I Want You to Know

Part 52

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I woke to a dark room, all alone. I tried to look around for anyone I knew but couldn't move much. I guess that Dad realized I was awake because he took my hand and leaned in close to whisper to me.

"Welcome back, kiddo."

"Thanks" I managed to say between dry lips. "Drink?"

"Only ice for now baby, just until they take you off the pain meds."

"What happened?" I needed to know. I pled with my eyes for him to tell me the truth no matter how bad it was.

"You gave us all a scare there sweetie, but we'll talk about that later. For now, just know that they only took one ovary and your appendix."

"Thanks Dad." My eyes felt like lead and I let myself drift back off to sleep.

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Justin woke Brian with a kiss, "Good morning."

"Hey Sunshine, what time is it?"

"Six-thirty."

"Why are you here so early?"

"Couldn't sleep without you. Did she wake up at all last night?"

"For a few minutes. She wanted to know what happened."

"What did you tell her?"

"Just that they only took the ovary. But she needs to know the rest, Justin."

"I know, but first she needs to heal from this surgery then we can tell her."

"Deal. I think that I'll take a shower since you're here."

"Sounds like a good idea. I'll just sit here with her until you're done, then we can order some breakfast and some coffee."

"God I love you."

"I love you too Brian."

Two hours later Sascha opened her eyes and blinked against the light. She moaned in pain as she tried to move. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach and lay very still until the pain passed. When she opened her eyes again she saw Justin standing over her. She smiled at her father as he kissed her cheek.

"Hi Daddy."

"Hey beautiful, how're you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"Well, I expected as much."

"Why does my stomach hurt so fucking bad?"

"Because you have a rather large incision closed by staples."

"Do I still have a belly button?"

"Yes, you do," Justin laughed.

"Can I have some water?"

"Just a sip, ok. The nurse is on her way to talk to us about your requirements to get out of post op."

"Fuck more work. Haven't I gone through enough already?"

"No, apparently not."

The nurse chose that Moment to burst through the door with several towels folded to resemble a pillow.  "Hi there sweetie, my name is Katherine and I will be your nurse today. I understand that you had surgery yesterday and you aren't feeling so hot right now. So here is what we're going to do about that. First we are going to get you sitting up, then we are going to get you out of that bed in about an hour. Before you know it you'll be walking around this place like you own it."

Katherine placed the pillow on Sascha's abdomen and told her to hold it in place. "This will help absorb some of the pain from the movements and also when you start your breathing exercises later this morning." She showed Justin how to help Sascha hold the pillow in place and raised the bed so that she was sitting up.

Sascha cried silently at the pain that tore through her and held onto the pillow as it were the only thing that could save her. She looked at the nurse as though she hated her. Katherine in return smiled and added another dose of pain medication to the IV drip. She would soon be known affectionately as BUBBA. Sascha would explain when asked about the nickname that Bubba was her pusher. Everyone would laugh at the young girls ability to stay lighthearted in what she was about to face.

Every night, Brian stayed with her. The hospital administration had bent the rules slightly so he could. When the night nurse told Sascha that her father would not be allowed to stay the night the young woman pulled out her IV’s and pulled herself out of bed. As she dressed she told the nurse, "If he's not staying then neither am I."

The nurse called for security and hospital administration. Once Sascha had been convinced that her father could stay with her, she settled back into bed and allowed her IVs to be restarted. The next morning Bubba gave her hell for that stunt.

"Sascha, you could've died doing that. You are still recieving blood transfusions and antibiotics to ward off an infection. What the hell were you thinking?"

"That I wanted my Dad."

"Well apparently you got your wish. Now I want to see some of that feistiness this morning. We have laps to do, young lady. On your feet and into your bathrobe."

Sascha did as she was told without the usual arguments and did her mandatory ten laps around the post op unit. When Katherine was satisfied that she had done her best, Sascha was allowed to rest. That afternoon Sascha was moved back to Pediatrics.

Dr. Sambat came in that afternoon and told them that preliminary tests showed it wasn't cancer and she could prepare for discharge on Wed.

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Two days later I was packed and ready to go home when Dr. Sambat came in. I could tell by the look on his face that it was not good news. He asked to speak to my parents outside. I waited in that room all alone, tears streaming down my face. It was Dad who told me. Daddy was too upset by the news to speak and Mom just sat holding my hand. Dad sat down on the edge of my bed and told me.

"Sascha, honey, you have cancer."

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Ten minutes ago I had been ready to go home and now my world was crashing down around me. I had cancer. But how could that be? I was so young, so healthy. I had never been sick and now look at me. My thoughts ran wild.

I was going to die. That's what cancer meant, wasn't it? I just stared at my Dad and finally I was able to cry. I let the sobs ravage my body as I lost control of everything that had kept me going up until that moment. I didn't want to die, I was too young. I had my whole life ahead of me. I looked at Daddy and could see the worry in his eyes. Mom just sat silently crying and Dad held onto me trying his best to hold me together. I clung to him, fighting every instinct that told me to run. I knew what I had to do. I had to fight and I had to do it with every ounce of strength I had in my soul. I would not let cancer win.

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The news had been a shock to all of us, but I think that Brian took it the hardest. He held onto Sascha for hours as if he were afraid to let her go. Justin just watched him with sad eyes. I called the rest of the family and let them know the results and we all waited for the oncologist to stop in to tell us the next course of action. Around five-thirty Dr. LeRoy Essig entered Sascha's room and asked Brian, Justin and I to leave the room. Sascha shook her head and asked that we be allowed to stay.

Brian of course, instantly hated the doctor for his action. Dr. Essig explained to us that this was Sascha's fight and Sascha's disease and she had to have all of the information up front. He would not treat her like a child. He wanted her to be involved in every step of her recovery. Brian softened slightly when he realized that the doctor only wanted what was best for our daughter.

Dr. Essig explained that he would be treating  Sascha with three different types of chemotherapy, one of which, Bleomycin, would cause her to lose her hair. He explained to us that the form of cancer that Sascha had was very rare and that he had only seen two other cases of it in the state in the last ten years. He also told us that the name of her cancer was Endodermal Sinus Tumor of the Ovary, a rare form of sarcoma. This type of cancer was predominantly found in the male testes and was very rare in females.

Dr. Essig informed us that he would be conferring with several specialists in California and at St. Judes. We were told that she would have a cycle of chemo then two weeks off then another cycle and this would repeat for four cycles. Every Monday she would receive the Bleomycin, either in the hospital or at the Cancer Center. We were in for a long ride with this and I could only hope that Sascha could keep her faith up enough to face it.

In the meantime Willow was planning her wedding to Rick and we spent hours pouring over dresses and invitations at the hospital. Willow wanted a grand affair with all of her sisters as bridesmaids. They had settled on New Years Day since we knew that Sascha would not be receiving a course of treatment over the holidays and would hopefully be well enough to make it through the whole wedding. Willow was getting more and more excited as she looked for dresses. Julie had been a big help with everything.

She had taken time off of work to sit with Sascha when the rest of us couldn't get out of commitments. She also spent several hours with her while Justin and I took Willow dress shopping. Willow had eventually found the perfect dress and then began the quest for bridesmaids dresses. She was determined to find something elegant for her sisters. Her excitement was beginning to rub off on all of us and it was a welcome change from the sadness we had all been feeling.

Sascha helped with the invitations when she was feeling well enough and Willow could always manage to get her to laugh at something. Sascha seemed to be more alive when Willow was around talking about the wedding. All of the girls spent hours with their sister, giving her moral support and teasing her. I think it really helped keep her spirits up, which was the best thing for her right now.

Thea had flown in immediately after her GMA interview and was still here. She seemed to enjoy just being one of the Taylor-Kinney kids again. Fame was hard for her since she valued her privacy and quiet time more than most. Even here in the Pitts she couldn't escape her fame. Her first single, a remake of Madonna's Justify My Love, was soaring up the charts and was expected to hit number one in the coming weeks. Her first album would debut in stores Thanksgiving Day, just in time for the holiday shoppers. Her managers anticipated it going platinum in just a few weeks. Thea was the hottest star rising.

Sascha always had Thea's song playing. I think it was just her little way of annoying her sister whenever she stopped by. Thea of course played the famous rock star whenever she stepped into the room. That first day after we found out about Sascha, Thea showed up wearing a red leather outfit with her long blonde hair in a mass of curls and dark glasses. Sascha burst out laughing at the sight and Thea collapsed onto the chair as if it had taken all of her energy just to manage the walk from the elevator.

The girls were getting closer which pleased me. I loved being a mother to them and was thankful that I had the chance. I had stayed in the background when they were younger because I knew that Justin and Brian needed that time with them. It was always hard for me to be in the background watching them at birthdays and holidays. I wanted so much to be their Mommy. Now I had my chance and I was doing my best to never let them down.

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