I Want You to Know

Part 24

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Sitting on the floor reading to my children, Gus in my lap and the babies around me, I finally felt some sense of peace in my life. I had spent so many years depriving myself of love and now here I am surrounded by six of the most important people in my life. I looked up when Justin came in and smiled at him through my tears, my voice breaking as I read about Max and his wolf suit.

Later that night Justin held me as we lay in bed, exhausted from taking care of six small children. Lindsay was still recuperating and we had tried to give her some much needed time to herself. Thankfully everyone gave us our first full day at home to ourselves. I let myself take comfort in his arms; Justin had wanted to talk about the letter from my mother, I told him to drop it, which of course I knew he wouldn't do. He at least let it go for tonight. We slept together, legs entwined, his head on my chest, I had never felt so happy in my life.

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Six months later we were getting the girls dressed to go out when the doorbell rang. Justin opened it to find Claire standing there.

"Is he here?"

"Hello to you too, Claire," Justin said as she brushed past. "He is actually getting the girls in their coats to go out. Can this wait?"

"No it can't." She continued up the stairs, yelling, "Brian!"

"What the fuck are you doing here, Claire?"

"Brian I need to talk to you, about Mom."

"She's dead Claire, move on. " Brian turned his attention back to the task at hand, ignoring Claire. When he looked back, he found her still standing there. Shaking his head he said, "Damnit Claire, go the fuck away, can't you see I am a little busy?"

"Brian I have to talk to you about Mom's will."

"What about it? Did she put in a clause that gives her a chance to come back? Cause if so I veto the idea. Let the bitch stay in Hell with her precious church friends."

"Brian, this is your mother we're talking about here."

"No Claire, she was never my mother and no little letter or bitchy cunt of a sister will make me change my mind. So say what you came to say then get the fuck out of my house, you're smelling up the place."

"Brian, can't you just be civil for once? I mean you're a father now, think of your children."

"Claire, I've been a father for years now, that never seemed to be something you were concerned with before."

"Fine, I can see you aren't going to make this easy, so I'll just say it. Mom left provisions in her will for the grandchildren, I'm sure she assumed you'd never have any children so I need your signature to release the money to John and Peter."

"And what about my kids Claire, aren't they entitled to Granny's money? Or aren't they god fearing enough for you?"

"Mom never intended for her money to go to some faggot's bastard kids. She would roll over in her grave to think of your demon spawns getting her money."

"All the more reason to make sure they get a little something from dear old grandma Joan. Get the fuck out of my house and if I ever hear you speak about my kids that way again Claire, you'll be joining your mother in Hell."

I watched her leave and saw Justin holding back his laughter, as soon as the door shut we both burst out laughing. I finished buttoning the girls' sweaters and got them all buckled into their car seats, ready for our visit to Grandma Jennifer. As soon as we snapped them into the mini van Thea began to cry. She hated to ride in the car and never failed to remind us of it until she finally fell asleep. I rubbed my temple trying to massage out the beginnings of a headache, and lit a cigarette.

Justin snatched it out of my hand and threw it out the window. "Brian, you know you can't smoke in the car."

"Fuck! This baby thing is giving me a headache, I need a cigarette Justin, and I need it now!."

"Brian, I'm sorry but with Willow's breathing problems, there is no way in hell I'm letting you have a cigarette. You will just have to wait till we get to my mom's."

"Fuck that," I said as I pulled off the highway and stepped out, lighting a cigarette, turning my back on Justin. I was already beginning to regret my attitude when I looked back to find him standing outside of the van, leaning over Willow. Dropping the cigarette, I ran back to the van, worried something was wrong. I could see her lips were blue and I yelled at Justin to get in the van. We sped towards the hospital and I ran inside with her as Justin struggled to bring in the other four babies by himself. We were rushed straight back to the trauma unit, where they began to give Willow a breathing treatment. I held my daughter as she breathed in a mist that was giving me a serious headache.

Justin came in with a nurse who was helping him with all the babies I had left him with and he shook his head at me. I stood, holding Willow, and kissed him, apologizing as I did. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Justin."

"Brian, don't get all worked up, Willow is fine now. She just had an asthma attack. I had her inhaler in the bag if you had bothered to listen to me. You just have to be more careful around her."

"Well don't worry, I quit smoking the second I saw her little face. I forgot about her asthma. I'm just new at all this, having sick kids, having to think about someone else first. It is just so hard baby."

"I know it is Brian, but you're doing a great job. These girls love you, don't you see how they light up when you pick them up or the smiles they get when you are nearby?"

I pulled him to me and kissed him, helping him with our children.

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**Two years later**

Brian and Justin sat in the hall outside of Ms. Trina's office waiting to speak with the director of The Little Dove's Center for Curious and Creative Children about the girls going to preschool here. Willow was sitting in Justin's lap, Sascha was on the floor playing with her Barbie, Sara was in the chair next to Brian holding onto a small pink rabbit that she refused to go anywhere without. Thea sat next to Sascha, coloring, while Kaelin was busy drawing a picture. Ms. Trina came out to meet the girls and sent them off with Ms. Teresa to play with the other children, so she could speak with Brian and Justin alone.

"So, Brian, Justin, looks like you have your hands full."

"You have no idea," Brian laughed.

"Justin can you tell me a little about the girls."

"Well they may look exactly alike, but each has her own distinct personality. Willow is very shy and she seems to need more reassurance than the other girls. Sascha is exactly like Brian, very sure of herself, the child exudes self-confidence. She was the first to walk, and the first to move to a big girl's bed. I worry about her more than the others because I don't want her to fall into the same traps that her father did. Sara is the brain. She always has her nose in a book, and is anxious to learn anything new. Thea, well Thea is my little ham. She loves to be in the spotlight, and she sings constantly, making up songs all the time and then performing for anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Kaelin, she's more like her mother and I. She is the artist, and has a lot of talent. She always has a pencil and sketch pad in her hands."

"Now tell me, is the mother involved in their daily lives?"

"Lindsay is very active in their lives, but we are their parents," Brian answered in a threatening tone. He didn't take well to people questioning his and Justin's abilities to raise the girls.

"Brian, that's not what I meant. I was just curious as to whether or not they understood who their mother was. I watched you out there with the girls before you came in and I could see how much you love your children. I have spots available for them now if you would like to start."

"That would be great. Are they the only students of same sex parents here?" Justin questioned.

"Actually no, we have another child here who has same sex parents. I would like to focus more on having the girls interact with other children. Watching them it seems they stick together and exclude others from their little circle."

"Well I guess we will see you on Monday. I'll go get the girls," Justin said smiling at Brian. Brian sat across from Trina for another minute before standing to shake her hand, flashing her the infamous Kinney smile.

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**Six months later**

I walked into the house a little past six, hoping to find the girls at least sitting quietly watching TV. As usual, no such luck, Thea and Sascha were fighting over the last pudding cup, Willow was screaming to go over to Grandma Debbie's, while Sara was yelling because Willow messed up her puzzle. Kaelin was the only one who sat quietly, so I walked over to her and pressed a kiss to the top of her blonde head. She smiled up at me and looked so much like Justin that I had to stop and catch my breath.

"Okay Girls, that's enough!" I looked around for Justin, not finding him I yelled out, "JUSTIN? JUSTIN WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

When I still didn't get an answer, I asked the girls where their daddy was. "Daddy sad," Thea informed me and I went to look for him. I found him sitting in the great room staring out the window. Sitting down next to him, I kissed him softly on the lips.

"Justin, baby, what's wrong?" I asked when I saw the fear in his eyes.

"I got a letter today." He hesitated before continuing, "Joshua gets out of jail next week."

"Baby, he can't hurt us. There's nothing to worry about. It will be okay."

"How can you say that? After what he did?"

"Justin, he doesn't know where we live, and we have a restraining order against him. If he comes near you, he goes back to jail."

"You don't really think that'll stop him do you? Brian, he shot me for God's sakes. He killed Melanie and he never batted an eye as he turned and pulled the trigger. If he hurts my kids..." he trailed off and I took him in my arms, trying to comfort him.

"Justin, he is not going to hurt you or any of the girls. I promise you that. I won't let him."

I held him close, listening to the sounds of our children still going strong in the other room and felt his fear. My blood ran cold at the thought of Joshua out there, free.

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Two weeks later Justin was picking the girls up from preschool, noticing that Willow had a new toy in her hand. Bending down so he could be eye to eye with her he asked, about the small frog she clung to.

"Willow, who's your friend?"

"Froggy, daddy."

"Where did you get froggy?"

"The prince gave him to me."

"The prince?"

"Yeah the pretty man with the long hair. He's your friend."

"Willow, listen to daddy, I don't want you to talk to strangers. Do you remember what Dadda and I told you about people you don't know?"

"Don't talk to them."

"That's right honey. Now did the prince tell you his name?"

"It was long name daddy." Willow thought for a minute and before she could answer Justin, Sara told her father the prince's name. Justin stood trying to keep his fear in check so as not to scare the kids, his skin crawling at the thought of him being so close to his girls. Hitting Brian's mobile number on his cell's speed dial, Justin spoke too calmly into the phone when Brian answered.

"He's been near the girls. Brian, he gave Willow a toy. And told Sara his name. She knows his name. They were right there and he could have done anything to them."

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