Into The LighT
Alone in the darkness
I can't believe that he just said that to me. What the fuck is he talking about? There is no fucking way I have AIDS. I am always careful. I always use a condom and I make sure Justin does too. There has to be some fucking mistake. There is no Goddamn way this is real. What the fuck is he talking about.
Justin oh fuck Justin. He knows. How in the hell am I going to deal with him? What if I made him sick? I could never live with myself if I hurt him. Oh god. I have to get him away from me now. Before he gets hurt. What the fuck was I thinking letting myself love someone.
"Brian, Brian, are you ok?" Justin asked him. Brian snapped back to reality then and looked at the man standing before him. How could he break this beautiful soul's heart and send him away when he needed him now more than he ever needed someone.
"I'm fine, why?" he asked "Don't I look fine? Now get the fuck out of here and go to work. I need my rest." God just go Justin is what I want to say. Run as far from me as you can get. I'm not good enough for you and now I am damaged goods. It would be so much easier if you left me. I can't bear the thought of breaking your heart, but I can't let you stay either. This has to be the end. You are so much better than this. I have to make you understand that. If it means hurting you then that is what I will do.
I have to get out of here and get him out of my life. I don't want to hurt him, but either way he is going to get hurt and it's the only way to make sure he doesn't die. Oh God what if I already gave it to him. We never use condoms when we give head. FUCK! If he is positive it is all my fault. I should have been more careful. I should never have let him move in. Fuck! I should never have fucked him.
I remember what he said about Mikey and Ben. He was upset to think of all they had to deal with everytime they had sex and how hard it must be to deal with. He won't leave now. He thinks he owes me. How can I make him see that he is better off without me. I don't want him to go through what Debbie did. He is too young for that and to fragile. He has been through too much to have to watch me die. I won't let him do that. I will deal with this on my own. I don't need any of them. I am Brian Fucking Kinney for Christ's sake and I am indestructable.
Two days later Brian was sitting on his couch when Justin came home to find all of his stuff packed and sitting by the door. "Brian what the fuck is going on? Why is all my stuff here?" Justin looked at Brian sitting there thinking that he knew this was going to happen.
"It means GET THE FUCK OUT. You have been here long enough and I don't want you here anymore. I have a new life now. So go find your self some twink and get married. You don't belong here. " Brian got up and went up the stairs so he wouldn't see the tears in Justin's eyes. He couldn't stand it if he cried and then he would never be able to let him go. He waited until he heard the door slam shut, then he let the tears he had been holding in fall. As the sobs raked through his body he felt his heart breaking. I love you Justin Taylor I love you.
I moved on with my life then. These fucking meds are driving me crazy. Fuck, I can't remember to pick up bread how the fuck will I ever remember to take these pills everyday? This is just too much. Fuck, I should just do them all a favor and die now. That would serve them all right and then they would shut the fuck up. I am so sick of the munchers telling me how I hurt Justin. Fuck, don't they see I did it for him. He deserves better than me. Jesus I almost got him killed once. Now they want me to fuck him when I have this bomb in me. Well FUCK THEM I love him too much for that and now I have to make him hate me. I don't want him dead. I want him happy and I want him ALIVE.
I need to get the fuck out of here and let them all forget about me. FUCK! What am I going to do about GUS? Shit, he will have to watch me die and that is what I am going to do sooner or later. My mother says that God is punishing me. Well FUCK HER. She never loved me, she just had me to piss off Jack. I will show them all, every last one of them. Brian Kinney will die young and on his terms, not this fucking disease's.
I stopped into the diner today. What the fuck was I thinking? God damn if Debbie didn't start treating me like her fucking patient. She kept trying to feed me and get me to tell her my protocol. FUCK WHY CANT THEY JUST LET ME FORGET I HAVE IT FOR JUST ONE FUCKING DAY. I am still the same Brian Kinney. I still feel the same, but fuck now I have to be more careful. No more quick fucks now I have to tell them. DAMNIT.
Gus is the only reason I am still here right now. FUCK! I am supposed to go to dinner there tonight. Brian thought.
Arriving at the Mel's and Lindsey's, GOD DAMNIT what the fuck is Justin doing here and where the fuck are those damn munchers?
"Justin." I picked up Gus and did not say anything else to him.
"Brian what are you doing here?" Justin asked.
"Picking up my son what the fuck does it look like? What are you doing here?" God he looks so beautiful. I want to pull him up against me and kiss him. Why can't I let him go? And why does he have to smell so good. I could drink in the sight of him all day.
Brian turned before he did something he would regret and started for the door. Oh god his hand is on my back. His breath is on my neck. I can't think when he is this close.
Justin takes Gus and takes him upstairs to his room. I almost think of leaving but I don't has he comes back down the stairs and takes my hand. Oh god I can't stop myself, I have to have him. Reaching out, I crush him to me and kiss him as if I have been waiting for this my whole existence. I just can't get my fill of him. My head tells me to stop this now before it goes too far, but my heart and body won't listen. I want him. FUCK! I NEED HIM! How am I supposed to keep my hands off him when he looks this good? Justin begins to moan into the kiss and I am falling over the edge. There is no turning back now. I pull him closer to me and can feel his dick throbbing in his jeans. He is so hard and so am I. I have to stop this NOW. I can't let this happen, but I want him so badly. I feel my hands moving to his pants and my fingers unzip them. It is like I have no control over my own body. I have to have him now. Breaking away from the kiss, kneel, and take his hard cock into my mouth. He is ready to cum I can tell. I've missed him. In my bed. In my house. In my life. I take the full length of him into my mouth and slowly run my tongue over the head. I can taste his precum, God I had forgotten how good he tastes. I never want to let him go. His dick is throbbing in my mouth now and I know that it won't be long. God I am going to shoot my load and he hasn't even touched me.
Justin reaches for Brian's pants but he stops him. I don't want him to touch me. I can't take that risk. I continue to take him in and out of my mouth until he shoots into my throat. I take in every last drop and shudder has I cum as well. He is panting now and so am I. I don't tell him I came cause he doesn't need to know that. It will only get his hopes up.
Getting up, I move away from him slowly. Looking at him I see the tears in his eyes and before I can stop myself, I pull him to me and lick the tears away. I can't help but lean down and whisper "I LOVE YOU JUSTIN"
Return to Sun's Fanfiction