Flashback

"Brian, we have to go and you got a game tomorrow." Mikey kind of whined

"The game's tomorrow night, I was going to sleep on the plane."

"We don't have that luxury. We have to work in the morning. How long is this going to take?"

You look down on the guy who's on his knees ready to blow you in the backroom of Babylon. "Oh, about 10 minutes."

He wasn't very good so you call it a night and head out to the jeep. You and everyone are about to get in when suddenly you see him. HOLY SHIT, that twink standing under the streetlight. The kid takes your breath away. He's just waiting for you to take him.

"How's it goin'? You had a busy night?" you ask with your best seduction voice.

"Just, uh, checkin' out the bars, you know. BoyToy, Meathook."

Christ, How naive is this kid. "The Meathook. Really? So you're into leather?"

"Sure."

Yeah right. "Where you headed?"

"No place special."

Got him. "I can change that."

You take him back to the jeep and throw everyone else out.

Emmett yells at you. "Hey! Hey! What about us?"

"You can ride with Ted." You yell back as you drive off.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Coming in?" You say to the kid as you walk into the loft and throw your jacket on the couch.

"Huh? Oh, yeah."

The kid walks in and forgets the door. "Shut the door."

He does it but you can see he's trying to keep his fear down. It's got to be his first time. We'll just have to give him the extra special Kinney treatment. You take your shirt off and pour a bottle of water on yourself.

"This is a...really nice place. I like your...kitchen." You see him notice your gym bag with your bats on the floor. "You play baseball?"

Oh shit here it comes. "Had a game tonight."

"Oh. Never really followed it. My dad tried to get me to play when I was a kid. Never was very good."

Shit, he really doesn't know who I am. This could be fun. You start to take your cloths off "Do you like Special K?"

"It's okay. I like Cheerios better."

"You can't help but laugh a little inside. "I don't mean the kind you eat with bananas. My disco-pharmecologist cooks this up for me."

"I'm really allergic to a lot of drugs. The doctor gave me Penicillin once--nearly killed me. And...Tylenol."

"Tylenol? No one's allergic to Tylenol. Tylenol's what they give you when you're allergic to everything else." You're down to your jock strap. He's staring and getting turned on.

"Oh. Well, uh...codeine. Codeine's the worst. Like, I get diarrhea and start vomiting uncontrollably at the same time."

Kids a born romantic. "Well, we'll make sure and keep that one on the top shelf. Out of reach." Bye bye jockstrap. Now lets see if this kid knows what he REALLY wants. "So, are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?" He starts to slowly walk over to you while taking off his shirt. GOTCHA KID I'm never wrong.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

What the hell was I thinking last night? Christ he was only 17. What was his name...Justin. But I never felt that way with anyone before. You've got some time to think. You're on a plane for Milwaukee for a three game set with the Brewers starting tonight. What the hell was it about that kid. I know for sure he didn't know who I was. It felt nice to be wanted as Brian the man not Brian the baseball player. I like how he stood up to me and wouldn't be intimidated. When I saw him standing under that streetlight it was like the moon and the stars fell on me. Now I've got 2 babies. Gus. Talk about your own mortality. Well, if he's hung like a horse I'll know for sure he's mine. And I let him name him. I bet Mel wants to rip me a new asshole for that stunt. And then, to top it off, I outed the kid to his entire high school. He did have the balls though. Got to admire that. Even after he saw the jeep he let me drop him off. Know he was just trying to impress me. Now I'm going to throw out the rules and risk everything for what, a 17-year-old twink. Christ, I need another drink.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've seen the face of god and his name is Brian Kinney. I still can't believe last night. I still feel him. Like...he's still there, inside me. His eyes, his body, and just as he was about to shoot he said he loved me. I went looking for it last night and I sure found it. God, I could love him for the rest of my life. I've got to find him again.

You borrow Daphne's car for the night and head down to Liberty Avenue. All you can do is run through the bars and hope you find him. Meathook, now that was a scary place. Leather is definitely not for me.

Woodys. This looks interesting. Nice quiet bar, a couple of pool tables. Wait a second. That's the guy from last night, Brian's friend Mikey shooting pool.

"Hi."

"Oh it's you." Mikey says with complete indifference and continues shooting.

"Have you seen Brian?"

"He won't be around tonight."

"You sure."

"Look boy wonder he travels a lot. Let me give you some advice. Forget about Brian. He doesn't do boyfriends."

"You don't know what we did."

"Yes I do and so do most of the guys in Pittsburgh. They've all done the same things with Brian. Once. Now go back to your chicken coup, I'm busy." Mike goes back to his game and tries to totally ignore you.

Back on Liberty avenue. All this way for nothing. Still got some time so may as well just explore around. You walk a couple of blocks and come to a place called the Liberty Diner. You're stomach starts growling. It's been a couple of hours since dinner. May as well go in a grab a bite. You are a growing 17 year old. You sit at the counter and the waitress comes up

"You're new around here."

"Yeah."

"And cute to. Every guy in here is going to have his eye on you tonight." You look around to see who she's talking about. "Relax Sunshine. You got plenty of time to cruise later. What can I get ya?"

"How about a cheeseburger and a coke."

"Coming right up."

She goes to place the order and you start thinking about Brian again.

"Why the long face, Sunshine?"

"Nothing."

"What's your name kid?"

"Justin."

"Well Justin I'm Deb and nothing my ass. Look I'm the fairy godmother and father confessor to all these boys here. So you may as well start talking. I'll get it out of you sooner or later."

You can't help but smile a little. "His names Brian."

"Let me guess, Brian Kinney."

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I've known Brian since he was 14. He's caused ninety percent of the broken hearts on this street. If you want my advice I'd forget about him."

"That's what his friend Mikey said. But I can't."

"Mikey's a pretty smart guy when it comes to Brian. He's my son. I'd listen to him to if I were you."

"Your son," you say a little shocked. "I can't Deb."

"Ok but when you need help picking up the pieces I'll be here. Lord knows I've had enough practice cleaning up after that guy." She gets your burger and leaves you alone to eat in peace.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You and your friends are out at Woodys having your annual end of season celebration. "A toast gentleman, to the end of another glorious season of Pirate baseball." Christ, 69 and 93. Did we suck or what?

And Emmett adds. "And look out gay Pittsburgh. Brian's back for another off season."

"Don't fuck the WHOLE backroom at Babylon your first night back ok." says Mike.

"What can I say Mikey, my public misses me."

"Speaking of missing, guess who just walked in."

You turn and see the twink. You've been hoping to avoid this. You turn back to Mike "So, it's no big deal."

"No big deal? He's been looking for you for the last 2 weeks."

"So now he found me." With that you walk over to Justin. "Outside. You and I need to talk." You get him outside of Woody's into the noise of the street. "I hear you've been looking for me."

"Yeah, I just want to talk to you."

"Let's get something straight. I don't do boyfriends."

"That's what Mike said. But I...I really love..."

He had to say love. He was fantastic. But this won't work. Now I'm going to have to break his heart. "I've had you. What happened ...it was for fun. You wanted me and I wanted you. That's all it was."

"A fuck?" Justin says with the tears starting to form

"Well, what did you think it was?" The kid's having his heart broken but I've got to do this. He should find someone his own age. "Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest. It's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in so that they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find some pretty little girl and get married."

"That's not what I want. I want you!"

"You can't have me. I'm too old...you're too young for me. You're seventeen. I'm twenty-nine. Now go do your homework." You turn and leave Justin crying on the street. We could have had something. But you know this was for the best. But if it was why do you hurt some much inside.