Chapter 1

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I rub my eyes and think back on a time when he wasn't here. My life was so empty back then and he filled it with things I never thought I'd ever want much less need. He was my sunshine on cold dreary days that seemed endless.

We've weathered many storms together, but none more difficult than the last two years. I guess I should go back to the beginning. That's always a good place to start, or so he tells me.

Ten years ago I locked eyes with the most incredible, most difficult person in my life. Little did I know that on that cold Pittsburgh night my life would change forever. That night two of the most influential men in my life were born. Gus came out screaming and reminding me that time was ticking past me at an alarming rate. Justin reminded me that I was still young and beautiful. The way he wanted me that night, how he wasn't scared, how he knew what he wanted and just went for it was so amazing.

I think I fell in love with him that night. Hell I think I've loved him all my life and just didn't know it. He made me laugh, made me feel alive. The way his skin felt against mine was electrifying. I longed for him, for his touch, his kiss, his caress.

Then a few years later it all went to shit. Enter the fiddler. He promised my Sunshine the moon and stole him right out from under me. Okay, I let him go. Not because I didn't love him, but because I was too fucking pigheaded to tell him so. The fiddler offered him the words he longed to hear. He gave him the romance, the flowers, picnics on the floor and promptly broke his heart.

It wasn't long after that that he gave me a second chance. And to be honest with you I fucked that up too. Luckily the kid loves me. We had a few happy months together until I started feeling trapped and got drunk and tricked one night. Hell I didn't even try to hide it, I flaunted it in his face that I could still get any man I wanted and there wasn't a fucking thing he could do about it.

Once again I had caused him unbearable pain. The next day I regretted it. Yes I know, I used to spout "No excuses, No apologies, no regrets", but sometimes you just fuck up and regret it. Before Justin that had never happened to me.

He sat on our bed, crying tears of immense pain and humiliation and I sat on the floor between his legs and begged him to forgive me. I pleaded my case, the same old tired bullshit I'd always used. Only this time he didn't just forgive me.

He left me. ALONE. He just stood up, pushed me away and walked out the door. My heart lay battered and bloody on the floor and he stepped right over it on his way out of our door.

I called Daphne to warn her what had happened and asked her to please make sure he was okay. She bitched me out for being so stupid, but promised that as soon as she found him she'd call to let me know he was alright. I didn't even argue with her, because she was right, I was an asshole and I didn't deserve his love.

I didn't know what to do, so I called Lindsay. She wasn't much help, and of course she bitched me out too, but at least I knew that she loved me. As much as she disliked my actions she still loved me.

After an hour of her telling me to fix this, I hung up and headed for the shower. I stayed under that spray until there wasn't a drop of hot water left and then I stayed another ten minutes under the cold water just trying to convince myself that I hadn't lost him.

It was with surprise and hope that I found him sitting on the edge of our bed again. He looked beaten, worn out and I'm sure he felt worse than he looked. I wasn't sure if he was there to stay or just to pack his things and leave. All I knew was that I had to somehow make him realize how sorry I was. I loved him, more than I ever thought possible.

I just sat down quietly next to him and took his hand in mine. We sat in silence for what seemed like hours before he spoke.

"Don't you ever do that again."

"I promise."

We made love that night. Not our usual hot and heavy sexfest but slow and sensual love making. I held him close all night, not wanting to ever let him go again. Things went smoothly for awhile. Sure we fought, everyone does. I admit that I'm not the easiest person to live with. Hell I have my obsessions just like everyone else. But we managed to stay happy for more than a few days at a time.

Justin finished school and accepted a job with a computer graphics firm across town. I was so proud of his success that I took him out dancing to celebrate. We played our usual games, dance separately until we just couldn't stand being away from one another one second longer then hitting the backroom for a quick blowjob before heading home to make love in our own bed the rest of the night.

My new agency was flourishing and Justin and I were deliriously happy. That should've been my first clue that something awful was about to happen, yet I went along oblivious to anything but Justin.

Now that we were stable, Gus had been spending more and more weekends with us. Justin loved having him around and frankly I didn't mind as much as I said. We added a few walls to the loft so that Gus could have his own room with a door. That was my suggestion. I wanted to be able to lock him in at night so that I could ravish Justin’s body. I'm a selfish prick, I know.

We had fallen into a routine and things were flowing smoothly until this new guy started working with Justin. Jacob came onto the scene all flash and bright lights. He had been actively recruited and frankly the boy thought his shit didn't stink.

Justin would come home bitching about how Jacob got all the good accounts and he got shit work even though just six months ago he had been top dog around the office. Justin wasn't happy and I knew that he wouldn't last long somewhere his talent wasn't appreciated. He started wanting to go out more at night and we spent almost every night at Babylon or Woody's dancing and drinking. Well he did most of the drinking but he was only twenty-six. He'd been in a serious relationship almost his entire adult life. I wasn't surprised in the least when he decided he wanted to be young and carefree.

It wasn't long after that that he quit his job and began to sleep all day. I didn't say much about it because well we all know that I took long enough to grow up and Justin had grown up practically overnight. He needed this time to be a kid, just as long as he came home to me every night, I had nothing to complain about.

Some nights I was just too wiped out to go with him and would use work as an excuse. I knew he could take of himself, so I didn't really worry. Besides on the nights I didn't go, Daphne usually accompanied him. It was one of those nights that I was sitting up waiting for him to stroll in that I got a disturbing phone call.

One of the bartenders from Woody's called to tell me that I should shorten my leash on my little blond. That got me worried and I threw on some shoes and headed out the door without my jacket, a fact I regretted five minutes later as I stood shivering outside of my building with no keys and a forgotten security code. I was still standing there twenty minutes later when my lost youth came stumbling down the sidewalk. He nearly knocked me down as he threw himself into my arms.

His breath reeked of tequila, something he only drank when he was severely depressed. It was only when he stumbled once more that I caught sight of the tall, stocky man slinking behind the building. My persistent little boy seemed to have his very own stalker and it worried the hell out of me.

I somehow managed to find his keys and get us inside before we froze to death or he passed out. I had to practically carry him up the stairs and I came to the conclusion that all that food he ate constantly was becoming a little too much. I made a mental note to talk to him about his caloric intake and how he had better reduce it immensely if he ever expected me to carry his drunk ass up to bed ever again.

He was snoring by the time I pulled his pants off and tucked him in for the night. Once I knew he was safe and sound in bed, I slunk to the window and searched the darkened city for the dark haired man who fancied my Sunshine. My eyes quickly adjusted to the light and I spotted him staring up at our window.

He stood for awhile before turning and heading back towards Liberty Ave. I tried my damnedest to shake the uneasy feeling the washed over me and headed to bed. Slipping beneath the blankets I wrapped my body around his and held him close all night. One way or another I would protect him.

Things seemed to calm down some after that night. Justin stayed home and even began to look for a new job. He seemed a little happier and was certainly more receptive to my advances. We spent most of our nights and weekends in bed. It was just like old times and I was too happy to complain.

Then it all started again. The drinking, the late nights, Justin stumbling in drunk and passing out. I was so afraid that I'd lose him, I didn't even try to straighten him out. I just let him use my methods of pain management. Then one night we had agreed to take Gus for the girls so they could go out and Justin didn't come home. I awoke startled on the couch at six in the morning. Glancing upstairs I could see our bed hadn't been slept in at all. I began to worry when I checked first the answering machine, then my cell phone and no messages from Justin were on either one. It was far too early to call the boys and far too late to call the bars. I settled for calling his cell. The voice service picked up on the second ring which meant he had turned the damn thing off at some point the night before.

I hung up without leaving a message, my head filling with thoughts of him lying bleeding to death on the side of the road. I was just about to call the police when he stumbled through the door and stopped at my feet to vomit. I had finally had enough. I snapped.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"OUT."

"Goddamnit Justin, its almost seven a.m., you could've at least called."

"FUCK. YOU."

"Apparently it wasn't me. What the fuck is going on with you Justin?"

"I'm recapturing my lost youth." He had thrown my words back in my face, words he claimed not to remember. Shaking off a feeling of dread, I turned and walked away from him.

He stumbled up the stairs, falling several times before he managed to climb the four steps. He had just flopped down on the bed when Gus came running out of his room, full of energy and ready for the day.

"SHUT THAT FUCKING BRAT UP."

Gus looked up at the sound of Justin's voice as the words sank in. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I shrugged. Grabbing his hand I led him back to his room and we found him some jeans and a sweatshirt. After he was dressed, we both bundled up and went out for breakfast at the diner.

We slid into a booth and ordered our bacon and eggs. We were settling in with chocolate milk and coffee when Debbie came over to kiss Gus.

"Hey boys," she said planting a kiss on the top of my son's head. "Where's Sunshine?"

"Justin's grumpy this morning."

"Gus," I hissed.

"Brian, what's going on with Justin?"

"I honestly don't know Deb."

She slid into the seat across from us and raised her eyebrows in expectation.

"He's out all the time, drinking, and God knows what else. He didn't come home at all last night, Deb."

"You have to talk to him Brian."

"I don't think that's going to work. The other night someone called and told me I should shorten my leash on him. So I freaked and went out looking for him. He came stumbling home so drunk he could barely stand. Then as I was trying to get him inside I saw someone following him. After that he stayed in for a few days, then it was back to life as normal."

"When did this all start?"

"Right after things started going bad at work for him. He's moody, he yells a lot, when he talks at all. I'm worried about him Deb, but I don't know what to do to make him see he's killing himself and us."

"You have to do whatever it takes. He's not going to listen to anyone else. Is he," she mouthed the word 'fucking' "around?"

"I don't know for sure, but my best guess is YES."

"Bullshit you don't know for sure. You know."

"Yes, he is tricking."

"Then you need to put a stop to this immediately before something terrible happens to that boy."

"I know."

Gus and I spent an hour at the diner, eating and coloring before heading home. I stepped off the elevator and was slightly taken aback at the red rose lying beside the door. Picking it up I opened the door and led my son inside. After taking off his coat and turning on Sponge Bob I spied the note that had been slid under the door.

I looked up at the bedroom and saw my lover fast asleep and opened the note without hesitation. The words sent chills down my spine and I dropped the rose.

My beautiful lover, I'm coming for you soon.

This confirmed my suspicions, Justin had a stalker.




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