Part 4

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"Brian, I'm not making this easy for you. I want it all. I want the romance, I want the flowers, I want the love. If you can't do that then I can't stay. I need to know that you love me."

"I do love you, Justin."

"Then it's up to you to prove it. Make me feel loved."

Justin walked out shutting the door softly behind him, leaving Brian to mull over what he had just said. Brian sat in the same spot for hours just thinking about Justin and what he needed out of this relationship. He was still lost in thought when the phone rang. Absentmindedly picking it up he regretted it the second he heard Michael's voice on the other end.

"What the fuck did he think he was doing telling off your friends like that? How dare he talk to my mom that way. What the fuck is going on with that little asshole?"

"Shut the fuck up Mikey. He had every right to tell you off." Brian slammed the phone down.

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I sit at the bar at Woody's just waiting. Waiting for what? For Brian to fucking wake up and love me. I am so fucking stupid to think that he could just give me what I demanded. I sense him before I hear him. I turn to look at him, anger in my eyes.

"Justin."

"Ethan. What the fuck are you doing here? Following me now?"

"You wish. I'm meeting someone."

"Good for you. Someone else to lie to and cheat on."

"Grow up Justin. I never promised you forever."

"No you just promised me a life of lies." I look past him as Brian walks in the door. I start to turn away until I notice he is heading straight for us. I wait for him to tell Ethan to get lost but instead  he sits down next to him.

"Ethan, glad you could you make," he says with a sideways glance at me. "Justin," he nods to me as if he just realized I am there. "Let's go."

What the fuck? I wonder. Brian with Ethan? Fuck can this day get any worse. I turn back to the bar and order another double and look around the room for anyone to take the pain away. I find him watching me and I move in an alcohol haze towards him.

Tall, thin, dark hair, just my type I think as I lean in and whisper to him. "I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna fuck you all night." I pull him by the shirt out to the alley behind the bar and push him against the wall, grasping at his pants until I have them around his ankles and push into him hard. I fuck him because he's there and because I need to erase Brian from my memory tonight.

"Justin." I turn to find Brian watching me fuck the trick and I pull out of him and push him away. I walk in a daze towards him. Looking up at him I see the anger flash in his eyes before he took me into his arms and took me home.

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I sit with Ethan and order a double Beam, straight, and I hand him the envelope. He takes it and looks at me questioningly before opening it. He takes out the money and the ticket and he asks, "What is this for?"

"For you to get the fuck away from Justin. Take it, there's enough there for you to start a life away from here."

"And if I don't?"

"You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"You think that you can just buy me off? Fuck you Brian. If I want him back I can have him and you know it or you wouldn't be here right now offering me this money." Ethan threw the envelope at him and walked out.

I looked up to find Justin gone. I asked Jim at the bar where he went and he pointed to the back alley. I walked out to find him fucking some trick and my heart sank. I wanted to kill the man but more than that I wanted to hold Justin.

"Justin." He looked up and pushed away from the other man and next thing I knew he was in my arms. I took him home and put him in my bed, holding him all night. I wanted to make love to him but I knew it had to be on his terms this time and this was not the way I wanted it. He was drunk and hurting.  And I loved him too much to use that as an excuse to be close to him. I woke the next morning to find him gone.

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I woke up in Brian's bed fully clothed. I watched him sleep for a while before I got up and grabbed my shoes and jacket. I had to know. I found myself at Ethan's door.

"What do YOU want?"

"I want to know what that was about last night. What were you doing with Brian?"

"He tried to pay me off to leave town. Seems your lover is afraid you'll come running back to me."

"I find that hard to believe. Brian Kinney is not the type to worry about his lovers leaving him."

"But see you did leave him and now he knows that you can and will again. Go back to him Justin. You two deserve each other."

I ran all the way back to the loft. I found the envelope of money in his jacket pocket. Counting the money I was shocked to find he offered Ethan $100,000 to leave. I was more shocked that Ethan didn't take the money. I threw the envelope on the desk and slammed the door on my way out.

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I stumbled to the kitchen to make coffee and saw the envelope on the desk. He knows. Picking it up I saw that it was all still there, but where was Justin? I had to find him. I dressed quickly for once not worrying about how I looked and grabbed my keys. I drove around town for an hour and still hadn't found him. I was beginning to get worried.

I called his mom and Debbie and neither had seen him since that day at the loft. I had no idea where he could be and that worried me. I drove to Daphne's and pounded on her door until she finally answered. She too had not seen him. She did tell me that he had been staying with her for the last two weeks and that he was not in the best frame of mind.

My last resort was Ethan. I didn't want to think of him running to Ethan but I had to know he was ok.

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I went back to Ethan's to settle some things. He opened the door more annoyed with me than before. I was so angry at his arrogance that I attacked him.

"You stupid little faggot. Do you know how fucking sorry you are? You think you are this genius violinist when all you are is a selfish, self centered asshole. You make me sick."

I spit in his face before I punched him. When he hit the ground all the anger I had bottled up inside broke free and I kicked him until he lay on the floor in a bloody heap. It felt good to hit him. It felt good to let the anger out. I was still standing over him screaming at him when I heard him.

"JUSTIN. STOP." He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of there. And I let him. I would let him do anything. I loved him.

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I heard him before I saw him. He was with Ethan alright, but they were not back together. I found Justin kicking him. I had never seen him so angry. I will never forget the words he was screaming when I stepped through the door. They will haunt me til the day I die.

"You bastard. I hate you. I only went with you because I loved him so much and he destroyed me. Brian Kinney destroyed my belief in love. And you..you destroyed my faith in him."

"JUSTIN," I yelled at him to stop. He stared at me with empty eyes and I knew I had to get him out of there before he killed the boy. I put him in the jeep and just sat there.

"What have I done? Oh Justin, what did I do to bring you to this? Where are you? Are you still in there somewhere baby? I love you. I love you Justin. Please you have to snap out of this and come back to me."

He sat and stared at me without saying a word and I knew I had to find a way to reach him. I drove him back to the loft and carried him up the stairs to bed. He slept and I thought.

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I once again woke in Brian's bed. ALONE. Getting up I went downstairs to find him sitting by the window. He looked up when I sat beside him but he didn't speak. He just stood and walked away from me returning a few minutes later with an envelope and threw it at me. I opened it afraid of what I would find.

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Justin,

I'm sorry. I never gave you what you needed and I pushed you into his arms. I will regret that until the day I die. I love you. You told me that you wanted it all. So I am giving it all to you.

I want you Justin. Not for a night but for eternity. If you want flowers and picnics on the floor, if you need declarations of love, if that's what it takes to bring the light back to your eyes and to keep you here with me forever, then I'll give you that.

I have made so many mistakes when it comes to us baby. I should have told you that night. I should have told you I loved you at your prom. I wanted to I really did, but I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same. I should have came into your room every night instead I sat outside and watched you sleep. There are so many things I should have done. I should have done whatever it took to keep you with me.

I thought you would be better off with him. I thought you would be happier with him. So I let you go. I pushed you into his arms. Thinking of you in bed with him nearly killed me. I tried to forget you. I did everything I could to get you out of my head. But I couldn't.

I love you. I want the chance to show you how much. I want the chance to make you smile again. Whatever it takes I will do it. If you want me to beg, I'll beg. Just please love me again. My life is empty without you. I need you Justin.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I love you and I want you to come home. So Justin would you please come back home to me? "

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I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

Return to One Fateful Night