Scattered Ashes

Part nine

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Justin sat in his mom's kitchen sipping a double Beam trying to calm his nerves. This was his wedding day and all he could think of was Brian. He was sitting with his head down on the table when his mom came in and kissed him on the top of the head.



"Morning, honey. Today's the big day."



"Yeah, it is." Justin could hear the sadness in his voice and wondered if his mom could too. Showing no signs of it she was about go back out of the room when he spoke again. "Mom, am I doing the right thing?"



"Justin, honey, only you can answer that. Do you love Noah?"



"Yeah, I love him."



"But?" Jennifer already knew the answer to that question and continued on, not giving her son a chance to answer. "He came to see me the other day. He wanted me to list the loft for him, said that he had no reason to keep it now. Did you know that he wasn't living there?"



"No. Why are you telling me this Mom?"



"Because I want you to know that he's accepted the fact that you love Noah and that you have a life with him. He's letting you go, honey. It's time for you to let him go."



"What if I can't?"



"Honey, you're marrying another man today, a man you say you love. I know that you're scared and it's alright to be, but you have to let go of the past now."



"What if it's more than being scared? What if I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life marrying Noah? God, Mom, I can't help but wish that it were Brian that I was marrying instead."



"Sweetheart, what you and Brian had was special and no one expects you to forget it but it's in the past. You and Brian haven't been a couple in a long time. What makes you think that he would even want you back in his life now?"



"I don't know, Mom. I just don't know how I'm supposed to stand up before God and pledge my love and committment to somone when I know in my soul that he isn't the man I always dreamt I would be giving it to."



"Oh, honey, I wish I had the right words to tell you that would help you but I don't. You just have to do what's right for you."



"Even if that means not marrying Noah?"



"Even if it means not marrying Noah."



"
Thanks Mom," Justin kissed her cheek and ran upstairs to dress.

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An hour later at the church Justin sought out Noah. Knocking softly on the door he let himself in and smiled at how handsome his lover looked standing there.



"Hey, baby, don't you know it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?"



"We need to talk, Noah."



"Yeah, I kinda figured we did when this was deliverd this morning." He handed a black velvet box to Justin and watched his face light up when he saw the pendant that hung from a silver chain. "He still loves you, Justin. And I always knew that you never stopped loving him. I guess I just hoped that you loved me more. I prayed that he would let you go. When I opened that box this morning I thought about how hard it must be for him to do just that and I knew what had to be done."



"What are you saying?"



"I'm saying that I'm letting you go. Go back to him, go back to Brian. He's the one you love. I've always known that. I'm okay with it."



"I do love you, Noah."



"I know that you do. I also know that I can never be Brian for you. I can never make your eyes sparkle like they do when you think about him, or make you smile the way he does."



"Thank you."



"Well we should get out there and tell everyone that there will be no wedding today. Then you can go get back the love of your life."



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Justin and Noah walked down the aisle of the church hand in hand. All eyes were on the two of them as they made their way down front. Once the music stopped they turned and faced their friends and family. Justin spoke first.



"Thank you all for coming here today. I know that you're expecting a wedding but Noah and I have decided that we aren't getting married today."



As the whispers started amongst the group, Justin looked up to find Brian standing at the back of the church. All eyes were on the blond as he slowly gravitated toward the older man. Stopping just short of him Justin looked up into his eyes and asked between tears something he had been wondering about all morning.



"Did you mean it? When you said you that you still love me, did you mean it?"



"With all my heart."



"
Why? Why are you here?"



"I couldn't let you go without a fight. I couldn't lose you forever without at least telling you in person that I love you."



"Did you think it would make a difference?"



"I hoped, but even if it didn't I at least got to tell you one last time."



"Well go ahead."



"Now? Here?"



"Say what you came to say, Brian."



"I love you Justin. I never stopped. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy and if Noah makes you happy then I wish you both the best."



Brian wiped the tears from his eyes and left the building. Justin stood crying, not sure why Brian had left. Noah came down to stand behind him and whispered, "Go after him."



Justin ran out into the sunlight and called out for Brian. When the other man turned to face him he walked slowly towards him.



"Don't you want to hear what I have to say?"



"Not really."



"Too bad, you're going to. I love you too. Everyday of my life I've loved you."



"What are you saying, Justin?" Brian tried his best to control his emotions, not sure that he should be feeling the hope that overwhelmed him.



"I'm saying I love you, Brian. I love you. I'm not marrying Noah."



"Why?"



"Fuck, would you just listen to me for a change? I love *YOU*. Its you I want to marry. It's you I want to spend forever with. "



Brian silenced him with a kiss. When they broke apart Brian pulled back and looked at Justin. "Are you serious?" he asked breathlessly.



"Always'."



"
Then what are we waiting for?" Brian took Justin's hand and led him back into the church and down the aisle. Justin smiled up at his partner and stood before God and his family and pledge his love and committment to the man of his dreams.

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