Warnings: DEATH

As his mom you're getting concerned about Justin. He's been so quiet. Doesn't go anywhere or do anything. Like a light went out. Somebody must have hurt him some how. Had to have been some guy. You know your son is gay. But he won't tell you. Hell he won't tell you anything anymore. You see him in his room quietly sketching. You know he's hurting.

"Is everything ok Justin?"

"Yeah mom, everything is fine."

But you know it's not. The light in his eyes isn't as bright as it was. "No it's not." you say as you close the door to his room and go over and sit on the bed with him. "Justin I know your gay." You see the panic in his face. He's about ready to bolt. You take his hand. "I'm not running, I'm not leaving. So don't you try and leave. I'm still your mother no matter what. And I still love you. Remember that." Your touch is calming him down.

"How?"

"How did I know? Justin look at your room. You're practically shouting it out to anyone that would look and listen. That and other things." Ok he's calming down. Time to push a little. "What's his name?"

"Who?"

"The guy that broke your heart. Remember I was in high school once. I know that look." He's hesitating. C'mon Justin don't shut down on me. Get the words out. Trust me again.

"Brian."

"Is he someone from school?"

"I met him the first night I went down to Liberty Avenue."

Stay calm Jennifer. Stay calm. "You've been down there?"

He's starting to cry. It's like a dam bursting." I'm sorry I lied mom."

"It's ok. I'm here baby. Let it out." You just hold him tight in your arms and let him cry. You can't believe all the hurt that's inside him. How many years has he been living alone with this? And he thought he couldn't come to us. Where did we go wrong as parents? "Can you tell me what happened?"

"He's older then me. I'm only 17. He's famous mom. It would put his career in jeopardy if it got out. I love him mom. But I couldn't let him take the risk. So I left. But when I'm 18 I'm coming back for him."

"Think he wants you back."

"Yeah, he just doesn't know it yet." He says with a smile, the one that you remember and miss.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Who the fuck is pounding on my door? Great, it's Deb and my stalker. And Debs got lit candles on a birthday cake

"Hello Brian, somebody wants to celebrate his eighteenth birthday with you." Deb walks in and puts the cake on the kitchen island.

"Look you two I was sound asleep. It's the middle of the day and I don't do birthdays."

"Justin can you excuse us for a moment. Can you wait in the hall and close the door." She grabs your ear and drags you to the bedroom. "Now you listen up you little asshole. It's his eighteenth birthday today and he made a big sacrifice for you staying away till now. That kid loves you and whether you'll admit it or not you have feelings for him. You WILL try to be civil to him and you WILL try and make him happy. Or I'll cut your balls off and give them to Mel for a Hanukah present."

"But Deb..."

"Don't but Deb me. I know you have a wall of stone around that heart of yours. That's your fucking father's fault and yours. So fuck your rules and give this kid a chance. What are you afraid of? Being happy for the rest of your life and not being alone." He's thinking about it. C'mon you schmuck do what's right.

"Ok, Deb I'll give him a chance."

"You promise."

"I promise."

Deb heads for the door and opens it. "It's ok Justin the ogre will behave. Right?" You look at Brian making a scissors motion with your fingers. Brian shakes his head yes.

Ok you two play nice." She leaves and closes the lofts door.

"Justin, I told you I'm not your boyfriend..."

"You could be if you gave us a chance."

"What teen drama did you learn that on?" Justin looks hurt by that comment. Why do I go out of my way to do that to him? "C'mon lets blow out this cake before the fire alarms go off." You blow the candles out together. "I know I don't need to ask what you wished for." You look into Justin's blue eyes and put you're hand on the side of his face. "Oh, fuck the rules." You kiss him like it was the first night. Then you throw Justin over your shoulder and carry him to the bedroom. "But first you little brat, you're getting your birthday spanking."

The kid almost wore you out again. You and Justin are curled up together. Justin has his head resting on your chest. He's so peaceful and contented. But I got to break the mood. We got some serious things to talk about. "You know we don't have the best of timing."

"Why?"

"I'm leaving for spring training next week. It's in Bradenton Florida, for six weeks."

"Fuck."

"Then the season starts April 1st. I'll be on the road half the time till October."

"God damn it. I just got you back."

"I know. If this is meant to happen we'll just have to work at it. Have a cell phone?"

"Yeah."

"Give me the number later. I'll give you my private number too. I'll call you every night."

"You really mean that?" He picks his head up and looks at you with those intense blue eyes of his."

"Yeah. I promise you and Debbie I'll try my best to make this work." Next thing you know one happy and horny teenager is trying to get you excited again. This kid is going to kill me one day with sex.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hey Justin." You're friend Mark comes up behind you and puts you in a bear hug. Brian's got a game tonight and you decided to just go out with the guys to Babylon and try and have fun.

"Hey Mark."

"How come you're not dancing?"

"Didn't see anyone interesting till now." You give Mark the old sunshine smile.

"Man, Brian is lucky I like older guys. Otherwise he wouldn't stand a chance."

"You seem pretty sure of yourself." Mark's really cool. He's one of the gay friends you've made that's your own age. He's 20 and we have a game of flirting with each other. But it will never go anywhere. We both like older guys. But it never stopped the two of us from becoming the best of friends. And he is kind of cute. "Hey Mark, what would you think of going to my prom with me?

"Me? What about Brian?"

"He's got a road trip on the west coast. He probably wouldn't have gone anyway. You and me, we'll go as friends."

"Mine was two years ago and I didn't go. You sure?"

"Yeah, we'll teach those straight kids how to dance. What do you think?"

"Cool. Let's do it. C'mon baby let's go practice." Mark grabs your hand and drags you out on the dance floor of Babylon.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Brian's back from the road and you two manage to sneak a night together.

"You remember my friend Mark?"

"Yeah, tall guy black hair got the hots for me."

"He does not."

"I don't know. He sure likes staring at my ass."

Justin rolls over and pins you to the bed. "You are so conceited Brian"

"So what about him?"

"I asked him to my Prom."

You throw Justin off you. "ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS? After all the abuse you've gotten at St James you want to rub their noses in it to."

"Yeah, it will be my big final fuck you to St. James."

"Please, please think about this."

"I did. If the person I want to take to the prom is a guy then I'm going to do it. I'd really want to take you but I know you're playing in LA that night." Brian's shocked by what you just said. "What? You don't think I wouldn't have wanted you there instead." You curl up closer to Brian. "I know you can't go for a couple of reasons and I'm not going to argue with you. Just know I would have asked. We'll have our public moment one day."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Prom Night. Your mom is driving you over to Debs house. Mark is going to meet you there. Wouldn't be cool to have Mark pick you up for the prom in front of your Dad. I'm going to have to tell him one day, but not yet. Emmett promised he'd help getting us to look our best. Thank God Mark and I picked out our own tuxes. Tangerine is not my color. And it's about time Mom meets Debbie.

Emmett claps his hands to get everyone's attention. Debbie, Jennifer, Vic, Melanie and Lindsay are waiting in Debbie's living room. "Attention everyone! Remember those cute little twinks in the midriff tees and fatigues who went up the stairs? Well, just take a look at the two who are coming down now."

You and Mark come down the stairs together, holding hands, in your tuxes. You hear the collective gasps of everyone and see the looks of awe directed at the two of you.

Deb was the first one to speak "Holy shit, Sunshine!"

"Well, what do you know. The little chicken's become cock-of-the-walk." Vic says as he looks on in amazement.

Your mom's next. Looks like she's going to get real emotional "Sweetheart, you look...beautiful. And so do you Mark."

"Jesus, I could go for them myself." Melanie says in a low voice

Lindsay holds Melanie down. "If I don't beat you to them."

Well if we could convert a couple of lesbians Mark and I must look really hot. "You ready?"

"Yeah dude, let's go give them a prom they'll never forget."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Happy 30th birthday Brian and O-4 against the Dodgers. At least we won the game. Out of habit you check your cell phone messages before you shower. Tonight's the big prom. You'll have to call later and find out how it went. What the hell is going on, twenty messages from Mikey? On my god, something happened to Deb. You dial Mikes cell scared out of your wits.

"It's Brian, Mikey. What happened?"

"It's Justin. He's in surgery. They're not sure he's going to make it."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Your teammates look at you as you yell into the phone.

"He was attacked at his prom. A fellow student. Some homophobic bastard hit him in the head with a baseball bat."

"Nooooo." You use them everyday. You know what kind of damage a bat can do. You sink into your locker feeling the color drain from your face.

"The surgery is to take the pressure off. They said they'll know more later. Deb's with his mom. But I think you need to get here as soon as you can."

"Mikey I'm in LA. And it's 11 pm. I can't get home that fast."

"Just do what you have to do."

"What about the guy he went with? His name was Mark."

"Mark didn't make it. But he may have saved Justin's life by being there."

Oh god. "FUCK. That was supposed to be me."

"I know. Look, I promise as soon as I know something I'll call. You just get here."

Your team captain walks into your office white as a ghost. You heard him yelling into his phone a minute ago.

"Coach I need to get back to Pittsburgh tonight. Something happened."

"What?"

"It's a family emergency. That's all I can say right now." Then Brian barely whispers, "Coach, I need your help."

You've known Brian Kinney for 4 years and you've never seen anyone look that scared before in your entire life. "Go change. I'll call the traveling secretary and get you the next flight out. We'll take care of your bags on this end. Now go."

They got you a red eye to O'Hare and a connection to Pittsburgh. There was nothing faster. You're waiting to board and your phone rings.

"How is he?"

"He's in recovery. The doctors just came out. They won't know anything till he wakes up."

"How's Deb?"

"Her and Jennifer are basket cases but they're holding each other up. How are you doing?"

"I get to sit on an airplane helpless for 6 hours. Guess. Mikey is someone there for Mark's family."

"Yeah. Jennifer was with them a couple of minutes ago. They took it pretty hard. What can you say to someone who just lost a son?"

Yeah what can you say? "Look, I'll be there by 11. You call me, right."

"As soon as we know something, promise."

"Ok bye." You hang up never feeling so helpless in your life.

Two double JBs and sleep still won't come. The cabin is dark and you're alone with your thoughts. God, how could you let this happen? You imagine Justin just lying there in his hospital bed. Luckily no one can see you cry in the dark. Damn it God, couldn't you have found an easier why to make me realize I love him. Did you have to have the kid bashed in the head? And why Mark? Did he have to die? I know we haven't talked much. You must have forgiven me by now for that alter boy when I was 12. But we just found each other. You can't take Sunshine away from me now. Just let him live. I can't promise I'll be perfect. But I'll be a better person. And I'll try and make him happy to. You continue to try and sleep. But it doesn't come only more tears as you fly on into the night.