I Want You to Know

Part 19

WARNING: WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH......

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Brian made it to the hospital in less time than it took him to get dressed, Debbie watched him as he walked in looking like a lost little boy. She ran to him and wrapped him in her arms, trying to delay the inevitable until re-enforcements arrived. She needed Brian to stay strong at least until Michael arrived. She was still holding Brian tight when she spotted her son. Having filled him in on the phone, she led the way to the chairs just outside of the ER and Michael sat holding Brian's hand as his mother tried her best to be gentle.

"Brian, honey, I didn't tell you the whole truth on the phone. I didn't want to say it over the phone, baby. Please forgive me."

Brian stared her with a blank look on his face, trying to fight the dread he felt filling his soul. "What are you talking about Debbie?"

"Brian, I'm so sorry. Justin was shot honey. He's been hurt badly; they honestly don't know if he'll make it through surgery."

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I sat there with my back against the concrete wall, trying to absorb what Debbie was saying.  I shook my head at her, and when I saw the tears in her eyes I knew it was true. I stood to go to him and before I knew  what had happened, everything went black. When my head cleared I found myself sitting with Michael and Jennifer next to me; supporting me. As the doctor approached asking for Justin's family she held on to me, pulling me up beside her.

"I'm his mother, and this is his partner. Is he going to be okay?"

"Mrs. Taylor, your son suffered a gunshot wound to the chest," the doctor said ignoring my presence as I stood next to her.  Jennifer stopped him, motioning towards me.

"Doctor, I'm sure that you think you're doing the right thing by speaking to me, but Brian here is my son's partner and his next of kin."

The doctor acknowledging my position, and continued, "His lung has collapsed, we've put him on a ventilator for the time being, and given him something for the pain. He still hasn't regained consciousness; we're prepping him for surgery."

"Why does he need surgery?"

"Mr.?"

"Taylor-Kinney, but you can call me Brian, it doesn't matter, just tell me why Justin needs surgery?"

"The bullet is lodged near his heart, and our main concern at this time is the possibility it could cause severe internal bleeding. If that were to happen he could die. I need your consent to operate; it will be an exploratory surgery. By that I mean we will open him up and see what damage there is, repair what we can and if it's feasible remove the bullet. I know this is a difficult time for you Brian, but I assure you that we will do our best to save his life. Unfortunately, this state doesn't recognize same sex marriages, so unless you have Mr. Taylor's power of attorney, then I need his mother's signatures on the paperwork."

"Doctor his name is Justin Taylor-Kinney, he changed it legally a month ago and he signed documents the week before the ceremony giving Brian power of attorney in case of something like this."

I stared at Jennifer, unaware that Justin had done this. She could see my surprise and smiled at me. I looked to the doctor, "If that's the case then where are the papers?"

"I'll need to see the legal documents first, before we can proceed. Mr. Taylor-Kinney, I'm very sorry about all of this."

"It's not your fault, unless of course you made the fucking laws in this state."

Jennifer handed the doctor the documents she had brought along with her when Debbie had told her what happened. The doctor led me down the long corridor to complete the paperwork needed for the surgery.  Finally finishing all the necessary forms I was led into a small room just off the hall; he looked so small lying there hooked up to all the machines that were keeping him alive.  Sitting in the chair nest to his bed, I held his hand in mine, leaned in close, and whispered in his ear.

"I love you Sunshine. Hang in there; you're going to be just fine. Your mom told me about you changing your name, and I have a confession; I had mine legally changed the month before the wedding as well. It must be a sign that we were meant to be together forever. I love you."

"Excuse me Mr. Taylor-Kinney?  I'm sorry, but we have to get your partner ready for surgery now. If you stop at the nurse's station on your way out they can show you and your family to a more private waiting room."

I read her name tag and replied, "Thank you Sara. I was wondering if you could tell me the condition of Melanie Marcus?"

"I'm not really familiar with that name, sir."

"She came in about the same time as Justin, she was involved in the shooting as well."

"Oh, small petite brunette? She is in surgery now. Last I heard they were having a hard time stopping the internal bleeding."

"Has anyone spoken with her partner in the last few minutes?"

"No, but I can speak with my shift supervisor and see what I can do for you."

"Thank you Sara, Melanie is like family to me. Do me a favor please; if anything should happen to her, could you please speak with me before Lindsay? She isn't doing so hot right now and I don't think she could handle bad news from a stranger."

"I will. Thank you Mr. Taylor-Kinney."

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Brian was still standing at the nurse's station when they wheeled Justin out for surgery. He walked slowly over to his partner, kissing him softly on the lips, whispering words of love to him. He stepped back to let them continue on their way, watching as the elevator doors closed. Brian felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see the nurse from earlier standing there holding out a plastic bag.

"Mr. Taylor-Kinney, this is Justin's personal effects. I thought maybe you would want to hang onto them until he's ready to go home."

"Thank you Sara," he smiled weakly at her. Carrying the bag to the private waiting room, Brian poured its contents on the floor.  Picking up Justin's silver band, he placed on his own finger, and then held onto the apron that Justin had been wearing when he got shot.  The white cotton, stained red from Justin's blood, Brian's mind flashed back to another time.  Closing his eye he remembered his lover lying on the old concrete floor, blood flowing, as he began to cry.

He looked up when he felt arms wrap around him, Julie's beautiful face next to his, "Jules, how did you. . . . .?"

"Jennifer called, and I took the first flight out. How is he?"

"I don't know. They just took him in to surgery, it could take all night," Brian looked around the room, seeing it was empty he let himself cry uncontrollably. "Oh God Julie, he has to live. He has to. I just don't think I can make it without him in my life, I love him so much. Look," he showed her the ring Justin had been wearing when he got shot. "Even after all that has happened he still wore his ring. He still loves me, I know it. I can feel it. He is just so weak right now. What will I do if he dies?"

"Shhh, Brian, he's going to be fine. Justin is a fighter, and he loves you very much. He wouldn't die without one last night with you. You have to be strong for him, Brian. You just have to give him the will to live."

Julie sat with Brian while he cried, holding his hand as they waited for word on Justin together. A few hours later Lindsay came into the room to wait with them. They were all sitting there when Sara, Justin's nurse came in asking to speak with Brian in the hall.

"What's wrong, Sara?"

"Mr. Taylor-Kinney, it's about Ms. Marcus, she came out of surgery just a few minutes ago."

"First, please call me Brian, second, how is she?"

"It doesn't look good Brian. She lost so much blood, and her vitals are very weak. The doctor isn't expecting her to live through the night. I hate telling you this when you're still worrying about Justin, but I know you wanted to tell Ms. Marcus's partner. She should be able to see Ms. Marcus in about an hour. The doctors have hope that she may be awake so that she can say goodbye to her family. I would advise you to call her family and ask them to get here as soon as possible."

"Thank you Sara. When she's awake will you come and let me know, I'd like a chance to speak with her before I send Lindsay in there."

"Of course Brian. I should have some information on Justin soon."

"Thanks."

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Sitting mindlessly staring at the news coverage of the shooting when a flash of something caught my attention,  I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. Trying to clear my head of the image, knowing it was just not possible. I had drifted off to sleep when Julie woke me to tell me that Justin was out of surgery. Allowing me to see him I went to his bed in ICU, Sitting next to him again holding his hand, pressing it to my lips I whispered, "I love you, Justin."

I was still sitting there two days later when Sara came to tell me that Melanie was awake. I left Jennifer with her son and went to speak with Melanie. I walked into her room, looking around for Lindsay and not seeing her. Melanie tried to whisper to me "she went for coffee."

"Shhh don't talk Mel. Nice of you to join us again. You've had Linds running around like a damn lesbian on crack."

"Take care of her Brian," she choked out. "She's going to need you when I'm gone."

"Don't talk like that Mel. "

"Brian, I know. I've made peace with it. Do me a favor, please."

"Anything."

"Gus, bring him here."

I smiled at the woman who had been a mother to my son since he was born and let myself cry for him and for her loss. I left her and went to find Debbie, asking her to bring Gus to say goodbye to his mother. After making the arrangements I went back to my place next to Justin. I was sitting there holding his hand, talking to him about Melanie when Jennifer came in a day later to let me know that Melanie was gone.

"Go to your son, Brian. Justin would want you to. Gus needs you more now."

I looked at my mother-in-law and let my tears spill over. Kissing her cheek, I bent to tell Justin I would be right back  and went to find Lindsay and our son. I found her still sitting there holding her partner's hand and crying softly. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and I took her in my arms trying my best to comfort her.

"Lindsay, where's Gus?"

"Julie took him to the cafeteria for some cookies. He is so little Brian, how do I explain this to him? How do I tell him that his mommy won't be coming home ever again?"

I watched her struggle trying to keep her grief in check, in order to protect her son. "Tell him the truth Linds. Tell him how much she loved him, tell him how much you love him. That will mean more than anything to him later on in life. Tell him how Melanie wanted him so much that she fought to be his mother. You remind that little boy everyday he was loved by his mother."

"Brian, she's really gone." Lindsay collapsed into my arms and I held her, letting her sob, letting her scream, and letting her mourn for someone she loved deeply. I wept with my best friend for her loss, for her despair, knowing that it could be me mourning a loss. When Julie came in, I took my son from her and explained I had to get out of there, and I took Gus to see Justin.

He pointed at my partner lying there and squealed with delight at seeing him again, "Daddy, Justin sleepy."

"That's right Sonny boy, he's asleep. Daddy's going to make him come home to us.  I promise you, whatever it takes Daddy's going to get him home where he belongs."

"Gussy loves Justin."

I held my son and let him kiss Justin's cheek, pulling Gus to me in a hug, crying silent tears as I held him close. When he started to squirm I took him out to Jennifer who promised to look after him for the night so that Lindsay could have some time to grieve. Thanking her, I went back to sit with Justin.

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Two weeks later as Brian was sleeping in the chair with his head on the bed next to Justin, when he finally opened his eyes. Blinking them against the pain in his chest he tried to move to find out where he was, but was stopped by the tubes he was hooked up to. Lifting his hand, he felt the top of Brian's head, stroking his soft hair waking Brian.

Rubbing his eyes, Brian looked up, not even sure he was awake.  Convinced he wasn't dreaming, he told Justin to be quiet as he pressed the call button for the nurse.  Once the nurse checked Justin over, she calls the doctor as Brian kissed him before speaking.

"Nice of you to join us again Sunshine."

 "Shhh baby don't talk, wait for the doctor to take out the breathing tube," I said, stopping him from speaking.  "God I've missed those eyes. They're more beautiful than I remembered. You had us scared for awhile. You've been missed so much baby, but I'll tell you all about that later."

Brian was interrupted by the doctor coming in. After checking Justin over, he removed the breathing tube and order some tests before leaving. Justin tried to speak, only to find his voice barely there.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"You were shot baby, don't you remember?"

"How long?"

"How long what? How long have you been asleep? Two weeks. How long have I been here? Since day one. How long before you come home? Not soon enough. Gus comes by to see you daily; he has colored so many pictures for you I had to buy him new crayons twice. Julie is here, she's staying with Lindsay and Gus. So much has changed baby. But you don't need to worry about any of that now. You just need to get better."

Justin smiled at the way Brian was rambling on, and knew he wasn't telling him everything. "Melanie?" he asked remembering that she had been with him when the shooting happened.

"Shhh, I think you should rest now," Brian said trying to avoid telling him anything that would cause him to get upset.

"Melanie?"

"She's gone baby."

"Died?"

"Yes a few days after the shooting."

"I love you," Justin whispered needing to tell him; Brian smiled through his tears, "I love you too baby. I love you too."

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