A Chance Encounter

Justin bolted upright.  Somehow he had managed to doze off.  He had been dreaming about Brian running away and he was chasing him, but he could never get any closer no matter how hard or how fast he ran.  He realized he was panting from the exertion in his dream.  He looked at the other side of the bed knowing it was empty, but needing to verify that fact.  He sighed.  Where could Brian be?


Dr. Frank had called just as Justin got home from the gallery.  He said that he had had a particularly difficult session with Brian and the man had left in the middle of it without saying a word.  He wanted Justin to bring Brian back to his office when he came home.  The only problem was that Brian never came home.


Justin waited until midnight and when Brian had not appeared, he had gone looking for him.  He had already tried Michael and Lindsay, and Brian had not seen or called either of them.  He had checked the backrooms at Babylon and Woody's, but no one had seen him in either of those.  He had once again taken a taxi to their bench by the river, only to find it empty.  He was sure then that Brian didn't want him to find him, at least not yet.


He had called Frank to tell him that Brian was missing.  Frank was worried too, although he wouldn't tell Justin what they had been talking about that had sent Brian into the land of the lost.  He still wanted Justin to call him as soon as Brian appeared, any time of the day or night.  Justin knew then that it was really serious.


Finally he had gone home to wait.  At three in the morning there was still no sign of the man.  Justin had gone to lie down, exhausted from worrying.  That must have been when he fell asleep.  Now it was seven in the morning and still no Brian.  He wondered if Brian would go to work.  Soon Cynthia would be in and he would call her.  He didn't know whether he should go to work himself, or stay at the loft and wait for Brian.


He got up and had a shower.  Once that was done he called Brian's office.  Cynthia was already in, but there was no sign of the ad exec.  Justin told her that Brian might not come in today, but if he did she had to call him and let him know.  He tried to keep the rest of what was going on to himself, but he knew that Cynthia was familiar enough with Brian's habits to know that he never missed work without an explanation.  She didn't press for information, but Justin realized by her serious tone that she knew something was very wrong.


He decided to go to the gallery and hope that Brian surfaced either at work or the loft sometime during the day.  There wasn't much else he could do.




Brian groaned and rolled over.  He was alone in bed he realized.  But this wasn't his bed.  Where the fuck was he?  He tried to force his alcohol laden brain to function.  He looked around and vaguely remembered checking into this hotel.  He had been driving around after he escaped from Frank.  He groaned at the thought.  He had seen a liquor store and stopped for a bottle of Beam.  This hotel had been across the street, so he had decided to take a room and drink himself into oblivion.  He knew he couldn't go home.  He didn't know if he'd ever be able to go home.


He picked up the bottle of Beam and noted that he had truly emptied it last night.  He supposed he had fallen into an alcoholic stupor, because he sure felt rotten.  Now he needed another drink.  The digital clock beside the bed said it was two o'clock.  Morning or afternoon, he wondered?  It was light outside the window, so he must have pissed away the whole night and most of the day.


Work!  Shit!  The thought shot through his brain, but then he groaned and shut his eyes.  They'd have to get along without him for one day.  


He rolled over and realized he smelled.  He had slept in his clothes and he could only imagine how he looked.  Dirty, smelly, hung over, wrinkled, needing a shave – he must look like shit.  He should take a shower, but he had no clean clothes to change into.  He could go home and get clothes, but Justin might be there.  He couldn't see Justin, not yet.


Justin!  Jesus, what was he going to do?  Had he ruined the kid, the way Eamonn had fucked him up?  He couldn't face it if that was the case.  Fucking Frank had to make him examine all this crap.  It needed to be left alone, to stay in the past where it belonged, to stay secret, from himself most of all.


What was he going to do?  He couldn't stay holed up in this hotel forever.  He had a job and he used to have a life to go to, but now he didn't know what he had.  He should have let Justin stay with Ethan.  He should have stayed out of the kid's life and not turned him into some distorted replica of himself.  Poor Sunshine, he would be doomed to loneliness and sadness.  Why didn't he stick by his own rules?  He should have fucked him and thrown him out like all the others.


But Justin wasn't like all the others.  He was special.  He was the only one since Eamonn who made him feel this way.  He couldn't live without Justin.


Maybe that was the answer – still the answer.  If he killed himself, he wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore.  He would never have to worry about Justin leaving him.  He would never have to worry about growing old.  He couldn't screw up any more lives.  Everybody would be better off without him around fucking things up for them.


But would they be better off?  Would Justin ever forgive himself?  Brian had never really forgiven himself for Eamonn's death.  He felt the responsibility still.  Would Justin do the same?  Would he live the rest of his life burying secrets, afraid to let anyone in, afraid that everyone would know that he killed his lover?  To love Brian Kinney meant death and Justin had almost paid that price once already, after the prom. 


He should go downstairs, get in the Jeep and drive it into a wall at eighty miles an hour, just like Eamonn.  Then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this ever again.  But he didn't want to be like Eamonn.  He hated what Eamonn had done to him and to himself.  He remembered Frank saying that he was smarter than Eamonn.  God, he hoped that was true.  But if he did the same thing as Eamonn, then he was just the same as Eamonn, just as cruel, just as stupid.


He had to have a drink.  He forced himself to get up from the bed.  He would go across the street to that liquor store and get another bottle of Beam.  Maybe it would help him to see things more clearly.  That was a laugh!  Maybe it would help him to hang on a little longer.  That was the best he could hope for.


He tried to smooth down his pants and get rid of some of the wrinkles.  He quickly gave that up as a futile endeavor.  He went down in the elevator and crossed the street to the liquor store.  The man gave him a funny look.  Probably sees lots of guys on all day benders, Brian thought.  He grabbed his bottle and left quickly. 


He was almost across the street going back to the hotel when he thought he heard his name being called.  He stopped and turned around looking for someone who knew him.  He hoped it wasn't a business acquaintance.


All of a sudden he saw Emmett running towards him, waving his arms frantically to get his attention and shouting Brian's name at the top of his lungs.


"Shit!" Brain muttered and finished crossing the street, hoping that Emmett would get the message and leave him alone.


As he reached the sidewalk, he felt Emmett grab his arm and pull him to a stop.


"Brian," Emmett gushed, "what are you doing down here in the middle of the day?"

"I might ask you the same thing!" Brian snapped.  He noticed that Emmett was giving him the once over, probably wondering why Brian looked the way he did.


"There's a little shop up the street that has some really far out clothes.  I was just checking out the latest creations," Emmett explained.  "But why are you here, looking like this?" he added with distaste.

"It's none of your business," Brian retorted.


"You're right, but you look like you could use someone to talk to?"  Emmett could tell something must be really wrong.

"No thanks," Brian tried to turn him down as gently as possible.


"Brian, you look like shit.  What's wrong?"


"I don't want to talk about it.  Just forget that you saw me."  Brian turned and went through the door of the hotel.


Emmett followed him, catching Brian's arm once more.  "Wait, Brian.  I can't leave you like this.  Is that a bottle of liquor in the brown paper bag?"


Sometimes Emmett was too smart for his own good.  "Emmett, fuck off!" Brian snarled and headed for the elevators.


"Brian, Brian, I'm not leaving you."  Emmett followed him.


People were beginning to stare.  The elevator door opened and Brian stepped in.  Emmett was still babbling about how he couldn't leave a friend like this, so Brian pulled him into the car and hit the button for his floor.


"When I get you alone I'm going to kill you!" Brian said through clenched teeth.  He saw Emmett recoil and shut up.  He edged as far away from Brian as he could.


When the elevator stopped at his floor, Brian grabbed Emmett's arm and dragged him down the hall to his door.  He used his key and pushed Emmett into the room.  He saw Emmett take in the disheveled bed. 


"Wondering who I fucked here?" Brian asked sarcastically.


"No, no, not at all," Emmett stammered, although that very thought had certainly crossed his mind.


"I know Justin told you that we're in a committed relationship, so don't even start."

"I wasn't going to say anything," Emmett countered.  "I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to.  That's all.  What are you doing here anyway?"


"It's none of your business, but if you must know, I'm taking a little holiday," Brian said sarcastically.


"A holiday?  Here?"

"Yeah, a holiday from my job, from Justin, from my life.  Does that answer your questions?  Can you go away now and leave me the fuck alone?"

"That doesn't answer any of my questions, Brian.  What the fuck is going on?  I'm not leaving you here by yourself."

Brian groaned.  "How about a drink?" he asked not knowing what else to say.  He grabbed a couple of glasses from the bathroom and poured them each a healthy drink.


Emmett screwed up his nose, but took a little sip trying not to choke.  "I really prefer mixed drinks," he said trying to make conversation.


"Well, this isn't the Ritz, so take what you get or get out!"


"Brian, what's going on?"


"Can't you leave it alone?" Brian asked shaking his head.


"You dragged me up here, so talk."

Brian groaned again.  He had dragged Emmett up here.  Did that mean that he actually wanted to talk to the man?  Had Frank got him second guessing every fucking thing that he did?  He stared at Emmett who began to wriggle uncomfortably under Brian's persistent gaze.


Suddenly Brian said, "Why have you kept the secret of our committed relationship?"


"Why?"  Emmett looked surprised.  "Because I promised Justin that I would."


Now it was Brian's turn to look surprised.  "Is that all?  You promised?"  Emmett nodded.  "Justin promised that he wouldn't say anything too, but then he told you."

"He was so happy, he was busting at the seams to share it with somebody, and I'm pretty good at asking the right questions to find things out."

"No shit!"


Emmett had to smile at that.  "Don't be too hard on him, Brian.  He really loves you and he was thrilled that you would take this step for him.  I don't think that he thought you would ever do that."

"I never thought I would either," Brian admitted.


"So what made it happen?"

"I love him," Brian said simply.


"You're admitting it finally?" Emmett asked with a smile.


"Yes, but it may be too late."


"Too late for what?" Emmett asked.


Brian grimaced.  He wanted to change the subject.  "Do you know that I have always admired you?" Brian asked, polishing off another glass of Beam.


"Me?  Are you kidding?  What would you admire about me?"

"That you show your emotions.  Whatever you're feeling is right out there in plain view."


"And you admire me for that?  You who never lets on what you are feeling or that you are feeling?"

"Is it easy for you to laugh and cry and giggle?"

"Are you serious?  It's just my nature."

"But it's good that you let it out, isn't it?"

"I guess so.  Sometimes it gets me into trouble, and of course I get called a drama queen and laughed at."

"I'm one of the ones that laughs at you."

"Yeah, you are."

"I guess I shouldn't."


"I wouldn't know what to do without your witty criticisms and snide remarks."


"What?" Brian didn't know what Emmett meant.


"I know you make fun of me, but you're never malicious about it.  Mostly what you say is true, even if it is a tad harsh at times."

"I don't know how you stand it."

Emmett stared at Brian and realized that they were getting to something important in their conversation.  "We're opposites, you know, but we're also very much alike."

"How do you figure that?"


"The opinions of others are important to us.  You pretend you don't care and hide the effect that criticism has on you by covering it with cynicism.  I hide it under my overt emotionalism.  It's there and it's gone so quickly that people forget that they hurt me."


"Really?" Brian asked.  He was listening intently to what Emmett explained, because the man was right.


"I don't know what has happened to bring you to this hotel, but I can see that you are hurting.  Can you tell me what is going on?"


Brian sighed.  "If I tell you some of it, can you keep this secret too, even from Ted?"


"Of course I can, and I will," Emmett vowed.


"All right," Brian sighed.  "I want to ask you something, and I want an honest answer."


"Do you think I have made Justin into a clone of myself?"

Emmett opened his mouth to deny Brian's statement, but he stopped and Brian could see that he was thinking seriously about it.  "I was going to say no," Emmett explained, "but truthfully, there are some things that Justin has learned from you."


Brian winced at the word 'learned'.  Emmett noted the reaction, but wasn't sure what he had said that had caused it.


"What do you think he has learned from me?"


"Let's see.  He's learned to stand up for himself."


"He already knew how to do that," Brian said.


"He did, but he learned to go after what he wanted and not let anyone talk him out of it or scare him out of it."


"Is that a good thing?"


"I'd say so.  Justin is a smart kid.  He's one of the sweetest and nicest people I know.  He's had a good effect on you."

Brian had to smile at that.  It was the exact opposite of what he wanted to know.  "But have I been a good influence on him?" Brian asked.


Emmett thought about it for a minute.  "I'd have to say yes."


"Really?"  Brian was surprised.  "Why?"

"It's impossible to know how Justin would have turned out if he had never met you, but you have helped him with his art and his education, and I don't just mean financially.  He values your advice and your approval.  He wants your respect as well as your love and he works hard to get it.  Hell, we all do!"


"You want my respect?" 


"Of course.  If we can get respect from you then everybody else is a piece of cake."


Brian snorted.  "Any other things I have taught him?"


"You taught him to accept help when he needed it."

"That was a hard one."


"I'm glad he got away from the Sap."


"You know, Brian, sometimes you need to accept help too."


"No kidding!" Brian said drunkenly.  He had packed away a good portion of the Beam while they were talking.


"Let me take you home," Emmett asked.


"No, can't go home."

"Why not?"

"Screwed everything up.  Can't face Justin."

"So that's why you're here.  Justin will help you, you know, if you let him."

"I know, but he shouldn't have to."

"Isn't that what he said to you when you wanted to help him with his tuition?"

"Yeah," Brian had to agree.


"So, give me the bottle and let's see if we can get you back to the loft."


Brian looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn't protest.  Emmett took that to mean that he would go along with him.  He helped Brian up and headed for the door.  Brian leaned heavily on him, but managed to keep upright.


"Is the Jeep here?" Emmett asked.


"Can't drive.  Too drunk."

Emmett laughed.  "That's for sure, but is it nearby?  I'll drive you."


"Down the street," Brian mumbled.


They had reached the lobby.  Emmett sat Brian in a chair and went to the desk to say that Brian Kinney was checking out.  They would bill Brian's credit card that he had used to check in, so Emmett was able to get them out of the hotel quickly.  He hoped the Jeep was not far, because Brian was heavy.  He saw it down the street and hauled Brian along, shoving him unceremoniously into the passenger seat, after having fumbled in Brian's pockets for the keys.


"Lord, help me get him and the Jeep home in one piece!" Emmett prayed as he started the engine.


Emmett finally managed to get Brian into the loft, pulled off some of the man's clothes, debated taking off all of them but thought better of it, and tucked him into bed.  He was out like a light.  Emmett looked at the clock by the bed.  It was 5:30.  He thought he should call Justin at the gallery.  He found the number near the computer and dialed.


"Granville Gallery," Justin answered.


"Justin, it's Emmett.  Can you leave a bit early and come home?"

"Why, Emmett?"

"I just brought Brian home.  He's passed out, drunk."

"Shit!  Where did you find him?"

"Downtown.  Can you come?"

"I'll grab a cab and be there as soon as I can.  Can you stay until I get there?"

"Sure, but why?"

"Don't let Brian go anywhere."

"He's not going to be awake for quite a while," Emmett explained, "but I can wait here till you arrive."

"Thanks, Emm, thanks a lot."

Emmett checked on Brian who snored softly.  He found a magazine to look at while he waited.  In about fifteen minutes Justin opened the door to the loft.  He rushed in and up the steps to make sure Brian was still there.


"He's okay, Justin.  I checked on him a few minutes ago."

Justin came into the living room and sat down beside Emmett.  "Tell me how you found him."

"I was downtown at a little shop I frequent.  I had finished going through their new stock and had just come out of the store.  They had real crap, nothing even worth trying on."  Emmett noticed a look of exasperation cross Justin's face and realized that he didn't want to hear about his fashion trials and tribulations.  "Anyway, I looked up and Brian was crossing the street."


"Where was this?"


"Near Fourth and Elizabeth.  At first I couldn't believe Brian would be there in that neighborhood."

"What was he doing?"


"He'd just bought a bottle of bourbon and was heading back to the hotel where he spent the night."



"I think so.  He said so."  Emmett tried to reassure Justin.  "He was pissed that I saw him and tried to brush me off, but I didn't want to leave him.  He looked like hell and I could tell something was wrong.  I made enough fuss that he took me up to his room so that I didn't make a scene in the lobby."

Justin smiled at him.  "Only you, Emm," Justin said.  "Did he tell you what he was doing there?"

"Only that he couldn't go home.  Then he started to ask me what I thought he had taught you, and if he had been a good influence on you."

"What the fuck is that all about?"

"I don't know.  He drank most of the bottle of bourbon while we talked, so he was pretty incoherent by the end."


"How did you get him home?"

"I said I thought he should go home and at first he said no, but I'm persistent, and finally he gave in."

"Thanks, Emm.  I really appreciate this.  I've been worried about him."

"How long has he been gone?"

"Since yesterday afternoon.  I can't tell you much more about it.  He … we have some things to work out."


"I can tell you don't want to spill the rest of the story, so I'll leave you guys alone.  If you need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks again."

"Anytime, sweetie."

Emmett left and Justin immediately got on the phone to Dr. Frank's office.  Frank said he had two more patients and then he would come to the loft.  Justin hoped Brian would have slept enough of it off for Frank to talk some sense into him.


A couple of hours later Frank buzzed the apartment and Justin let him in.  Brian had begun to stir in his sleep and seemed to be having disturbing dreams if his thrashing about was any indication.  Frank wanted to know where Brian had been, so Justin filled him in on what Emmett had told him, while they waited for Brian to wake up.  Frank seemed most interested in Brian asking Emmett about his influence on Justin.  When Justin questioned him about this, he merely said that was what they had been talking about when Brian had walked out.


"Fuck!" Brian grumbled from the bedroom.


"What's wrong, Brian?" Justin called to him.


"How the fuck did I get here?  That goddam Emmett!  I'm going to skin that fucker alive!"


Justin looked sheepishly at Frank after Brian's colorful tirade.  "Sorry about that, Frank," he apologized.


Frank grinned.  "Should we tell him I'm here?"


"If you're ready to take your life in your hands."

"It's now or never.  Let's go for it." 


They both stood up and started up the steps to the bedroom.


"Hello, Brian," Frank said proceeding up the steps.


"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian demanded.


"You look like you could use some help."


"Leave me the fuck alone," Brian said pulling the sheet over his head.


"You can't hide from this, Brian.  You need to confront it."


"What do you know about anything?"


"This is my job, Brian."


"And you've done such a fabulous job of it so far!" Brian griped.


"Touché!  I'll try to do better from now on."


Brian groaned.  "Just go away."

"Brian, please talk to Frank," Justin asked.


"Are you still here, Sunshine?  I think you better bail, while the going's good."

"I'm not going anywhere and I don't want you to either."

Brian groaned.  He rolled over and looked at the two men who stood at the end of the bed.  "Can I get cleaned up before we do this?" Brian asked.


"Go take a shower, if you'll feel better," Frank said.  "I can wait."

"Running up the tab, Frank?" Brian asked sarcastically.


"This one's on me, since we didn't finish the last session."


Brian looked sheepish at Frank's words.  He threw back the covers and was glad to find he still had underwear on.  He got up and quickly retreated to the bathroom.  Frank and Justin heard the shower go on.  They went back to the living room.


"He didn't say he wouldn't talk to you," Justin said hopefully.


"He knows he needs help," Frank said quietly.  "I'm going to try to give it to him."


"Should I be here?" Justin asked.


"I'd like you to be, but that's Brian's call.  I'll ask him if he wants you to leave.  Have you got somewhere to go?"


"Sure," Justin said, hoping he wouldn't have to leave Brian.  He didn't want him to disappear again.


They waited in silence.  After a few minutes, the shower went off and finally Brian appeared, still needing a shave, but wearing clean jeans and a t-shirt.  He looked only slightly the worse for wear.


"So, Frank, think you can fix me this time?" Brian asked sarcastically, slumping down into one of the chairs.


"We can try."

Brian made a face.  He looked over at Justin, as if deciding whether he wanted him there.


"Do you want me to leave?" Justin asked him.


"That's the trouble.  I never want you to leave.  But … it would be in your own best interests to get lost," Brian said rather cruelly.


"I'm not going unless you specifically tell me to," Justin declared.


"Then stay for the show.  It ought to be good for a few laughs.  Where do you want to start?" Brian asked Frank.


"This is something new, Brian," Frank observed.  "You sound like you're ready to cooperate."


"I decided in the shower that you were going to ask what you were going to ask.  I'm sick of fighting it.  If it costs me everything, so be it."

"Why would it cost you everything?"


"Look at where I ended up after our last session.  I can always go on another bender … or worse…   So go ahead, rip me open, and let's be done with it."

"I don't want to rip you open; I merely want you to confront some of the demons that have ruled your life for too long."


"Same difference!" Brian declared.


Frank sighed.  "Justin told me that your friend, Emmett, brought you home after talking to him about how you had influenced Justin.  That's kind of where we left off last time, so maybe we should start there."

"Fucking Emmett promised that he wouldn't tell anyone what we talked about," Brian growled. 


"I don't think he realized that you meant me, Brian," Justin felt compelled to say.  "He wanted to help."


Brian scowled.  "Who cares?  He saw how I've influenced you, Justin.  I don't think you should be around me anymore."

"Why?  Are you corrupting me like my father said?"


"Worse.  I'm turning you into a clone of me," Brian grimaced.


"What?  That's not true," Justin gasped. 


"Isn't it?  Think about it."

"I have learned lots of things from you, Brian, but I pick and choose what I want to accept.  Quite frankly, there are lots of things about you that I would never allow myself to do or be."


"Really?" Brian asked.


"You and Justin come from very different backgrounds and that has a large bearing on how you each deal with things.  If you had had a more loving family in your early life, you probably would be very different than you are now," Frank explained.


"At least Justin had loving parents for awhile," Brian said wistfully.


"I still have my mother and Molly."  He smiled at Brian.


"You've had some rough breaks in the love department, Brian," Frank continued.  "That's why it's especially important to face them and realize what they taught you.  I can tell from your statement before that you don't want to pass on to Justin the heartache that you've had to deal with."

"But isn't that exactly what I've done?" Brian asked ruefully.


"I'm not you, Brian.  I love you, but I'm not you," Justin stated.


"How do you know that?  You could be a Brian Kinney in training.  How many times have our friends joked that I'm teaching you all the bad things I do?"

"They're wrong," Justin said simply.  "I'm me, not you."

Brian shook his head.  "If you hang around me long enough, you'll either become me or you'll be dead."

Justin gasped.  "How can you say that?"

"You were almost killed after the prom.  That was my fault for going there."

"It was Chris Hobbs' fault."


"Eamonn killed himself because of me," Brian forged ahead, not listening to Justin's reasoning.


"Brian, you can't take responsibility for other people's decisions," Frank said levelly.  "What they do is not your fault."

"I think it is.  I contaminate them."

"You haven't contaminated Justin," Frank said.


"Give me time!"


"Brian, I want you to listen to me carefully."  Justin slid off the couch and onto his knees in front of Brian.  He took the man's hands firmly between his own and stared into Brian's eyes.  "You always tell me how strong I am.  And you're right, I am strong.  I'm not going to kill myself or die on you, at least not any time soon.  I love you and I want to be with you.  You're not going to harm me or corrupt me.  You don't have that much power."

Brian stared at him.  A big sigh escaped his lips.  "I want that to be true.  I thought for a while that I could finally have it all.  I'm sick of separating my life into compartments to keep everything safe.  I want to love you.  I need you."  A sob escaped Brian's body as Justin took him into his arms.


"Why can't that be true?" Frank asked after a minute or two.


"Love is such a fucked up concept for me.  My parents never loved me, never even wanted me to be born.  That got me off to a good start."  Brian made a sour face.  "Debbie and Vic loved me without ever saying the words, but I know they do.  Michael loves me unconditionally, but we can't have sex.  That has to stay separate.  Lindsay loves me.  We tried the sex thing, but we realized it would be a disaster.  I would have lost her too, if we had continued that.  Eamonn said all the right words and I loved him so much.  Look where that led.  Love isn't for me."

"Didn't you leave somebody out of that list?" Frank asked.


"Justin still has a chance to escape before something bad happens to him."

"I don't want to escape.  I'm not afraid and we'll face anything bad that happens … together."


"How can you be sure?" Brian asked softly.  He wanted Justin to be right so badly, but he was afraid.


"I just know," Justin whispered to him.


"Brian," Frank broke in, "there are no guarantees in life.  You have as much right to be happy and loved as the next guy.  Because you have had bad experiences in the past doesn't mean that it will always be that way.  If Justin is willing to take that leap of faith, can't you?"


"I don't know.  I just don't know."

"I do," Justin said.  "Let me be the strong one for awhile.  I'll help you."


Brian's arms went around Justin and crushed him to his chest.  Neither heard Frank get up and leave.  They just held on drawing strength from each other and giving comfort in return.


They stayed that way for a long time.  Finally Justin drew back.  "Are you okay?" he asked Brian.


"I don't know.  I don't know anything anymore."

"Do you know that you love me?"

"Always," Brian said and then gasped at his choice of words, one of Eamonn's ill-fated words.


"It's all right to say that.  I'll love you forever too."

"How can you say that with any surety?"

"Because I believe it.  It's a leap of faith – in you, in me, in us."

"I'm sorry I ran away.  I just didn't know what else to do.  I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me, as long as you love me."


Brian kissed him longingly, deeply, hungrily.  "I missed you last night.  Even as drunk and stupid as I was, I missed you." 


"I missed you too," Justin stated.  "Let's go to bed and make up for lost time."


They stood and kissed once again before beginning to remove clothes and head for the bedroom.  They stood beside the bed naked and vulnerable like never before.  Justin made the first move, taking Brian into his arms and kissing him with such passion that they were instantly aroused.  He gently pushed Brian onto the bed and spread his body atop the older man.  He continued the kiss delving with his tongue and demanding Brian open up to him in every way.


Justin could feel Brian's cock hard between them.  It matched his own.  Brian groaned as Justin rubbed his hips against him.


"I need you so much," Brian whispered.


"You've got me," Justin smiled at him.


The boy slid down Brian's body kissing and licking all the way.  He took Brian's throbbing cock into his mouth and sucked slowly relishing the taste of his man.  Brian moaned his satisfaction.  Justin pushed Brian's legs up and apart.  He moved down to Brian's balls licking and sucking, rolling them around.  He licked farther down to Brian's pucker where he lapped across the pink hole wetting it and preparing it for entry.  When his tongue breached the muscles, Brian's back arched and he keened Justin's name.  The boy stiffened his tongue and pushed in again and again opening Brian to what he would do next.


His own cock twitched and ached.  He wanted this man so much.  He wanted to prove his love to him.  He wanted Brian to know that he would never leave him like Eamonn had.  He wanted to prove that they were meant to be together, that nothing could be more right in this or any other universe.


He slipped on a condom and lubed it.  His smile looked so radiant to Brian as he pushed into that tight opening.  Brian gasped at the intrusion, but managed to keep his eyes open to enjoy the look of bliss on Justin's face.  Justin thrust once more and was all the way in.  Brian grabbed his lover and held him against his chest. 


"I love you more than anything," Brian whispered against Justin's neck.

"I feel the same," Justin gasped wanting to pump, but knowing that he needed to follow Brian's lead.  Instead he kissed Brian, using his lips, his tongue, his whole body.


Justin drew back and pressed in again rotating his hips and thrusting hard at the end of the stroke.  He felt Brian gasp.


"Good?" he asked.


"Fabulous," Brian breathed.


Justin pumped again and drew another gasp from his lover.  He knew he was hitting the sweet spot and continued his thrusts.  Gradually the pace increased and grew wilder.  They slammed against each other plummeting towards orgasms that each could feel would be beyond intense.  Justin took hold of Brian's cock and his hand strokes matched his own cock strokes.  When their orgasms blasted through them they crashed against each other, crying out and feeling the Earth stop on its axis.  There was only them, their pleasure, their oblivion.


Minutes later Justin realized he was still inside Brian.  He could feel the man holding him tightly.  "Are you all right?" Justin whispered.


"I'm not sure I've ever been better."

Justin raised his head to look into the hazel eyes he loved.  "Are you sure?" Justin asked again, meaning much more that just the sexual aspect of how Brian was.


He could see that Brian understood the import of his question.


"I'm … good," Brian said softly.


Those were the sweetest words Justin had ever heard.

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