Anthony had wanted Brian from the moment he first laid eyes on him. They'd  hit it off that night in the hospital and had spent countless lunch hours talking and laughing, even though Brian had made it clear from the beginning that he was in a relationship.

Anthony found himself falling in love with Brian after only a few weeks and longed to tell him. Only he was afraid that Brian didn't feel the same and didn't want to risk losing him this early on. So he waited and did everything he could think of to make the man fall in love with him as well.

They had become close friends over those lunches and Anthony wanted to take it further but wasn't sure if he should. Then one night, Justin was having dinner with his friend and Anthony and Brian went to Woody's for a beer. After several games of pool and a few too many drinks they walked down Liberty Avenue hand in hand, enjoying the first snow of the year. Just as they made it to Anthony's car Brian leaned in and kissed him.

It started out soft and gentle but quickly turned passionate. Before either knew what was happening things started getting carried away. In his alcohol hazed mind Brian knew he had to stop before it went too far. At the feel of Anthony's hand on his waistband, he pulled back and walked away, leaving Anthony confused and hard.

Brian walked home hoping the cold air would clear his head. He had never agreed to not trick but he hadn't in months, not since Justin had come home . Up until Anthony he had never even thought of being with anyone other than his partner. He knew that he loved Justin, even if he couldn't say the words aloud.

Justin was the one person he could count on and now he wasn't so sure he deserved him. Letting himself into the empty loft he made a decision to not tell Justin about the kiss. He rationalized it by convincing himself that he didn't want to hurt Justin over nothing. The kiss hadn't meant anything, nothing at all. So why was it that he couldn't get it out of his mind.

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Brian hadn't spoken to Anthony since that night. He'd  decided that he had to stop this thing that was happening between them before it got out of hand. He didn't want to hurt Justin.  

Anthony had other plans. He wasn't giving up on Brian without a fight. He gave him a few days and then called.

"Hi, Brian."

"Anthony, I was just thinking about calling you."

"It must be a sign or something."

"We need to talk. Can you get away for lunch?"

"Sure, Brian. Shall I meet you there or at the restaurant?"

"Meet me at Gino's on the corner of Rush and Highland at one."

"See you then."

An hour later Brian was sitting nursing a beer when he spotted Anthony across the room. His heart raced and his hands were sweaty. He felt like a teenager on a first date. Anthony slid into the chair across from him and smiled. After they ordered Brian tried his best to end their friendship.

"Look, Anthony, we have to stop this."

"Stop what, Brian? We aren't doing anything other than having lunch. Friends do that all the time."

"You and I both know that this has grown into something more than friendship. I don't want to hurt Justin and I don't want to hurt you either, but if one of you has to get hurt, then it has to be you."

"You aren't being fair, Brian. Nothing has happened between us. How can that hurt Justin?"

"Something has happened."

"You're right, I've fallen in love with you."

"Anthony don't. I can't handle this."

"I can't stop how I feel, Brian. I love you. I want to be with you."

"I'm involved with someone else. I love him, Anthony. I love Justin and I won't hurt him."

"But you are hurting him by lying to him. Did you tell him about the kiss the other night?"

Brian shook his head silently.

"I didn't think so. Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to hurt him."

"So you lied to him?"

"No, I just didn't tell him."

"Are you going to tell him about this?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to tell him, Brian,or do you want to keep this our special secret?"

"Stop, Anthony."

"Stop what? Stop loving you? Impossible."

Brian stood and left the restaurant and a stunned Anthony staring after him. Driving back to the office he called Justin's cell waiting impatiently for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Justin, can you meet me at the loft in ten minutes?"

"Is something wrong, Brian?"

"Yes, can you be there in ten?"

"Of course."

Brian hung up without a goodbye and Justin began to franticaly worry about what would cause Brian to leave work this early in the day.

Justin ran into the loft worried that something awful had happened only to find Brian standing naked waiting rather impatiently for his lover. Forgetting how worried he'd been only minutes before, Justn dropped his coat and melted into Brian's arms.

The kiss startd slow, building in intensity as Brian's hands roamed Justin body, removing clothing as he went. When Justin was down to his briefs, Brian broke the kiss. Panting he looked down at his young lover and smiled.

"I am so damn glad I convinced you to wear button down shirts once in a while."

"Me too. Now shut up and finish what you started old man."

Brian laughed and threw Justin over his shoulder, spanking him hard on the ass as he carried him up the steps to the bedroom. He playfully dropped him on the bed and pulled at the gray briefs the younger man still wore.

His cock finally free, Brian pulled him to the edge of the bed and knelt down before his lover. Taking the thick member into his mouth he ran his tongue over the head, teasing Justin. The moan that escaped his lips told Brian that Justin was enjoying every second.

Running his tongue up and down Justin's shaft, he listened for the sounds that signaled that the man was getting close. He brought a hand up to massage his lover's balls as he continued to suck and lick his cock. He could taste the precum and licked at like a kitten licking cream.

Justin pulled Brian by the hair up to kiss him. He stroked his cock using Brian's own pre-cum as lubrication. Brian knew that he was close and reached down stopping Justin's movements before it was too late.

Justin searched for a condom and rolled it down his lover's hard cock, stroking him once again as he did. "Now," he whispered.

"Always," was Brian's only response. It was something that they had said to one another since the first night they made love, the night he took Justin home to teach him to be touched again after the bashing.

That one word meant the world to Justin. He knew that it was Brian's way of letting his feelings show. It had never been easy for Brian to let Justin in and with that one word, he opened the door to his heart and Justin slid in.

Justin held tight to his partner as Brian thrust slowly into him, trying to savor the moment. He loved how it felt to be with Justin, how warm he was and how he held him close. Even though he could never say the words, he felt them. He loved Justin deeply. With each thrust he felt closer than ever to the man beneath him.

Falling back onto the bed, completely satiated, Brian pulled Justin close and both men fell asleep.

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Justin woke an hour later and jumped from the bed when he saw the time. The coldness that replaced Justin brought Brian's eyes open.

"Where are you going?"

"I fucking forgot I was supposed to help Michael at the store today."

"So call him and tell him your stuck in a class or something."

"I can't Brian. Michael is taking Ben in for his physical today."

"Oh, well you better hurry."

Justin bent and kissed Brian as he buttoned his shirt. "Will you be here later?"

"Yeah. I'll order in. See you around eight?"

"Make it eight-thirty and you got a date. Oh, and please, no Thai."

"But," Brian stammered.

"Bye."

"Hey, Justin."

Justin turned back, waiting impatiently for the other man to talk.

"Later." He was rewarded with a sunshine smile and then he was gone.

Two hours later Brian was sitting at his computer trying to work on a new ad campain when the intercom buzzed. Running a hand through his still damp hair, he buzzed the door open. He had been expecting a messenger with a file he needed and opened the door a crack so that he could get back to work.

Anthony stepped in and looked around the room for Brian. His eyes stopped on the messy bed and could smell the sex still in the air. His heart stopped and he looked over to see a very happy Brian sitting at his desk.

"Just put the file on the counter and there's a tip there for you too."

Anthony's voice cracked as he responded. "You fucked him."

Brian's head jerked up and his heart broke at the tears that fell from the beautiful dark eyes. "Anthony, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I called your office and when Cynthia said you hadn't come back I thought maybe something was wrong so I came over right away."

"You shouldn't have done that. What if Justin had been here?"

"Yeah, what if?"

"Damnit, Anthony, he's my boyfriend."

"So you keep reminding me."

"I love him."

"And what about me?"

"I told you Anthony, I love Justin."

Anthony closed the gap between them and took Brian into his arms staring up into his eyes, searching for any sign that Brian wanted him to stop. Seeing none he pulled the other man into a kiss that rocked his soul. Brian's mind was reeling from the emotions that he felt for Anthony. He knew it wasn't right to do this here in the home he shared with Justin. He pushed away from Anthony and stepped out of his embrace.

"I can't do this, not here."

"Not here, or not at all Brian?"

"Stop, Anthony. This can't happen, I won't hurt Justin."

"I'm not asking you to. All I'm asking is for you to deny that you have feelings for me. Can you do that Brian?"

"Don't make me choose, Anthony. You will regret the answer."

"Just tell me that you don't feel the same things I do when we kiss and I'll leave you alone."

"I can't do that."

"Because you don't want to hurt my feelings or because you feel it too?"

"Yes, I feel it too. Is that what you want? Someone is going to get hurt here, Anthony. I don't want to hurt either of you."

"As long as you love me I could never be hurt by you, Brian."

"Even if I can't freely give you what you want? Even if I can't act on my feelings?"

Anthony's answer was another kiss before leaving Brian dazed and confused in the middle of the loft.

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Justin was busy with a customer in the store and didn't see the other man watching him through the window. Emmett happened to be walking by and noticed the dark Italian staring intently at Justin.

"Beautiful isn't he?" Emmett said into the other man's ear. "Too bad he's happily in love."

"Yeah, it sure is," Anthony agreed and turned back down Liberty Avenue.

Justin looked up at the sound of the bell and smiled radiantly up at Emmett. They had grown close the last few months and he enjoyed Emmett's company.

"Hey Em, what brings you to Comic Hell?"

"Just my favorite blond." Emmett pressed a light kiss to Justin's lips before continuing. "How are things going? Any word from Ben and Michael?"

"Not a word. I'm glad you're here, there have been some strange birds in here today."

"Well I just saw a beautiful man staring at you through the window. He seemed rather sad that you are happily in love."

"Which you just had to share, right?"

"Well when you're in love with Brian Kinney and you look like you do, it's best to keep the sharks at bay." Justin's laughter filled the store. "Speaking of your 'boyfriend', how is he these days?"

"He's great, considering he turns 32 in a few days. I think he's starting to get a little of that craziness that comes with Brian and birthdays."

"Why what happened?"

"He called me out of the blue today and asked me to meet him at home for no reason. Of course I rushed right there thinking that something was horribly wrong and I walk in to find him naked with a hard on."

"Sounds like my kinda problem. So tell me all the horny details. Did you two make love all afternoon or did you fuck like rabbits?"

"I am not sharing details of my sex life with Brian with anyone. Especially you, Ms. Gossip Queen."

"Well excuse me for liking to stay abreast of all the latest news."

Emmett smiled at Justin's laughter once again and sat down behind the counter and flipped through the package of photos lying next to the computer. Holding up one of Justin and Brian at the GLC benefit dinner a few weeks ago, he asked Justin about it.

"Why do you have these here?"

"I was trying to find just the right one to frame for Brian's birthday."

"I like this one. It just screams love."

Justin took the picture and studied it. It was one of the happier moments they had shared that night. Brian had been whispering to him just before it was taken. He could still hear those words.

"Let's get outta here," Brian had whispered.

"Do you have another pressing engagement?" he'd teased back.

"Very pressing."

It was at that moment that Debbie had decided she had to have a picture. Just before turning toward the camera Brian had kissed him and softly and said in his ear, "Now and Always Sunshine".

"That must be some memory," Emmett said breaking through Justin's thoughts.

"You have no idea, Em."

"I think I do, sweetie, I think I do."

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Brian sat on the couch with the bottle of Beam unopened on the coffee table. He loved Justin, he knew that without a shadow of a doubt, but his feelings for Anthony were growing stronger by the minute. Everytime he was with him he wanted to touch him, kiss him, fuck him. Brian tried to clear his head of Anthony but found that he couldn't.

Anthony was a combination of him and Justin. He was beautiful with a heart of gold, artistic with a flair for fashion and most importantly he wanted Brian as much as Justin did.

Brian was still sitting there when Justin came home. "Hey baby, why are you sitting here in the dark?"

"What?"

Justin looked from his lover to the bottle of bourbon on the table and got worried. "Have you been drinking?"

"No."

"Brian, what's wrong? Did something happen? Did you lose a client or something?"

"Nothing's wrong, Justin."

"Oh wait, I know. It's your birthday right? You're starting to freak out again right? You think that you'll be older and I'll find some hot young stud to take your place. Is that it?"

Brian didn't answer.

"I thought so. I think I may have something to cheer you up." Justin ran up the stairs and pulled his small wooden box out from under the bed and took out a beautifully wrapped gift box. Taking it back down to Brian he kissed his cheek before giving it to him.

Brian opened the box slowly and sat staring at the necklace for a long time before Justin came over and took it out of the box. He turned over the pendant and showed Brian the inscription.

"Always."

"It's beautiful, Justin. Where did you find it? I love the sun encased in the heart."

"I was at the store the other day and saw it and it made me think of how you always call me Sunshine and that I was a part of your heart and it just seemed perfect."

Brian pulled Justin to him and held him tight until all the fears he had disappeared, at least for a few hours.

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Brian knocked softly on Anthony's door, not quite sure why he was even there. He should be home getting ready for his dinner with Justin. Instead here he was standing outside the door of a man that could spell disaster for him and Justin.

Anthony opened his door, shocked to find Brian there but happy that he was. He stepped aside to let the other man in but Brian shook his head.

"We need to talk ."

"Well come in and I'll fix you a drink and we can talk as long as you want."

"No. I have to say this now. I can't see you anymore, Anthony."

"What are you talking about, Brian?"

"I can't see you, talk to you, even think about you anymore. I can't, no I won't hurt Justin anymore. I love him."

"So you keep reminding me. Answer me this though, Brian, if you love him so much then why are you here telling me this? You could have just refused my calls or had security throw me out on my ass if I showed up at your firm, so why drive all the way over here and tell me that you can't see me?"

"Stop it, Anthony. Don't make this harder than it already is." Brian turned to leave but stopped at the feel of the other man's hand on his arm.

"Brian, I know you love him. God you've told me it time and again, but have you told him that you love me? Have you even admitted it to yourself? My God, Brian, we've spent so much time together and you've held me in your arms. I know that you love me, Brian. I feel it when you kiss me. Can you tell me that you don't feel it too?"

"Anthony, I have to stop this. I'm hurting him and he doesn't even know it."

"Then stop hurting him and tell him the truth. Tell him that you've fallen in love with me and that you have to leave. It isn't that hard, Brian."

"I've been where he is and I won't make him feel that way."

"But you're already hurting him by lying to him and to yourself. Quit fighting me Brian. Let yourself feel. I love you, Brian. I've been in love with you for weeks now."

"Stop. I have to go, Justin's waiting."

"So am I when you're ready."


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