Secrets

~ Five ~

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Sunday Morning

Justin had tried to sort things out, but with almost no real information beyond just a few basics-which might not even be true- it wasn't possible beyond just conjecture and now he was both exhausted and upset. Brian had taken off for New York, not to see a client or to trick, but to spend quality time with his teenaged daughter?

What the fuck?

"Debbie, you know Brian as well as anyone does, right?"

"Well, yeah, I think so. Well, as much as he let's anyone know him, anyway. What do you want to know, Sweetie?"

"When he was in high school, did he ever date girls?"

She almost swallowed her gum. "Brian Kinney date girls? Jesus Christ! He never went near them, in fact I always half expected that he and Michael would end up going to the prom together."

"Are you sure?"

She knew trouble when she saw it, especially when Brian was concerned. Alright, what had he done to Sunshine now? "He and Lindsay tried it on for size when they were in college, but you know about that. Why are you asking, honey? Something happen?"

He picked up his rag and started wiping down the counter. "I was just wondering, that's all."

Sure he was. She gave him a look, but let it go. That was strange, even for Brian. What the fuck was the asshole up to now? "So where is he today? He's usually here by now." Sunday brunch with the boys, it was a tradition.

"He said he had some business in New York, he'll be back tonight."

"So you've been all alone? Poor baby." Justin got her sympathetic smile and was grateful that she let it drop.

On the way back to the loft after his shift Justin made a detour over to the munchers place. If Brian had told anyone the details it would have been Lindsay. She answered the door after a couple of minutes, offered him iced tea and sat him down out back with Gus and his swing set. Melanie was at the grocery store.

He decided to jump in with both feet. "Is Jamie Brian's daughter?"

She stared at him. Shit. Brian would kill her. "Justin…did you call him in New York? And come to think of it, how did you know where he was staying?"

"He always stays at the Plaza, everyone knows that. What the shit did you think I was going to do? I mean, shit-he takes off to New York with some crap filled story-wait, strike that. He didn't even tell me why he was going; he just said he'd be back Sunday. Of course I fucking called him. So is this Jamie his fucking daughter or isn't she?"

She almost dropped her glass, "How did you ever hear about Jamie?"

"C'mon, Lindsay. Is she?"

She tried to avoid answering. "Have you asked Brian who she is?"

"It sort of came out on the phone. Do you know anything about this?"

Lindsay really looked at him. He had circles under his eyes, he was as tense as a snake and completely miserable.

"You haven't slept since you talked to him, have you?"

"Goddamnit, just fucking tell me."

"Justin, I can't-he's the one who has to explain it."

"Explain what? That he has a sixteen-year-old daughter named Jamie and he's in New York with her for some reason? Who the fuck is her mother-are they married for shit's sake? I mean, what, are they like fuck buddies?"

"Justin-no, they're not married or anything else, as far as I know. They were childhood friends and it just sort of happened. They were just kids and I guess things got out of hand." She stopped. It wasn't her story to tell and Brian would kill her if he found out she'd been talking about it, even to Justin. She wouldn't even know if they hadn't been so stoned that night in the dorm. It was a miracle she'd remembered anything he'd said but the next day at lunch he had sheepishly admitted that it was true and even added a few details. That was when she had understood why he worked so hard and why he was nothing like everyone thought he was.

"Justin, no one knows about this, not even Michael or Debbie. You can't tell anyone. You have to promise me." But he looked so upset…

Finally, a crumb. "Sure, yeah, fine. Whatever."

"It was just a one time thing and they were only fifteen. Anyway, she ended up having the baby. Brian helps support them and I guess he's been pretty there for his daughter-a lot more than he is for Gus, anyway." She sounded a little bitter about it, but Justin really didn't give a rat's ass at that point.

"Have you ever met her or the mother?"

Lindsay shook her head. "No, I don't even know where they live." She sipped her tea, stalling. "I saw a picture of Jamie once, though, about a year ago. She looks a lot like Brian, tall and thin. She has his eyes. And he says that she's smart, too."

"Like her father." It was a sort of sad smile.

"Like him."

"It's real, then." Justin gently shook his head. "Shit, Lindsay. What am I going to do? He lied about everything."

"He didn't actually lie, he just…you know."

"He lied through omission, yeah he did. What the fuck else has he been keeping from me?" He was close to working himself up to a full drama queen scene, Lindsay would prefer he didn't. "I mean, he even said that we're partners and now I find out-fuck. What does this make me, the wicked step mother?"

Brian had told Justin that they were partners? Who'd have ever thought that would happen in this lifetime? "You said he'd be home today. Ask him. He'll tell you, I'm sure he will."

"Yeah, but…why didn't he just tell me? I know Brian is-Brian, but shit. He could have told me before this. I wouldn't have told anyone. He knows I'm not like Michael."

"Justin, sweetie, you know Brian."

He just nodded. Gus was laughing on his swing set as he left.

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He heard the music playing through the door when he got back to the loft; it was that ancient Carol King album, Tapestry. Jesus, who listened to that anymore? He saw her over by the liquid screen, checking out the DVD's. Her back was turned but there was no question of who she was. She turned and looked over at him when she heard the door sliding open. She really was a younger, female Brian. It was almost uncanny.

They stared at each other for almost a full thirty seconds.

"I take it you're Justin?"

He nodded. "Jamie?"

"Yeah." Surly, defiant. Probably a bitch-a female version of her old man.

Fuck her-try to be nice, at least for now. "You look like Brian." She did…and like she didn't know it-sure. She had his build, his coloring, and his eyes. She already was an inch or two taller than Justin.

"You look young."

OK off to a good start. "Where is he?"

"Dad? He got a call when we walked in from someone-Mikey? He had to help him do something." She walked to the kitchen, pulled out one of Justin's cans of coke as though she owned the place, staking a claim. "You want one?"

"Sure."

Over by the island they stood awkwardly with the counter dividing them, knowing who the other was, but having no idea of how to get through the tangle. They were complete strangers. Finally Justin started. "I guess he didn't tell you about me either."

"It wasn't hard to figure out. I guess he doesn't tell a lot of people a lot of things."

Another silence.

"So you're the one he butt fucks."

Charming. "Well, sometimes I butt fuck him." It was said with his sweetest smile.

Fucker-this was her father he was talking about. "And you live here? God, why would he shack up with you? Can't he find someone his own age to play with?"

Fuck this bitch. "That's his choice, isn't it?" She was about to say something in the Kinney family tradition but Justin stopped her. "Look, this is weird for both of us. I'm willing to start over if you are."

Jamie looked like she was about to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier but instead seemed to reconsider her options. "He said that you two went through some rough patches but he thinks you're doing better now. That true?"

He nodded. "Yes. We broke up for a while but…"He shrugged a 'you know'.

"He also said he'd never marry you so if you're after his money you can forget it."

Bitch. "Well, it looks like your inheritance is safe."

"That's more than you can say."

OK, screw this. "Did he say when he'd be back?"

"He should be back pretty soon."

Nodding, Justin went over to his desk, booted up the computer and began refining a design concepts assignment that was due in a couple of days. They had both had enough of each other, even if the conversation had only lasted ten minutes.

He concentrated on the almost finished assignment for a while, tuning her out. When he glanced up at the girl he caught a fleeting impression that he was looking at little girl lost. She was wandering around the loft, picking up this and that, studying things then replacing them where she had found them. She was out of place, off balance and probably both scared and pissed about what would happen now-if anything. It also struck him that Lindsay was right, she was striking looking-a beauty- resembeling a younger Cindy Crawford and he quietly picked up his sketchpad and began making a few roughs of her as she walked through the place.

She stopped when she got to the eight by ten framed photo of shirtless Brian holding newborn Gus, the look of wonder, awe and love plain on his face. She stood there by the bed staring at the picture of her father holding his son.

Working quickly he tried to capture her expression; wistful, longing and a little sad. This was who she probably saw, even more than she saw Justin, as a threat to her relationship with her father. There were no pictures of Jamie around, at least none to be seen and she had to have noticed the lack. She sure as shit hadn't missed the fact that almost none of her father's friends-or his lover- knew she existed. Justin sort of felt sorry her, in a way and he was pissed as hell at Brian for the whole mess. There was no fucking reason for it and now they all had to deal with it whether they wanted to or not.

God, Brian could be such an asshole sometimes.

Her attention still on the picture, she asked Justin a question. "When your parents found out that you're living with my Dad, that you guys do whatever you do together-what did they say?"

"…About what you'd expect. I was seventeen so they couldn't legally stop me or anything but my Mom was pretty upset. She accepts Brian now, probably because she has no choice if she wants to see me. I think she even likes now him but my father…" He trailed off.

"Your father what?"

"He and my mother got divorced and I don't see him anymore."

She was still staring at Gus and Brian in the picture. "Because you're a fag?"

"And because Brian is so much older-but it's more than that. My Dad, he, I think-I think in a way he almost envies Brian. You know how he is-no bullshit and all of that, no apologies, doing what he wants. I think my Dad is jealous of him."

Until now, until he got caught.

"And he lost you to my Dad. That has to be an issue for him."

"I guess."

"Like I've lost my Dad to you and Gus."

"From what little I know about it, I don't think you have to worry about that."

She looked up from the photo. "What makes you think that?"

"You're here, aren't you?" He kept sketching. "What were you doing in New York?"

"Dad took me and Mom for my sixteenth birthday. He was really sweet about the whole thing. We stayed at the Plaza and saw some shows-it was great." She made it sound final, like it was some kind of good bye.

That didn't sound like the kind of thing Brian would do. He didn't do birthdays and he didn't so sweet. "Do you see Brian a lot?"

"Not as much as you do, but yeah, I see him at least once a week."

Shit.

She saw the look on Justin's face. "You didn't know? That must be some fucking close relationship you've got going with him if you don't even know about me. You ever talk to each other after you're done screwing?"

Bull's-eye. She knew how to pick her comments-a Kinney through and through and from the look on Justin's face she knew she'd scored a direct hit. Well, good. Fuck him, stupid teenaged piece of ass.

They heard the elevator clunking its way up to the top floor. The slider was still open, Brian was standing there looking at the two of them look at him.

"Hi, Dad." She looked over at Justin. "OK, your turn; 'Hello Sugar Daddy'."

Brian gave he another of his better glares, one of the really heartfelt ones. "You can cut that crap or you can stay with your mother this week. You treat Justin decently or I'll drive your ass back home. You hear me?"

This was surreal. "Brian, do you want me to go over to Daphne's?" What the fuck would he do here with the baby bitch watching every breath he took and hoping it was his last? Where was she supposed to sleep? Where was he supposed to sleep? It wasn't like the bedroom had any doors.

"You live here with me. Justin, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Jamie Weller. Jamie, this is my partner, Justin Taylor. Are there any questions?"

Justin and Jamie looked at each other. In unison they each raised a hand.

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