Emmett heard Justin come in and was dying to hear how his night of forgetting Brian had gone. Throwing on his robe he padded out to the kitchen, grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's and plopped down on the sofa next to his favorite blond.

"So, tell me everything. How was the action at Babylon tonight?"

Justin looked up with sad eyes and Emmett's heart almost stopped. "The hottest it's ever been, you should've been there."

"Justin, what happened?"

"Brian."

"Oh no, honey, tell me you didn't. Please tell me that you did not use Brian Kinney to fuck his memory away."

"It wasn't like that, Em."

"Justin. Oh, Justin. Honey, you're playing with fire here and fuck, baby, you're gonna get burned again."

"It wasn't like that, Em. It was different."

"Justin, honey, I think you need to see a shrink."

"I don't need a damn shrink. Do you want to hear or not?"

"Of course I do." Emmett took another spoonful of ice cream and handed the carton to his roommate. He watched Justin closely and could almost feel the peace that had settled over the younger man.

"I was standing there watching the boys dance and I could just feel him, you know? I looked up to find him staring at me and I turned away. When I looked back he was gone. I knew exactly where to find him, so I went after him."

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I had to say goodbye. I needed to, fuck, I don't know what I needed or why I did it but I did and I'm glad." He handed the carton of Chubby Hubby back to Emmett and took a deep breath. "He was so, so, Brian. It was like before. He was on the prowl and I was desperate to be the one he chose."

"Oh, Justin."

"I saw him in the backroom and I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him with someone else so I left. I went to the loft." Justin was aware of the questions that Emmett was dying to ask and tried to answer them as he continued. "I just needed to be close to us, to when we were happy. There are so many ghosts there. I walked around just remembering what it was like to be loved by Brian. My God, Em, it's the best feeling in the world, just knowing that he loves you."

Justin took a deep breath and stole the spoon of ice cream away from Emmett trying to calm his emotions before continuing.

"I went over to the bookcase and flipped through pages of his favorite books. I picked up one I had seen him hold a million times. As I read the first few lines of 'Huck Finn' I thought about how he must have used that book as an escape from Jack. That was his childhood. I felt closer to him than I ever have before, Em. Putting the book down I picked up the framed picture of us at the GLC. His smile made me melt. The way he seemed so happy. Where did it all go?"

Emmett put his arms around Justin trying to offer support and comfort at the same time. There were so many things he wanted to say but knew that Justin just needed to go at his own pace.

"I turned on the stereo and put in November Rain. I really listened to the words, you know. I listened to Axl singing about lost love, about how sometimes you just have to say goodbye and be on your own. It really hit home. I mean, here I was all alone in the house I used to share with my lover and I had never felt closer to him. I sat down on the floor, right in the spot where we used to make love if we just couldn't take the time to make it upstairs. I sat there and cried and cried. I cried for him, for me, for us."

Emmett wiped at the tears that were threatening to fall from his own eyes and held Justin's hand.

"Sitting there just listenig to those words gave me hope. I never heard him come in. I didn't even know he was there until the song changed. All the words he could never say were right there being said. When he took my hand, I knew. I knew it was goodbye. I knew it had to be this way. I knew I had to let him go. I had to give him the chance to spread his wings and soar."

"Finally," Emmett said under his breath.

"When he kissed me, it was different somehow. It wasn't us. I think we both just needed one last memory to hold onto before it was too late. We didn't speak, we just clung to one another. We became the music and we just felt the love we had for one another. It was so beautiful, Em. We made love to each other and when it was over it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He kissed me one last time and I left."

"Oh, baby, that was so beautiful."

"It was, Em, it really was. Just to be able to share that with him, to be a part of him was enough to last me a lifetime. Seeing him standing there in that loft tonight, I knew that it was time to let go. When I walked out of there I left that part of my life behind me and opened a new door."

"I'm glad that you had that moment with him, Justin. I just worry that now he'll think he can just come crawling back whenever he wants and you'll just come running."

"That won't happen, Em. He won't be back, not for a long time, if ever."

"And are you alright with that?"

"Brian's the greatest love of my life. He'll always be a part of me and who I am but it's over and I have to move on."

"We're all here for you, Justin."

"I know, Em, thanks, but this is something I have to do on my own. It's high time I stand on my own two feet and prove to myself that I can live without being BrianandJustin."

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Anthony watched his lover come in the door and knew that something was off. He stared after him as he went from the bathroom to the kitchen and finally settled on the couch flipping through tv channels as if he didn't even see what was on. Anthony's heart sunk when he sat next to him and could smell Justin on him.

"You could've at least showered."

"Don't fucking start."

"Oh, I see, it' s ok for you to go off and fuck your little twink but it isn't ok for your boyfriend to get upset."

"Fuck you. It wasn't like that."

"Then how was it, Brian? Did your dick just slip and wind up in his ass?"

"No, are you sure you want to talk about this, Anthony? It could get messy and you may not like what I have to say."

"It's already messy. It got messy the second you fucked that little blond bitch."

Brian stood, anger blazing in his eyes and calmly warned his lover, "Don't you ever talk about him like that again. Do you hear me? Never again."

"Fuck you, Brian. I can't believe you. The whole time we were seeing each other you wouldn't dare fuck me because you didn't want to hurt Justin. Now it's okay to fuck around? Is it just okay to hurt me?"

'"That's not what I meant at all. Look I told you about Justin."

"Yeah, I know. He's the one who taught you how to love. He's the bravest, strongest man you know." Anthony paused to control the tears he felt just behind his eyes. "AND I WILL NEVER BE HIM."

Brian sat staring angrily at his lover, hearing the words that he was shouting was hard for him. They were hard because he had been thinking the same thing for weeks now.

"Why'd you leave him, Brian?"

"Because of you."

"Don't give me that bullshit. I had to fight you for weeks just to get you to admit you had feelings for me. Was that just a lie? Are you using me to make it easier to let him go?"

"No.  I'm not using you. I care about you, Anthony. I left Justin because it wasn't fair to him that I had feelings for you and because you begged me to."

"If I hadn't begged you, would you have ever left him?"

"No," Brian said, the word barely audible.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cynthia was sitting at her desk sipping coffee when Brian strolled in looking like a dead rat. She could only remember one other time that he had looked this bad. The weeks after the bashing, when he thought Justin was gone forever, were hell on all of them, but especially Brian. He had come to work the very next day and she could see the blood stains still on his hands like he was afraid to wash them off. She'd just sat in his office with him, afraid to let him be alone.

She knew just how much he loved that damn kid and there was no way she would let him face this by himself. As much as he tried to hide it, she knew that deep down he would die if he lost Justin for good.

And now, he had the same empty look in his eyes, the same aura of sadness surrounding him. Picking up her coffee cup and his she followed him into his sanctuary.

"Morning, boss."

"Morning, Cyn. Is that coffee?"

"As always."

"Somethings never change." Taking a sip of the strong liquid he smiled up at her. "Everytime I taste your coffee I'm so happy that I brought you along when I started this agency."

"Yeah, well you look like shit today. Rough night?"

"You could say that."

"Let me take a wild guess here. He's about my height, blond, stunningly beautiful with sapphire eyes that can see into your very soul. Am I close?"

"I think you got it."

"What happened?"

"We said our final goodbye."

"You don't really believe that do you, Brian? It will never be over between you two. You may not be together but you'll never be apart. You're connected, you're meant to be."

"Not anymore, Cyn. I left remember?"

"And he left once before too, but that didn't last and this won't either. I see the way you look when you talk about him and how you smile when you look at the picture of him on your desk. You still love him and you'll never stop."

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Justin was standing at the counter of the diner when Ben came in for lunch. "Hey Professor, eating alone today?"

"Not if you'll join me."

"I'd love to." Justin slid into the booth across from his friend and smiled thankfully up at him. "I wasn't thrilled about eating all alone today."

"It's hard huh?"

"To get used to being alone again? Yeah, but the hardest part is waking up everyday knowing that I won't see him."

"I can only imagine, Justin."

"Sometimes I feel dead inside without him."

"You're strong, you'll be ok."

They were interrupted by a handsome man, "Professor Bruckner, can I speak with you for just a moment?"

"Sure, Noah, please sit down." He waited for the young man to slid in next to Justin and made the introductions. "Noah Hill, this is Justin Taylor. Justin, this is Noah, one of my student teachers this semester."

"You're the artist for Rage, right?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And he's a good friend of mine. I was just about to ask him to come to class and talk about his work on the bashing issue of Rage."

Noah turned to face Justin and for a moment Justin's heart stopped beating as he stared into the other man's green eyes. "Oh man, that's a great idea. I've heard the rumors that it really happened, is that true?"

"Yes, it did."

"Wow, that poor kid. Did you know him? Is that how you came up with the idea for the storyline?"

"You could say that." Justin was hesitant about confessing that he was the victim and art was imitating life.

"I'd love to meet him sometime. I'd like to talk to him about how he felt after and now."

"I don't think he talks about it much," Ben interjected.

"Yeah, it's hard to talk about but I know how he feels. Wow, this is wierd but I was bashed too in high school."

"You were?" Justin felt a strange connection with Noah now and had to know more before he shared his story.

"Yeah, I was sixteen and the captain of the baseball team found out I was gay. One night I was walking home from a drama practice and out of nowhere this car just came at me. I tried to jump out of the way be he swerved just in time to pin me against a fence. I thought I was dead."

"Oh my God, Noah, I had no idea."

"Well it's not something I go around bragging about, you know?"

"Noah, I think I can arrange a meeting between you two. Could you meet him tonight at the coffee shop on Main?"

"Is seven ok?"

"I'm sure I can convince him." Justin took another sip of his soda and motioned for Noah to let him out. "I have to get back to the store. We put the next issue to bed tomorrow and I have a few scenes still left to draw."

The three men exchanged goodbyes and Noah gave Justin his cell number as he was leaving. Justin left the diner with a feeling that things were starting to turn around.

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