I Want You to Know

Part 8

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I pushed her off me and wiped at the tears that had spilled onto my coat, "What the fuck is with the waterworks? I paid six hundred fucking dollars for this coat and I'll be damned if your acid tears are going to ruin it."

Choking back a sob she cried out "It's Mom, Brian!"

"What the fuck is wrong with her now?  Did the fucking church cave in or did she finally get the memo that Heaven is overrated?"

She stood shaking, looking first to me then to Justin, "Does he have to be here? He's not family Brian!"

"Fuck you Claire! He's my family, and anything you have to say you can say in front of him or you can keep your fucking trap shut." Justin shot me a dirty look to which I stuck out my tongue and rolled my eyes. "Now what the fuck is wrong with our mother?"

"She...She died!" Claire shouted.

"Really? You're not just teasing me are you?"  Brian's exuberance nearly boiled over.

"Brian she was your mother, have a little respect," she screamed.

"Yeah she was my mother alright, she really loved me.  Hell I could feel it every time she let Jack hit me."

"She loved you Brian."

"No Claire she loved you. She tolerated me, and only because I was successful. What the fuck do you expect me to do?"

"You can help with the cost of the funeral."

"Yep, even in death she's only after my cash. Fuck off Claire, it'd be easier for you to go to God and let him help the bitch, I ain't interested."

"Brian how could you?" she cried, covering her face with her hands and sobbing uncontrollably again.

Justin pulled me aside and laid into me, "Brian, your sister is obviously upset, and frankly whether you like her or not she's still family. For God's sake, show some compassion, your mother just died. Now get your ass over there and comfort her or else I will."

"Yeah just what she'd enjoy a fucking fag holding her as she cries. You comfort her, I can't stand the stuck up bitch, as for my mother, well fuck it, she never wanted me when she was alive so now that she's dead, I'm not shedding any tears." Turning I brushed past my sister, going into the loft and slamming the door shut behind me; making my way to the bedroom, not bothering to look to see if Justin had followed.  After a hot shower, I came downstairs to find Justin sitting and holding Claire's hand as she explained the circumstances of Joanie's death. She stood to leave when she saw me, but for some damn reason I can't explain, I actually felt sorry for the cunt and asked her to stay.

"Claire, look, I'll help with the money, but I won't help plan a tribute to this woman who regretted the day I was born. Do what you have to do and send the bills to me, and let me know when the service is."

She looked at me with red rimmed eyes and sighed audibly before speaking with a shaky voice, "Thanks Brian, that's more than I expected."

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Justin sat quietly on the couch after Claire left, and watched  Brian pace back and forth in front of the windows. He knew that Joan's death was affecting him more than he let on, but he knew better than to try to get him to talk about it when he was in this mood. Standing, he went to the kitchen and pulled out the bottle of Beam, and two glasses, pouring a double into each he handed one to Brian and downed the other himself.  He drained his glass and held it out to Justin for a refill.

When the phone rang an hour later both men were plastered.  Brian stumbled over to the desk and grabbed the phone, his voice slurring he answered, "Yesth?"

"Hi Brian, it's Thea."

Instantly he was sober and he smiled to himself after hearing her voice, "Hi babydoll, why are you calling so late? Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"It's not that late, and I wanted to talk to you, I miss you."

"I miss you too, princess. How was your flight?"

"Oh it was great. They gave me wings and a chocolate sundae and soda and chips. It was so much fun this time."

Brian laughed sadly and Thea caught her friend's sadness.

"Brian, what's wrong? Why are you sad?"

Justin watched Brian's face as he spoke to Thea and saw the tears well up in his eyes and he was glad that at least someone was getting him to feel the pain.

"I'm not sad, babydoll."

"Brian, it's okay to be sad. Did someone hurt you?"

"Yeah, all my life. It's nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about."

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then tell me why you're crying."

Looking towards the couch, he noticed that Justin had moved to the bedroom to give him privacy and he let himself finally feel the grief.

"My mom died. I shouldn't feel sad, she never wanted me and never loved me. I was just the mistake she paid for everyday I was alive. You're so lucky princess, your mommy loves you so much. I never had that. No matter how hard I tried to please her, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough," Brian let the sobs consume him.

"Shhhhhh, Brian, I love you."

"I love you too babydoll. I love you too."

Justin stood just inside the bedroom door listening to his lover pouring his soul out to a five year old little girl and for a fleeting second felt left out. Shaking off the feeling, he reminded himself that Brian needed to get it out and if Thea could help then he was happy. Justin was still standing there with his heart breaking at all that Brian had confessed about his mom, when he came up the stairs.

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I wrapped my arms around Justin, just needing to feel loved. He held me close as I sobbed. His hands running through my hair, murmuring words of love in my ear as he held me tight and just let me get it all out. He was still holding me an hour later when I finally cried my last tear. Looking up at him, I smiled.

"I'm sorry baby. I bet I look horrendous."

"Yeah just a mess, red nose, red eyes, you've never looked more sexy honey."

He pulled me into a kiss that made my cock jump. As Justin's tongue assaulted mine, I moved closer to him, sliding him down the bed until he was lying beneath me. I nuzzled his neck and lightly bit him in that special place, feeling his cock tighten against mine. I needed to feel him tonight; I needed to feel his love and needed to know that I belonged and mattered to someone. I broke our connection long enough to undress us both. When our skin touched it was like being licked by hell's flames. Being so in tune with his needs, I sensed his need to be one with me and rolled him over to his stomach. Squeezing some lube on my fingers I pushed slowly into his pucker, stretching him out, preparing him for my cock.

He cried out in pleasure at the intrusion. Replacing one finger with two, he moaned in delight. When I removed my fingers, he shivered until I pushed against his hole with the head of my dick. Pushing in, I felt him respond as he moved back against me, taking the full length of me at once. My breath caught lost in the sensation of being inside him again, as he tightened around me. Thrusting hard and fast, we both forgot about gentleness and let ourselves feel the animalistic urges. "Justin...." I screamed as I came, holding onto him as if he was just an illusion that would slip away if I let go.

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Three days later the two men walked into the church for Joan's funeral. Brian stopped at the door, looking around the church, his eyes settling on Reverend Butterfield. Justin caught what his lover was staring at and laughed remembering their nickname for the man.

"I see Reverend Buttfuck made it," Brian laughed at Justin's comment and they moved forward to take a seat in the family section. As they walked down the aisle, all eyes were on the two. They saw the gang sitting together and smiled at them. When they reached the first pew, Claire stood and started to say something; Brian cut her off with a dirty look.

"Don't even Claire, he's my family and he stays or I go."

"I was just going to say how good it is to see you two," Claire sat back down and gave her sons the evil eye to get them to be quiet.

After the service, Brian and Justin met up with their friends at the back of the church. Lindsay kissed Brian's cheek giving Justin a sad smile. Michael hugged his best friend as Emmett kissed and hugged Justin.

"So is there a reception somewhere Brian?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah, Claire is having it at Joanie's, she thought it would make us all feel so much closer to her. I can't wait."

"We'll see you there?" Lindsay asked hopefully.

"Do I have a fucking choice?"

When Brian walked into his mother's house he couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Justin looked at him quizzically as he filled him in on his thoughts.

"I was just thinking that Joanie would roll over in her grave if she knew that there were fags in her house," Brian laughed out loud at the thought. They found their friends and spent the next hour trying to be nice to all of Joan's church friends. When Brian had finally had enough he turned to the gang and asked, "Anyone want to take this celebration of my mother's life to Babylon?"

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A week later Brian was on the phone with Justin planning a romantic dinner for two when Gardner walked in. Telling him he would call him back, Brian turned his attention to his boss and felt the dread build up when Gardner told him exactly what was expected of him.

Sitting in silence for an hour Brian finally looked at Cynthia,  "And what the FUCK am I supposed to tell Justin?"

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