Into The LighT
Chapter 5
Confessions
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LINDSAY'S POV
Oh my, my poor Brian. I have to go to him. But I know I have to wait for
him to come to me. I of all people know you can't push Brian Kinney. He is
so scared right now. He has to know that I am here for him. Oh goodness what
if I lose him. What will I tell Gus? He loves his daddy so much. How we he
ever know how much his daddy adored him? Ok, Lindz
stop it. He is not dying. There are drugs now. He can live to be old and
wrinkled. I better not let him hear me say that. He would die if he thought
he would be old. Brian Kinney needs a reason to live. And I know what that
reason is. But does he? I have to make sure he doesn't throw away what he
has with Justin. Brian is stubborn and pig headed so this is going to be
a fight.
"Mel, I need to talk to him. He is hurting now. He needs
"He knew this was going to happen. I am sorry he is sick Lindsay but you can’t always fix Brian's fuck ups. Let him deal with this on his own. He is big boy. Let him clean up his own mess." "Damn it Melanie he is the father of my son and my friend. I can't let him go through this alone. I am the only one who can get through to him. Now take Gus in for his nap. I am going to see Brian, and I want to be alone with him."
It seems like I have been knocking forever. "I know you are here Brian. I
saw your jeep outside. Now answer the door. You can’t hide from me."
I use my key and I find him on the bed, crying. That is so unlike Brian.
Something has happened. I look around and see that none of Justin's things
are here.
"Brian." I take his face in my hands and make him look at me. "What did you
do?" "I sent him away. I don't need some little twink complicating matters.
I just need to move on and he needs to find friends his own age."
I may have bought it if he weren’t saying it through tears. "Brian when are you going to wake up and see that Justin is just what you need. He loves you. And if you would stop being so damn stubborn you would see you love him. Now you need to fix this before it is too late. You keep pushing him and you may get your wish. He will find someone who loves him. And will tell him. Now get off your ass, quit feeling sorry for yourself and go get him."
I wait for an answer. I wait for him to kick me out. What I get is him in
my arms crying. "I can’t Lindsay. I can't let him waste his life on
me. Don't you see I am doing this because I love him? I don't want him to
watch me die. I won't let him. He is too good to stay here with me now. He
deserves the best. I can’t give him that. I won’t let him throw
away his future. What if I have already given it to him? What if I got him
sick? I couldn't live with myself Lindsay. I don’t want him to die."
I can’t believe I am hearing this. He just admitted he loves Justin. "What about what he wants, Brian? Did you think that maybe he loves you and wants to be with you no matter what? You just admitted you love him. Did you realize that? Now get up and put on those nice expensive clothes you insist on wearing and go tell him before it is too late."
Who was I kidding? Did I really think he would do this on his own? He has
to talk to Justin and I have to make it happen. I called Michael and enlisted
him. Then I called Brian and quilted him into coming over. I know he would
do anything for Gus. But I still feel bad using him.
I open the door to find Justin. I smile at him and kiss him on the cheek.
I am doing this as much for him as for Brian. I don't want to see him hurt
again. I have to trust Brian will do the right thing.