I Want You to Know
Part 12
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Joshua was still holding Justin's hand, under the pretense of a massage and let himself imagine being with him. His determination to have him was stronger than ever and he had to find a way to make Justin see that they would be so good together. He was getting sick of hearing the blonde go on and on about his marriage to Brian. Didn't he realize that Brian wasn't good enough for him?
"Joshua? Joshua?" Justin was trying to get his therapists attention for five
minutes before he finally answered.
"Yes?"
"Where were you? I was calling you for awhile."
Joshua smiled slightly before answering, "I was just thinking about this
guy I have a crush on. Not that he even knows I'm alive, he has this boyfriend
who treats him like shit, but he still loves him."
"Hmmm, well sometimes love is too powerful to deny. Maybe you should try
to find someone who isn't involved." Justin had a feeling he knew exactly
who Joshua was talking about and was doing everything to discourage
him.
"And sometimes people think they're in love when they aren't."
Justin stayed silent finishing their session in that same silence. He left
the hospital and met his mother at the diner for a wedding planning dinner.
When he walked in he found his mother surrounded by his friends. Kissing
her on the cheek he said hi to everyone.
"Hey guys, what's going on?"
Emmett was the first to stand, kissing Justin before sitting back down next
to Ted, "We just thought we would come help you guys out. That way we feel
like we're part of the ceremony. Besides we love your mom, she's so
cool."
Justin watched his mother blush and laughed, "That's great Em." Turning to
his mother he asked, "So were any of the places available for that weekend,
mom?"
"Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but no, none were
available."
"Fuck," Justin looked at his mom sheepishly, "sorry mom. Now where am I supposed
to hold a wedding?"
Emmett and Ted looked at each other, both with a gleam in their eye and it
was Emmett who spoke, "How about
"You can't be serious, you can't have a wedding in the street." Jennifer
was watching her son as she spoke, knowing that look on his face.
"We could close the road down, and I could walk down the street just like
the night we met. Brian could walk out of
"Now you just have to convince Brian," Ted threw in. Jennifer and Emmett
both shot him a dirty look as Justin slid out of the booth. "Where are you
going Sunshine?"
"I have to go call Brian, let him know where we're we'll be getting hitched,"
Justin called out as he walked out the door. Ted turned to Emmett and Jen,
and all three laughed, "I'm sure he'll just die," Emmett
deadpanned.
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"You don't seriously expect me to get married on
"Why not? It's perfect Brian, back to where it all began. Why shouldn't the
King of Gay PA be married in the public square for all his kingdom to see?"
"Flattery will get you nowhere, young man. I can't believe you are even pitching
this to me."
Justin got angry. I hated when he got pissed at me. "I am NOT some fucking
assistant to you and this is not some pitch. THIS IS OUR WEDDING AND I WANT
TO
"Quit the drama princess routine, Justin, it doesn't work for you. What is
the real reason you chose this location?" I waited for him to answer, quickly
losing my patience with him.
"Everything else was booked. When Emmett suggested this, it sounded perfect.
Me under the streetlight, you coming out of
"And all my old tricks in mourning. Is this really what you want?"
"Yes," he said suddenly quiet. I don't know what came over me but I gave
in.
"It's going to take a lot of work, and money. But money I have. Go for it
baby, make this the wedding of your dreams."
"And your nightmares," he teased. We spoke for a while longer before hanging
up. I missed him more after every call and my drinking got heavier after
each one as well. I wanted to be home with him, helping him plan this wedding.
He would probably fall over and die if he heard me say that, but it was
true.
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Brian hadn't heard from Justin in days and was getting worried. He phoned
Jennifer's looking for him and getting no answer there he decided to try
the diner.
"Liberty Diner, home of the homo wedding," Debbie answered the
phone.
"Hey Deb, I'm looking for my fiancée. Is he around there by
chance?" Brian felt weird calling Justin that.
"Hey Mr. Big Shot, how the hell is
"Debbie as much as I love shooting the shit with you, this is costing me
a fortune, and in case you haven't noticed, I have a wedding to pay for.
SO could you put Justin on the phone?"
"Sure thing your majesty," Debbie held the phone out and yelled, "SUNSHINE,
YOUR KING IS ON THE PHONE AND HE'S IN A MOOD."
Justin rushed to the phone, "Hey Brian, what's wrong?"
"I'm in
"I know, but just think in two weeks you'll be home, having your final fitting,
HERE, and then we'll be getting married."
"Sounds great baby. I just miss you. I wish I was there to help you plan
all of this."
"You just show up and I'll be happy. Thea and Julie
will be here next week, Gus is getting so excited. We ordered the fish and
decided on the floor plan for the reception today. It's getting busy around
here."
"Well don't work too hard. I love you Justin."
"I love you too Brian. See you soon."
"Yeah, soon."
Two weeks passed quickly and Justin was anticipating Brian's arrival the
next day when fate decided to throw them a curve ball. He was sitting at
the desk finalizing the plans with the minister when Brian called.
"Hey baby, ready to come home?"
"Justin, I'm not coming home tonight."
"What do you mean you're not coming home tonight? You have your final fitting
tomorrow and we're supposed to meet with the minister, whom you've never
met."
"I can't, I have to finish this deal first. I have no choice
baby."
"Damn you Brian, don't do this to me now. I need you here. I need you. Can't
it wait til after the wedding?"
"No it can't, I'm sorry. If I don't do this now I may not have a job to come
back to. I love you."
"Whatever, call me when you know you'll be in," Justin hung up the phone
and cried.
The next day Brian called his lover to try to calm him down, but didn't get
an answer. Justin was meeting with the minister finalizing the plans for
the ceremony.
"Justin, so good to see you."
"Hi Reverend Morano, it's good to see you
too."
"Where is your partner? I thought I was finally going to meet the elusive
Brian today."
"You were supposed to but he can't seem to tear himself away from business
yet," Justin said with tears in his eyes. The minister hugged him close before
sitting down across from him.
"Justin, sometimes reality doesn't really follow our plans."
"I know, but we're getting married in four days and he isn't even in the
same country as me. I'm getting nervous that he isn't going to show up for
the wedding. What if he's changed his mind?"
"Justin, from everything you've told me about your Mr. Kinney, I find it
hard to believe he has changed his mind, he loves you very much. You just
need to remind yourself that he has a career that is important to him but
that you are equally as important. Let's switch gears for a moment and go
over a few details of the ceremony."
"Fine, would you like me to fill you in on how it is supposed to
go?"
"That would be great then we can go over my part of it."
Justin smiled brilliantly as he spoke of the ceremony he had so lovingly
planned. "As the guests arrive and take their seats, which will be set up
along
"Sounds like you have it all planned down to the last second. Good for you.
Now I will say a few words about love and how sometimes it leads us down
different paths and then I'll turn to you both and ask you if you are committed
to one another. Once you have answered affirmatively I'll move on to discussing
the importance of support in a marriage and will ask those gathered if they
will support your marriage and love. After that it will be time for your
vows, which will be followed by a few more words from me then the 'kiss'.
I took the liberty of faxing Mr. Kinney a copy of the ceremony when I gave
you yours so there should be no surprises for him."
Justin sat and nodded as he looked over the outline once again. Satisfied
that everything was in order, he went home to call Brian to see if he would
be home in time for the rehearsal. He tried phoning him at home and the office
and got no answer at both, so he gave up and left a message on his cell to
call as soon as possible.
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I called him back a day later to tell him more bad news. I hated to keep
disappointing him, but if I planned to make the wedding at all I had
to stay.
"Hey Sunshine."
"Hey," I heard the sadness in his voice and I knew it was my
fault.
"Baby, don't be mad at me, I'm doing my best."
"Yeah, what's wrong now?"
"I won't be able to make the rehearsal, I have to get this project done or
I won't even make the wedding. As of now my plane leaves here the night before
which will put me in Pitts with an hour to spare."
"Brian if you miss the plane, you miss the wedding. I can't handle this,
I need you here. I've done this whole fucking wedding by myself, I NEED YOU
BRIAN." I could hear him crying softly and my heart broke to know I had caused
him such pain.
"Justin I won't miss the wedding I swear. You have to just hold on another
day and then I'll be all yours for a whole month. I have our whole honeymoon
planned. I love you."
"I know. I just want you here now. Go back to work so that you're done in
time and I'll see you Saturday."
"Justin, I love you," I repeated myself again.
"I love you too Brian."
I hung up and stared at the phone not realizing that I was crying until my
tears blurred the words of my wedding vows.
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Saturday dawned bright and clear and the forecast was for a warm evening
in the mid 60s. Justin had a leisurely breakfast and met with Daphne and
his mother. Thea and Julie were meeting them
at Lindsay's around
Four hours later Justin was down on
The time neared for the wedding to begin and still no one had heard from
Brian. Justin was getting more and more nervous as the wedding party began
their walk to the makeshift alter. As the first strands of Kiss the Flame
began, Justin began his walk to meet his lover. He listened to the words
of the song as he made his way back to where it all began. All eyes were
on the door of
"Kiss the Flame" by Jewel from the Album SPIRIT
Please love let's make no impartial vow
Let all fall away
That's not crucial now
I want a brave love, one that makes me weak in the knees
I want a crazy, crazy love
One that makes me come undone at the seams
'Cause I'm tired of all these pilgrims, these puritans, these thieves
Of all these unbelievers who whittle love down at the knees
Let these swift roads destroy themselves
Let the world fall into its sleep
For we shall be spared
We shall be left standing
To face what's left of concrete and honey
(Chorus)
Kiss the flame
Let's run with the hunted, the untamed
Kiss the flame
Embrace the faceless, the unnamed
Kiss the flame
There are nightmares on the sidewalks
There are jokes on TV
There are people selling thoughtlessness
With such casualty
But wherefore art thou Romeo
Where have all the brave men gone
Show me one man who knows his own heart
To him I shall belong
Kiss the flame
Let's run with the hunted, the untamed
Kiss the flame
Embrace the faceless, the unnamed
Kiss the Flame
Kiss the Flame
Kiss the Flame
Please love let's make no impartial
vow.
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