Chapter 4

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I woke up and looked around the strange room trying to remember how I'd gotten here and why. The last thing I remembered was Brian kissing me before running to the little cafe on the corner for coffee.

Nothing looked familiar and it was dark so I couldn't really get a feel for the place. I wasn't even sure if I was alone. I struggled against the handcuffs that kept me in the chair but they were too tight for me to move very much.

I was alone in that room for days. No one came in and I wasn't even sure if anyone ever would. Then one night when I'd just about given up hope that someone would find me the door opened. A small beam of light filtered in from the outside and I could see a tall man silhouetted in the doorway.

"Brian?" I choked out in barely a whisper.

No answer. Just the fucking silence that was driving me mad. I felt his hands on my shoulders and tried to avoid his touch.  I knew by the smell of him that he wasn't Brian.

Terror seized me when he leaned in and kissed my neck gently, like a lover would. Just as quick as he came, he was gone. Once again I was alone in that fucking room with just my thoughts.

I thought of the way I'd behaved in the last few weeks and wondered why Brian had put up with me. I knew he loved me, I've always known that.

I don't know what sent me over the edge. Maybe it was Jacob coming in and taking over, or maybe it was that I felt like some washed up fag. I'd never really wanted to be carefree and fuck lots of men but something inside just snapped. I'd seen Brian fucking nameless faceless tricks for years and all of a sudden it looked good to me.

Funny that it should happen when Brian had finally stopped tricking. I'd been asking all along why I wasn't enough for him and when he shows me that he doesn't need or want anyone else I turn into him. I just wanted to have some fun.

The alcohol didn't help much, and neither did Brian sending me out alone. He had to have known I was tricking. Maybe he thought I needed to get it out of my system. Or maybe he just didn't care. I don't know.

My thoughts were interrupted again by the man. This time he sat down in front of me.

"Who are you?"

"A friend."

"Where am I?"

"Someplace safe."

"Please let me go."

"Don't beg, I'm not Brian."

"He'd never hurt me like this."

"He already has time and time again."

"Can you uncuff me?'

"Will you try to run?"

"No," I lied. Given half a chance I would run for my life. But I knew that I had to gain his trust before I would ever get the chance to escape.

"I can uncuff you, but I'm always going to be with you and when I'm not you're going to have to be cuffed again."

"Okay."

His hands were cold and shook slightly as he turned the key and freed my hands. I rubbed my wrist and felt the familiar cramps in my right hand. I knew that I needed to exercise it so that I didn't lose function in it again. I had just had to find a way to convince this guy to not put those cuffs back on me.

"Can I go outside?" He looked at me angrily and I quickly covered. "With you of course. It's just I've been in this dark room for days now and I'd love some fresh air."

"I can't let you do that Justin."

"Even if you're with me?'

"Why do you want to go outside?"

"So I can see you."

Wordlessly he pulled my hands behind my back and put those fucking cuffs back on, but he led me out the door. Once in the hall I could make out his face. I'd seen him before but I just couldn't remember where.

He was handsome, just my type. Maybe I'd fucked him once. I couldn't remember. I'd been drinking so much lately that anything was possible. We stepped outside and the cold air knocked the breath out of me. I gasped for air for several minutes before I got used to the cold.

"There's snow."

"There usually is this time of year. It's beautiful here. I just knew you'd like it."

"Where are we?"

"Don't you recognize it? You've been here before."

"I have?"

"That's why I chose this place, because you loved it so much the last time."

"The last time?"

"Yes, my love. It's been a while no wonder you've forgotten. You love to ski, right?"

"Yes, the last time I went skiing was......" my voice trailed off and I remembered the ski trip Brian and I were supposed to go on but he had to go on a business trip. I knew where I was. I was in Vermont.

Now all I had to do was convince him that I needed to call Brian. I figured I should at least wait until we had been outside before I brought up the phone call.

A few hours later I brought up the subject of Brian.

"I have to call him."

"No."

"But," I wanted to call him by name but I still didn't know it. "Listen, I still don't know your name."

"Jimmy."

"Hi Jimmy." I waited for a response and when I didn't get one I brought up Brian again. "Jimmy, I have to call him."

"No."

"If I don't call and let him know I'm alright he's just going to keep looking for me and we don't want that now do we?"

"I'm not stupid Justin. I know  you want to call him to tell him where you are."

"No, I don't Jimmy. I just don't want him looking for me or interrupting our time together."

"I don't think it's a good idea, Justin."

I had to find a way to get him to let me make that call. Without that call, I was as good as dead. "Jimmy, he's going to call the cops if I don't call him. They'll think I'm here against my will. They'll take you away from me."

"They'll never separate us, my love."

"They will if they catch up with us and think you've kidnapped me. We both know I'm here because I want to be. That night we shared was the best night of my life and I want to be with you."

"That's what I want too Justin."

"Then let me call him so he won't come looking for us."

Jimmy finally relented and handed me the phone. "I'll be right here so don't go getting brave or stupid, Justin."

I listened as the phone rang and my heart pounded so loud I almost couldn't hear Michael on the end.

"Michael, I need to talk Brian."

"Justin? Oh my god, where are you?"

"Is Brian there?"

"BRIAN!! Pick up the phone now," he yelled.

"Yeah?"

His voice was so beautiful I almost choked. I wanted to scream at him to please save me but I knew if I did anything obvious Jimmy would never let me call him again.

"I love you Brian. I'm okay, nothing is wrong. I have my tylenol so my headaches won't bother me much. It's nice here, the sounds are amazing, and I finally know what you meant by getting some color on my skin."


I could hear him questioning my message as Jimmy pulled the phone away from me.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Nothing. I get terrible headaches since the bashing and if I didn't take my tylenol with me he'd know something was wrong. I had to think of something to tell him that would convince him I left on my own."

"If you ever do something stupid like that again, I'll kill him."

Something about the way he said it convinced me that he was being honest. Jimmy knew that I wasn't completely honest about what I'd said to Brian and I was losing his trust.

"Jimmy, I just don't want him to look for us. I want to be here with you." I stood and kissed him softly on the lips, pressing for entrance with my tongue. He gave in and I pulled him close trying to convince him that he could trust me.

I could feel his erection and pulled back. His eyes were glazed over with passion and his breathing was ragged.

"Now do you believe me that I'm right where I want to be, Jimmy?"

His eyes grazed my body and I was thankful that my body had responded properly, even though the thought of him repulsed me. "I can take care of that for you" he offered.

"Not now. I want it to be special between us, Jimmy."

He stormed out of the room and I was once again alone for days. Only this time he left me uncuffed. Of course I tried the door, but it was locked from the outside. I didn't see him for a week.

I was going out of my mind. I was starving, luckily there was a bathroom so I could drink water from the faucet, but nothing to eat for a week was taking it's toll on my sanity.

I was sleeping when the door opened and Jimmy came in.

"Wake up." He pushed me until I was wide awake and held out the phone to me. "You have to call him back."

"Why?"

"Because he's looking for you. You need to make him believe that you left all on your own."

"How?"

"You'll figure it out."

Before I could even think the phone was ringing. I almost was relieved to hear his answering machine. The sound of his voice soothed me. Until that second I hadn't fully realized just how much I missed him. I gathered my wits enough to actually listen to what he was saying.

"This is Brian, I'm busy looking for Justin, and you should be too. Justin if this is you, for God's sake leave me a fucking clue. I love you."

I tried to hide the tears in my voice but I let just enough fear come through to tip him off. Quickly thinking I left another coded message that I prayed Jimmy wouldn't pick up on.

"I love you. Don't worry about me, Brian. I needed a break. I feel like I've been going downhill for awhile now. Especially after your business with Brown."

I wanted to say so much more, to tell him I missed him and longed for his touch but that fucking bastard took the phone from me again. I didn't even look at him, I was so mad that I wanted to kill him or for him to kill me just so that it would be over and I could go home to Brian.

The slap across my face was the first sign that he'd caught onto my code. Once again I was left completely alone in a dark room with no food and my sanity on the edge.

I guess it had been about an hour he'd been gone when I spotted the phone lying on the floor near the door. My heart skipped a beat as I ran for it. My fingers were shaking so badly I didn't think I'd be able to even dial his number.

I listen to the phone ringing and just prayed he'd come home. When I heard the phone being picked up I just started talking.

"Brian, Brian, Oh God, Brian please if you're there just listen. I'm in Vermont. In some little house. The one we were going to stay in on our trip to Vermont. I'm okay but please hurry."

"Justin? Oh my God. Justin. I love you. I love you. I'm on my way. God just stay strong until I get there."

"His name's Jimmy. I don't know anything else about him. Fuck, get me out of here baby. I'm losing my fucking mind."

"Tell me something, anything you can about the house. It will take some time to get the info from the travel agent."

"It's on Mockingbird Lane........" The line went dead and the world went dark.

Back to Endless Nights