A Beautiful Oblivion

Part 2

Justin knocked on Brian's door at precisly eight o'clock. He was nervous about what to expect when the door opened.

Brian opened the door and stepped back to let Justin inside the room. Justin stood frozen, staring hard at the incredible sight before him. He had never seen anyone look so stunning in only a pair of 501s and a black wifebeater.

"See something you like?"

"Yeah." Justin threw caution to the wind and without warning captured Brian in a kiss that lingered a little too long for the older man not to be affected. Breathless they broke apart and stared at each other for several minutes before Brian regained his composure.

"Shit, Sunshine, maybe next time you should give me a little more warning before you do that."

"I think I liked your reaction more this way." Justin stared down at the obvious erection pressing against Brian's jeans and licked his lips.

Brian's gaze followed Justin's and he shook his head as he tried his best to think of anything that would make his hard on disappear. "Justin, now's not the right time for us to be moving so fast."

"Why not? I want you and it's obvious that you feel the same about me so what's stopping us?"

"Not now, Justin."

"Why won't you tell me why you don't want to have sex with me?"

"It's entirely too complicated."

"I'm smarter than I look."

"Believe me I know that. I just don't think that we should rush into things."

"Why? I mean it's clear that we used to be close, so what's stopping us from being that way again?"

"You, Sunshine. I refuse to be with you until you remember us."

"There was an 'us'? As in you and me?"

"See, you don't even remember me or what we went through together. All those nights, it's like it never happened for you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sorry's bullshit."

The words somehow sounded familiar to Justin. "Did you use to say that a lot?"

"What?"

"Things like sorry's bullshit?"

"Yeah, you used to call them Kinneyisms. You once told me being with me was like learning a whole other language. You teased me relentlessly for weeks after than by speaking 'Brianese'."

"It sounds like we had a lot of fun together."

"I wish it could still be that way."

"Maybe it can. I mean maybe if you help me remember I can be the Justin you knew."

"As much as I want to do that, I can't. I can't just turn your life upside down and expect you to feel something that you have no clue you ever felt."

"What if I already feel it? What if I knew from the second I laid eyes on you that I've loved you forever?"

"Damn, Sunshine, you're sure making this hard on me." Brian kissed the full lips once more and pulled back staring intently at his former love before speaking. "I'm going back to Pittsburgh tomorrow. I have to get back to work and to my life."

"I want to come with you."

"You can't, not now."

"Yes, I can, there's nothing here stopping me."

"Not now, you're not ready. Don't look so sad, baby. I'll call you every morning and every night and even at lunch if it will help."

"Nothing's going to help except being with you."

"How can you say that when you don't even remember me?"

"Because I feel it deep in my soul. We're connected somehow and without you I'll never be whole."

Brian's resistance vanished and he gathered Justin in his arms. The kiss took both men by surprise and when breathing finally necessitated that they break apart, Brian clung to Justin tightly.

"Listen, Justin, you have to trust me. When the time is right, we'll be together."

"I can't even imagine one day without you."

"I know, but you need to stay here and finish school. Besides, Jennifer would have a heart attack if you left."

"Yeah, well, she has no say in my life anymore. I moved out last night."

"You did what?"

"She had the balls to forbid me to see you, so I told her to fuck off. I don't know what it is about you Brian but I find myself willing to give up everything for you."

"She's only trying to protect you. You don't know how lucky you are to have a mother who loves you like that."

"I have you to protect me now." He kissed Brian softly on the lips and pulled him close. "It's your last night here, let's go. I don't want to waste one second I have left with you."

"So where is this special place you want to take me to?"

"Oh, I think you'll like it. It's nice and secluded."

"You'd better not be taking me to some fucking rock."

"I promise no rocks."

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Half an hour later Justin led Brian down an overgrown path to a spot few knew how to find. Stepping into the clearing Brian looked around at the abandoned ampitheater and followed Justin up the steps.

"Look," Justin pointed to the late evening sky.

Brian followed his gaze and before him was the most beautiful sky. Pink clouds flowed into blue sky as the day turned to night and Brian knew that Justin came here often. "It's beautiful, Sunshine."

"Up until you walked into my life two days ago, I thought this was the most beautiful thing on Earth."

Brian turned to the lover he'd lost four years before and caressed his face, "I promise to make it all up to you."

"Make what up to me?"

"All those lost years, all those lost moments, everything. It'll be different this time, I swear. Nothing will stop us."

Justin eagerly accepted the kiss that Brian offered and leaned into him, holding him for what could very well be the last time.

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Two days later Brian was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and smoking a cigarette when the phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID he answered it surprised to hear Justin's voice.

"Hey, Sunshine, miss me already?"

"I never knew how absolutly dreadful this town was until you left it."

"Yeah, well I could've told you that. How's school?"

"Good, I just finished midterms and I applied for a professor's assistant position for the next semester. Hopefully they'll choose me. I could use the money."

"I guess I never thought about you needing money for school. Who's paying your tuition?"

"My mom took a loan out last semester but this semester it's gonna be tight. I'll have to get a job no matter what, but if the assistant's position works out I'll not only be getting paid, but I'll get credit towards my degree as well."

"Good luck, and if you need help, Justin you only have to ask."

"I can't take money from you, it wouldn't be right."

"It would if I wanted to give it to you. Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay. How was your day?"

"So we've been reduced to idle chatter now, have we?"

"No, I just wanted to know about your day is all. That's what people do when they want to get to know each other a little better, they discuss their day. You haven't had much practice at this have you?"

"You were the only person I ever wanted to really know better, Sunshine, then you disappeared and I went right back to being the cold-hearted bastard I'm so good at being."

"I can't imagine you being cold-hearted."

"Just ask around, you'll get an education on Brian Kinney real quick here on Liberty Avenue."

"Then they don't know the real you."

"You don't either kid."

"But I plan to fix that. I'm going to know you so well by the time we're together again that you're gonna think that I've always been there."

"Well then what would you like to know about?"

"Your childhood."

"Not a good subject, next."

"We're not skipping one single year. If it's bad I want to know so I can make it better for you. If it's good I want to share that as well."

"My childhood fucking sucked and not in a positive life affirming way. Next subject."

"No. I want details, like your first kiss, your first crush, your first birthday."

"Birthdays weren't celebrated in my house. Jack didn't think it was an accomplishment to just be born. Besides, every year I survived meant one more year of torture."

"It couldn't have been that bad."

"It was worse. Jack hated me, and Joanie, well, she only had me to piss Jack off. I was the second born, the one who meant they couldn't buy that new oven or that new car and they never let me forget it. Jack was drunk the first twenty years of my life and when he wasn't drunk he was beating the shit out of me. Joanie spent every waking second in church. She thought that the Lord would save her from the evil that was me. The day I turned eighteen I moved out and left no forwarding address."

"Brian, I had no idea."

"I warned you. Life in the Kinney home was never pleasent. At least for me anyway. Claire on the other hand got everything she wanted. She was the good kid, never talked back, always got good grades and did her chores. Jack once told me that if I didn't ask so many fucking questions he wouldn't have to hit me so hard. I made the mistake of telling him that if he didn't hit me so hard I wouldn't have to make excuses about why I didn't have my homework and then I wouldn't need to ask all those questions. That was the first time he...." Brian's voice trailed off as he thought about those days. He had hated Jack Kinney with everything he had and was determined to make it out of that house alive just to piss him off. That night that he had smart mouthed Jack had been one of the worst. After an hour of being punched repeatedly, Jack had put his cigarette out on Brian's bare skin. He hadn't been able to sit without feeling the pain for weeks after that.

No one seemed to notice until Debbie Novotny got hold of him. She'd taken him upstairs and ordered him to strip. He stood in her bathroom in tears baring his scars and begging her not to tell anyone.

"Brian? Are you okay?" Justin's voice cut into the memories and he flinched at how easily Jack still affected him.

"Dazzling."

"I'm sorry about your childhood. I wish I could have been there to make it better."

"I'm glad that you weren't. Now if you have no further questions to torment me with I have a few of my own."

"You can't avoid me, but I'll let it go this time. Ask your question."

"Are you free this weekend?"

"Free? As in doing anything? Well I thought I'd start my weekend by working in the studio, then spend Saturday watching SpongeBob and Rugrats, and on Sunday I was going to sleep in and read the paper in my jammies late into the evening."

"Oh, I'd hate to ruin that full weekend but," Brian paused for effect. "How about coming here to visit? I know a few people who are just dying to see you again."

"To Pittsburgh? Really? You want me to come?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't. So, will you come?"

"Yes."

"Great, I'll have Cynthia make the arrangements and FedEx you the paperwork. Can you leave Thursday night?"

"I'll work it out somehow."

"What will you tell your mom?"

"The truth, that I'm going home to visit some old friends."

"Good luck with that." He listened to Justin's laughter and smiled knowing that in just a few days the other man would be back in his loft. "I'll see you Thursday then."

"Yep. Thanks, Brian."

"No thanks needed, I have ulterior motives here, so pack appropriatly."

"I lov..."

"Stop Justin, don't. It's too soon, and besides I already know."

"You can't stop me from saying it forever."

"Justin, all I want you to do is wait until you're sure that you're ready for this. Don't rush things, just let them happen."

After saying goodbye, Brian put the phone down and quietly said it back. "I love you too, Sunshine."

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