Into The LighT
Chapter 10
Understanding
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JENNIFER'S POV
Justin did not just say what I think he did. My ears are playing tricks on
me. Oh no what if it is true. What if this is not a nightmare? What if that
monster has given my son AIDS? He almost killed him once. I'll be damned
if I let him do it again. Justin is my son. He does not belong to Brian Kinney.
I will stop him from hurting him again.
I remember exactly what he said. "Mom Brian is positive. Now don’t
worry I was tested and I am negative." I tried to explain to him that
that doesn't mean anything. But Justin is stubborn and won’t listen
to reason. "Justin you have to get away from him. Don't you understand just
because you are negative now doesn’t mean that in six months you will
be. Justin, please stay away from him. He is going to get you killed yet.
I almost lost you once because of that selfish bastard and I won’t let
him do this to you. You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Just walk away from him now wWhile you
can."
He told me he was not walking away from him then. How do I make him see that
Brian will only hurt him? He is so lost in the belief he loves this man that
he can't see how damaging this relationship is. He can't see how selfish
Brian is and how it is Brian who almost got him killed. Now he can do it
again and my son is just going to let him. Well I won't. I will stop that
bastard if it is the last thing I do.
Jennifer get hold of yourself. You are starting
to sound like Craig now. Oh god how am I going to tell him this? He hates
Brian. And he hates that his son is gay. I can't tell him this. He really
will kill Brian then. And I will lose Justin for good. I have to find a way
to make him understand that this just isn't good for him. That Brian isn't
good for him.
When it comes to Brian Kinney Justin does not listen to reason. He listens
to his heart. He got that from me. And I am now asking him to give
that up. That is like asking him to stop breathing or drawing. It is part
of him. It is who he is. Justin is love and Justin is light. He is all that
is good in the world. He is the bravest soul I know. And I can't expect him
to just leave Brian now. He will stay until Brian makes him leave. Then he
will just keep going back. He is persistent.
I gave my son to him once before, when he was the only one who could help
him. Justin trusts him. More than he ever trusted me. Now I have to
trust Justin. I have to trust that he knows what he is doing. And I have
to trust that Brian loves him enough to protect him. But is he worthy of
that trust? He has never given me a reason to trust him. I know all about
how he still sleeps around. I know all about how he hurts Justin without
even realizing he does it. But does that mean I want him dead? No. But I
don't want Justin dead either.
I have to talk to someone who understands this. Someone who knows what I
am going through. Debbie, I'll go talk to Debbie. She will know what to do.
She is a mother of a gay man too. And she has dealt with this with Ben. How
did she handle it? I bet she welcomed him with open arms. And we all know
she is protective of Brian. But she loves Justin just as much. Maybe she
will be on my side. Maybe she can help me make Justin see that being with
Brian is not good for him now. I have to make him see that Brian is selfish
and doesn’t love him. Maybe if he hears it from Debbie he will
listen.
Who am I kidding? Justin is not going to listen to anyone who tries to tell
him that Brian is no good for him. When it comes to Brian Justin is blind
to his faults. Maybe Justin is just what Brian needs now. Maybe this will
make him see that he has to be a man and either love my son or let him go.
And god please let him see that he has to protect Justin at all costs. Even
if it breaks his heart. Or mine.