Melanie watched Brian playing with Gus on the floor of the living room and looked over to her wife only to find her with tears in her eyes. Taking Lindsay's hand she pulled her into the kitchen before taking her in her arms and soothing her.

"He's going to be okay, Lindz."

"Not without Justin he won't."

"He's the one who left this time. He can't have expected Justin to wait around forever for him to come to his senses."

"I still don't know why he left, Mel. He loves Justin so much, it just doesn't make any sense."

"He left because he could and because he was protecting himself. Brian is all about protecting Brian. He left before Justin had the chance to again."

"I don't believe that. They were so happy, so much in love."

"Sometimes love can't fix everything, honey. Those two had a lot of problems that didn't go away after Justin came back. Brian still has trouble with his feelings and Justin still needs to know that his partner loves him."

"But look at him in there, he's broken. That's not the Brian Kinney I know. That man in there is hurting and the only person who can make him whole again isn't around."

"You can't fix it for him, Lindz. He has to do that on his own."

"And what if he can't?"

"Then he has to deal with that."

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Brian was playing cars with his son trying to find a way to live without Justn when the doorbell rang. Looking around he didn't see Lindsay or Melanie so he went to open it himself. Shock registered on Justin's face to find Brian behind the door.

"Fuck," he muttered turning to leave.

Brian's hand snaked out and caught his arm, "Don't go, Justin."

"Brian, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to just stand here and let you tell me how sorry you are 'cause frankly I don't care anymore."

Brian looked back on Gus and shut the door behind him. He shivered against the cold morning and unconsiously rubbed his arms for warmth.

"I just wanted a chance to talk to you,that's all. Is that too much to ask after everything we've been through?"

"Yes, it is."

"I'm sorry, Justin," he said to his ex-lover's retreating back.

Justin whirled around, tears in his eyes, "Sorry just doesn't cut it, Brian. Sorry is bullshit."

"My own words coming back to haunt me."

"Well you were right. You can't fix this and you can't change it. It's over. We're over."

"I love you."

"Too little, too late. God, don't you see what your leaving did to me? It nearly killed me but I survived. I fought everyday for just a little bit of happiness without you. I never thought I'd smile again, or laugh again or ever be happy again. But I am. I wake up everyday looking forward to just being alive. You're leaving, as hard as it was, probably was the best thing that ever happened. I saw that I could be okay without you in my life. I saw that I was just as strong without you as I ever was with you."

"Do you still love me?"

"I'll never stop loving you, Brian, but I'm not in love with you anymore." Justin hated lying to him but knew that the words would cut deep.

"Do you love Noah?" He hated himself for playing that little bit of information that Michael had provided but he had to know.

"I don't know, but I'd sure like the chance to find out. Just stay out of my life, Brian. If you ever loved me, give me the chance to be happy with him. He's good to me."

"And does he know that you'll always love me?"

"Yes he does and it doesn't bother him. He knows it's over, that I'm over you."

"I won't give up on us."

"There is no *us* anymore. There's Brian and there's Justin but there is no longer a Brian and Justin. You threw that all away, not me."

"I can't just stop loving you."

"You keep talking about loving me, words you could never say when we were together. Maybe you need to figure out why it is that you can say them now, when I'm happy with someone else." Justin  reached out and caressed his face one last time. "Goodbye, Brian. I hope you get what you want."

Once again Brian's words were thrown back in his face and  he stood silently watching the only man he had ever truly love walk out of his life one more time.

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Brian sat in his new apartment staring at the announcement in the paper through tears. Justin was gettting married. It was all there in black and white. The man he had never stopped loving, loved someone else enough to marry him. Noah was giving Justin everything that Brian never could.

It had been a year since that morning on Lindsay's porch. Brian sat back on the couch and let his mind wander over the last year.

Justin had walked away from him that day and never looked back. Brian spent the next few months watching and loving him from afar. He had done as Justin asked and left him alone. His reward was watching as Justin fell in love with Noah. According to their friends, Justin was happy and that was all that mattered.

Brian had retreated back to his old life for the most part. Work consumed him and he had made The Kinney Agency into one of the most successful around. He'd managed to bring most of his loyal clients along and it had been a lucrative move for all involved.

He'd seen Anthony around town and one night found  himself sitting outside of their old condo. He just wanted to see that he was alright. He had come to the conclusion that he did love Anthony but he just couldn't forget about Justin, so he moved on. He never regretted one moment spent with Anthony. They had been happy at first until Brian gave into his feelings.

He'd gone to Babylon a couple of times but it just wasn't the same without Justin by his side. He found himself watching for the blond and when he didn't show Brian left. He resumed his breakfasts with the gang and they all went about life as if Brian and Justin had never existed.

Michael and Ben had spent the last year getting Hunter through high school and were now shopping for colleges with the young man. They'd become a regular little family and Brian was happy for them. Hunter was a good kid with a heart of gold and he was lucky to have Ben and Michael in his life. For his graduation Brian sent them all on a cruise.

Lindsay and Melanie had been his pillar of strength and he had even begun to see Melanie in a new light. She was great with JR and the little boy was striving. Brian had been there when he took his first step and watched as the carbon copy of his best friend asserted his independence. Life went on.

Emmett tried his best to respect Brian's feelings and not talk about Noah and Justin too much, but at times he just couldn't hold his happiness for his friend in. Brian had learned a lot about the other man in Justin's life from Emmett. He found it hard to hate the man who made Justin so happy.

The phone rang and brought him back to the present. Answering it he smiled hearing Mikey's voice.

"Hey, Brian, are you ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Today's paper," Michael said softly.

"He's happy, that's all that matters."

"Listen, I called to tell you that they're having an engagement party at the diner tonight. Maybe you should avoid downtown."

"I'm happy for him, Michael. And I promise I won't do anything stupid."

"I can skip it if you want, come hang out with you, keep you company."

"No, you go, you're his friend. You should be there to share in his happiness."

"Well I'll have my phone if you need me. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll be just fine."

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Justin and Noah walked into applause and shouts of congratulations. All of their friends and family were there to wish them well on the beginning of their new life together. Justin looked around and felt that somehow this just wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Slipping away from the party he stepped out back and was lost in memories of a different time, a different man. He could see Brian standing out back waiting for him to get off work so that they could go home to bed. Those long nights spent here after hours of dancing at Babylon. That was all over now, he was marrying another man in a  few short weeks. He had to put the ghosts of his life with Brian away for good.

The past year with Noah had been full of laughter and joy. He knew that Noah loved him and he loved him back, but it wasn't the same. Noah didn't take his breath away and he didn't find himself just sitting and thinking about him the way he did when he was with Brian.

They'd taken things slowly, learning how to love one another in time. Noah had always been patient and never tried to make him forget about the love he shared with Brian. He was a good man and Justin loved him.

"But am I in love with him?" he asked himself.

He was still standing there leaning against the wall when Noah called out for him. Turning his back on the past he stepped back inside to open gifts with his lover.

Laughter echoed through the diner as they ate and drank and just enjoyed being together to celebrate a happy occasion. After all the guests were gone and they had opened the last gift, Noah put his arm around his lover and they went home.

Justin's dreams were filled with Brian. He saw the two of them together on the dancefloor, in the backroom and in the loft. Every memory was a happy one. Slipping quietly from the bed he tiptoed out to the living room and flipped on the television. The glow from the screen illuminated an envelope that had been slipped under the door.

Picking it up he fingered his name scrawled across the front. He knew the handwriting and held his breath as he opened the letter. Pulling out the sheets of cream colored stationary he sank back down onto the couch to read the words.

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Justin,

I saw the announcement in the paper . I don't know why I'm writing this, I just know that I have to. I'm glad that you found someone to share your life with. You deserve to be loved.

I want you to know that I won't come between the two of you. I'll stay away forever if it makes you happy. To see you smile is enough for me.

I just wanted you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. It feels like I've lost everything without you in my life but your happiness is more important than how I feel.

I wish you and Noah the best. He is a lucky man, Justin, to have you love him. I know I was once where he is now.

Goodbye, Justin. I hope that Noah gives you everything you ever dreamt of.

Always
Brian

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