I Want You to Know

Part 30

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****FOUR YEARS LATER****


I lay in bed, the sun just coming up, and missing him already. I hate when Justin takes these trips to visit Daphne, but I knew he needed the break from the kids and from me. Hell, even I knew that living with me was harder than living with five preteen girls. I was still lying there lost in thought when there was a faint knock at the door. Calling for her to come in, I watched Thea cross the room, somewhat timidly towards me.

"Dad, can you take me to the store?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, I need to get something."

"And what the fuck is so important that you have to get it at," I picked up the clock and looked at it not believing my eyes, "seven in the morning?"

"It's personal, dad."

"Well you better make it not so personal if you want me to get my ass out of this bed, and it better not be that some kid is on the cover of a magazine and you have to have it now or you'll just die." Under my breath I muttered, 'I will never understand girls."

"Dad, please don't make me tell you. Can you just take me?" She looked so scared I began to form all kinds of things in my sick mind.

"No, you need to tell me why."

"Damnit dad, daddy would just take me. I wish he were here."

"Yeah, well you and me both, but he isn't so spill it baby doll."

"I need something very personal, something you wouldn't know about."

It dawned on me, then just what it was she was talking about and I sat up in my bed looking at my baby girl and wondering how the fuck she had grown up without my knowledge. "Thea, did you start your period?"

She looked away from me, embarrassed she shook her head up and down. I sat there stunned for another moment, then told her to go out to the sitting room and shut the door until I got dressed. I stood over the toilet, taking a piss, and thinking of the young girl out there needing some guidance. Fuck why did Justin have to be away today of all days. After zipping up I padded out to the sitting room and sat next to my little girl on the couch.

"Okay, honey, let me finish getting dressed and we'll go. Are your sisters awake?"

"Yes."

"Okay, go tell them to get their shoes and coats on and find me the keys to daddy's van. Oh and Thea, why the hell couldn't you have done this when your father was home."

"You're my father too. We could call mom, she could come and take me."

"And let your father kick my ass for not being supportive of you in your time of need? I think not kiddo, go get your sisters."

She stopped at the door and turned back around, running to me and hugged me tight, "Thanks dad."

I sat there another few minutes thinking about the trip to the local Big Q to buy feminine products with five girls. I was hoping the earth would open up and swallow me, when I heard the girls running down the stairs, chatting about what they were going to con me into buying them. I pulled on my shoes, thinking to myself that I was going to kill Justin for choosing this weekend to be away. Jogging down the stairs, I found all five of them standing there waiting for me.

"Let's go," I said grabbing my coat. Looking at them I shook my head hoping I wouldn't run into anyone I knew with this ragtag bunch. Willow was in jeans and one of Justin's old Madonna tshirts, while Thea was in gray sweats with a very long sweatshirt in blue. Sara was in her favorite skirt, the one I felt was way too short for her, and reminded me of a little catholic school girl. Kaelin, as usual was in kahkis and a button down shirt. She reminded me of Justin when I first met him. One look at Sascha and I knew that in another year or so we would have problems with this child. She stood before me with her makeup perfectly done, red lips, black leather miniskirt, short croptop that said ANGEL in glitter across her rapidly expanding chest and a black leather jacket she had stolen from my closet.

We drove to the store with some strange cd blasting in my ear, by the time we reached the Big Q I had a pounding headache. We made a strange cast of characters as we made our way into the store. Before I had a chance to say anything the girls split up and went in different directions. I followed Thea and tried to help her make a selection until she asked me to leave her alone. I slipped to the back of the store and pulled out my cell, dialing Justin's. When he answered he sounded surprised to hear from me so early.

"Where are you, Bri?" he asked

"At the Big Q," I said more than a little too pissy.

"What are you doing at the Big Q at this time of morning?"

"Because you left me with a teenage daughter who started her fucking period this morning."

"What? Who?" he asked, sounding a little too excited for my tastes.

"Thea, and you're going to pay for this one, Mr. Taylor-Kinney."

"Why didn't you call Lindsay?"

"And have you rag me about it all the fucking time, fuck that. So here I am with *your* daughter picking out fucking sanitary products that tout having wings like its something special. What the fuck am I doing here, Justin? I should be at Babylon getting my dick sucked or something."

"No, you're right where you belong Brian. Just go help her and don't embarrass her too much. I'll be home tonight. and call Lindsay so she can come and talk to her. You're a lot of things Brian but an expert on menstrual cycles isn't one of those things."

"Yeah, fuck you."

"I love you. I'll see you tonight."

"I love you too. And tonight can't get here soon enough."

By the time I got back to the girls, they had all made their choices and we headed for the checkout. As I stood there watching Fat Marley scan Cosmo, Glamour, makeup, tampons, and other assorted things those damn girls couldn't live without, Mikey and Ben walked in.

"Can this day get any worse," I said to no one in particular, handing my credit card to the cashier. I tried to avoid them, but damn if Mikey didn't come over and ask why we were out so early.

"The girls needed some things to get through the weekend without Justin. What are you guys doing up so early?"

"Shopping," Mikey grinned and I knew exactly what it was they needed. I pulled out my wallet and handed them a hundred, "Get a fucking case, so you don't have to run out with a fucking raging hard on again."

"Dad!!!!!!!!!" my girls exclaimed in unison.

"Oh fuck, I forgot you were here," I said shaking my head. "But here in lies a lesson for all of you. If you're gonna fuck, use a condom, right boys?" I turned back to Mikey and Ben and laughed at Mikey's expression. The poor man looked like he was trapped and we all erupted in laughter at him.

"Dad, why do you do that to him?"

I turned to face Sara, who had a soft spot for all helpless things, including Michael Novotny. "Because he lets me. Come on girls, lets get your sister home so she can grow up on me some more."

We drove home in silence. When we got home I watched my girls go upstairs and decided I needed some time to recover from a morning spent shopping with them. I had just lay back on the bed when there was a knock at the door again. Fuck, I thought to myself, I am not cut out to be a father to five kids, let alone five girls. I called out for whoever it was to come in without opening my eyes. It was only when she sat down next to me that I opened my eyes to find Thea on the edge of my bed.

"Hey babydoll, what's wrong now? Couldn't figure out the wings on the damn things?"

"Dad, can't you be serious for one minute?"

Seeing the look on her face, I quickly sobered up, "What's the matter honey?"

"Dad, I just wanted to say thanks."

"No need for that honey, I'm your dad that's what I'm supposed to do."

"That isn't what I meant. I mean, thanks for always being there for us, for me. I know that when you and daddy first thought about having kids, you never thought you'd have five of us."

"Listen kiddo, we may not have anticipated having all of you at once but man are we glad we did. You never ever have to doubt that we love you."

"I know, and that's why I'm so glad you're my dad." she hugged and kissed me. I held her close for a long time before letting her go.

"What is this all about Thea?"

"Dad, how come you never talk about your mom and dad?"

"Leave it alone, Thea."

"But I just wanted to know how you got to be such a good dad. Did you have a good childhood? Were they good to you?"

"No."

"No to what dad?"

"All of it."

"All of what?" Justin asked walking in, on the middle of our conversation. I looked at him, trying to avoid this conversation with either of them. There were things about my childhood even Justin didn't know and I sure as hell didn't want to go into detail with my thirteen year old daughter.

"Dad was telling me about his family."

"What family?" Justin asked.

"She asked me about Jack and Joan."

"And what did you tell her," he asked with a nervous look.

"Nothing yet. Maybe all the girls should hear it so I don't have to go through it all again."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Brian."

"You don't get a say in this Justin, you didn't survive them." I turned to Thea, "Get your sisters and meet me downstairs in ten minutes."

Once she was gone Justin started in on why I shouldn't tell our daughters about my parents and my childhood. We were still arguing about it as I walked down stairs to fill in my kids about why they had never known dear old Grandpa Jack and Granny Joan.

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Justin watched his partner with concern, and anger that he was really going to tell the girls about his family. They had agreed that they didn't want the kids knowing how bad Brian had been treated growing up, but here he was, once again being too fucking honest for his own good. Brian sat down in the leather chair across the room from his girls and watched them for a few minutes. His heart leapt at the sight of them, they were five clones of Justin, and everyone knew how much he loved Justin Nicholas Taylor-Kinney.

Willow was the first to speak, "Dad, you don't have to do this if its going to be too hard."

"It's fine, girls. What do you want to know?"

"Dad, I found this the other day. " Thea handed her father the folded envelope and looked at the contents. Tears filled his eyes as he pulled out the pictures of himself as a little boy standing off to the side in the family picture.

"Where did you get this?" he asked her, his anger building.

"In your desk, I was looking for a stapler and it fell out when I opened the drawer."

"Stay out of my desk. Nothing in there concerns you."

Justin watched Brian's eyes and could see all the old pain building up and it frightened him. He knew how Brian could withdraw and close himself off when he thought about Joan and Jack. Looking to his children he saw the tears in Thea's eyes and went to her, pulling her close.

"Thea, honey, it's ok. This is really hard for your dad, he was hurt a lot by his family growing up and sometimes that pain just never goes away."

"That's enough of the psycho babble bullshit Justin. They want to know, I'll tell them." Turning to Thea, "Babydoll, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Your dad is right though about how much it still hurts."

"Will you tell us about them?" Sara asked shyly. Brian still couldn't believe this shy timid child was a part of their family. Smiling at her he nodded and continued.

"Well Joan and Jack Kinney, were not the best parents to have if you were a gay, smartass, teen. But it started before then. Joan got pregnant with me and dear old dad told her to get rid of me. She decided to keep the baby to get back at him for his drunkenness and his infidelity. He never failed to remind me of the fact that I was a mistake."

"Brian, honey, stop. You don't have to do this." Justin held onto his lover's hand and tried to convince him not to go down this road now. But Brian shook his head against the thought of quitting and went on.

"Jack never wanted me, and used me as a punching bag most nights."

"Where was your mom?" Kaelin asked, the worry evident in her clear blue eyes.

"She stood back and watched him do it. On occasion she would feel guilty and let him beat her instead. But she always found a way to make me feel like I wasn't part of their family. I think that hurt more than the beatings."

"Dad, did you tell them you were gay?"

"Not for a long time, Sascha. I told your grandfather right after Gus was born. He was dying then, of cancer, and he happened to be there when your mom and Gus were there. Joanie, she found out by mistake."

"How did she find out?" Sara asked, watching the look that passed between her fathers and stifled a giggle.

Brian's mind returned to that day that he stole Ted's Viagra and had just finished fucking Justin for the eighth time that afternoon when Joanie dropped by. He laughed to himself remembering how Justin came down the stairs rubbing his sore ass, as he stood there with a hard on. Remembering he was supposed to be telling his teenage daughters about that day, he looked to Justin, clueless as how to begin.

"Well girls, your dad and I had been together right before she came by. Dad went down to talk to her and I came out, literally. She just happened to be in the loft when I came downstairs and she could tell then that there was more going on than she cared to know."

Willow's eyes were wide and Sascha sat with a smile on her face, she always loved the idea of her fathers together. She knew how much they loved each other and she was willing to bet that the sex between them was explosive. It was Sascha who spoke, "I bet she freaked."

Brian spoke next, "you could say that. She told me I was going to hell. Girls I don't think it's appropriate for me to go into too much detail about this. Let's just say that I didn't have a happy childhood. Which is why I try so hard to make yours happy."

"We are happy dad. You and daddy are so great. Even though we get teased about having two dads sometimes, I'm glad you're our parents." Thea stood and kissed both of her fathers before turning back to her sisters. "Come on, lets go watch reruns of Friends."

As they headed up the stairs, Brian pulled Justin down into his lap, kissing him deeply, trying to erase the memories of Joan and Jack. He felt the beginnings of an erection and allowed Justin to pull him to his feet. Taking his hand, Justin led him upstairs to their bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Justin pulled off his shirt, and unbuttoned his pants, pushing them down and stepping out of them. Brian stood watching, amazed at how the man before him could still excite him so much. He watched entranced as Justin began to stroke his own cock, Brian's straining against the buttons of his 501s. As his lover's hand moved, his breath quickened, and he closed the distance between them. Pulling off his own shirt, he almost jumped at the heat of Justin's touch. Watching his lover take one hard nipple then the other into his mouth was almost enough for him to cum in his pants. Picking him up he carried him to the bed, laying him down softly and stepping out of his jeans. Brian's cock leapt at being free from its confines. Lying next to Justin, Brian allowed the younger man to take his cock into his mouth and tease him incessantly for several minutes before rolling away from him. Staring deep into his lover's eyes, Brian smiled before turning over to face the bed.

Justin accepted the invitation and pushed deep into his lover. With each thrust he erased the memories that still haunted his Brian. Hours later, when both men had been satisfied, they lay in bed, holding one another and listened to the sounds of their family.

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