Storms

Horatio was on his hands and knees on the bed, naked, trying to absorb the rhythmic thrusts entering his arse, the pounding and the shoving. He could feel the force pushing him up against the bulkhead wall and tried to brace himself with his hands but he couldn't completely and felt his face hitting pillows placed against the wall then being pulled back again…forward and back…forward and back. He could feel the hands holding him, grasping his hipbones, trying to hold him in place.

He was becoming sore. He wasn't at all aroused and he wished that Edward would finish soon.

Feeling the hands come around his chest and belly from behind to grasp him tightly he knew, from long experience, that Edward would finish in a matter of seconds.

Good.

He felt the shudders, heard the bitten off sounds of climax and then felt the dead weight as Edward collapsed onto him, sweating and breathing hard. He felt the now soft cock being pulled from his body and could finally lay on his side full out on the large bed, his lover curled into him, holding him and kissing his neck, stroking his belly and straying to his own soft, dry member.

"Love? Was something wrong? I've left you unsatisfied?" He could hear the concern, even the love in the voice against his shoulder.

"No, I'm fine, really I am. Sometimes it's-you know, sometimes it just doesn't seem to work. It's all right. Probably in a few minutes or tomorrow you'll be fending me off." He attempted a smile and a kiss to change the subject.

Edward raised himself up on his elbow to look at him, not to be put off. "It's not happened before. Are you not well? Are you tired from standing that extra duty yesterday?"

"I'm fine. Please don't worry, love. Truly, it's of no matter."

Edward looked at him closely then moved over him, his hands on his shoulder then moving down his body. He began kissing Horatio, his tongue stroking against his mouth, obviously trying to arouse the young man. He began to move down, to his throat, nibbling the soft skin there, nipping gently and moving further down the slender length of him. Down to his breasts, lingering over the small nipples, trying to have them rise into peaks, then on to his belly, heading further down, about to take his lover into his mouth, wanting to please him, wanting to make him hard, wanting to feel him come.

Before he could begin to mouth him, Horatio gently lifted Edward's cheek. "Please, don't. Not tonight…please, Edward." It was barely a whisper.

Edward hesitated, surprised. He knew Horatio enjoyed what he was about to do, he certainly always had in the past, had even requested the act often. This had never happened before and Edward didn't know quite what to do. He moved, returning back to lie again next to his lover.

"Horatio?" He stroked the angled cheek.

"Forgive me. It just won't…tonight. We'll try again tomorrow, perhaps." They heard the ship's bell ring seven bells.

Horatio sat up, his feet over the side. "I'm sorry. I've the watch in half an hour. I must get ready." He rose, reaching for the bowl of water and the cloth that had been put nearby for their use. Washing himself quickly, he turned, gathering his clothes. All through this Edward watched him silently.

"What is it that's troubling you? You're not yourself tonight. I would know, Horatio."

Continuing to dress, not pausing, he spoke. "Not now. There's no time." He looked at the Captain as he tied his cravat. "We might speak after I give you my watch report later, if that would be convenient for you."

"Yes, of course."

Hornblower nodded. "Really, it's nothing, Edward." Pausing for a quick kiss on Edward's mouth, he turned and left the cabin.

After he was alone, Edward lay on the bed for long minutes, wondering what was troubling the young man. This was not like him, certainly he could be moody, but he had never merely agreed to sex before, wishing to not find any pleasure for himself. He felt as though the young man had merely serviced him, something that had never happened. It surprised Pellew that he would even consider such a thing. Lovemaking had always been a shared joy between them, not just an empty act. Tonight had been-strange. It had begun awkwardly and had deteriorated into something almost, well, he was about to think 'sordid', but that wasn't right. It had become-rote.

In the three years that they had been lovers, that had never been the case, not even remotely. Their lovemaking had always been passionate, a mutual giving and sharing. Tonight had merely been sex.

Edward was left feeling disconcerted by the encounter. Had Horatio found another lover? Perhaps a younger one, one more able to keep up with him physically, someone with whom he might have more in common? Had he become bored? Could he wish to end their liaison?

The young man was a closed one, unwilling to completely open himself to anyone, not even the man he acknowledged to be his closest friend. He kept his own counsel and his own secrets. If there was something that Hornblower didn't wish Edward to know about, the chances were that they would remain hidden. Likewise, his reasoning's and motivations were often kept private. Horatio moved to his own rhythm, and there would be no changing that.

In the time that they had been together, Edward was amazed just how much he had come to rely on the young man, on his counsel and advice, his clearheaded opinions and his encouragement, even simply on his presence. He had come to count on his being there when a kind word was needed, or a caress. Recently there had even come a night when Edward had cried in his arms, finding the comfort there that he needed.

Had Horatio tired of him? God, he hoped not. He would bear it, if he had to, of course, but he would rather that they continued. In all his years as a ship's Captain, all his years as a man, he had never allowed himself to actually fall in love with another person. He had never permitted himself the luxury of the refuge of someone else's arms and care. He had, in fact, put that sort of thing out of his mind, relegating it to the sort of thing that 'other' people did. People who spent their time ashore and had not the responsibilities he did. He had almost succeeded until about a year after Horatio had come aboard.

For the first few months, maybe the first year or so, he saw Hornblower as merely another Midshipman under his command and tutelage. Intelligent, obviously and dedicated to his career, that was apparent. Edward had noted in passing that he was a handsome young man, and well made, but had not thought to act on those observations. They were the sort of thing one might notice about a painting or sculpture or some other work of art. His beauty was simply there, a fact.

As the time passed, Edward found that he would, occasionally, ask the youngster his opinions regarding something or other and found that his perceptions were finely honed and his articulation well advanced. When the Captain decided that he would enjoy reinstating his bi-weekly whist games, Hornblower made a fine fourth. After the games they would often share a small brandy or glass of wine with the other two players and simply chat. It was in these informal meetings that his interests were piqued. As the young man overcame his initial shyness, he began to display a wit and a mental capacity that rivaled Edward's own. He couldn't recall the last time he'd met someone who could actually best him in logic and reasoning and debate. Against all his better instincts, he was drawn to the lad.

Oh, at first it was the attraction of a teacher to an outstanding student with a keen mind, one thirsty for knowledge. They began to meet privately, usually after the boy had finished his watch report. Alone, they began to speak together of personal matters, their homes and their families, their hopes and ambitions. In Edward's cabin, alone, the barriers of rank and social class and wealth and age began to slip away, lose their importance. They became friends. Just friends, platonic friends, nothing more.

Then came the leave when Edward had finished ship's business and was about to enter his carriage for the hour ride to his Portsmouth home. He saw Horatio just leaving a dockside pub, alone. He hailed his Captain, saluting and wishing him a pleasant leave. On impulse, Edward had asked him his plans. Upon learning that he had none, he had suggested, again on impulse, that perhaps he might wish to join him for a few days.

Surprised, pleased, Hornblower had made some reply about being honored. That night, after dinner and brandy and several games of chess, they had retired to bed, shyly, together. So, they had begun.

Three years ago, that was how long in had been. In that time they had never quarreled, never had a serious disagreement, never wanted another. Edward was content.

Sighing, wondering if this might be ending, he rose from the bed, washed himself and dressed. He had work to do and brooding wouldn't help anything. When Horatio appeared after the watch ended, they would be able to discuss whatever was on his mind. They would be able to talk and if he had somehow upset the young man, or hurt him, slighted him, perhaps-they would set things right again.

His mind made up, he bent to his task at hand. The paperwork that was his constant bane demanded his attention. He bent to it, hoping to distract himself but immediately began chastising himself as his mind insisted on going back to his lover and the earlier encounter, plaguing him and causing him to fret. It both appalled and bemused him to know how much it mattered to him, how much Horatio mattered to him. He'd known this for years now, but to have it brought home to him this forcefully was something he hadn't expected.

His mind drifted to what his life would become if he were forced to resume his solitary existence. God, he couldn't bear the thought. The degree to which he now depended on his lover frightened him. He wondered, again, if Horatio was equally obsessed, realizing that he would likely never be permitted to find out. The young man was too reserved to let that sort of information out even to the man with whom he'd shared his body for three years. If the obsession Edward felt were shared, he would likely never be allowed to know it.

Making the mental jump he needed to so that he might get his work finished, he bent to his task at hand.

Four hours and fifteen letters later, he heard the expected knock at his door.

"Come."

Hornblower entered the room, ducking his head as he walked through the low doorway.

"The sky is clear, sir. The wind is at ten knots from the west and the sea calm. Nothing to report, sir. All is quiet."

"Very good, Lieutenant." To Edward's consternation, Hornblower turned to leave.

"Did you wish to speak with me, Lieutenant?" He turned back to face Edward, his face composed, as always.

Drawing a breath, he spoke. "Forgive me, sir. I fear that I may have been rude to you earlier. I assure you that was not my intention, and I apologize if I caused offense." He was actually standing at attention.

"Was there anything else?"

Horatio's eyes focused over onto Pellew. "No sir, not at this time."

Looking at the young man, the very picture of a professional officer, Pellew hesitated before he continued, then softened his approach. This was no official conversation. Not now. He indicated that Hornblower should take a seat at the table, as he did himself.

"What was troubling you, Horatio? I've been concerned and I would have you be honest with me."

His eyes on his hands folded before him on the wood, the answer was quiet. "It was nothing, Edward, as I told you. It just happens sometimes, it happens to everyone now and then. It was nothing."

The captain sat back in his chair, studying the young man. "You've become distant recently. I've noticed it the last several weeks. Have you rethought our liaison? Have you met someone else? Do you wish to end our-friendship, Horatio? You know that I've always said that all you need do was to ask and you would be released."

Hornblower was silent, refusing to meet Edward's eyes.

"Horatio?"

"I think it might be better if we were to not see each other as we have been." The words were quiet, the eyes still downcast.

Pellew took a breath. "I see. How long have you felt this way?"

"Several weeks, perhaps a month."

Another breath "Might I ask what has altered your feelings?"

"You've done nothing." Finally the eyes met his. "I've simply realized that for us to be-together, there is a price to be paid. I fear that its cost may prove too dear to bear."

Edward leaned forward, taking his hand. "What has happened? Have we been found out? Has someone said something? I would know, Horatio."

Disengaging his fingers, the youngster stood, walked to the great windows and looked out at the ships wake, his back to the cabin. "One of the other officers took me aside several weeks ago and informed me that he knew about us, that he'd seen me leaving your cabin at odd hours, seen us exchange looks. He insisted that no one else had noticed but that it was simply a matter of time."

"Go on."

"He told me that you are known, in certain circles, to choose among your officers a favorite, a pet. He made it clear that it would behoove me to leave before I acquired the reputation of serving as your bumboy. He said that once I was so tagged, I would never remove the stain from my back."

In pain Edward had risen and now stood beside the young man. "Oh, Horatio, and you believed this?"

Horatio's eyes met the Captain's evenly. "That's what he said you would say to me. That you'd try to keep me with you until we reached a port where I could be transferred somewhere."

"And how would this person presume to know what might transpire?"

Horatio's answer was cold and resigned. "He told me that he held the position prior to myself."

"I've told you before; you're the only lover I've ever taken aboard any ship. Do you not believe this?"

"Edward, that is of no matter, it never has been. The fact is that we are found out and must end this."

"No, the fact is that you are the victim of another's lies and possible jealousy. If you are concerned about being known, why have you kept silent for a month? Surely there have been times you might have said something. Why would you continue to my bed?"

Another hesitation. "You know the reason. You know of my feelings for you." The oblique reference was as emotional as the lad would allow himself to become. "Edward, I know you've had lovers before me and there will be more after I'm gone. I've never thought that this would last." The last hit Edward as a slap. He had hoped that it would, indeed, last.

"Do you honestly believe that I have been using you, that I have no feelings other than for my own satisfaction?" It was said with sadness, resignation.

"No, but I believe that I am merely one in a line."

"I see." Edward felt defeated, both by these revelations and Horatio's cold acceptance. "What do you now see happening? What is it that you would like to be the outcome?"

"I would think that my transfer would probably be the logical solution."

"Is that what you wish? I will arrange so if it is." Edward turned away, sitting at his desk, prepared to write out the orders then and there if that was what would be needed to resolve things.

For the first time almost since he had met the young man, he seemed unsure of himself, of what to say or do next. He sat on the bench by the great windows, his eyes on Edward but they held the look of an unsure boy, not the confidence of a young officer.

"I would…have you know that the time we spent together was wondrous to me." He paused, overcome by shyness and self-consciousness. Taking a breath, he went on. "You are the only person who ever -wanted me, who ever cared about what I thought or believed. No one else ever cared if I was hungry or tired or even happy." He paused for another breath. "I'm grateful to you for that. More than you can know."

"Horatio…"

"No one ever thought I had value before you. I certainly never did." On impulse, he slid off the bench and moved over to where Edward was sitting, kneeling at his feet. His arms went around the Captain's waist and he rested his head on the older man's thighs, embracing him. Horatio felt a hand carding through his hair, stroking his cheek. "I love you, Edward."

"Who was it who spoke to you? I would know. He was lying to you. I swear that what I've told you is the truth. I swear this, Horatio."

He rose up on his knees so that his face was close to the Captain's. Framing it with his hands, he leaned forward and with the utmost tenderness, kissed Edward's mouth over and over, gently and carefully. Edward's hands were on his waist and he felt himself being lifted up, Pellew trying to stand himself, wanting to move them into the sleeping cabin and onto the bed.

"Edward, no, please."

The Captain pulled back, confused by what was happening between them. He looked at Horatio in confusion.

"That's what you always do, try to appease me with lovemaking. I...he was right."

Annoyed by the turn of events and the entire day, Edward fairly snapped, "What was 'he' right about?"

"That what you want from me is just satisfaction." For possibly only the second time since Edward had known the young man, he seemed close to tears. "I am just the Captain's Boy, I am your bumboy."

"Oh, for God's sake. How can you say that to me? You know that I love you; you know that we are friends. If all I wanted was an orifice, I could hire one." Here Edward went too far. "We both know that you hardly come cheaply, now don't we?" The young man's eyes went wide in shock at the implication just thrown at him. The shock gave way to anger.

"Now what are you saying? That I trade bed time for career contacts or time at your cottage?"

Angry, hurt at what was happening, Pellew answered without pausing to consider his words. "You've never made a secret of your ambition, have you? You're happy enough for a new uniform or piece of kit from me, now, aren't you? I didn't notice the sextant or the books or anything else I gave you last Christmas being refused. Were it not me, some other willing Captain or Admiral would have served your purposes, I suspect." The moment the words were out of his mouth, he knew that he'd gone too far, struck back too hard at the confused and hurt young man. He saw the pain and disbelief on his face, saw him back away as though from a physical blow and knew that what he had just said in anger would never be forgotten.

Horatio stared at him for a few seconds, his face now set in an expression more suitable for the boarding of an enemy ship. Quickly and methodically, he kicked off his shoes and stockings, removed his coat and cravat, his waistcoat and shirt followed and were tossed on the Captain's desk beside them. His hands next moved on to his breeches and his small pants. Naked, he stood looking at Pellew, his eyes hard and his mouth set in an angry line.

Taking a step towards Edward, his hands moved quickly to remove the Captain's clothing, pushing the coat off his shoulders, and starting on his neck cloth.

Pellew took a step away, his hands coming up to push Hornblower's away. "Stop this."

"Why? This is what you want, isn't it? This is what you say I'm here for. You've paid for it." Taking Edward by the arm, he propelled him into the sleeping cabin, laying himself full length on the double bed.

"Get up, put your clothes on."

"Why, Edward? Didn't you say before that you wished to satisfy me? Well?"

Staring for a minute, composing his thoughts and his emotions, Edward finally, defeated, turned away and out of the tiny sleeping cabin. Taking Horatio's clothes from where he had tossed them, he moved to place them on the bed Hornblower still reclined on. "Get dressed." The anger that had set Hornblower's face was gone, replaced by some kind of sadness. He sat up and took the garments as Edward left him to put them back on.

A couple of minutes later Horatio reentered the main cabin fully clothed, his face downcast and obviously embarrassed. Edward spoke first. "I'm sorry, Horatio. I've hurt you, said things that I didn't mean and which I regret. Please, forgive me."

He just stood for several seconds, his eyes on the decking at his feet. Finally, hesitantly, he began. "I do love you, Edward. You must believe that much is true." There was another pause. "I think that perhaps we could use some time away from one another."

Edward looked at him warily. "What would you suggest? Just see each other on official business?"

Horatio nodded. "Yes, for now…I think that, when it's feasible, perhaps it would be best if I was transferred."

"You wish to leave? Tell me honestly, Horatio."

"No, I wish that we could be as we were, but I believe that is no longer possible. We are found out and are being watched. We must end this, Edward."

"This could be dealt with if you were to tell me whom it is spoke with you." Again, the hesitation. "Nothing can be done if you do not tell me. You and by extension, I am being blackmailed. This cannot be tolerated, Horatio. You know that simply transferring you won't end this."

"I know, and I've thought on this. I think that it would be best if I were to resign my commission. I can go back to Kent and assist my father in his practice. We can easily make some excuse about my being needed there."

Pellew was dumbfounded by what he had just heard. Resign his commission? Horatio? He was the finest young officer in the fleet; he had a reputation that was growing by the week. Resignation was absurd, a waste of tremendous talent and worse, would be admitting defeat.

"I thought that you loved this life. If you wish to end our friendship, you needn't go to this extreme." Pellew looked at Hornblower and instantly understanding dawned. "Who is threatening you-and the threats extend to me, also, do they not?"

"Edward, I'm of no importance. You know that I won't allow your career to be jeopardized. I'll leave and that will be the end of it. This isn't the only thing I can do, I'll be fine."

"For the love of God, Horatio, I'll not allow you to sacrifice yourself for something like this. You're too valuable to the service for that to be permitted." Pellew saw the stubborn set to the young man's features. "You're determined to throw yourself away to waylay this blackmailer, aren't you?"

The slightest, saddest smile appeared. "I know my duty, sir."

"You know that I'll not permit this. You know me better than that. You're to tell me whom it is who has been speaking with you. I order you to do so."

"And were I to give you the name, what would you do? His suspicions are correct."

"What difference does that make? Has he proof? Has he witnesses?"

"He needs no proof, you know that as well as I do. He'll make his charges and if there's even the slightest shred, you'll be damaged." Again, the sad smile. "You know that I'll not permit that…I love you, Edward. I'll not allow you to be harmed." Though spoken mildly, the resolve was apparent.

"It won't work, Horatio. If you were transferred, questions would be asked. That's too simple a solution. Besides, you know that I'll not allow it." Edward took the young man's hand. "It pains me that you've lived with this, that you've not permitted me to help until now."

"I wouldn't burden you." He moved a step away, dropping his hand. "I should go back to my berth. I told Archie that I'd help him with some navigation."

"This isn't over, Horatio. We'll resolve this, you and I. We'll work this out." Hornblower nodded, almost absently, quietly closing the door behind him as he left.

As Pellew watched him leave, he felt a prickling of fear, worried that Horatio had come to some decision that was now out of his hands. The young man wasn't someone to cross. Though slow to anger, once aroused, he could be formidable, indeed.

For the next week Pellew and Hornblower saw each other only professionally, usually with others present. They were polite and displayed the utmost courtesy, but crossed no lines of impropriety. When Edward wished to discuss the situation with Horatio in private, he was-politely-put off.

There was nothing in the mannerisms of either man to hint at anything other than a completely standard relationship between them.

One night Horatio waited until Archie had settled into his own cot scant inches from his own in the miniscule berth they shared. Whispering, so as to not be overheard by anyone, he asked his friend if he had heard any rumors about himself recently. Horatio suspected that his friend had guessed his relationship with the Captain had crossed lines, but the subject had never been discussed between them and Archie had respected his privacy, never questioning his late hours or where he might spend his off time.

Grateful, Hornblower realized that, a true friend, Kennedy was genuinely pleased with his friend's happiness. In response, he had never burdened his friend with knowledge that could cause him problems, never put him in the position of ever having to lie about what he might know.

His response to Horatio's question was about what he had expected. The other officer had made a few oblique remarks in the wardroom and once or twice on deck, but was generally discounted as jealous and something of a complainer and a malcontent.

Relieved, Horatio thanked him. In minutes, he heard soft snores from the next cot.

Two days later the storm hit.

It was monster, even by the standards of the Atlantic. The winds were gauged at near hurricane force and the Indy shuddered as she pounded from wave to wave. The sails were reefed and reefed again, the cannons lashed and then made even more secure. When the winds only increased in strength, the sails were ordered brought in and the ship moved at the mercy of the elements.

Injuries mounted.

Broken bones from men being hurled across cabins, bruises were sprouted on every limb of every hand and the officers and men were at the end of their endurance, existing on little sleep and cold, rancid food.

It lasted for five days before the weather began to moderate enough for them to take stock of themselves.

They had lost the mainmast and seven spars were gone. Two cannon had been swept over the side, and three sails were ripped to tatters, torn from their lashings.

The ship had suffered the loss of four men. Two had been killed from injuries when they were thrown against bulkheads, one had broken his neck, and the other had fractured his skull. One man was lost from the rigging and another, Lieutenant Roberts, had been lost over the side when a wave had surged over the rails.

Matthews swore to Captain Pellew, when questioned, that Lieutenant Hornblower had lunged after the man when he saw him being carried off, but had been unable to keep hold of him with the force of the water swirling about them. Pellew had thanked him and send him away.

Later, alone down in the mess, Styles had asked him what he had said. Nodding at the answer, he said, "Mattie, you saw as clear as I did. Roberts had a tight hold on him and Hornblower pushed him off, just watched him go over the side."

"It was dark and we was all tired. I don't know what I saw-and neither do you."

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