I Want You to Know

Part 31

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As I was sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of water and a press release I should have been working on, Sara came running through the backdoor, tears streaming down her face, and ran up the stairs without realizing I had been in the room. My instinct told me something was seriously wrong and I took the stairs two at a time after her. I hit the top floor just in time to see her slam the bathroom door shut. I heard the shower running and my heart sank to the floor, and somehow I knew. Knocking loudly on the door, calling out to her, when she didn't answer and I heard the wracking sobs I kicked the door in. I found her in a heap on the floor, hysterically crying, her shirt ripped, her lip bloody. There was a faint bruise starting to form on her left eye. I sat down next to her on the floor, the steam wafting around us speaking softly trying not to scare her.

"Sara, honey, are you ok?" I was answered with more uncontrollable sobs. I slid closer to her, not touching her for fear of scaring her and asked again, "Sara, babydoll, it's dad, are you ok?"

"N.....N...NO.." she managed between sobs and my heart lay shattered on the floor next to her.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"No."

"Baby you have to tell me so I can help you. Please," I begged her, I had to know the truth, even though deep inside I had already faced it. I waited for her to answer me and when she didn't I gently touched her arm and I almost died when she flinched. "Sara, babydoll, please don't shut me out. Let me help you."

"I can't daddy." She sounded like such a small child and I almost allowed myself to cry. Taking a deep breath I tried to remain calm, trying not to scare her anymore than what she was now. She slid back across the floor as I tried to touch her arm again.

"Please, just leave me alone daddy. Please. I just need to be alone."

"You know I can't do that babydoll. I love you and I want to help you. You just have to let me." I watched as she struggled with the decision of whether to let me in.

"I can't daddy, I can't tell you."

"It's okay, I already know. But Sara, listen to me, we have to go to the hospital and get you checked out."

"I can't. Please don't make me daddy." Wordlessly I stood and picked her up, carrying her down the stairs I called out to the girls that Sara and I were going out and Lindsay would be over in a few minutes to stay with them. I sat her in the front seat and buckled her in, trying my best not to touch her more than necessary. I had caused her enough trauma for one night and couldn't bear to cause her anymore pain.

I called Justin from my cell as I pulled out onto the highway and hoped he had it on in the restaurant. When he answered I instantly felt better.

"Justin, I need you to come to the hospital."

"Why?"

"I can't go into that on the phone, just please meet me there and hurry." I looked at Sara, hoping she didn't end up hating me for calling him but knowing it had to be done. If anyone could help her through this it would be Justin. "I love you," I said hanging up the phone.

Thirty five minutes later I sat in the examining room with my daughter, holding her hand and trying my best not to lose my temper at the staff for taking so long to see her. When the nurse finally came in she smiled sadly at me then at Sara. I looked at her nametag and smiled back at her.

"Michelle, how long is this going to take? I'd like to get her home soon."

"I understand Mr. Taylor-Kinney, but first we need to examine her, then the police will need to question her. If you could wait out in the hall, we can begin the exam."

"I'm not going anywhere. My little girl needs me."

"I'm sorry but you can't be in here during the exam. Its hospital policy."

"Fuck the policy."

"Daddy, it's okay."

I looked at my little girl lying there trying to be brave as I kissed her on the forehead, "I'll be right outside the door babydoll. If you need me call out and I'll break down the fucking door if I have to."

I stepped out into the hall just as Justin rounded the corner, looking for her room. "Brian, what happened? I called the house and the girls didn't know what was going on or where you went. All anyone knew is that you took Sara somewhere. What's wrong with her? Is she sick?"

My look must have finally registered and he shut up, sinking into the chair sitting just outside of the room. "She was raped."

"What?" he looked so frightened and helpless, like I felt, that I held him close, trying to convince both of us that everything would be okay soon.

"She came home and I just knew something was wrong. I found her upstairs in the bathroom, crying on the floor. When I saw her shirt ripped and her lip bloody, I knew. I just knew."

"Oh my God. Who did this to her? Where was she?"

"Justin calm down, I don't know all of the details, she was too upset to talk much. I didn't push, I just wanted to be there for her. To let her know that she wasn't alone."

"Oh my God Brian." I could see where his thoughts were going and I struggled against the fear that threatened to take hold of me.

"Justin baby, you have to stay calm, she needs you now. You can understand what she's feeling better than I can. You have to help her, I don't know how she feels, but you do. Please Justin, she's so fragile now, she's slipping away from us."

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Justin's POV

I sat there in that chair, in the cold sterile hallway and listened to Brian tell me that our seventeen year old daughter had been raped. My heart pounded, my throat was dry, and I couldn't speak. Oh my God was all I could think. I wanted to jump up and run in there to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be ok. I closed my eyes and thought back, back to when Joshua had raped me.

She must be so scared, so alone in there, I had to help her. But how? How could I tell her that I too had been where she is now? How could I help her when I still struggled with it myself everyday? Sure I went along like I was fine, but somewhere inside I screamed for someone to see how much I hurt. All those nights that Brian lay there in bed next to me, not touching me, not wanting to frighten me.

She's just a child, my child, she shouldn't be going through this. She should be home studying for her history test, not lying in the hospital getting examined like this. I must have looked terrified because when I finally focused on what Brian was saying he seemed a little too worried about me. I was just about to speak when the nurse came out and told us we could go in and see Sara. I hesitated just a moment before going in.

"Sara, honey, are you ok?" I asked as I kissed her forehead.

"Hi daddy."

"Hey baby. The nurse said you should be able to go home soon. The doctor wants to talk to us and they want to wait on some test results to come back. Do you want something to drink?"

"Can I have a cup of coffee?" I looked to Brian, smiling to myself at how much Sara was like him. He walked out of the room to get her coffee and give us some time alone. When the door shut behind him, I faced her again.

"Honey, I know how hard this is."

"No you don't daddy, you have no idea." She broke down into sobs and I took her in my arms, rocking her back and forth until she calmed down a little.

"Sara, I do know. I was raped a few years ago. I know what you feel right now. I know that you feel it's your fault, but it isn't sweetheart. It's not your fault, you didn't do anything to deserve this."

"It is my fault daddy. It is." Her tears streamed down her cheeks and I tried my best to calm her, soothing her hair as she buried her face in my chest and cried. I cried along with her, doing my best to be there for her. She pulled away from me finally and looked up at me with such a blank look in her eyes I searched the depths of my mind to remember where I had seen it before. It dawned on me that she looked just like Brian at that moment and I was terrified that I had already lost her.

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Sara's POV

All I could think was that I was falling. Dad had tried to save me and so had Daddy. I just wanted to close my eyes and just give up. The pain was so strong, so intense, so overwhelming. I had to find a way to end it. Why did I go there tonight? Why didn't I just stay home and use dad's computer instead. I had seen him when I walked in, he was near the front, in the reference section and he smiled at me. I walked over to where Amy was sitting, and pressed a light kiss to her cheek, she looked up and smiled at me. My heart did flipflops every time she smiled at me like that and I fell more in love with her everyday.

We sat and worked on our project for chemistry until she looked at her watch and said she had to go. Seeing it was only nine I knew I had time, since our curfew wasn't until eleven on school nights. Dad and daddy had fought about that but of course dad won. When it came to us, dad normally did, unless of course Daddy really thought it was important. I hung around another hour until the library closed. I was walking to dad's car down the block when I heard the footsteps behind me, I turned and saw him. He was smiling at me and I guess I should have just kept walking but I slowed down enough that he caught up with me quickly.

"Hey, Larry."

"Hey Sara, where's your girlfriend?" He teased me, but he always had after he found out I was gay. I was used to it by now, considering I grew up the child of two gay men. Oh yeah and my mom is gay too. I smiled at him and told him she had to go home early. He leaned into me then and whispered in my ear.

"I bet you've never even seen a dick. Maybe if you had you'd be normal." Then he grabbed me and threw me back into the alley. I hit the pavement hard and tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his and I felt him rip my shirt, his hands on my bra. He ripped it off of me and replaced his hands with his mouth, sucking on my breast. I felt an overwhelming urge to vomit then, and I tried to fight him off. He looked up with this look of pure hatred in his eyes and punched me. I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember was the feel of him pushing into me. He didn't even care that I was crying, begging him to stop. I told him I was a virgin and that seemed to excite him even more. I'll never forget what he said to me then.

"I love virgin pussy, especially lesbian pussy. I'm going to show you what it's like to fuck a man baby, and when I'm done with you, you'll never go back to your disgusting lifestyle."

I cried out against the intrusion and the pain. I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself anywhere but here, his hands on my body, his breath hot against my skin as he panted. I felt him inside of me, felt him when he finally came. He left me lying there, as he stood up he shoved his softening cock in my face, forcing it into my mouth. I watched as he zipped his pants and walked away as he glancing back one last time. I eventually gathered my books and made it to my car, my hands shaking as I drove, crying the whole way home. All I wanted was to shower, to get the feel of him off of me.

When dad burst through that door, I was horrified that he had seen me like that. I never wanted anyone to know, especially him. He had taught us how to defend ourselves since we could walk, and I had let him down. How could I ever face him again? This was the first time in my life that I felt I had disappointed him.

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Two days later I sat in the living room, smoking a cigarette, worrying about my daughter and my partner. Justin seemed to be fighting his own demons since finding out about Sara's rape. And my sweet Sara had withdrawn into herself, even Amy couldn't reach her. Not that she hadn't tried, she spent almost every waking hour here with Sara, holding her, talking to her, and most importantly loving her. I was so thankful that Sara had her.

I was just finishing my cigarette when the phone rang. I answered it quickly thinking it may be the doctor with Sara's test results and was shocked to hear Lindsay's voice on the other end.

"Lindz, what's up? Did you forget something when you left?"

"No Brian, we have a major problem."

"What now?"

"Gus is in jail."

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