I Want You to Know

Part 54

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Gus sat across the table from his parents and their respective partners not quite sure what he should tell them about his life in California. He watched his Dad and Justin as they kissed and held hands throughout the meal. It would be almost maddening if he didn't know that they had fought hard to be together and share moments like this. Gus longed for a relationship like his Dad had with Justin and he wasn't really sure that Robby was the man to give him that.

"Gus what has you a million miles away?"

"I'm sorry Mom, did you say something?"

"I asked how your job was going but I would rather know what, or who, has you looking so sad?"

"It's nothing Mom, really. I was just thinking about some stuff I need to do when I get back home." Gus avoided looking at his father, knowing this was a tense subject where he was concerned.

"This *IS* your home, sonny boy, and don't you ever forget it." Brian was getting sick of Gus not wanting to be around him and was determined to find out what the real reason was.

"It hasn't felt like home in years Dad."

"And why is that sonny boy? Why are you determined to get as far away from your family as possible?"

Gus did not want to have this conversation in the diner but if his father wanted it this way he would give him what he wanted. "I'm not part of this family, Dad. I never have been. I always came last in your life, behind your work, then Justin, then the girls. Hell Dad you didn't even want me, you signed away all of your parental rights when I was just a baby. How the hell is that supposed to make me feel Dad?"

"I did what was best for you, Gus."

"Gus, your Dad was really hurt when he gave up his rights to you," Justin interrupted. "He only did it to ensure that you would have the best life possible."

"Don't give me that bullshit Justin. I know the whole story, he never wanted me."

"You know that isn't true, Gus." Lindsay was beside herself with anger at her son. "Your father has done everything for you. Anytime you needed or wanted something it was Brian who gave it to you. He's done things for you that most fathers would never do."

"He can't buy my love, mother. I'm not for sale."

Gus pushed out of the booth and slammed the door behind him. Debbie had witnessed the whole thing and followed after the young man she considered a grandson.

"Gus! Gus, wait a minute, I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Debbie, you shouldn't be out here without a coat on, you'll catch pneumonia." Gus took his own jacket off and draped over her wide shoulders.

"I had to catch you before you made a huge mistake, kid. I heard what you said in there and you're wrong Gus. Brian loves you more than anything in this world. He's so proud of the man you've become. Don't ruin your relationship with you father because of something that doesn't even exist Gus."

"You know Debbie, I've always respected you but you've stepped over the line here. This is none of your fucking business. You are NOT family, stay out of it."

"That's enough sonny boy."

Gus whirled around to face Brian's glare. "Just like you Dad, defending anyone other than your own son."

"If my son were right, I would defend him to the death. However, my son is being a spoiled rotten fucking brat who is out of line here. Debbie is more of a grandmother to you than either of your biological ones ever were. Now you apologize to her right this minute."

"Fuck you, Dad. I'm out of here."

Brian started to go after him but Debbie stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Let him go, Brian." Brian shook his head and took the older woman's arm and helped her back into the diner. She slid into a booth and caught her breath. She looked so tired and Brian wished she would let him take care of her so she didn't have to work at her age.

"Deb, why won't you let me help you out some. You're getting too old to spend so many hours here at the diner."

"Thanks but no thanks. I don't need a hero like the boys did. Besides this place would fall down around itself without me around."

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Gus stormed into the hospitals emergency entrance looking for anything to take his mind off of what had just happened. He was in the hospital door before he even realized he was there. He didn't even know why he had come here. He was just as much an outsider with Sascha as with the rest of the family. Shaking his head he told himself that wasn't true, she loved him as much as he loved her. They were both outsiders in this dysfunctional family. Isn't that what she had told him when she ran away. He had kept her secret then, never wanting to be the one that tipped off their father where she was. She had needed time away from him to live her own life. He knew what that felt like.

Opening the door to her room he found Ted and Emmett sitting playing cards as Sascha slept. Ted stood and embraced the young man and Emmett followed suit.

"Well if it isn't the prodigal son returned to the lair. How are you baby?"

"I'm good Uncle Em. How about you?"

"Fabu as always. What brings you here tonight? I thought you were having dinner with the parental figures."

"Yeah that didn't go so well and I wanted to check on Sascha before I went out."

"She's been sleeping for the last hour. I think they gave her something to help her sleep. Tomorrow's a big day for her," Ted explained.

"Yeah and not in a good way. Say, how is your son?"

"Aija's great. He will graduate next year and then be off to MIT. Can you believe it? It seems like yesterday that we brought him home." Emmett had tears in his eyes and Ted put his arm around him. Calling out over his shoulder as he led Emmett out the door, "Stay as long as you like, Gus. We'll be in the cafeteria getting some coffee and pudding for the baby here."

Gus pulled the chair closer to Sascha's bed and sat down. He took her hand in his and let the tears he'd been holding back all evening fall. Even though she was sleeping he poured his heart out to his sister.

"I didn't know why I had come here until I remembered that you felt just as left out of this family as I do Sascha. Sometimes it’s so hard to be Brian Kinney's kid. That's why I left. I just needed the chance to find out whom I was without him breathing down my neck all the time. I know he has expectations of how my life should be but I need to be myself. I love him I really do. I just can't be the man he wants me to be. I'm not him. I should never have come back here. It's just too hard too be around him."

Gus held onto his sister's hand and looked around at all the machines she was hooked up to. Sascha was fighting for her life and here he was bitching that he couldn't be around his Dad. Gus felt like such a heel at that moment and wanted to run as far from that hospital as possible but in the same instant he didn't want to disappoint Sascha by not being there for her. She needed all the support she could get and he wouldn't let her down. Too many people had let her down already.

Three hours later Gus was in the backroom of Babylon getting his dick sucked when Michael Novotny walked in looking for him. Gus looked up to find Michael watching him with the same look he had seen on his face every time he looked at his Dad. Gus pushed the trick away and staggered towards Michael.

"How's it goin', Mikey?"

"Come on Gus, let's get out of here." Michael put his arm around his best friend's son and tried to lead him out of the backroom. He hated to think of Gus following in Brian's footsteps. Michael knew how hard a road it was and didn't want Gus to have to go through what his father did at his age.

Gus pulled away from Michael and swayed back towards the trick he had just left. "Go away, Mikey."

"I'm not leaving you here like this Gus. Come on," he grabbed Gus's hand once more only to find himself being pulled up against the younger man's strong chest. Before Michael knew what was happening he was being crushed in a powerful embrace followed by a kiss that seemed to go on for days.

Michael was lost in the heady scent of Gus. His mind carried him back to another time and a different man. He let his arms wrap around the warm body that felt so much like his first love's. With his eyes closed he could almost hear his voice whispering in his ear that he was the only one he loved. Michael was lost in the past.

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