Bewitched and Bewildered

= 4 =

Brian pushed open the door to the diner. He was meeting Michael and Emmett for breakfast before they went to the gym. It was Saturday morning and almost a week since he had last seen Justin. He hoped the blond wasn't working today.

He had studiously avoided Babylon all week. He had been to Woody's only once and that was when he was sure that Justin wasn't in there. He had decided that if Justin was finished with him, then he was finished with Justin. He could live without him … maybe. He had to admit that he hadn't enjoyed the time since Justin left the loft that night. He had found a trick a few times but he had to also admit that he didn't enjoy it much. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He kept thinking about Justin and what it was like with him. Nothing was very satisfying anymore. Now he had to smile and get through this fucking breakfast.

"Brian, over here," he heard a voice call.

He looked up realizing that he had been standing just inside the door lost in thought. Michael was calling and waving him over to their table. He forced his feet to move.

Michael reached up and gave him a peck. "What were you doing over there?" Michael asked. "You looked like you were solving the world's problems."

"Um … thinking about an ad campaign that I'm working on. I need a good idea," Brian lied.

"Well, forget about business for the next couple of hours," Michael told him. "We need to catch up. So what have you been doing all week?"

"Nothing much," Brian stated. He glanced at Emmett who gave him a knowing look.

Michael noticed the tacit exchange. "What? Am I missing something here?"

Brian shook his head. "Have you ordered yet?"

"Where's that pesky waiter of ours?" Emmett asked looking around. Just then Justin came out from the back carrying an empty tub that was used for dirty dishes. Brian's back was to him. "There he is," Emmett said with an evil grin. "Justin, we're ready to order."

Brian felt the color drain from his face. He quickly shifted in his seat straightening his back and girding his loins, so to speak, as he prepared to face Justin and his defiant attitude.

"Yeah?" Justin said hauling out his order pad and a pencil.

Emmett watched Brian's body language and knew he was right. The man was fighting to maintain his blasé façade, but he was dreading facing his former lover. "I'll have the blueberry pancakes with a side of bacon," Emmett said with a smile.

"Sure," Justin said. "You?" he asked looking at Michael and studiously avoiding looking at Brian.

While Michael ordered his usual platter of fats and carbs, Brian's eyes flickered up to Justin's face. He knew Emmett was watching him but he couldn't stop himself. Brian almost gasped aloud. Justin looked like shit. There were dark rings under his eyes and he looked like he hadn't slept for a week. He seemed to sway slightly like he was fighting to stay upright.

"Next," Justin said finally looking at Brian.

"Coffee," Brian managed to get out.

"That all?"

"Yeah … and a word of advice. You look like shit. Maybe you should cut back on the partying for a day or two." Brian felt Emmett's eyes soften as they studied him. He knew the man approved of his cautionary note to the blond.

"Piss off, Brian. The days of me listening to you are long gone."

Justin walked away putting the order in at the window.

"What the fuck's the matter with him?" Michael asked. "He does look a little the worse for wear. Have you been keeping him up all night fucking?" Michael asked with a smirk.

"Fuck off, Michael," Brian said standing up and grabbing his coat.

"Brian?" Michael whined.

Brian threw some money on the table. "I'm not going to the gym," he said and marched out of the diner.

"What the fuck's going on?" Michael asked Emmett.

Justin arrived with coffee as Brian slammed out of the diner. "He doesn't like being around me since I dumped him," Justin said defiantly.

"You dumped him?" Michael asked in disbelief. "Again?"

Justin wanted to pour the pot of coffee over Michael's brainless head, but instead he filled the cups and walked away.

"Why doesn't anybody tell me anything? When did this happen?" Michael asked.

"A little over two weeks."

"How come I didn't know?"

Emmett shrugged. "It's common knowledge around Babylon. Justin's been spending a lot of time in the backroom lately."

"But not with Brian?"

"Sometimes they're both in there, but mostly Justin. In fact I don't think Brian's been there all week. He…"

"What?" Michael asked when Emmett hesitated.

"I don't think Brian likes to see Justin practicing all the pain management techniques that he so thoughtfully taught him."

"Shit!" Michael said. "I can't believe he's done this to Brian again."

"Brian will survive. He always does," Emmett observed. "Justin … I don't know. He is looking a little … wasted."

"Fuck him! I'm worried about Brian."

"Of course you are, sweetie." Emmett watched Justin yawn and pick up some orders at the window. He wondered how long the young man could continue what he was doing.

=========================================================================================================

Brian clicked on the porn site. He was looking for someone who could distract him from thoughts of Justin. Where was Mr. Goodfuck when you needed him?

The door buzzer sounded. Brian sighed and ignored it. He had found someone claiming to have a ten inch cock and no inhibitions. Brian was interested.

The buzzer went off again with someone obviously really wanting in. "Michael," Brian thought. "Shit!" That was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. The buzzer stopped again. Maybe he would just go away.

Momentarily the buzzer started up again and it seemed like whoever was down there was leaning on it with no intention of stopping. Brian got up from the computer and headed to the intercom.

"What?" he demanded in his most nasty voice.

"Brian?" a female voice said. It wasn't Lindsay or Debbie, thank God.

"Who is this?" Brian asked.

"It's Daphne. I need to talk to you."

"Fuck!" Brian said into the intercom. He didn't care. He didn't want to talk to anybody and that included her.

"Brian, please," she pleaded.

He sighed debating just walking away and leaving her standing down there. Finally he pushed the button allowing her entry. He slid the loft door back a bit so she could get in when she arrived on his doorstep. He went back to the computer. He was tempted to get in touch with "Ten Your Way" as the guy called himself, but he clicked off the site as he heard the elevator come up and stop.

The loft door slid back some more. Daphne stuck her head in and said, "Brian?"

"Come in," he said formally.

"Thanks for letting me in," she said.

"Do you want a drink? I have some water or soda left over from…" He stopped there and they both knew whose soda it had been.

"I'll have a Coke if you have one," she said unbuttoning her coat. She tossed it on one of the barstools.

Brian got her a can of Coke and a glass. He carried them over to the living room and signaled for her to sit down on the sofa. He took the armchair.

"So what do you want to talk to me about?" Brian asked, like he didn't know already.

"Justin."

"Yeah, I figured. What about him?"

"He's gone crazy," she said not knowing how else to explain her roommate's bizarre behavior.

"Crazy is a strong word," Brian said carefully. "What do you mean?" He wanted her take on what was going on with Justin.

Daphne sighed. She knew Justin would kill her if he knew she was there, but something had to be done. "He's at Babylon every night. He comes home at all hours, usually drunk. God only knows what he does at Babylon."

Brian knew only too well what he was doing at Babylon. "And the problem is?"

"Don't be a smartass, Brian. You know as well as I do that this isn't Justin. For fuck sake, it's you!"

Brian felt her words like a slap in the face. It was true. Justin was behaving just like him. "And what do you expect me to do about it?" Brian asked frowning. Truthfully he didn't know what he could do.

"I don't know. But something has to be done. He looks like shit. He can hardly drag himself out of bed in the mornings. He's been missing classes and I know he has a ton of assignments that need to be done."

"Shouldn't you be talking to his mother?"

"HRA," Daphne mumbled shaking her head at the folly of having come here.

"What?" Brian asked. He had heard what she said. He wanted to know what it meant.

"Nothing," she mumbled.

"You said 'HRA'. What does that mean?"

Daphne felt herself blushing. "It's not important," she said hoping Brian would drop it.

"Tell me or this conversation is over."

"Okaaaay," she said. "You're not going to like it. When Justin came home that day after making you dinner and being sent away in favor of your latest trick, he told me about how insensitive you were and I called you 'His Royal Assholeness' and we sort of shortened it from there." Brian chuckled. "You're laughing," Daphne said in disbelief.

"Well, it is kind of funny … and I sort of like being relegated to the ranks of the infamous royals."

"Only you," Daphne said shaking her head.

"So what did you tell Justin to do when he told you his little tale of woe?"

"I told him to … dump you."

"You what?" Brian could barely believe his ears. Daphne was always one of his staunch supporters. "Why?"

"Because you were treating him like shit and you had no intention of changing. I like you, Brian … most of the time, but I'm not going to support your fucking around on my best friend."

"But he knew going in…"

"I know, I know, he said it was all right. But Brian, you had to know it wasn't really all right with him. You know him better than that."

"Then why make the bargain?"

"Jesus, sometimes men are so fucking stupid! He made the bargain because he loves you and he was miserable being away from you. He would have agreed to anything to have another chance."

Brian stared at her assessing the truth of her words. He knew Justin loved him. He always knew that, even though they drove each other insane sometimes. "But he said he knew … his place," Brian said lamely.

"He did. He told me how he would have to get up from your bed and leave so that the eleven o'clock trick could take his place. He put up with that for a long time … for you. But how do you think that made him feel?"

"Not so good, I guess," Brian admitted frowning as the light finally dawned about just how shitty he had been, how he had rubbed Justin's face in it. He always knew that Justin hated his tricking and he had been so blatant about doing it since their reconciliation.

"How much did you expect him to take? I would have kicked your ass six ways to Sunday if you had tried to pull that shit with me. I told him not to take it anymore."

"And look what happened."

"I admit this isn't quite the outcome I wanted. I expected…" Daphne drew in a deep breath and forged ahead. "I expected you to act like a man and make it right. I thought you loved him at least half as much as he loves you."

"I do … care for him," Brian said with a hint of tears appearing in his eyes. He blinked them back noting that his pause had caused an interested look from Daphne. Maybe he had revealed more than he intended.

"So what are you going to do about this?" Daphne demanded.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" she shrieked at him. He blinked and looked away. "What do you fucking mean by nothing?"

"I don't know what I can do. He won't talk to me. He tells me to piss off every time I get near him. He's through with me," Brian admitted sadly.

"Are you through with him?"

"I don't have a choice."

"You most certainly do," Daphne stated.

"I do?"

"Don't you think if you finally grew some balls and told him how you really feel about him that he would come racing back to you?"

"Let's leave my balls out of this. I … I don't know if I can say those things to him."

"Then there's no point in talking about this anymore," Daphne said standing up and starting over to the counter to get her coat.

"Wait. You really think he would come back if I asked him?"

"If you promise to try to have some kind of relationship, if you told him that you loved him." She stopped, seeing the look of panic on Brian's face. "Hell, if you cared enough to send a fucking Hallmark card, you'd have him in a heartbeat. Don't you get it? He loves you. It's not the assholes at Babylon that he wants, it's HRA."

"I really am an asshole, aren't I?" Brian asked plaintively.

"You don't really want me to answer that, do you?"

Brian shook his head. "But how can I make him listen to me? He won't talk to me."

"For Christ sakes, Brian, you're the advertising executive. How do you make people pay attention and listen every day?"

"Oh," Brian said.

She could see the wheels turning in his head. That was a good sign. She picked up her coat and started to put it on. Brian remained silent thinking.

"Brian," she said. He looked into her eyes. "I'm really worried about him. Please help him. Do what you know is right for both of you … please."

Suddenly Brian had her in a hug. She closed her eyes and hugged back. She so hoped she had done the right thing.

"You're a good friend to him, Daphne. He's lucky."

"I hope so. Don't make me regret coming here today."

"I'll try," he promised, and he really meant that.

Brian slid the loft door closed after he watched Daphne disappear down the elevator shaft. He had a lot to think about.

Daphne was a good friend to Justin. She was worried about him. Brian had been worried too, although he had steadfastly refused to admit that. It seemed like there were a lot of things that he was being forced to admit, things that he'd rather not face. But maybe it was time.

He thought about going into Babylon the other night and feeling old. He hated that feeling. He wasn't old … not yet, but he might be someday if he lived long enough. He had never really thought about living to be old. He just assumed that he would go out in a blaze of glory like James Dean or Jimi Hendrix. Then he would always be young and beautiful in the memory of others.

The only trouble with that idea was that he wasn't sure that anybody cared enough about him to remember, anybody other than Justin. Gus might, but he saw so little of his son. He needed to rectify that. But first he needed to deal with the Justin situation.

For all Justin's bravado Brian had trouble believing that he was having as much fun as he was letting on. He was going through the motions and he seemed to enjoy all the attention, but it could get old fast. He certainly knew about that. He knew how hard he had to look to find someone new and interesting. He had almost given up on interesting since Justin. Justin was by far the most interesting trick he had ever had. And that was because Justin wasn't a trick. It may have started out that way, but from the moment he had let the kid stay, go to the hospital with him and name his son, Justin had ceased to be a trick. Maybe it was time to stop treating him like one.

Brian slumped down on the couch. He needed to get some things straight in his head and in his heart before he went to confront the stubborn little blond.

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