Secrets

~ Eight ~

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"That is so like you. You don't like what's going on so you leave."

"Screw you, Brian. This is about more than Jamie eavesdropping on us fucking and you know it."

"What? You're unhappy that I had a life before I met you?"

"No, because you chose to keep a major part of your life a Goddamned secret." Justin was pacing, he was so angry. "I mean, fuck you-you have a kid who's almost my age, who's almost my sister's age, for shit's sake, and it never occurs to you to mention it? You think I maybe wouldn't be interested or something?"

Brian poured himself a JB, a double. Jesus. "It didn't concern you. Jamie didn't concern you."

"Well, Ms Of No Concern is in the fucking shower using my Goddamned shampoo and spent most of last night with her ears pressed to the proverbial bedroom door listening to us go at it. I'd say that concerns me. And she's probably using the whole Goddamned bottle…"

A slug of whiskey seemed to help. "Why? You feeling dirty? Besides, she's probably using mine."

"Fuck you, Brian." He started out the door again. "You know Daphne's number if you want to reach me."

Brian shot his arm around Justin's shoulder and turned him into a one eighty back into the main room. "Jamie's here now because she wants to know about my life when she's not around. She wants to meet the people who I see and work with and whom I consider my friends. Stop being a twat and deal with it."

"So now you're open and sharing because your Goddamned daughter decides that she wants to be part of your fabulous life? What about everyone else? We don't get a vote? Maybe I was happy before she walked her skinny ass in the door."

"Justin…"

"And tomorrow she's going over to have a play date with Gus? What's next? You're buying a cute little cottage with a fucking picket fence and you'll be joining the PTA?"

"She's just visiting. She'll be gone in a few days. Suck it up."

"Maybe we could all take a family Christmas vacation someplace. You could show her how to cruise bars. You know, like you showed me."

"And you got so good at it, Sonny boy."

Justin was about to flounce out but paused. "I don't believe that you never even told Michael or Debbie. I mean, didn't they like save your ass from your old man? I thought you practically lived with them and you never bothered to mention that your lawn money was going to buy diapers?"

"Look-." Brian sighed. He didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not while Jamie was in the next room and probably about to walk down the stairs wrapped in one of his towels. "Put down the fucking bag, sit down." He crossed over to the couch, taking his drink with him.

"I was fifteen years old. Pat and I were-are friends, like you and Daphne. We only did it once and-fuck it. She got pregnant. My family had moved by the time any of that happened, we'd only gotten together to go out together that one night. We were raised Catholic, both of our families were religious so abortion wasn't a real option. It came down to raising it or adoption. Pat didn't want to give up the baby so I did what I could to help her." He took another sip of his drink, enjoying the burn as it went down. "It didn't concern anyone here and I wasn't ready to deal with the reactions of my having a kid when I was a sophomore in high school. Of course it would have helped protect me from the bashers since, as we all know, fags don't have kids."

"That was fifteen years ago-what's your excuse for the last decade or so?"

"It wasn't anyone's business." Period.

"Right, so you keep saying. 'Not their business. None of their concern' Maybe it fucking was, had you thought of that? Maybe if you have people who fucking trust you and who fucking love you, maybe you tell them about things that are important to you and that matter in your life."

"And maybe you don't bother them with your problems. This was my call to make. Not yours or Debbie's or Mikey's or any fucking one else. You want to second guess me, go right ahead, but keep it to yourself because it sounds to me like this has already been beat to death."

"No argument there." Justin got up, slung the bag back over his should and slid the door open. "I'll see you at Lindsay's tomorrow." He slid the door closed behind him.

Fuck.

Shit.

Hell and damn.

"Dad? Did Justin go out?" Sure enough, she was wearing one of the large bath sheets wrapped around her. Looking at her objectively, she was a damn pretty girl. No, it was more than that. She was beautiful. She really was.

His daughter was a beautiful girl in a short time she would become a beautiful woman.

Damn.

"He decided to stay with a friend of his tonight."

She sat down at the other end of the couch. Brian was still nursing his Beam. "Because of me?"

"More because I never told him about you."

"My being here is making problems for you, isn't it Daddy?"

He didn't really answer her question. "You haven't called me that in a long time."

She smiled, almost laughed. "You wouldn't believe how jealous my friends are that you're my father."

"Sure I would." She threw a pillow at him. "I'm younger than their father are. I'm better looking, killer bod, probably have more money…"

"Gay."

"And gay." He paused for a second. "Are you and Justin going to be alright with all of this?"

"Are you planning on him being here for a long time?" He couldn't get a read on whether she would prefer a yes or a no to that.

"I, yes. I am. And so is he."

"Do you think you'll ever marry him or anything like that?" She snuggled closer to him; afraid to lose her father to someone she might not think worthy of her perfect man.

"I'm a confirmed bachelor, Jamie. I doubt if I'd ever marry anyone. Do you care either way?" She waited too long to answer. "Other than his age why don't you like him?" Besides rampant teenaged jealousy, of course.

"He's a lightweight."

He hadn't expected that. "Why do you think so?"

"He flounces around here like he owns the place, like he owns you. You're paying all the bills. He doesn't even really go to school. He's busing tables at a crummy diner and he's got this 'I'll be here after you go home' attitude."

"Jame, he's still getting over being bashed, you know that. He's just finding out what he wants to do, that's all, and he's having trouble dealing with the fact that I didn't tell him about you."

"Don't be mad, but he's not good enough for you. He's too young, he's living off of you and he's a spoiled drama queen. You could do better."

Well, OK. She had opinions, his daughter did.

He finished his drink. "It's late. We'll talk more about this tomorrow."

She knew he didn't want to talk about it but, "Dad, are you happy with him?"

"Most of the time. I'm happier than I'd be if he wasn't here."

"Really?"

He nodded.

Shit. The kid was a jerk and he was probably going to end up dumping her father when he'd gotten what he wanted or got a better offer or when he noticed that her dad finally started getting gray hair or something. Well, screw it. Justin was wrong. She was the one who was still going to be around after he was gone, not the other way around.

"OK. I'll be nice to him."

"Try not to break a sweat."

"Bite me, Dad."

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They were on the front porch at Lindsay and Mel's, about to knock when the door was thrown open.

"Daddy!"

"Hey Gus." He'd picked him up, given the child a cheek kiss and settled the boy where he fit on his hip. "I brought you a surprise today, did your Mom tell you?"

He looked up at Jamie. "Are we going somewhere?" At three he was capable of complete sentences, thank God. Nothing ground Brian's teeth more than baby talk.

"This is Jamie, she's not a babysitter. Do you know who she is?" Gus shook his head, half hidden in Brian's neck. "She's the surprise. Jamie is your big sister."

Gus's reaction to a fit of giggles. "Silly Daddy."

"I'm not being silly. She really is. Honest." Silence. "Where's your Mom?"

"Backyard."

"Why don't we go out there and you can show Jamie your swings? Does that sound like a good idea?" Brian put him down and watched as he took Jamie's hand, leading her through the house and to the back. Lindsay was sitting in one of the chairs drinking what looked to be iced tea. Justin was next to her doing the same. They didn't look all that happy, but they didn't seem all that unhappy, either.

After the greetings and with Jamie pushing Gus on the swing set, Brian turned his attention to Justin.

"You alright?"

"Sure."

"You going to queen out on me again?"

"Maybe."

"You'll give me warning before hand, won't you?" That raised a smile.

"You never needed warning before." Justin looked over at the sibs playing. Gus was squealing and giggling, Jamie seemed to be having a good time with the boy. "She doesn't like me. I threaten her relationship with you."

"She just needs time to get used to everyone. She'll come around."

"Justin is right, Brian. If she and Justin weren't almost the same age it might be different, but this has to be hard for her."

"There's nothing I can do about anyone's ages, so she'll have to accept it."

Justin was watching them play. "That's simplistic. It has more to do than just age."

"No shit and I'm tired of beating it to fucking death. I have a daughter who's sixteen and a lover who's nineteen. No one knew about it and now they do. Deal with it."

Lindsay gave him a long look. "That's still simplistic, Brian"

"I'm a simple guy."

Gus came running over. "Daddy! Jamie said we could get ice cream!"

Jamie looked at Lindsay. "If it's OK with you, right, Gus?"

"Gus, why don't you show Jamie and Justin how you know where the ice cream parlor is, would you like that?" She looked over Gus's head. "It's two blocks down and over one. He knows." Handing over a ten, the three kids left.

It gave Brian a start to realize that was how he thought of all three of them. The kids.

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"My dad wants us to all get along."

"I know he does. One big happy family, right, Gus?"

"Right!"

They walked along in silence for a couple of minutes, Gus running ahead, but still close enough for them to keep an eye on him.

Finally Justin broke the logjam. "Look, you're his daughter, obviously that's not going to change. I'm his lover, boyfriend, partner-whatever you want to call it. That's not going to change any time soon either. Gus isn't an issue. He's just Gus. Right?"

"Yeah, right. I guess."

"Whether we like each other or not, we probably won't see each other all that often. I mean, you're busy. I'm busy. Brian's busy. For Brian's sake, we can deal with this. I'm willing if you are."

"Yeah, sure." She seemed less than convinced.

"If we don't, Brian will be upset."

"I don't want that."

"Neither do I. So, we're agreed?"

They were at the ice cream store. "I can stand you for my dad. I don't think you'll be around all that long, anyway…Gus, what kind of ice cream do you like?"

Bitch.

"Chocolate!"

"Chocolate it is." She ordered him a small cone with sprinkles, a small strawberry cone for herself and a shake for Justin.

They ate as they walked back to the house. "Actually I think we can get along enough to not cause problems for Dad and Gus is great, but I'm kind of worried about dinner tonight."

Justin took Gus' hand at the corner. "Why, what's dinner tonight?"

"We're eating with Dad's mother and my aunt. I think you're invited, too."

"Fuck me."

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