV before they gathered up Gus' bag and took him back to the Munchers. He was a little fussy about leaving, but Brian hung his butterfly drawing on the fridge and that seemed to make things better.
When they left Lindsay's Justin asked Brian if he wanted to go to Woody's or Babylon. They didn't go to either as much as they used to.
"I thought you were going to check on the cleanliness of a certain organ," Brian said with a suggestive grin.
"Your pecker?" Justin chuckled remembering their phone conversation.
Brian nodded. "You really shouldn't shirk your duties."
"Heaven forbid! I think we better get right to that. After all cleanliness is next to godliness."
Brian snorted as they headed for the Jeep.
"Aaah!" Brian moaned. His hips bucked up involuntarily. Justin was giving him one of his superb blowjobs.
When they had returned to the loft Justin had checked out Brian's pecker with his nose, his hands, his tongue and now with his mouth. He had just about driven Brian to the brink of insanity with his careful examination and exploration.
"Oh, oh, fuck, Justin!" Brian cried and shot his load down his partner's throat.
Justin licked his lips as he scooted up and laid his head on the pillow next to Brian. He turned to glance at Brian whose eyes were still closed as the remnants of his orgasm began to subside.
"Did the pecker pass muster?" Brian whispered.
"Very satisfactory," Justin grinned.
"Just satisfactory?" Brian asked turning those hazel eyes on the clear blue ones.
"I might have to examine it again later to be absolutely sure everything's kosher."
Brian chuckled. "I think I should check yours first," he said, and pounced.
Justin felt his dick jump at Brian's words, but he didn't have much time to react as he felt Brian's soft warm mouth engulf his length. He could feel his cock stiffen just at the sensation of being in Brian's mouth. He let out a long moan as Brian sucked down the length of him gradually getting to the mushroom head. Brian held him there pulling on the head and causing Justin to writhe in ecstasy.
"Fuck, Brian," Justin gasped.
"Sh, stay till and enjoy your examination," Brian chided.
Justin moaned again as Brian held his cock and licked it up and down like a popsicle. He sucked on the large vein and probed the slit with his tongue. Justin whimpered and grabbed at Brian's hair.
Brian could tell it wouldn't take much more to get Justin off. He played with the swollen dick a little longer as Justin moaned and started to beg for release. A few swift pulls with his lips and a strategic swallow and Justin erupted into his mouth. He swallowed the boy's essence hungrily sucking every last drop. He then licked and cleaned the softening dick before pulling the sheets up and over them.
"All clean and taken care of," Brian whispered against Justin's ear.
"Hmm," Justin sighed as he slid back against Brian. He was asleep almost immediately.
Justin awoke with a start. He knew immediately that the bed was empty except for him.
"Brian?" he said quietly thinking the man was probably in the bathroom. When there was no answer he sat up. He could see a light in the kitchen. He wrapped the sheet around himself and proceeded to the top of the steps. He could see Brian standing in front of the fridge, his back to Justin. Justin made his way down the steps coming up to the counter.
"Brian," he said softly. He saw Brian jump at the voice. Obviously he had been lost in thought. "Are you all right?"
"Mmm," was the only response.
"If you want something from the fridge, it helps to open the door."
"I came for a bottle of water," Brian said absently, like his brain was still miles away.
"What's going on?"
"Gus' drawing," Brian replied as if that explained everything.
Justin could see now that it was right in front of Brian where they had hung it with a magnetic strip. Brian had been staring at it. "What about Gus' drawing?" Justin asked.
"It got me thinking."
"About what?" Sometimes talking to Brian was like pulling teeth, slow and painful.
"When Gus got all muddy in the park today, he grabbed hold of me and got me muddy too. I was angry at first. I wanted to scold him, hell, yell at him." Brian shook his head at the memory.
"And did you?" Justin asked hoping the answer would be no.
Brian shook his head and Justin let out a breath of relief. "But I wanted to."
"So why didn't you?"
"I remembered how my father would have reacted. If that had been me in the mud I would have been slapped around and told how fucking clumsy and stupid I was. I swore the night Gus was born that he would never be treated like that." Brian shook his head again.
"And you didn't treat him like that," Justin said affirming what Brian had told him.
"That didn't stop me from getting angry like I did with you when the loft was robbed."
"Yeah, you sure were pissed."
"I wanted to hit you. I was so angry."
Justin flinched. "But you didn't," he said softly.
"I was wondering when I was in the shower with Gus if that need to get angry and lash out that I learned by precept and example from my fucking father would ever go away."
"Does it matter as long as you don't act on it?"
"Maybe not, but it would be a whole lot easier, if I didn't feel that way."
"Who said it was supposed to be easy? It would be easier to act on your anger too, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do."
Brian stared into Justin's eyes. "How did you get so smart?"
"Fifteen hundred SAT's."
"Come back to bed."
"Do you think Gus will grow up without all my baggage?" Brian asked getting a bottle of water from the fridge. He downed about half of it. Justin took it from him and finished it off. He dropped the empty bottle into recycling. As he turned around, Brian was staring at the butterfly on the fridge.
"I think Gus will be just fine. He knows that you love him and his mommies love him."
"And you love him."
"Yes, I love him," Justin said softly with a smile.
"When we got out of the shower I covered Gus in a big towel and he stayed still, told me to be quiet. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was turning into a butterfly."
"That's cute," Justin said putting his arm around Brian's waist and urging him to move back to bed.
"Do you think it's possible for me to turn into a butterfly?"
"You know go through a metamorphosis turn into a good father?"
"You already are," Justin said firmly.
Brian shook his head. "But I get angry "
"It's what you do about that anger that's the important thing. What did you do in the park?"
"I picked him up because he was starting to cry. He got more mud on me when I did."
"So what did you do about that?"
"I hugged him closer till he stopped crying."
"See, you're a good father."
"That was the right thing to do?"
"Absolutely! Didn't it feel right?"
Brian nodded. "I knew I'd take a mucky hug over Gus crying and being upset any day."
"I think you've already turned into a beautiful butterfly," Justin said kissing Brian on the cheek.
"Gus says you can't kiss butterflies," Brian said with a smirk.
"Well, Gus doesn't know everything. He's only three. In fact, I think I'm going to fuck a butterfly when we get back to bed."
"Yep. Come on, Mr. Butterfly. I'll show you how it's done. In fact I might have to spank a certain butterfly."
Justin began walking Brian towards the bedroom. Their arms were around each other's waist. Brian could already feel his cock stirring at the thought of Justin fucking him, spanking him. He glanced back over his shoulder at the butterfly drawing on the fridge.
"Fucking symbolism," he thought just before Justin pushed him down onto the bed. Like a butterfly his life had transformed since he met Justin. He had a pretty great life now.