Chapter 9

"Thanks for bringing Gus over," Justin said, as he met Mel and Lindsay at the door of the loft.

"No problem," Lindsay replied.

"We're going to go to brunch," Mel informed him. "It will be nice to have some time together just the two of us. We haven't had much of that since Gus was born."

"That's a great idea," Justin agreed. "We're happy to look after Gus."

"Speak for yourself," Brian said as he came down the ramp from the bathroom. "Where's my son?"

"You mean our son," Melanie corrected.

Brian ignored her and took Gus from Lindsay's arms. "Hey, Sonny Boy," Brian said looking into his son's face. Gus gurgled and kicked his feet.

"He's happy to see you," Justin said with a smile.

"Everything you should need is in his bag," Lindsay said. "There's a couple of bottles that you can warm up if he wants them, and some juice and a bottle of water."

"How long are you planning to leave him here?" Brian asked tongue in cheek.

"We'll be back before dinner time," Melanie stated.

"You could stay out for dinner too," Justin suggested. "Right, Brian?"

Brian shrugged. He was too busy tickling Gus' tummy.

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Lindsay asked with a frown.

"We can handle it," Justin said confidently.

"We'll think about having dinner out," Melanie said as they made their way to the door. Justin had all of Gus' bags.

"Do that," Justin replied. He wanted Brian to have as much time with his son as possible.

"Bye, Brian," Lindsay called. He didn't answer.

"Bye," Justin said closing the loft door behind them. "So how's Gus?' he asked setting Gus' bags down by the counter and moving over to where Brian held Gus.

"Just dandy, aren't ya, Sonny Boy?" Brian said.

Justin smiled. "Do you think he's hungry or wet or needs anything?"

"I think he'll tell us when he does," Brian replied. "For the moment, he seems fine."

"He looks so cute there in your arms," Justin observed.

"I don't do cute."

"Sure you do. You're as cute as a bug in a rug right now, holding your son and playing goo-goo with him."

"A bug in a rug? That's supposed to be fucking cute?" Brian demanded.

"You know what I mean," Justin said punching Brian in the bicep.

"Ow, you're going to make me drop him."

"You're a bigger baby than your son," Justin laughed.

"Much bigger," Brian agreed waggling his eyebrows at Justin. "I'll prove it to you later."

Justin felt himself blush. He could hardly wait. "What should we do with him?"

"I … I'd kinda like to … to just hold him for a while," Brian haltingly explained.

Justin beamed his approval of that statement. "You go right ahead. I'm going to sketch for a bit."

"Okay," Brian said absently, his eyes firmly on Gus' little face.

"Here's Gus' pacifier," Justin said, fishing it out of Gus' bag.

"Thanks," Brian said taking it and putting it in the pocket of his shirt, "but my Sonny Boy doesn't need it."

Justin shook his head. This was exactly what he had been hoping for when the girls agreed to bring Gus to the loft. Brian needed some quality time with his son. And today he would get it. Justin flipped open his sketchbook and started drawing the happy father and son before him.

 

*****
 

Justin was almost finished his sketch. He felt he had really captured the look of awe and adoration on Brian's face as he held his son. Gus had dozed off content in Brian's arms, and Brian had been equally content just to hold the precious little bundle.

Suddenly Gus started crying. Justin set down his sketchbook and looked over at Brian who was trying to get Gus to take the pacifier.

"He doesn't seem to want it," Brian said with a frown.

"Is he wet?"

"Doesn't feel like it." Brian lifted the baby closer to stick his finger inside the diaper. "Fuck! He stinks."

"Then I guess you know why he's crying," Justin laughed.

"Here! You change him," Brian said thrusting Gus in Justin's direction.

Justin shook his head. "He's your son. Don't you want to experience everything where he is concerned?"

"I don't do shit."

"A good dad does."

"That's a fucking low blow."

"If the diaper fits, wear it," Justin laughed.

Brian grimaced. "You are exceedingly mean."

"Yup, JET., that's my initials, Justin Exceedingly Mean Taylor."

"That would be JEMT, you twat."

Justin merely shrugged and grinned.

"Bring me the damn diaper bag," Brian said with a grimace. He held Gus in the air so that none of the stinky stuff in his diaper could possibly get onto his clothes.

"Since you asked so nicely," Justin said bringing the bag to Brian's wheelchair and dropping it at his feet.

As he turned away, Brian said, "Justin." It was almost pleading.

Justin turned back. "What's wrong?" he said with a frown.

"How am I going to do this? I can't hold him in my lap. He might roll off."

Justin read the total frustration and confusion on Brian's face. His heart went out to him, and he regretted having been so flip about Brian changing the baby. "Um … how be I lay his diaper pad out on the dining room table and you can change him there."

Brian nodded and wheeled himself and Gus over to the table where he waited for Justin to get the pad out of Gus' bags. Justin realized that Brian had quite a bit of trouble holding onto Gus with one hand and maneuvering his chair with the other. He should have realized that Brian needed his hands to make his chair move, but he also needed at least one hand to hold onto Gus. Justin had forgotten once again that Brian was even in a wheelchair. He hoped he wasn't demanding too much of Brian. He tended to ignore any limitations that Brian might have. Sometimes that wasn't a good thing. They'd have to work something out so Brian could carry Gus in his wheelchair or Brian would be so frustrated or so worried that he would stop looking after Gus.

Justin decided to be helpful since Brian wasn't exactly having an easy time changing Gus. He reached in Gus' bag and drew out the wipes and a fresh diaper for Brian. Brian opened the dirty diaper and they both recoiled at the smell.

"What the fuck are they feeding him?" Brian asked trying not to breathe.

"Something gross by the smell of it," Justin suggested.

"Christ, how can such a tiny bottom produce so much foul smelling shit?"

"I don't know, but here take the wipe and give me the dirty diaper."

"What are you going to do with it?" Brian demanded as he folded the diaper carefully and handed it to Justin.

"I don't know," Justin said looking around the loft for a place to dispose of the shitty diaper.

"Don't put it in the garbage in the kitchen or it'll contaminate the whole loft."

"Um … I could stick it in a plastic bag and put it down the garbage chute."

"Good thinking. Hurry up; the smell is spreading."

Justin quickly crammed the dirty diaper in a grocery bag and headed for the chute. Brian continued to wipe Gus' bum thinking that he should have probably sent the used wipes with Justin as well. After a minute or two the smell started to fade a bit.

"We're going to have to do something about your diet, Sonny Boy. Those lesbian mommies of yours are feeding you some kind of awful crap that makes you produce the fucking worst smelling shit as a result. I'll have to take you to the diner for some man food."

Justin giggled. He had come in on the end of Brian's conversation with Gus. "And just what do you think you can find at the diner for Gus to eat."

"Burger and fries."

Justin laughed. "He's a bit young for that, don’t ya think?"

"My Sonny Boy can do anything, can't ya, Gus," Brian said lifting up his newly diapered son. "This little man is one of a kind."

"That he is," Justin agreed, his voice getting soft and husky as he watched Brian and his son. "I'll clean this up," he offered. "Take Gus over to the sofa. We can watch something together on TV."

Brian smiled at his boyfriend. "Thanks."

Justin knew thanks didn't come easily for Brian. He smiled his approval as he gathered up the used wipes and reorganized the items on the dining room table. He was sure they'd need them at least once more before the lesbians came back.

 

*****
 

When the lesbians arrived after dinner they found Brian and Gus sleeping on the sofa. Brian had hardly been separated from the baby all day. With the exception of a couple of bathroom breaks and putting Gus down to eat, Brian had nursed the baby practically all day. It was like Brian couldn't get enough of his son. Justin was so glad he had pushed Brian into asking the girls to bring the baby to the loft for the day instead of he and Brian going over to Muncherville as Brian called it.

Gus was lying on Brian's chest but against the back of the sofa where he would be safe. He slept contentedly on his father's chest oblivious to anything else around him. Brian roused when he heard Justin talking to the girls.

"You here already?" he asked sleepily.

"I see he wore you out," Melanie laughed.

"Nothing of the kind. He was a perfect angel," Brian protested.

"Yeah, right!" Melanie scoffed.

"Come to mommy, Gus," Lindsay said gently, as she scooped her son off Brian's chest. "Did you have fun with Daddy?" she asked the baby.

Melanie made a face. "He's our son," she said firmly.

"And I'm his father," Brian retorted in just the same manner.

"Don't start a fight, you two," Lindsay begged with a sigh.

"Did you have a nice day together?" Justin asked hoping to deflect the ill humor between Brian and Melanie.

"It was all right," Melanie said grudgingly.

"It was great," Lindsay stated. "We really enjoyed some time without Gus, but now we need to get him home. Want to kiss your son goodnight?" she asked Brian.

Brian smiled as Lindsay handed Gus back to him. He kissed the sleeping baby and whispered to Gus, "I'll always look out for you, Sonny Boy. Never fear."

"Let's get going," Melanie said abruptly as Justin handed her Gus' bags. "Is everything in here?"

"Did you pack the shitty diapers?" Brian asked with a smirk.

"Fuck you, asshole!"

"No thanks." Brian watched Melanie sniff the bag, trying to decide if Brian was kidding or not. What the fuck did she think he was?

"Let's go," Lindsay said quickly before Brian and Melanie could really get into it.

When the girls and Gus were gone, Justin sat down beside Brian on the sofa. Brian was staring out the window, although all he could possibly see was the sky. It was almost dusk, and there was a bit of color visible through the curtains. However, Justin was sure it wasn't all that fascinating.

"Hey" he said leaning his shoulder against Brian's. "Penny for your thoughts." Brian shook his head. "You're not regretting having Gus here today, are you? Don't let Melanie get to you." Brian continued to stare straight ahead. "Brian, please talk to me." Justin was getting concerned by the prolonged silence. Melancholy seemed to radiate off Brian's body.

"He's a good baby," Brian finally said, not much above a whisper.

"He's a great baby."

"I … I couldn't have looked after him … without you," Brian admitted.

"You didn't have to look after him without me. I was here."

"But what if you weren't? I can't do that all by myself."

"Sure you can."

"No, no, I can't. I know my limitations. I couldn't have done it." Brian hung his head in what seemed like defeat.

"Brian, you could have. This was only a first go at it."

"First and last."

"It doesn't have to be. The biggest problem you had was getting around the loft with Gus on your lap. We need to get you one of those baby carriers. You know, the things that go over your shoulders and strap Gus to your chest."

"Yeah, right," Brian said derisively.

"Listen, Melanie has one she wears to carry Gus around when they're out shopping. I saw them last week on Liberty Avenue when I went out for some groceries."

"You didn't tell me you saw Gus."

"I saw all three of them and Melanie had Gus strapped to her chest."

Brian looked thoughtful. "They'll never let me look after him anyway," Brian said dejectedly. "Especially if you're not here."

"Sure they will. Everything went great today."

"Yeah, it did. Better than I thought."

"You know, if we get a house, maybe we could make a room for Gus and have him come stay with us from time to time."

"You are such an optimist. Melanie will never let that happen."

"She might if you work on Lindsay. Everything went well today and they seemed to enjoy a break from having the baby all the time."

"Do you really think…?" Brian let his voice drift off.

"I think," Justin said definitively. "You have every right to get to know your son, and Gus will be glad he has a dad."

"I never wanted to be a father," Brian admitted.

"Why not? A lot of gay men never get the chance."

"Because I had such a shitty father of my own. I didn't want to pass that wonderful heritage on to a child," Brian said sarcastically.

"If today was any example, you're going to be a great father."

"Come here," Brian said huskily.

Justin slid onto Brian's lap and received a toe curling kiss for his comments.

"I think we deserve some alone time of our own," Brian whispered, as he propelled them up the ramp to the bedroom.

*****

Some time later they were lying side by side in bed.

"You okay?" Justin asked.

Brian made some non-descript sound that was hard to interpret.

"Was that a yes or a no or a maybe or…"

"I don't know what I feel at the moment."

"Thanks, I thought the sex was pretty great," Justin said elbowing Brian in the ribs.

"The sex was great. It always is."

"But…?

Brian sighed deeply. "Things were so much simpler before…"

"Before I came along?" Justin asked and held his breath.

"Yeah."

"Thanks a heap. Time for me to go."

"Don't go," Brian gasped grabbing Justin's arm.

"Why not? That sure sounded like you'd be better off without me," Justin said feeling a tear run down his cheek. He swiped it away quickly. Brian never realized how much his words hurt. Justin felt like he had been cut to the core.

"I said my life was simpler. I didn't say it was better."

Justin let himself be pulled back onto Brian's chest. "You mean it's better now?"

"Of course it is. I … love you. We're making a life together."

"Yeah, we are. We should really put in an offer on that house," Justin said cheerfully.

"God, are you PMSing. I can't keep up with the mood swings."

Justin laughed and punched Brian's arm. "I don't do PMS, asshole."

"Okay, stop punching me. You're much too butch for PMS."

"Good! I'm glad you realize that."

"I feel so … unsettled."

"Unsettled?"

"My life had structure and worked perfectly well."

"You were in a rut," Justin stated. "A huge, boring rut."

"Maybe," Brian admitted slowly. "But I liked my rut."

"Don't you like going to the office and seeing your son and getting out in the world?"

"Most of the time I do."

"And the rest of the time?"

"I'm scared shitless," Brian whispered.

Justin sat up and looked into Brian's eyes. "You don't have to go to the office if you don’t want to, and we don't have to get a house. We can stay here. I didn't mean to push you into things you don't want to do."

"You haven't," Brian said pulling Justin back down onto his chest. "I want you here and I want to go to the office and I want to have friends, and I even want that fucking house … because you want it."

"You don't have to…"

"Shut up! We're getting the house."

"We are?" Justin asked with a brilliant smile on his face. He looked up at Brian. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent … even with Dougie living next door."

Justin laughed before he kissed Brian senseless.

 

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