Charlie's Take

Married at eighteen.

Jesus.

Ridiculous. Doomed to fail. Hasty. To Fast. Ill-conceived. Stupid.

Incredibly stupid. I mean, seriously, what the hell is she thinking? Is she thinking? This kid, this Edward is her first boyfriend, the first guy who’s looked at her and bam, she has to get married. Well, all right, they both insist that they don’t have to get married, but this is just as bad and, dammit, I’m betting it won’t be much past Christmas before they’re making the happy announcement and Esme—Edward’s mother, or as close to a mother as he seems to have—starts knitting things.

Jesus.

And what the hell is wrong with Carlisle and Esme? Are they really as calm about their seventeen-year-old son tying the knot as they’re letting everyone think? Are they nuts? Oh, right, Bella told me he’s eighteen, too. Well, whoop-dee-doo about that. They have no idea, none—babies. That’s what they are, they’re babies. No jobs, no income and they’re planning on going across the country to New Hampshire for four years of college—living on love. Yeah, sure they will.

I know, I know—the rumor is that the Cullens are loaded but it’s not right. It just isn’t. You work for things, that’s what you do and this is just BS. I mean, c’mon. Bella sure wasn’t raised to have things handed to her on a silver platter. She wasn’t raised like that. You want to know the logic they threw at me when I suggested that this might be a bit rash? Do you? I’ll tell you what the kid said; he had the nerve, he had the gall to tell me that they were going to Dartmouth anyway and he thought it would be better if they did it as man and wife instead of just shacking up like every other college kid on the planet does.

Better? Better to play at being married so they can get the divorce out of the way by the time they get their degrees?

Perfect. Just perfect.

You know what Carlisle said when I asked about this, asked how they’d be paying their bills? He couldn’t have cared less, couldn’t have been less concerned if he tried. All he said was that Edward’s parents had left him money in some kind of a trust that has done well over the years—he actually said that—and they’d be fine. They’re going to be living off the kid’s dead parents?

That’s just great.

I’d heard the rich were different, but this is beyond asinine.

But do you want to know what’s really bothering me about this mess?

Okay, flat-out, it’s Edward—he’s not good for her. I have an instinct about people, I have to in my line of work and there’s something just not right about him, something’s just plain out off and I don’t like him. The first time I met him I got the feeling that he was sizing me up, taking my measure and then playing me like a violin; like he’s Eddie Haskel and I’m Ward Cleaver. He’s not good for her and I wish I could put my finger on it but that’s the bottom line, he’s just not right. He’s not the right one for her and he’s just not right.

Look what he did to her last year, last fall when he dumped her cold. He did it once and what’s saying he won’t do it again? Does Bella think a wedding ring will change anything?

It won’t.

You want to know what kind of a husband a man will make? Look at what kind of a boyfriend he is and this kid? Christ.

He controls her, he’s separated her from her friends, he’s practically made Bella choose between him and Jake and he monopolizes her time day and night, in school and out.

School—that’s another thing. He changed his classes so that they’d be in practically every damn class together this last year. Who does that?

And Bella? All she can see is a good-looking boy who’s paying attention to her. She doesn’t see that he doesn’t have any other friends besides his family, that he doesn’t play any sports in school, isn’t a member of any clubs, keeps to himself. I even asked Carlisle and he says that Bella is the only girlfriend he’s had ‘in a while’—what the hell is that supposed to mean? ‘In a while.’ The kid is in damn high school. What? He went steady with some girl when he was fourteen or something? Great, that’s just great.

Like I said, there’s something here that just doesn’t add up.

And Renee? All Renee is seeing is white lace and orange blossoms.

She couldn’t be happier, thinks this is the greatest thing that’s happened since sliced bread. Of course, she’s seeing this—as much of it as she’s seeing from across the country in Florida, busy with her new husband. She hasn’t even laid eyes on her daughter, aside from a quick visit and—oh yes, that stint in the hospital when Bella was almost killed in that car accident or whatever it was. She didn’t see how the girl reacted when Edward dumped her and left town with no forwarding address for six months. She didn’t see how much weight she lost, how she holed up in her room, how she stopped seeing her friends, stopped doing anything and was so depressed that I had a suicide watch on her, even called the school psychologist to talk to her.

Then, out of nowhere, the Cullens come back and she just picks up like nothing happened Excuse me? This kid breaks her heart, treats her like dirt, so much as tells her ‘hey, it’s been fun but I’m outta here and have a nice life’ then shows up on the doorstep, snaps his fingers and she’s fine with that?

I don’t like him. I don’t like this.

Bella is going to end up hurt and that’s a fact and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to make last time look like a walk in the park.

And if that happens, if I’m right, Edward Cullen had damn well better have a plan for himself up his sleeve.

1/30/09

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