I Want You to Know

Part 3

Notes: Thank you to my beautiful beta Susan, what would I do without you...Oh and to Luke thanks for helping me when I was stuck....Misty this one is all your fault....

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The kiss deepened as I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to me, trying my best to be one with him, before I broke his heart. Not that I didn't love him, because God knows I do. Maybe I love him too much, or maybe not enough, or maybe I'm just scared to let myself love him. I wanted him so bad, wanted to be next to him, part of him, anything I could get at this point. I broke the kiss and moved away from him again, trying to calm myself down before I just caved and gave into my desire to be with him forever. "No!"

"Brian," he sounded desperate, and determined.

"NO Justin, not again. I won't do it again. I won't let myself love you."

"Won't let yourself? Do you think that love is something you can control? It's beyond your control Brian, you already love me, you even admitted it more than once. YOU LOVE ME. And I LOVE YOU.    There’s no turning back now”

"I can't."

"And why not? What's stopping you?"

"Me! I can't take the chance that you'll leave again, or that  I may have to learn to live without you all over. It's just too damn hard."

"I'm not going anywhere Brian. You're stuck with me, so get used to it. But to prove it to you, I'll make you a deal."

"What kinda deal? And what makes you think this is a negotiation?"

"You just asked me what kind of deal, didn't you? So see you're open to trying, just give me the chance to prove to you that I'm forever."

"Ok, so what's the deal?"

"We date, we start over, at the beginning and when we're ready we'll take the next step. I love you, I'm willing to wait forever for you."

"And if I say no?"

"If you were going to say no you'd have said it by now and I wouldn't still be standing here. You want this as much as I do Brian; just admit it."

"You drive a hard bargain Mr. Taylor. You're on. But you have one month to make me believe in love, one month, and no more."

"That should be easy, you already believe in love, you just don't know it yet. One month, Brian. One month and it's you and me forever."

He kissed me softly before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. Stopping, he turned and smiled at me, "See you tonight. Around 7?"

"Yeah, where should I pick you up?"

"Meet me at the diner, I get off at 6:30. See you then, I love you," he called over his shoulder before shutting the door softly behind him.

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Justin could hardly concentrate on what he was doing and it was only after he spilled water all over Emmett that Debbie questioned him. "Sunshine, what the fuck is wrong with you today?"

"Nothing, Deb, I have a date."

"A date? With who?" Emmett asked instantly intrigued. Justin and Michael exchanged glances and explained to Emmett that his date was with Brian.

"Brian? Our Brian? On a date? Are you sure you understood him right sweetie?"

"He understood me," Brian smirked sliding into the booth next to Michael and pressing a light kiss to Justin's lips. "Hey, Sunshine."

"Hey yourself, handsome. Coffee? I still have a half an hour before my shift is over, can you wait?"

"For you? Yeah I think I can wait for you, and coffee would be great, but can you serve it up with a side of blonde?"

Debbie heard Brian's comments and yelled over the counter, "Hey Sunshine, you can take off early, we'll be fine."

"Debbie, are you sure, I can stay, Brian said he'd wait."

"Sunshine, you don't make a man like that wait, get your cute little bubble butt outta here, I'll get Mr. Kinney's coffee."

"Thanks, Deb," Justin said pressing a kiss to her cheek. Taking off his apron, he headed to the back to change and decided he needed a shower. After grabbing his bag he slid into the booth next to Brian and kissed him hard.

"Can we swing by the loft first so I can shower and change?"

"Um, sure or I could take you home to change."

"No, I'm not sure where I'm staying yet, so if I could just use your shower, I should be fine."

"What do you mean you don't know where you're staying yet?"

"Well I didn't think that Ethan would like me staying there if I¹m with you, my mom doesn't have room for me, and Daphne just got a new roommate, so right now I'm looking."

"No you aren't, you can stay with me."

"No, Brian I can't. I need to do this for me, ok? Besides we're starting over remember?"

"As I recall the last time we started you lived with me, so why should this time around be any different?"

"Because I said so. I want to do this right Brian."

"If I could interrupt here," both men turned to look at Ben who continued, "I have an extra room, if you need a place to stay Justin, the rent is covered, all you would need to pay for is your food and whatever it is you require to be beautiful for Brian."

"Thanks Ben, that would be great. Is it ok if I move my stuff in tomorrow?"

"How much do you have?"

"Don't worry Ben, he doesn't have a lot of stuff, just his expensive taste and his art." Brian teased.

Justin smacked him playfully before answering Ben, "He's right I don't have much, just my clothes and my art supplies. Oh and my computer and stereo."

"Fine, I'll have a key made and leave it here with Debbie, so you can pick it up tonight on your way home. And Justin, just don't make a lot of noise ok."

"No problem, thanks again, Ben." Turning to Brian he smiled beautifully at him, "Ready?"

"Yeah, let's go," grabbing Justin by the hand Brian pulled him to his feet, and kissing him hard before heading out the door. “Later,” he called back over his shoulder.

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I sat on the couch listening to him in the shower, trying to stop myself from going upstairs and fucking him the way he deserved to be fucked. Doesn't he know that he should never be alone in my shower? Fuck this is going to be harder than I thought, but I have to do it right, I have to show him I'm at least trying. When I hear the shower turn off, I wait a few minutes to give him time to dress before I head up the stairs. Just as I reach the top of the stairs he drops his towel and my self-control is shot to hell again.

"Fuck."

"Brian," he gasps in surprise, grabbing for the towel. I grab his hand to stop him, caressing every inch of him with my eyes. He meets my gaze and licks his lips absentmindedly. I lean in to kiss him, running my tongue over the same path his just took. Running my hands down his back until I reach his nice round ass, gently squeezing the cheeks, pulling him closer to me as I do. He moans into the kiss, I'm lost, I want every inch of him, pulling back at the last second, ravaging him with my eyes, "Fuck, Justin, I'm sorry. Get dressed, baby, we have reservations and we're already running late."

I leave him standing there staring after me not believing what has happened, shaking his head, still naked with a hard on. I pace in front of the windows listening to him dress just a few feet from me, it's almost too much having him here in my loft again and not being able to take him in my arms. I'm still pacing when he comes downstairs dressed in a sky blue sweater and white chinos, hair still damp from the shower. I catch my breath at the sight of him and let out a low appreciative whistle. Justin laughs softly while I help him on with his jacket and we leave for our first date.

As the maitre¹d leads us to our table I notice how intimate the restaurant is. Perfect for our first date together. I order a bottle of Merlot and an appetizer of crab stuffed mushrooms, knowing they are Justin's favorite. When he smiles that gorgeous smile at me, I feel like a teenager again, on my first date.

Waiting for the appetizer, I gaze him at while he studies the menu, my mind only on wanting him, not food. When the waiter returns with our wine, Justin orders his favorite dish of blackened Mahi Mahi with Portabella mushrooms and garlic mashed potatoes. Quickly scanning the menu I order the swordfish with asparagus and wild rice.

As we wait for our dinner, Justin tells me how his classes are going and the new project he is working on. I sit listening intently, completely unaware of the stares we're receiving as I hold his hand and kiss it softly. I was still holding his hand when our dinner finally arrived. I watch him eat, thinking that his appetite was even more enormous than I remembered, so engrossed I barely touched my own food. It was only when Justin reached across the table and fed me a bite of my swordfish that I even tasted it.

"Brian, you should eat before it gets cold, you know how you hate cold fish."

"Sorry, I was just enjoying the view."

"You and half the damn restaurant."

I turn to see what he’s talking about, only to find myself the center of attention. Having a little fun I lean across the table and kiss him passionately. Justin laughs when we finally part and takes another long sip of wine before leaning across the table himself to kiss me. "What was that for?"

"Just for making this such a nice date. Thank you Brian."

"You don't have to thank me Justin, it's my pleasure. I didn't know how much fun dating could be."

"It ain't over yet, baby."

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When dinner was over the men went back to the loft after renting some videos. They settled in to watch Gone with the Wind, Justin's all time favorite movie, and one Brian had never seen. Justin was sitting with Brian's head in his lap when Rhett Butler entered Scarlett's life and Brian sat up. Justin giggled and Brian shot him
a dirty look.  "SHHH. I'm trying to concentrate on the hot man."

"You are so fucking funny, Brian Kinney, all it takes is one hot man and all of a sudden you like a movie you were bitching at me five minutes ago for renting."

"Well maybe if you had told me that the absolutely most beautiful man was in it, I wouldn't have bitched. Next time all you have to say is that there is a very hot man in it and I'll shut the hell up."

"I'll shut you up," Justin teased and pushed his lover back on the couch, straddling and kissing him. It was all Brian could do to stop himself from fucking him right there, but he wanted to do this right, so after a few minutes of heavy kissing he pushed Justin off of him.

"Ok time to stop now before it goes too far."

"It can never go TOO FAR."

"Sunshine, you aren't playing fair now. I want to do this right this time. I don't want it to be all about sex, I want to take it slow. When we make love for the first time again I want it to be special, something you'll always remember."

"I remember every second of our first time Brian. I remember how you felt, how you tasted, how you made me feel like the only man in the world you wanted to be with. MMMMMM, boy do I remember that night. I remember every night we were together."

 "I love you."

"I still can't believe you're saying that to me. I love you too Brian, more than anything.”

"I know, and it's that love that has given me the courage to open my heart to you. Justin, without you my life means absolutely nothing, I owe you so much."

"No you don't. All I did was love you. You always had it in you, you just needed a little help finding it."

"And that was the best thing you could have ever done."

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I awoke a stiff neck, trying to remember why I'm was sleeping on the couch. It was only when I heard his light snoring, that I remembered that Justin spent the night, in my bed, ALONE. Damn what was wrong with me? I had a beautiful man in my bed and I'm on the couch? I got up and folded the blanket and sheet, putting them in a pile on the coffee table and picked up his jacket, putting it to my nose, breathing in the scent of him. My senses were overloaded with the hint of citrus and that damn Polo Blue cologne he insisted on wearing when he saw that Leonardo DiCaprio was in the ad. I¹ve missed that scent, and I've missed him.  Standing there holding his jacket, he comes down the stairs rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I smile at the idea of having him in my loft again, just like old times. I hadn't realized I said it out loud until he corrects me.

"Nope, not like old times at all."

"What?"

"You said 'just like old times' and I said no, because this time, I woke up alone, and unsatisfied."

"Very funny Sunshine, you're the one who wanted to do this right. Not my fault you're so damn convincing." After a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon, which he cooked of course, we made plans to meet up for lunch and an afternoon at the park with Gus. After Justin left I showered and dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, prepared for a casual day with my two favorite boys. Picking Justin up at Ben's around noon, we drove the short distance to pick up Gus from the munchers.

Melanie opened the door, acting as though she had just invited Satan into her home, handing Gus over to us with strict instructions not to feed him too much junk. Once I swore on my dick that I wouldn't fill him full of sweets, we agreed that Gus would be returned around 7:30 that evening. Justin buckled Gus into his car seat and popped in a Barney tape, at which I rolled my eyes, and covered my ears. "Must we listen to purple dinosaurs?"

"Yes, since it will keep your son from screaming his head off in the backseat. You know how he hates to be near you and not be in your arms."

"Hmmm sounds familiar, also sounds a lot like another little boy I know."

"I'm not a little boy, remember?" he reached over and caressed my rapidly growing cock through my jeans as I shifted in my seat trying to relieve the pressure. Grabbing his hand I stroked my dick with it and raised an eyebrow at him before pushing him away.

"Okay Sunshine, I get the point, now stop it or I won't be held responsible for giving Gus an early education on man on man sex. But then it's never too early to learn the proper technique for giving a blow job."

"You are just pure evil, Brian Kinney," he said laughing at me, his laughter sounding like music to my ears. When Gus heard Justin laughing he joined in, gleefully laughing at a joke he didn't even understand.

Looking in the rearview mirror I watched my son and felt love and pride wash over me, I had done at least one thing right in my life. "Sonny boy, wanna go play with Daddy and Justin?"

"PLAY! Play daddy. Gussy, play daddy and Justin."

"Promise to be a good boy? If you're a good boy daddy will buy you ice cream."

"I-CREAM...Gussy good boy," he squealed from the backseat.

Justin shook his head at me, "He's talking a lot now. Maybe we should feed him lunch before the ice cream though. What do you say Gus, want fries and a burger at the diner?"

"Gussy see Grammy Debbie. Want Grammy Debbie fries."

"Okay sonny boy, the diner it is." Turning to Justin I replied, "see what you started?"

"Oh you know you love Deb as much as that little boy back there does."

"Yeah, but she doesn't need to know that, so keep your mouth shut or else."

We walked into the diner with a squirming Gus in my arms and Justin trying his best to help. The second Gus saw Debbie he started to scream for her, and I let him down to run to her. She caught him in a big bear hug, leaving a trail of red lipstick all over his small face. Ushering us into a booth she kissed both Justin and myself before setting the toddler down between us.

"So what brings you two out with my favorite boy today?"

"Brian and I thought it would be nice to take Gus to the park since it¹s finally warming up some. What kind of father would he be if he didn't fill him full of greasy food while we're at it?"

"Shut up Sunshine," I warned before smiling at Debbie and ordering Gus a cheeseburger and fries with chocolate milk. Justin ordered the same for himself, and I ordered my usual, grilled chicken sandwich, minus the bread and opted for fries instead of fruit today.  Waiting for our food we try unsuccessfully to occupy Gus with crayons and paper. The little boy was becoming more restless and I was quickly losing my patience.

"Daddy, Gussy go potty."

Justin picked him up and slid out of the booth, "I'll take you Gus, daddy looks like he could use a minute alone." Just as he turned to take my son to the bathroom in the back of the diner, he came face to face with that damn fiddle playing fool.

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