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It was a nice day—it was always a nice day here, and Justin and Brian were just hanging around the gates doing nothing when the boys sauntered by.
“Yo, Randall, Max, Ethan, Paul—Bri-O, ‘Sup?”
“Same old shit. ‘Sup with you?—Shit, what are you guys doing here?”
“That bitch, Simon? You know the one?” They rolled their eyes…fucking A they knew that one. “Bitch killed us again.”
“I heard a rumor that she might. That’s tough, man.”
“Yeah, well it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.”
They all just sort of stared at the clouds rolling away to the horizon. Finally Max broke the semi-silence. That friggin celestial choir never shut the hell up. “How’d she do it this time—if you don’t mind my asking.”
“Nah, that’s OK. You know that creepy street kid Ben and Michael picked up? The one they were trying to help?” The boys all nodded, they knew the one. Gross. “She made Justin have an affair with him, they both died of AIDS.”
“Damn bitch.”
“That sucks, Jus…what about you, Brian? You get it, too?”
“Nah, nothing like that, said that she didn’t want to be redundant. She made me kill him—the street rat, I mean—I ended up convicted of murder one, went to jail and was killed in a prison riot last week.”
“Where does she come up with this crap?”
“Fucking twisted.”
They were all thinking about things when Michael came up to the gates. “Hey guys? You wanna let me in?” They all exchanged looks—not really. Finally Brian got up and turned the lock.
They kissed hello like the usually did. Well, welcome to eternity, thought Justin.
“Brian—it was so awful! After you were killed again I just couldn’t stand it. I killed myself.”
“Mikey, that’s just the kind of thing I expect from you—always have, always will.”
He smiled his puppy dog smile while the others averted their faces. Ewwwww.
It was getting treacly when a few of the girls stopped by on their was to the cafeteria—Heaven, eat all you want and never gain an ounce. There were some damn advantages. Never a bad hair day, either—and shoes like you wouldn’t believe.
Astra and Tammy were arguing about something. “I wanna tell them, you told them last time.”
“Did not, bitch—that was MFB. You know that twat can’t keep her mouth shut for more than ten seconds.”
“Oh, you gonna start that again? Have you ever tried to get a word in sideways with Cindy? What about Morpheus? Or Irina? You ever try to get a word in when Acacia is going at it? Damn, they never draw breath.”
“I wanna tell.”
Brian glared at them, that always stopped them—made them melt. “Hey cows—what the fuck is your problem?”
“I’ll tell!” That was Cheryl, bringing up the rear. “The place is getting crowded, Damnit. I was just over at the golf course and had to wait like two hours for my tee time—damn Vic, Ted and Ben were there ahead of me. Pricks.”
“Oh, jeez, Vic and Ben, it finally got them, too?” Justin looked really bummed.
“”No, you twat. They were killed in
a car wreck on the way to your stupid funeral. Ted threw himself off
“Why the fuck did Ted kill himself? Not that he’s not past due.”
“Brian, you’re getting pissy.”
“It’s turning into a hell of a day for paradise, twat.”
“Would you please stop calling me a twat?”
“Twat, twat, twat, twatty twat.”
“Excuse me, bitches? I believe I have the cloud? Ted offed himself because he found out that Emmett was having a major thing with George’s richer and more living identical twin brother Frank. They’re getting married next week.”
“I heard that he’d making all the arrangements himself. It’s sort of an Arabian Nights theme.”
“Em! Fabulous.”
“Ohhhhhh…..we should all go!”
“Really, if we don’t, who’ll be there besides the lezzies?”
“Well, there’s a little problem with that.”
“Shit—now what?”
“Lindsay left Mel for Leda. I think they were last seen headed for a Dykes on Bikes rally in DC. Man, they looked bitchin, though.”
“What about…?”
“Mel? She’s hooked up with Daphne, they’re raising Gus.”
Brian breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank God—at least he’ll still have one parent with a brain.”
“Anything else we missed being up here?”
“Well, did you hear about Deb?”
“Fuck—she’s ok?” “Mom?????”
“She and the baby are just great.”
“The baby?”
“Yeah, you didn’t know? I mean she wore some funky clothing to hide it, but yeah—Carl Horvath knocked her up. She had twins. Michaela and Brianna. She was going to name a third one Justine, but maybe next time.”
“…Anything else?”
“Well, there was that little problem at
“Yeah….?”
“Hit by lightning. Burned to the ground. No survivors.”
“Fuck me. We gotta do something. What about Simon? I know she was there—she dead?”
“She was attacked by a rabid mob on
“And?”
“She’s fine.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”