Ask Justin

Justin shoved Brian against the outside of the loft door.  He pressed against Brian's body making sure their cocks came into contact.  Brian's hand swooped behind Justin's head and pressed the boy's lips against his own.  His tongue probed and was granted entrance to Justin's warm, wet mouth.  It grazed over the blond's teeth and wrapped around the boy's tongue.


Justin moaned and his tongue fought back trying to get into Brian's mouth.  Brian relented and let him take control.  Justin's tongue dove in and did its best to reach down Brian's throat to the very heart of him.  Brian felt Justin's hand cup his balls and squeeze.


"Ahh," Brian moaned.  "Let me get the fucking door open or we're doing it right here on the landing.


Justin chuckled but released him.  Brian made short work of the door.


"Race ya'," Justin yelled and made a beeline for the bedroom throwing off clothes with every step that he took.


"Hey, no fair," Brian yelled slamming the door behind him.  "I have to lock the fucking door or we'll probably have a visit from Mikey or Lindsay or Debbie or some other cretin who doesn't know how to knock." 


"Quit griping and get up here," Justin ordered.  "I'm way ahead of you."

Brian finished setting the alarm and started removing his clothes as he made his way over to the bedroom.  He glanced up and what he saw made his heart skip a beat and his cock swell and throb.  Justin lay naked on their bed, his legs spread apart, stroking his dick.  His head was thrown back in a display of wanton pleasure. 


"Jesus, you weren't kidding.  What's got into you?" Brian asked continuing to watch this display as he removed the rest of his clothes.


"I expect it to be you … now," Justin whispered.  His voice was deep and husky with lust as he continued to stroke himself.


"If I had known that taking you to dinner at a fancy restaurant could produce these results, I would have done it sooner."


"Will you shut the fuck up and get over here!"


"Yes, sir," Brian said as he saluted and slid onto the bed.  He wondered just what Justin had in mind.


Justin rolled on top of him pinning Brian to the bed with his body.  The boy's mouth found his in a deep and scorching kiss.  He bucked against Brian's groin eliciting moans from each of them.


"Lube," Justin ordered.


Brian looked at him wondering what was coming or who was coming or how they were coming.  He handed Justin the lube and waited to see what he would do with it.  Brian wondered if he was going to be the recipient of Justin's thick and beautiful cock.  He enjoyed Justin fucking him, especially when the boy was in one of his masterful moods like he seemed to be tonight.


"Ready?" Justin asked.


"Yes, sir," Brian said dutifully.


There were no smiles from Justin now.  He was all business.  He leaned forward and kissed Brian again, running his tongue over the man's lips and teasing Brian's tongue.  His hand stroked Brian's engorged cock.  He squirted some lube onto his fingers and Brian expected him to smooth it over his aching dick.  Instead Justin rose up enough to plunge one of his fingers into his own hole.  Brian saw his eyes roll shut as he fucked himself with one then two fingers.  Brian watched as the boy pleasured himself, his cock getting even harder as he wanted more and more to be the object penetrating the beautiful blond.


Finally Justin opened his eyes, squirted some more lube into his hand, rubbed it up and down Brian's cock, positioned the cock at his hole and sat down in one quick, forceful and excruciatingly wonderful motion.


They both gasped and moaned at the impact.  Justin sat still while he adjusted to the intrusion.  Brian closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of tightness and the velvet heat that Justin produced in his unique way.  Then the ride began.


Justin rose up until Brian's cock was on the verge of falling out.  He clamped his anal muscles around the head and Brian almost screamed at the intensity of it.  He stifled the scream and made it a loud moan.  Justin sat back down hard.  Brian thrust up immediately, wanting to come from the sheer impact.


"Easy," Justin whispered.  "Not yet."

Justin waited until Brian calmed down a bit and then repeated the same move.  Brian knew what to expect this time and was ready for it.  He bucked up into Justin buried so deep inside him that he was sure the boy could taste him in the back of his throat.


Justin rose up again, but this time he torqued his hips in a circular motion that made Brian cry out once again.


"Like that?" Justin asked with an evil grin.


"Fuck yes!" Brian gasped and Justin did it again causing an even louder cry to be pulled from Brian's chest.


Justin was quickly losing control and he began to bounce up and down on Brian's dick.  Brian tried to thrust to meet each downward motion.  His orgasm built rapidly and he felt his balls rise up.  He reached for Justin's cock to jerk him off.  Justin batted his hand away.


"Don't," he ordered.


Brian grabbed the sheet instead looking for purchase as he thrust upward and felt his cum shoot into the very core of the blond.  Justin sat still as the warm fluid penetrated to the heart of his body.  Doing it raw was unbelievable.  Brian was unbelievable.  He was unbelievable, but most of all they were unbelievable … together.


Brian opened his eyes.  He looked up at Justin who still sat astride him.  Brian's softening dick was still up his ass.  Justin grinned down at him, his beautiful face flushed from his exertions.  Brian looked down to see Justin's cock still red and swollen.  He hadn't got off.


"Why didn't you let me…?" he began.


"Oh, I have something else in mind," Justin said firmly.  "Roll over."


Brian grinned realizing what Justin was going to do.  Justin rose up and released Brian's cock from his hole.  The man turned beneath him and Justin sat back down on Brian's legs.  He leaned forward and began to work his way down Brian's spine using his lips and his tongue and his teeth.  Brian groaned in satisfaction.  He could hardly wait.


When Justin reached his ass he licked and nipped all around Brian's pucker.  When he thought Brian wouldn't expect it he drove his tongue forcefully into the wrinkled hole.  Brian's head shot up and he cried, "Justin."

Justin loved it when he could make Brian scream his name.  He grinned in satisfaction and plunged his tongue back in.  When he had made Brian whimper and moan enough, he lubed his dick and positioned it at Brian's hole.


"Ready?" he asked.


"Do it," Brian said looking over his shoulder.


Justin pulled Brian's hips up a little farther and plunged in.  Brian yelped at the intrusion but Justin showed him no mercy.  He drew back and plunged in even farther.  Brian cried out again and looked back at his lover.


"You love it rough," Justin said, that evil grin on his handsome face.


"You'll pay later," Brian snarled, but he knew he did love this rough, forceful Justin.  He loved Justin … period.


"I can hardly wait," Justin retorted as he thrust vigorously into Brian's hot ass.


The ride didn't last long and soon Justin was coming, shooting deep into the man he loved.  When he was finally exhausted and slid off Brian's back, the man rolled over and took the blond into his arms. 


"I don't know what gets into you sometimes," Brian said, "but I like it."

Justin kissed him.  "I don't either, but it is fun, isn't it?"


Brian grinned and kissed him back.  They snuggled together and each glanced at their rings hanging in the sculpture on top of the dresser.  Brian looked at Justin's eyes trying to gauge what he was feeling.  He was beginning to think they should wear those rings, not keep their true commitment to each other a secret any longer.  He couldn't tell what Justin was feeling.  That worried him, because he didn't think he could stand Justin rejecting those rings again.  He kissed the boy and rolled over keeping his thoughts to himself.  He felt Justin snuggle against his back and he quickly fell asleep.



Brian stared at the rings that hung nestled between the intertwining hearts of Justin's sculpture.  His thoughts returned to the moment he had presented the rings to Justin.  That was his grand gesture and it had had very unexpected results.  Justin had been physically ill when he had offered him the ring.  Brian still felt the chill and the hurt of that moment when he thought about it.  Even though he had tried to get over it, he didn't think he ever would.


"You're selfish," she had said.  The words reverberated in his head.  He had denied it as he and his mother sat in the church, but deep down he knew that she was right.  His mother could see his selfishness, but never the reason for it.  He was selfish.  He knew it.  He had to be … to survive.  If he didn't look out for himself, no one would.


But now he had someone else to look out for him, someone who always stood by him … when Brian gave him the chance.  His fingers reached for the gold claddagh rings and played with them where they hung in the empty space of the heart.  He had caused that hole in Justin's heart.  The boy had told him as much. 


This had been their compromise; put the rings away until they were ready to deal with them.  Were they ready to wear them now?  The rings had almost torn them apart.  Brian had felt he was ready to wear them then, but Justin wanted to keep the true nature of their relationship between only the two of them.  So they had compromised.  But Brian knew that wasn't enough.  For the first time in his life he wanted, yes wanted, to declare his love for someone.  He wanted everyone to know.  Justin was his … and he was Justin's.  These rings were the symbol of his love for his partner and he wanted everyone to know how he felt.  Was that selfish too?


They had been in a "committed" relationship for over a year and he had been … monogamous for almost nine months.  A grim smile ran across his face as he thought about nine months, the length of a pregnancy.  Was he ready to give birth to a new and open Brian Kinney?  Truth was that he already had.  He no longer tricked, he and Justin did it raw, and strangely enough he didn't even miss his old life.  He never wanted anything else as long as he had Justin.


Now the problem was where did Justin stand on this whole thing.  They had not really talked about the rings since Justin had come up with the idea of incorporating them into his sculpture.  Sometimes they would look at them.  After they had made love they would realize that each of them was staring at the rings, just like they had a couple of nights ago.


What did that mean?  Brian thought about the other night when that had happened.  He had wanted to ask Justin if he was ready.  He had looked into his lover's eyes but had been unable to read what Justin was thinking.  So, in his usual manner of dealing with feelings, he didn't.  He had kissed Justin, rolled over and gone to sleep.


He had hoped again and again that Justin would broach the subject, but that hadn't happened either.  It would have been so much easier if Justin would just say he was ready.


One day recently when Brian had come home from work, he had found Justin sitting on the edge of the bed seemingly staring at the rings.  When he had asked him what he was doing, he had merely said that he was thinking and they had left it at that.  It had, however, gotten Brian wondering if maybe Justin was ready to make the next big step and start wearing the rings.


Brian sighed.  He still sucked at this relationship crap.  He supposed that most people had years of practice through their teenage years and into their twenties.  With one or two exceptions he had studiously avoided all that shit.  So he had little or no experience to rely on. 


And then there was Eamonn.  That had really finished him with the romance and relationship shit.  It had just about finished him altogether.  But he had realized that Eamonn would drag him down and he couldn't take another set of broken promises.  So his hard-learned selfishness had kicked in and he had told Eamonn that they could never be together.  It was self-preservation for him, but it had cost Eamonn his life.  Brian shuddered at the thought of Eamonn's battered body as he had identified it after the man had driven his car into an abutment.


He shook himself trying to get that image out of his head.  That had nothing to do with him and Justin.  He had to figure out what to do about this situation.  Was he ready to risk asking Justin to wear the ring?  Just then Justin called him to come look at something he had found on his computer.  Brian knew he was going to have to do something about the rings … soon.  He wished he could go away for awhile and think in peace, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.  He left his tormented and incomplete thoughts and went to see what Justin wanted.




A couple of days later Brian concluded that it was time for him to make some definite decisions about the rings.  He had been mulling his options over and over in his head.  He was getting nowhere.  He needed some uninterrupted time to think, to figure out what to do.  Was he going to take the bull by the horns and force the issue of the rings?  It seemed like that was what he was going to have to do.  He feared, yes feared, the results of that action.  Could he stand it if Justin refused him again?  He didn't think so, but he felt he had to take the chance.  He had to come up with the right way to do this.  Some time alone would help him clarify his feelings and decide on the best method of convincing Justin that they should be wearing their rings.




"I need to ask you something."

Justin's ears perked right up.  Rarely did Brian initiate conversation or admit that he wanted to ask him anything.


"Could you come over here … please?"


Justin felt a shudder shoot down his spine.  Brian was being polite and he had actually said please.  This could only be something bad.  Slowly Justin got up from his desk in the loft and made his way over to the windows where Brian looked out at the evening sky of Pittsburgh.


"What's wrong?" Justin asked laying his hand on Brian's shoulder.


"I want to ask a favor of you," Brian said.


Justin's heart skipped a beat and he could hardly believe his ears.  "A favor?" he asked finding it difficult to make his voice work.  Brian never asked for favors.  He demanded or ordered or just did whatever he wanted, but a favor…?


"A favor," Brian said again.

Justin waited for the explanation of the strange request.  None came.  "Do you just want me to say, 'Yes, I'll do it'?"


"That would be nice," Brian replied with a strange look on his face.


"Brian …?"

Still no explanation was forthcoming.


"Okay," Justin said suddenly, "I'll do it."

"Don't be so hasty, Sunshine," Brian said softly.


"Well, you don't seem about to tell me what it is you want."

A long sigh escaped Brian's mouth.  "You're not going to like it," Brian finally said.


"Somehow I had already figured that out," Justin replied hoping against hope that it wouldn't be as bad as he thought.


Brian turned to look into the blue eyes.  He debated telling Justin the whole story, why he needed some time alone, but decided he couldn't.  He didn't want to bring up the rings until he was sure.  He never could explain himself … not to anyone.  "I … I need you to go spend a few days with your mother or Deb … starting tomorrow."

"Spend a few days?" Justin asked puzzled.  Brian nodded.  "But why?"


Brian stared into his eyes but didn't answer.  Finally he said, "I have some things I need to sort out.  I need some space … just for awhile."


"Space?  What's going on, Brian?  Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about.  I just need some time alone."

"You mean you need some time without me.  That's what you mean, isn't it?"  Tears of hurt and betrayal had begun to form in those deep blue eyes.  Brian could tell that he had hurt his lover.  That wasn't what he had meant to do.  He just needed a couple of days alone to think and decide on his own what he should do … about the rings, about their future, about them. 


"I said I need some time alone to think," Brian repeated trying to keep his voice level.  He knew he should explain to Justin what he needed the time for, but he couldn't seem to find the words.


"I can stay out of your way.  I don't need to leave to get out from under foot," Justin said softly.


"You're not under foot, Justin," Brian said with a sigh.  He had known this was going to be hard.


"Then why do you need to get rid of me?" Justin asked tears glistening in his eyes.


"I'm not trying to get rid of you."

"Then tell me what's going on," Justin demanded.


"Can you just do this for me … without a scene?" Brian asked.


"Oh, so now I'm causing a scene!"  Justin felt his anger rising.  What the hell was going on?


"You weren't causing a scene … until now," Brian said a tinge of anger in his own voice.  He refused to be cross-examined.


"I thought this was my home too, so why do I have to leave?" Justin asked.  He hated the whine he heard in his own voice, but he didn't understand why Brian was doing this.


"Fine!" Brian retorted.  "I'll go to a hotel for a few days."



"It was a simple request, but I guess it was too fucking much to ask."

"Tell me why and I'll do it."

"I did," Brian said bluntly.


"You call that an explanation?"


Brian glared at him.  "I want some fucking time alone!" Brian spat at him hating having to explain himself in any way, shape or form.


"I see.  Okay, I said I'll do it, so maybe I should leave right now," Justin said his voice shaking in anger in spite of himself.


"You don't have to leave until tomorrow."

"I don't see why I have to leave at all."


Brian sighed again.  He just couldn't do anything right where Justin was concerned.  "I have some thinking to do, Justin," Brian began.


A horrible thought crossed Justin's mind.  "Do you want to trick?" he asked dreading the answer.  "Is that it?  Because if you do, you have to tell me."  The catch in Justin's voice gave away the intensity of what he was feeling about Brian's request. 


"Justin …" Brian began but was unable to finish what he wanted to say.


Justin had hoped he was going to get an explanation, but as always, Brian shut him out.  He locked everything that was important inside himself.  In spite of all his efforts Justin realized that he had never really broken through.  "I'm gone," he said suddenly.  "It'll just take me a few fucking minutes to gather up some things," Justin gulped doing his best to control the threatening tears as he grabbed his sketchbook and headed for the bedroom.


"Justin," Brian said again.  Once more Brian was incapable of explaining.  He had spent his life refusing to do apologies or regrets or explanations, and sometimes he just couldn't say anything.  This was one of those times.


"Not fast enough to suit you?" Justin screamed at him.  "I'm sorry that I can't get my shit together any quicker."  A sob escaped Justin's chest.  "I'm sorry that you need to get me out of your way … out of your life."  The sobs were more evident as Justin stuffed some underwear into his backpack.  "I'm sorry you can't stand to have me around."


"Justin," Brian said standing at the bottom of the steps helplessly watching him.


"I'm such a fucking burden on you … on everyone.  I thought this was my home, but I guess I deluded myself about that as well.  Maybe Daph'll take me in for a day or two.  At least she doesn't seem to mind, doesn't tell me to get out of her way … and she doesn't try to run my fucking life."  Justin gulped some air, willing himself to keep breathing.  The constriction around his chest was almost more than he could bear.


"Justin …" Brian tried once more to diffuse the emotional plunge that he had just thrown his lover into.  How had everything gone so wrong?  All he wanted was a little time to think.  "I should go to a hotel.  You stay here…"


"Don't!" Justin screeched.  "Don't try to make nice … or try to give me any other fucking excuse about why you want me out of here.  I'll do you this 'favor'!  No problem!  In fact I'll do you one better," Justin yelled as he headed for the door.


"Justin, please."

"Don't you want to know what the bigger favor is, Brian?  Well. I'll tell you!  I'm not fucking coming back!"


With that Justin slammed the loft door behind him and ran down the stairs as fast as his feet would carry him.  The tears in his eyes made his run rather precarious and he almost managed to fall down the last flight of stairs.  Somehow he regained his footing in time and shot out into the cool night air.


He stood for a moment gasping for breath and trying to muffle his sobs.  Once he had a bit more control of himself he loped down the street towards the bus stop that would take him to Daphne's and away from what he had thought was his home.


Brian winced as the loft door slammed shut.  He knew he should go after Justin.  He grabbed the door and pulled it back.  Justin had already disappeared.  Brian had always said that you should never chase after anybody.  He wanted to go get Justin, comfort him and tell him that it would be all right, but he couldn't.  His feet wouldn't move, just like his voice hadn't been able to find the words to explain to Justin when he was still there.


Brian slowly pulled the door shut.  "Fuck!" he yelled at the empty loft.  He had made another colossal mess of everything.  He had to do something.  He grabbed the phone and dialed Justin's cell.  It rang a couple of times and then went dead.  A voice came on saying that it was not in service at the moment.  "He shut it off," Brian thought to himself.  "He saw it was me and he turned it off."


On the corner the bus approached.  Justin looked at the name on the phone.  He refused to talk to Brian, not now, maybe not ever.  He had to pull himself together.  He was not going to be treated like this by anyone, Brian fucking Kinney included.  He climbed aboard the bus sticking the now deactivated phone into his pocket.  He had a lot of thinking to do before he ever talked to his lover again.




Brian paced the loft.  He had wanted some time alone to think and now he had it in spades.  He wanted to throttle Justin for running out on him.  He wanted to kill himself for being so stupid and pathetic.


He had wanted some time to make sure within himself that he was ready to press Justin about wearing the rings.  He had felt that he needed to be alone to come to a firm commitment about it.  He had known that one of the possible consequences of asking Justin to wear the ring was the boy's likely request to have a commitment ceremony.  Brian hated that kind of thing.  That was really what he had to come to terms with.  If Justin would agree to wear the ring, could he agree to a ceremony?  He was such a wuss about this kind of hetero shit.  He detested it, but he might have to do it … for Justin. But everything had blown up in his face just like all relationship things did.

 Brian stared at the phone and willed it to ring.  There was nothing but silence.  He walked hand on hip back and forth trying to think of something intelligent to do.  All he really wanted to do was cry.  He had invested so much into Justin, into their fucking relationship, into their life together.  And a few poorly chosen words had blown that effort all to hell.


The bottle of Beam on the bar cart called to him and he had no reason to ignore it.  He poured himself a healthy glass of the brown liquor.  He needed it.  It went down without any problem and tasted exactly like another one.  He filled the glass again.


Hours later Brian had drunk himself into a stupor.  He had replayed in his mind the scene with Justin over and over again hoping to figure out what he had done wrong.  He had merely wanted some time to think, but Justin had taken it as some kind of criticism and had felt that Brian was forcing him out of their home.  In a way that was what he had done if he was honest with himself.


Brian had tried Justin's cell phone again and again.  Each time it went to voicemail and he couldn't think of anything to say that would make the boy come back.  He would hang up and try again later, hoping against hope that Justin would relent and answer himself.


After many drinks and no luck contacting Justin Brian had moved to the bedroom.  He had stared at the gold claddagh rings hanging in the sculpture.  He had cursed them in every manner that he could think of, and still Justin wouldn't answer his phone.  Brian wished he had never bought those fucking rings.  He wished he had never invested so much of himself in the relationship with Justin.  He wished his life could go back to the way it used to be before he had met Justin.  And then he began to cry, great aching sobs that were ripped from the heart of him, for he knew that he didn't wish any of those things.  The only thing he wished was for Justin to be lying in their bed next to him, for Justin to take him in his arms and tell him that it would be all right, for Justin to kiss him and tell him that he loved him.


He continued to drink after that.  He tried Justin's cell again and again to no avail.  The drunker he got, the more he thought he could say something that would convince Justin to come back to him.


He dialed the number one more time.  It rang and went to voicemail.  He opened his mouth and again nothing would come out.  He made his jaw move and still no sound came.  Finally he tried once more and his voice croaked out, "I miss you.  Please come home."  Then he hung up feeling like a fool for begging and sounding like some pathetic drama queen.


After that he drank until he passed out on the bed.  Even the alcoholic oblivion was fraught with bad dreams and scary outcomes.  He wrestled around in the bed that he should be sharing with Justin.  When dawn broke he awoke feeling and looking like shit.  He wondered what he could do all by himself on a lonely and empty Saturday that stretched out endlessly in front of him.


He contemplated drinking the day away, but somehow he had lost the taste for liquor.  Last night's indulgence had only made him feel more worthless and it had given him a colossal hangover.  He rarely drank to the point of being drunk anymore, since he and Justin had been together this time.  Things were always better when he was with Justin.  If only he were there now.


"Fucking shit!" he mumbled and hauled himself into the bathroom.  He turned on the shower and stepped in.  He wished Justin was there with him.  The shower was one of their favorite places to fuck.  He pictured Justin naked and dripping with water.  He could almost feel his presence there in the shower that they had shared so many times.  His hand reached for his thickening cock and he jerked himself off as he imagined all the things he would do to Justin if only he was there.


Finally he climbed out of the shower and began to dry off.  He checked to see if by some miracle Justin had called while he was in the shower.  There were no messages.  He should have just come right out with it and asked Justin to wear the ring, but he had been afraid.  He was a coward about being rejected, about not being enough for the boy.


That struck him funny.  He had always preached that there was never enough.  Justin had asked him why he couldn't be enough back in the days when Brian was still tricking.  Now Justin was enough.  He was everything.  It was Brian who was not enough.  He just couldn't make the relationship shit work.


Brian didn't know where Justin had gone.  He had suggested Deb's or his mother's.  He could try calling them, but he knew if Justin wasn't already there, there would be unanswerable questions.  He couldn't stand that kind of inquisition.  He decided not to call.  Justin would talk to him eventually.  He had to.


He considered what he might do with his lonely and miserable Saturday and decided that he would like to spend some time with Gus.  He would have a much better time if Justin was with them, but he could use some of Gus' unconditional love right now.  That's what he would do.  He'd go see Gus.


By the time Brian arrived at the Munchers', it was well into the afternoon.  He rang the bell and was greeted by Melanie's stony face.


"Gus is asleep.  Don't you ever call first?" she demanded.


He brushed past her hoping to find Lindsay who would be more sympathetic to his unheralded arrival.  Lindsay was in the living room folding some freshly laundered clothes.


"Hi, Brian," she said giving him the once over. 


"I want to see Gus," he said.


"He's sleeping.  He should be up in half an hour or so," she replied.


"Can I go look at him?"

Lindsay looked up.  Rarely if ever did Brian come over to watch Gus sleep.  She knew something must have happened.  "If you promise not to wake him, go on up," she said taking pity on him.  He looked hung over now that she paid more attention.  She wondered what was going on.  And where was Justin?  Brian hardly ever went anywhere these days without Justin.


Brian made his way up the stairs.  He carefully opened the door to Gus' room and looked in.  The little boy slept on his back, one arm flung out to the side and the other folded up near his face.  He looked so peaceful.  Brian moved quietly into the room leaving the door open behind him.


He sat down in the rocking chair next to Gus' bed.  He studied the face of his son.  He looked so innocent.  Brian wondered if he had ever looked like that.  Everybody told him that his son looked just like him, but he didn't think he ever had that look of peace and innocence that Gus had all the time.  His upbringing hadn't allowed for that.


Just then Gus smiled a bit in his sleep.  Brian smiled too, remembering.


"Brian," Lindsay said softly from behind him.  "What's wrong?"

Brian ignored her question.  "I was remembering something.  Gus is smiling.  My grandmother used to say that when a child smiles in his sleep, he's talking to an angel."

"That's a lovely thought," Lindsay whispered looking lovingly at their son.  "Please tell me what's wrong."

"He's gone."


"Who?  Not Justin.  Oh no, Brian, not Justin.  What happened?"

Brian shook his head and didn't answer.  He continued to watch his son sleep.  Finally he said, "He left last night.  We had a fight and he won't answer my calls."

"What did you fight about?"

"I wanted to ask him something."

"And did you?"

"I asked him for some time alone.  I wanted him to go to Deb's or his mother's for a couple of days so that I could think … alone."

"What did you want to think about?"

"Our … relationship." 


Lindsay smiled to herself.  She had a bit of an idea how Brian and Justin's relationship had progressed and she could imagine several possible questions that Brian might have wanted to ask Justin.


"So why did you fight?"

"I couldn't explain why I needed the time alone.  He thought I was pushing him away, kicking him out of our home."

"I see," Lindsay said.  "I can understand why he might feel that way."

"You can?" Brian asked looking at her for the first time since she had come into the room.  "I didn't mean it to seem like that.  I can't do this stuff.  I'm no good at it."

"You're making progress," she told him.  "You've done very well for months now."


"And now I've ruined everything," Brian said sadly.


"You need to talk to him."

"He won't talk to me."

"Go find him.  Be brave and truthful with him, Brian.  You can fix it.  I know you can.  Don't continue to make both of you suffer.  He loves you and you love him."  He glanced up at her again with a look of such pain on his face.  "If you have something important to ask him, go do it.  Ask Justin."

"You think I should?"

"I know you should.  Think about what I've said.  I'll leave you alone with Gus for awhile until you make a decision."  Quietly she left the room.


Brian reached into the bed and took Gus' little hand.  The boy smiled again in his sleep and for the first time since Justin had left Brian smiled a bit too.  He'd go find Justin and ask him the question he was tormented with, and he vowed to make it work no matter what Justin's answer might be.

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