Reality

The night had been incredible—in fact the entire day had gone so far past his hopes and expectations that Garth was almost to the point of being …hopeful.

It had started out innocently enough. He and Dick both really did just happen to be at the Tower at the same time, each doing work on their own projects. The others had come and gone. Roy was busy trying to get Lian placed in a pre-school, Donna was busy finding a dress for some big party she was invited to and Wally was—well, Wally was Wally. That left them alone; not that either of them thought anything of it. Why would that? They’d been friends since they were kids, knew each other as well as two people can know one another and were as comfortable together as old friends usually are.

They’d both been working on respective cases, gotten hungry and ordered take out. During the informal meal they’d gotten talking about this and that, just catching up after not really seeing one another for a few months. No big deal. The talk had gone on longer than expected, both shoving work onto the back burner for now, neither really wanting to do any more police stuff right at that moment. The conversation shifted over to the personal, Dick complaining about how frustrated he was with how things were going between him and Barbara. Garth, usually less forthcoming about his own life, let slip how much he still missed Tula, shyly saying he was lonely sometimes and couldn’t seem to find anyone to take her place either in his heart or in his bed.

That was when they started really talking about things—you know, the kind of talk you have maybe once or twice in five years if you’re lucky enough to have really close friends you trust completely with everything in you life and in your head. The kind of stuff most people never talk about because they either have no one to tell it to or they don’t want to bother their friends with stuff like that. Garth went into how he really felt about Arthur and the fact he was supposed to take over the throne in Shayeris—how much he dreaded the idea and how it frightened him. He knew he’d end up like his father, stabbed in the back by people he trusted and while he’d been assured over and over that wouldn’t happen, well…he just didn’t buy it. He felt trapped with no one to turn to for advice and counsel.

Dick spoke about how he felt pressured by Bruce to do ‘the whole college thing’ and how much he didn’t want to while, at the same time, didn’t want to disappoint the man who’d handed him his current life. He felt as trapped as Garth.

Silence descended for a while, both young men occupied by their thoughts.

Dick was about to get back to his work when he glanced over to find Garth looking at him with an oddly intense expression on his face. “What?”

Saying nothing, Garth leaned across the table and kissed him full on the mouth. It was unexpected but warm, gentle and surprisingly welcomed. Dick found himself returning the kiss and extending it, bemused by his own response.

He’d never kissed a man before, not like this, not romantically. He’d occasionally looked at some guy on the street or in a magazine and thought they were attractive, but in an aesthetic way, not sexually. But this was—this was Garth. This was one of his oldest and closest friends and it felt good to be doing this. Part of him was shocked at himself, part of him wanted to throw caution to the winds and keep going and part of him wondered what Bruce would say or do if he somehow knew about this.

Garth broke the kiss first, shy as usual and pulling back a few inches, unsure. “Yes?”

It took Dick a moment to understand what he was being asked but finally answered, a little startled and nodded. “Y-yes.” It wasn’t something he thought about before he heard the words and realized he had said them and then further realized that he wanted to see where this would go. In a detached way he was curious both about what was going to happen, how it would feel—emotionally and physically and what this side, this part of Garth would be like.

Garth with an almost smile on his face, rose and took Dick’s hand. “In case someone comes back.” They went down to Garth’s quarters, a place in the Tower Dick had never set foot in. It wasn’t that it was off-limits or anything, it was just…well, he’d never gone down there. No real reason, he just hadn’t. Then they were in the front room, moving through to the bedroom, almost unused because Garth preferred to sleep on a bed at the bottom of the pool. Evidently tonight he was going to make an exception and Dick wondered if he’d have to leave to immerse himself in a while or later to actually sleep. It was just one more thing he wasn’t sure about.

Garth was almost as unsure as Dick, though he didn’t show it. He wasn’t as new to this but he wasn’t really an expert, either. He’d experimented a few times down home when he visited Posidonis or while working on some ship at sea but not that much and with only a very few people. He knew he wanted this, and he knew he wanted this with Dick, but he was afraid of scaring Dick or of hurting him. They’d take it slow, feel their way, see what worked for them and discard whatever didn’t. He’d make it good—he wanted this to be good for Dick. He knew it would be his first time with a man. He had to make it good.

Dick was surprised he wasn’t nervous but—this was Garth. Garth would never do anything to hurt him and he knew that. This would be fine. It would.

They slowly removed one another’s clothing; they’d seen one another naked any number of times after a case while showering and getting cleaned up, all the Titans had. Well, except Donna. Some social mores were still in place with them. This was new, but…

It was new to them and they knew a line was being crossed that couldn’t be uncrossed, no matter how this turned out.

Garth leaned in again, kissing Dick and, again, leading him by the hand, this time to the bed. It was rarely used and wasn’t made beyond having a couple of pillows sitting on the bottom sheet. Dick sat down on the edge, clearly waiting for Garth to show him what to do. They continued kissing, tasting one another, slowly letting their hands ghost one another’s skin on non-sensitive parts. Shoulders, arms, nothing covered by their costumes and then, slowly, slowly began to explore the rest. Chests, necks, thighs, stomachs, backs, buttocks and then their hard penises. Gently, tentatively and then more firmly, more sure of themselves reclining and pressing against one another. Still kissing but their lips and mouths moved away to other places, to throats, foreheads, cheeks, palms. Their breathing was deeper, their color heightened.

“Garth, more, please.”

Garth pulled back enough to look at Dick’s face, to see what he was really asking for and then carefully pulled Dick so that he lay full length on top of his body as Garth let his legs fall open, making a space for his friend. “Like this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But I want…”

“Like this the first time so it feels good for you.”

“But what about you?”

“I’m used to it, I’ll be all right. I’ll be good.” This was emphasized by a small smile as Garth pulled a small tube of lubrication from a niche in the headboard. He prepared himself and rubbed enough on Dick, guiding him into his own body, taking the entire length and setting a slow, gentle pace for them both.

Over too soon, just a few minutes as Garth used his mind to bring himself to orgasm, knowing the clutching of his muscles would likely take Dick over as well.

Dick lay on top of him, panting slightly, a sheen of light sweat on his skin as he recovered, then, soft, slipped out of Garth’s body. A sound of disappointment and he settled against Garth, an arm holding him close and his head nestled on his shoulder as his breathing calmed. He was asleep.

Garth held him as well, his hands gently caressing his arm as he lightly kissed Dick’s hair.

This felt right. This was good and what they both needed.

What he needed.

Closeness. Care. Friendship. Trust. Release. Companionship.

It was what he’d been missing, what he’d thought lost.

He looked down at Dick’s face as he slept, his expression as relaxed as it was possible for him to be. It was something almost no one in the world had seen, this complete surrender.

Dick tightened his arm around Garth’s stomach in his sleep, mumbling something and snugging himself closer. Garth tightened his hold slightly and Dick settled back into a deep sleep.

An hour or so later Dick stirred, opened his eyes, seems momentarily confused and then smiled up at Garth. “You okay?” Garth nodded. “You sure? You look serious.” The last was said with what seemed like trepidation, like Dick was waiting to get kicked out of bed or something.

“I’m fine; you?”

The big smile, the one all the girls they knew called his ‘lady killer’ smile broke out. It was one of your better smiles and that was the truth. “Never been better.” He stretched a little and propped his head on his hand. “So how come we never did that before this?” Garth just gave his Mona Lisa smile because Dick was starting to caress him with obvious intent to the second round.

Another hour later they were getting out of the pool, drying off when Dick’s cell phone buzzed. He glanced at the caller ID, went serious and flipped the thing open. “Yeah, hi…I told you. I’m at the Tower…Garth. We’re both doing some case work, that’s all…Now? Can’t it wait till later?…but I…I thought…tonight?…Okay…Okay…Okay, fine. I’ll leave now, okay? Lay off, will you?” He just shrugged. “Bruce wants me.”

“I gathered.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s all right. Do what you have to do.”

“I’ll call you, okay? As soon as I can. I’ll call; we’ll get together. I mean, would you like to?”

Garth smiled his shy smile. “…I would.” This time Dick initiated the kiss, both men extending it to several minutes.

When Dick left, called home to work on whatever Bruce had lined up for them today, Garth went back to his own work, still alone in the Tower. Today had gone better than he’d ever hoped, not that he’d actually planned it. He’d thought about it, fantasized about it, even dreamed about it once or twice but he’d never thought it would actually happen.

It had been everything he’d hoped for—making love with one of his closest, oldest friends. Sharing themselves and their bodies with one another after years of sharing danger and celebrations this seemed like a logical and long overdue celebration of their own. If it could last, be repeated, that would be, it would be more than Garth dared think about.

He’d lost Tula but maybe this time. Maybe.

It was days later, frustrating days for both Garth and Dick because both of them were flat-out too busy for more than quick phone calls, short e-mails and the like. They wanted to get back together but it was difficult between their over-packed schedules. It was annoying…Maybe this weekend, maybe if they both finished what they had to get done, maybe they could make it together Friday night.

But then Garth was called back to Atlantis, a direct order from Arthur and one he had no choice but to obey. He called Dick, both disappointed that their weekend plans were put on hold but said he should be back by Tuesday. They’d meet at the Harbor and take it from there.

Garth knew what this was about, this recall home but he hoped he’d be able to somehow diffuse it, ignore it or make it work.

An hour after he arrived in his quarters in the Palace he was summoned into the King’s private chambers. Arthur began without preamble. “This is to stop immediately.” He never brooked dissention regarding a direct command and this would be no exception.

Garth knew what this meant. He’d known the moment he set foot in the chamber. Arthur had been in contact with Bruce and, somehow, they’d found out. Maybe Batman had tapped into the Titan’s security cameras. Maybe Arthur read his mind. Maybe Atlan tipped them off. It didn’t matter. Garth knew his destiny was believed set in stone, that he was supposed to become some kind of savior for his ‘people’. He knew this. He didn’t care. He’d never believed it, anyway. He wanted Dick and he thought Dick might want him as well, beyond a few rounds in bed. They were friends; they got along well and were compatible. They might be able to make it work despite everything. They could. They wanted to. They both did.

But it was the old cliché about a bird loving a fish, wasn’t it? And beyond that, it couldn’t work. Not really and then, when Dick finally, hesitantly agreed it was impossible—reluctantly, because that was the way he was—then Dick would be left hurt and Garth couldn’t bear that.

He knew this; he knew it that night in the Tower. He knew it before then, when being with Dick was just an idea he’d use when he couldn’t sleep. He should never have stayed at the Tower that night. He knew they’d be alone. He knew he could probably make it happen and he suspected—hoped—Dick would go along with it.
It had been better than he’d dreamed and he could still feel Dick against him, inside of him. He could still taste him, hear him, and see the way the blue eyes intensified in color as he came.

But it couldn’t work. They both knew it.

Dick would argue. He’d plead. He’d give reasons, give options, and research what could be done. He wouldn’t accept it easily. No matter what words Garth used there was no way to avoid it.

This was his fault; he’d initiated things.

Three days later he was back at the Tower, knowing Dick was waiting, pretending to just be using the gym to work out. They’d arranged it this way so no one would be suspicious.

The others all went out to dinner. Garth pleaded exhaustion from the trip back, Dick said he had more work he had to do for the case he was working with the Bat. They were alone again. They came together the way all lovers do when reunited, with relief and passion. Clothes discarded, lights dimmed, the lapping of the water in the nearby pool the only music and secondary to their own sounds and cries.

After, Dick sleeping against him the way he did when they finished, Garth silently slipped from the bed, taking a long minute to remember the sight of Dick completely sated and relaxed, knowing he was the reason and savoring the knowledge.

Casting the spell, his hands dancing silently in the air, he removed all memory from Dick’s mind, erasing what they’d shared and leaving only their old friendship.

He wouldn’t grieve the way Garth would because he wouldn’t remember. It was better this way. He wouldn’t resent Bruce or Arthur; he wouldn’t fight the inevitable. He’d move on as if it hadn’t happened, as if the possibility was absurd and easily dismissed.

Only Garth would remember.

And he’d never forget.

4/19/08
 

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