The Nature of Things

Chapter 2

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Brian woke with the worst headache. He reached out for Justin before he remembered that his lover was gone. More than likely for good this time.

Massaging his temples, Brian poured a cup of thick coffee and drank it cold. Once he was awake, he began to survey the damage and found that Justin had left precious little behind. Stopping to pick up a red jacket, he pressed it to his face and inhaled the scent of the man he loved.

"Quit acting like a fucking dyke, Kinney, and get over the little fuck. You knew this would happen sooner or later."

Dropping the jacket back to the floor, he plopped down on the couch and turned on the tv. He laughed to see SpongeBob on.

"The little twat, even when he isn't here he's controlling the fucking remote."

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Justin woke up in a room he wasn't used to and in a bed he knew in an instant wasn't Brian's. Opening his eyes slowly it all came flooding back. He'd finally left Brian. Yes, he'd left a thousand times before last night, but this time was for real.

"I need more," he said more to himself than to anyone else.

"Justin, breakfast."

As he padded noisily into the kitchen, Justin saw that Casey was dressed and the apartment was spotless. Lightly pressing a kiss to his cheek, Justin eagerly accepted the steaming cup of coffee and took a big gulp before sitting down before a plate piled high with bacon and eggs.

Between mouthfuls of food, Justin continued with the conversation from the night before.

"Listen, Casey, I'm not sure I should keep telling you about Brian."

"Justin, don't even try it. You need to talk about it and figure out if this is really what you want. Now you left off at Ethan."

"Well like I said, I thought he loved me. But just like Brian he couldn't keep it in his fucking pants. Only Ethan lied to me about it. He filled my head with all of these words of love that didn't mean shit. He was a lying, useless piece of shit."

"So what'd you do?"

"I left him and moved in with Daphne. I went to work at Vangard and tried my damnedest to get back into Brian's bed and life. I guess I realized that what he had given me was so much more than Ethan ever could've. Brian never lied to me, or anyone else. He was the most honest person I ever knew. I convinced myself that I could live by his rules and I begged him to take me back.

He laughed in my face of course, but I was persistent. Eventually he gave me a second chance."

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Brian ignored the ringing phone and logged off his instant messenger. He just wanted to be alone. Unfortunately for him, Lindsay had other plans.It was almost eleven when she let herself in. She found him still on the couch, still watching cartoons.

"I didn't know you liked Blue's Clues, Brian."

Brian looked up startled and sighed heavily. "Go the fuck away."

"Now is that any way to talk to the mother of your child?"

"Fuck off, Lindz."

"Brian, I know what you're going through. I know how hard it is to realize that someone you love so deeply is gone. Even after all these years I still miss Mel. I miss what we shared, how it felt to wake up with her."

"Spare me the pep talk, you're fucking depressing."

"Shut up and sit your ass down and listen for a change." She pushed him back down and sat close enough to hold his hand.

"I love you Brian, but maybe it's your fault he left. What did he say?"

"Nothing. He just left."

"He didn't even tell you why?'

"Fuck, Lindz, we all know why. He got tired of waiting for me to make that final commitment."

"I don't buy that, Brian. Justin loves you, he always has. Something had to have happened."

"Oh, so you think it's all my fault too? Well fuck you Lindsay. I haven't been tricking, I'm not out with the boys. Fuck, all I do is work and come home to him."

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"Things were good for awhile. We were good. Hell he even called me his partner. Then the shit with Stockwell happened and he supported my decision not to apologize to the fascist pig. Hell he even sold everything he owned and went into debt to his fucking eyeballs to stop the bastard from becoming Mayor.

"After that we started Kinnetik and spent everyday together. I worked in the art department and he stopped by just to stand behind me. It was bliss.

"Then he got sick and pushed me away again. I let him at first. But it isn't in my nature to give up so I just pushed my way back in and took care of him whether he liked it or not. I just loved him so much."

"Has that changed?" Casey watched Justin closely as he thought about it.

"I don't think I'll ever stop loving Brian. He will always be a part of me. I just couldn't live with it anymore."

"So what happened after you convinced him to let you help him?"

"Well we were happy. I know, I know, that is such bullshit. I mean we weren't like the munchers or anything but we were happy. Together we made Kinnetik a success. Together we could do anything.

"He even stopped tricking so often. A few years later he quit altogether. I had stopped long before that. It was always Brian I wanted and no one else made me feel the way he did. He was the man of my dreams. He was all I'd ever wanted."

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Lindsay fixed dinner for them and forced Brian to eat at least a little of her famous garlic chicken.

"I'm not hungry, Lindz."

"Yeah, well you can't stand to lose the twenty pounds I did after Mel and I split. So eat and shut the fuck up."

"You know, you've gotten bossy since you went back to cock."

"I didn't go back to cock, Brian. I've just realized that I like both. And I'll have you know , I'm dating a very nice woman right now."

"Does she know that you like to feel the thrust of a nice big one every so often?"

"You are such an asshole."

"Guilty as charged."

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"So what changed, Justin?"

"I did. Brian did. I don't fucking know. Fuck, what have I done?"

"It's not too late to talk to him."

"No, I won't crawl back to him again."

"I didn't say crawl back, Jus, I said talk to him. My God, this is the man you've loved for most of your adult life. Don't throw that away on something stupid. Go talk to him. Tell him what is bothering you. Tell him you love him.   Fuck, tell him you hate him. But tell him something."

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