Later that night, around twelve thirty, after the house had gone to sleep and they had made love as quietly as they could. Afterwards, Justin lying across Brian’s chest raised himself up slightly and looked down at his lover.

 

“You told me that you were going to Deb’s and wanted to see Gus. Was that all bullshit or did you just change your mind yesterday or something? How long have you been planning to surprise me?”

 

Instead of the snarky answer he expected, Brian spoke softy, without sarcasm. “I’ve been planning this for a while now and your mother was in on it, too.”

 

“Why?” Justin still wasn’t used to Brian going out of his way for him. He knew that he had done it countless times in the last few years, but somehow, it still caught him unawares.

 

“I thought that it would make you happy, you twat.” Justin flashed one of his smiles, even in the darkened room with just a single candle burning, Brian could see it. Damn, it was something.

 

“I didn’t bring your Christmas presents with me. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

 

“That’s OK. It’s Christmas now, isn’t it?”

 

Justin turned his head enough to look at the clock on the nightstand. “Um-hmm. Why?”

 

“I have one for you, a present, and I want it to be just us without the others around in case it’s not what you want.”

 

That was an odd thing to say, even for Brian. “You know I’ll like whatever you get me…” He stopped. No, that wasn’t really true when he thought about it. There had been that birthday present that had helped push him over the edge to Ethan. He amended himself, “Well, I’ll probably love it.”

 

There was a hesitation while Brian seemed to consider something then he swung himself out of the bed that was too small for the two of them and found something in his bag. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he handed it to Justin. It was a small box and Justin stared at it. “…Brian…”

 

“I thought that, if you would like, we would go up to Vermont to that Inn we were going to stay at last time. I thought that we could get married while we’re there—if you want to.” Justin could see the tension in the way Brian sat beside him, in the set of his shoulders and the expression on his face.

 

“Are you sure about this? You said that you’d never…”

 

“I’ve changed my mind.”

 

Sitting up, Justin removed the wrapping paper from the velvet box and opened the hinged lid. Inside were the two matching rings.

 

He looked at Brian. “But why? You said that you’d never want to do this. You said that only heteros and lesbians get married.’

 

“Yeah, well, I almost lost you twice and I want to—try not to go around that block again.” He brushed the longish hair out of Justin’s eyes. “Look, I know that there will still be arguments and shit, but I want us together. I thought that you did, too.” Brian had expected one of Justin’s drama queen responses, tears maybe or laughter, maybe throwing himself into Brian’s arms or even having the box thrown at his head. He hadn’t thought there would be this silence and stillness from the boy.  “Justin?”

 

He took a breath, turning to Brian, sliding his arms around his neck and kissing his neck, holding them closely pressed together. “Yes, I want this. I want to marry you. I want us to get married.” was whispered against his skin.

 

“Your mother is concerned that you’re to young to make this kind of decision. If we do this up in Vermont, it will be binding. It’s not like the munchers ceremony. This will stand up in court. If something happens, whether we break up or something happens to one of us, legally it will be just like any other couple. It’s not just a question of taking your shit and moving out. You have to understand this.”

 

Justin pulled back a few inches so that he could see Brian’s face. He nodded. “I do understand that. It’s what I want for us and it’s what I want with you.” Leaning they kissed gently, their arms still around one another. The kiss deepened, their tongues touched and they were exploring already familiar mouths, their chests pressed against one another, their skin rubbing and causing the friction they both found so erotic.

 

“Wait.”

 

“What?” Brian’s voice was slightly exasperated, he was just about to push Justin over and take him.

 

“I haven’t seen the rings yet.”

 

“Oh, Jesus. They’re gold, they’re round.”

 

Ignoring him, Justin took one out and held it close to the candle so that he could see the design.

 

They were fairly narrow and simple in keeping with Brian’s ideas about clean lines. There was a subtle pattern hammered into the gold to give a bit of texture, but nothing more. They were understated, almost plain yet still managing to be unique. Inside there was some engraving, but the light wasn’t strong enough for Justin to make out what was written.

 

“It’s just our names. Do you mind that they’re not more elaborate? We can get different ones made if you’d prefer.” Brian seemed nervous about his answer, like the time he had offered to help launch Rage to make up for ruining the work he and Mikey had done.

 

“No. These are perfect. I like that they’re simple. It’s almost like they don’t need to shout, they just sort of know.” He started to put it on his finger, but Brian stopped him.

 

“No. Not until I put it there. It’s bad luck.”

 

“…Brian?” He almost laughed, but controlled himself.

 

“Irish custom.” He wasn’t kidding.

 

“So, we’re engaged?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Justin’s smile spread. “Is it a secret?”

“Your choice, but I’d wait til at least dawn to break the news to the rest of the household.” He rolled Justin over onto his back, spreading the boy’s legs with his knees and tearing open a condom package that had been put in the nightstand drawer. Taking it from him, Justin rolled in on and lay back.

 

“Like this, so I we can watch each other.” They began kissing one another, rubbing their bodies together and stroking up and down with their hands. It wasn’t more than a few minutes before Brian was pushing inside, Justin’s legs around his waist, moving together and feeling the third shared orgasms of the night as they pulsed through each of them in turn. Pulling apart, still kissing, they spooned together on the too small mattress and slept the few hours until morning.

 

By seven Molly was knocking at their door and walking in without waiting for a response. At least the blankets were up to their waists. For a twelve year old she was pretty sophisticated, but there were limits.

 

“Hey, C’mon, get up. It’s Christmas.”

 

Justin just mumbled, but Brian managed a fairly coherent ‘fuck off’.

 

“No, get up. The presents are all there. Everybody’s awake.”

 

“Molly, fuck off for at least another hour.”

 

“You wouldn’t talk to Gus like that.”

 

“Like Hell I wouldn’t. Fuck off for another hour.”

 

Justin tried another tact. “Molly, we’re still tired. Maybe you could go away for a while so we can get some more sleep.”

 

“Yeah, right. Like I believe that you’re going to be sleeping.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

*          *          *

 

An hour and a half later they made they way down to the kitchen to find everyone else waiting for them. After one glance at Brian’s still bleary eyes, his grandmother handed him a coffee cup. “How do you take it?”

 

“Sugar.”

 

“Merry Christmas, boys. Would you like something to eat? We have eggs and I think there’s still some yogurt left. Justin, I know you like pancakes and they’re ready to go as soon as I pour the batter on the griddle.”

 

The two men exchanged a look. “Bri? Do you mind if I tell them?”

 

He gave a half smile and shook his head. “If you want.”

 

“Brian and I are getting married. He asked me last night. We’re going up to Vermont in a couple of days, he’s arranged everything.”

 

After a brief silence Claudia put her arms around her grandson, squeezing hard and kissing his cheek. “Sweetie, I think that’s wonderful. Grandpa and I are as happy as we can be for both of you.”

 

Bill put his hand on Brian’s shoulder, rubbing a bit. “You two be happy together, you hear me? I know you had a hard road to get here, so you enjoy it now that you’ve arrived.”

 

He spoke quietly, without sarcasm. “Thank you, Bill. I think that it will be alright.”

 

He nodded his agreement and probably the hope that Brian was right. “Good.”

 

The rest of the breakfast consisted of talk of the ceremony and the plans that Brian had made, the party that Jen would have for their friends when they got back to Pittsburgh and whether they would tell the rest of the family later that afternoon. The consensus was that was that it would be fine and the others would be happy that Justin had found someone.

 

Finally, Molly as excited as the rest of them, reminded them that there was a Christmas tree’s worth for presents waiting for them. Brian and Justin sat next to one another, Justin sometimes leaning over to kiss Brian’s mouth or cheek and radiating happiness to whoever looked at him. The gifts turned out to be an anticlimax after the breakfast announcement, but the sweaters and books and computer software were all oohed and aahed over, as they would be any other year. Afterwards, everyone settled into that midmorning Christmas slump common to all families, the women going to the kitchen to start the day’s dinner, Bill watching a football game, Justin helping to cut vegetables and Brian looking through a book of prints by Richard Avedon that he’s been given.

 

Bill turned the game off and asked Brian if he would mind joining him in the study for a few minutes. Taking their beers with them, Bill closed the door behind them.

 

“I hope you don’t mind my asking you in here like this, but with Justin’s father out of the picture, I guess that it falls to me.”

 

“Are you going to ask me about my prospects, Bill?” He had the ghost of a laugh on his face.

 

It was returned. “Only if you want to go into them. From what I’ve gathered, you could probably buy me out, so I suspect that you’ll manage to make ends meet—even knowing how Justin can spend money.”

 

“I do alright.”

 

“I know you do, that’s not what I wanted to talk with you about. Look, I think you realize that all we want is our grandson’s happiness and Claudia and I—and Jennifer too for that matter—believe that with you he’ll be with someone he loves who loves him back. That’s more than a lot of people have.”

 

“There’s a ‘but’ coming here, isn’t there?”

 

“Have you given any thought about what might happen if you two break up or if, God forbid, something should happen to you? You’re over a decade older than Justin is and from what I gather he’s already left you once.” Brian gave the old man one of his glares. “I know, no one likes to think about that sort of thing, but only an idiot or a starry eyed teenager goes into marriage, especially one like this, with their eyes closed. You’re obviously neither of those things.”

 

“I’ve already made arrangements so that Justin is taken care of in my will, he’s listed on my insurance as well—all of that sort of thing will become effective as soon as the wedding takes place. The papers are with my lawyer.” He paused, sipping his beer and forming his thoughts. “Justin left me once and then I almost lost him when he was hurt. If he were gone for whatever reason, I know that I would grieve but I would like to think that I would be able to move on whether whatever it was happened either to him alone or to us a couple. Although, come to think of it, that’s probably the same thing at this point.”

 

Bill nodded. “That’s you, what about Justin if the situation becomes reversed? Yesterday Jen thought that you had gone down on that plane. You saw Justin’s reaction when he heard about that other flight that was lost. Have you considered how young he is? Barely twenty.”

 

“…Are you suggesting that we shouldn’t be together because I’ll probably die first?”

 

“No, of course not. I’m just hoping that you’ve given this some thought. And another thing. I understand that you have a young son?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“What would your reaction be should Justin decide that he wanted to have his own child?”

 

“I think my conceiving is a long shot.”

 

He ignored the sarcasm. “Would you be willing to agree to something like that?”

 

“That would be between me and Justin. If he decides at some point that’s what he wants, we’ll discuss it then.”

 

Bill nodded, Fair enough. “I hope you won’t be offended by my bringing this up, but I understand that you’re not close to your own family. You do know that we won’t allow you to attempt to estrange Justin from us.”

 

Brian sat back in the wing chair he was in and looked at Bill before replying. “My family and I have pretty much disowned one another. I don’t know what Jen has told you, but I don’t think there are any circumstances under which that will change. Justin knows this.” He took another drink of beer. “I know how important you all are to Justin. I wouldn’t do anything to change that. I saw how much his father hurt him a couple of years ago. I won’t add to that.”

 

“May I ask what the problems are with your family? I don’t want to intrude, but since he’s so family orientated, it could affect Justin.”

 

“I don’t usually talk about this, but I think you do have some right to know what Justin will be exposed to.” Brian spoke in a calm monotone, as though reciting a recipe. “My parents didn’t want kids. I was allowed to be born because my mother was afraid that if she got the abortion my father demanded, she wouldn’t be able to go to confession or receive communion. My parents were both drunks. My father used to hit me whenever the mood struck, which was every few days. I largely moved out when I was fifteen. By the time I was seventeen, I was supporting myself. A couple of months before he died from cancer, when my father found out that I’m gay, he told me that, in his opinion,  I should be the one who was dying. When my mother found out she told me that I’m going to Hell. We’re not close.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

A ghost of a smile. “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.”

 

“How badly were you beaten?”

 

“I knew the emergency room attendants pretty well. I had friends I could go to who looked after me. It wasn’t all bad. I got scholarships to school, I made Varsity. I got through it.” He gave a slight shrug. “I’ve done alright.”

 

“How much of this do Justin and Jen know?”

 

“I don’t know. I haven’t told them any of it. Others might have, we’ve never discussed it.”

 

“No wonder Craig barely ruffled your feathers.”

 

Brian laughed. “Craig is a lightweight.”

 

Bill liked that. “Yeah, he is. Always has been, I’m just glad that Jen finally got away from him. What he did to the boy is inexcusable.”

 

“It’s common enough, his reaction, I mean. I think that Justin is resigned to it now.”

 

“He might be, but he’s still young and it’s difficult for him. Jen told me what you did for him after he was hurt. We’re grateful to you for that.”

 

“I didn’t do that much.”

 

“Fine, I’ll drop it.” The phone on the desk rang once then stopped, someone must have picked up one of the other extensions. “I just wanted you to know that Claudia and I are behind you two. So long as you’re good for our grandson, you’ll be welcome.”

 

Brian nodded. And when they decided that he wasn’t good for Justin anymore, he could go to Hell. Fine, whatever. “Thanks, Bill.”

 

“I’ve kept you long enough. You go on out with Justin.”

 

Jesus. “I’ll see you later.” He got up, let himself out and was immediately hit by the tension in the living room. Justin was on the phone, angry.

 

“…I don’t give a shit what you think…we are. We’re getting married in a few days and you can fuck yourself…It’s completely fucking legal and I’m old enough that you can’t do a Goddamned thing to stop us…Fine. That’s your choice.”

 

He was about to slam the phone down when his mother took it from him and looked a ‘calm down’ at him. “Craig…stop shouting or I’ll hang up…. that’s better. Now just stop this…Justin’s right, it’s legal in Vermont and all the blood tests and licenses are in order…One day this coming week, I’m not sure…I’ve known for a few weeks now…why on earth would I tell you? Listen to how you’re reacting now…”

 

Brian had walked over to where Justin was listening to Jen’s end of the conversation and put his arms around him, feeling the fury and outrage in the smaller body. “He wouldn’t even try to understand.”

 

“Of course not. He can’t and doesn’t want to.”

 

“He’s here because my parents and I invited him…Because he’s about to become a member of our family…That’s enough…There’s nothing you can do to stop it. Both of them is of legal age and I won’t do anything to stop them…Because they love each other. Why else does anyone get married?…Craig, just stop that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to calm down.” She hung up and looked at Brian and Justin over by the window.

 

“Sweetie, I’m sorry, but he’ll come around.”

 

“No he won’t and fuck him.” Brian was still holding him. “He said that if he’d known this was going to happen he would have been sure to kill you with his car when he had the chance.”

 

Brian and Jennifer exchanged a look over Justin’s head. “C’mon.” Taking his hand, Brian took him upstairs to the small guestroom they’d been given.

 

Justin sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t want to fuck.”

 

“That’s a first.” Brian tried a small smile. “I know, just talk.”  He knelt on the floor between his legs, his hands resting lightly on Justin’s thighs. “He’s not going to accept us, you know that. If you want him to become dear old Dad again, all you have to do is play the hetero game and he’ll welcome you back with open arms. Just tell him that you’ve realized that it was just a teenaged phase and now you know that what you really want is to marry Daphne and knock her up and you’ll be set.”

 

“Brian—he’s my father. I know yours was a shit but I miss mine and I want to be able to be with him once in a while, talk to him.”

 

Brian reached up and kissed him gently. “I know. But he’s also the asshole who tried to kill me and threw you out. He’s screwed your mother in the divorce and he’s pulled your college fund, which, I point out, he didn’t even pay for. Your mother told me that came from your grandparents for shit’s sake.”

 

“Yeah, but, he’s…”

 

“I know. He’s still your father. Look, he’s a homophobic asshole who doesn’t give a crap about you unless you toe his fucking line. Did you really think he’d be happy for us—for you—at the prospect of wedding bells and matching tuxes? That’s not going to happen, especially if I’m who you’re with and you fucking know that as well as I do.”

 

Justin sat in silence, looking at Brian’s face, the hard lines and the anger.

 

“He’s trying to force you into a Goddamned choice—either me and purgatory or him and deliverance. That’s fucked and if you have a problem making this decision, you need to rethink the fucking trip to Vermont this week, my little bride to be.” Brian stood up, looked down at Justin for a moment then left the room.

 

Justin heard Brian go downstairs then heard him talking with his mother, though he couldn’t make out what they were saying.

 

Brian hated Craig. OK, he had reason to, but, shit.

 

Shit.

 

Fine, Brian was right as far as he was willing to go, but he’d never had a relationship with his own father and had no idea what he had missed out on. Maybe, eventually Craig would come around. OK, he’d probably never really like Brian, but maybe he’d tune down the actual hatred he had going.

 

Yes, he wanted to go to Vermont, he wanted to marry Brian more than anything, and he would.

 

Brian just had to understand that he wouldn’t give up hoping that he and his father could be friends again.

 

He heard the doorbell. Fuck. His cousins were here. Fine. Whatever. Going into the bathroom to throw some water on his face, he toweled himself off and went down.

 

There was the usual bustle of arrival; presents handed over to be placed under the tree, plates with desserts on them for the kitchen, greetings and hugs. Brian wasn’t in the hallway. He was likely in the living room to not intrude on the welcome. Besides, he probably wanted a couple of minutes to cool down.  He’d be introduced soon enough. Did they know about him? Everyone had heard over the last couple of years that he was gay. They had probably even heard about Brian, one way or another. Time they met him.

 

“Dave, Sally, Barb—you guys look great.” “Come on, I’ll take your coats.” “How are the roads today?” “Yes, Brian is here—you know, Justin’s friend.” “I love your dress.” “Don’t stand here—come in, come in.”

 

The older group headed to the kitchen where the snack food and the drinks were waiting while the younger members of the family headed to the living to get away from the adults. It briefly occurred to Brian to wonder which side of the hall he should be on. He sat on the living room couch, Justin beside him and holding his hand.

 

“Everyone? This is Brian. Brian, these are my cousins, Dave, Barbara and Sally. Tom couldn’t make it, he left to go skiing two days ago.”

 

“Aren’t you the guy who showed up at Justin’s prom when he got hit?”

 

“Yeah, thanks, asshole. Brian is the one who called the ambulance and took out the shit who bashed me.”

 

“Your father still not speaking to you?”

 

“Yeah—we had another argument today on the phone.” He glanced at Brian.  “He found out that Brian and I are getting married this week and he flipped out.”

 

“Married!…No way—Justin what are you shitting us?”

 

“I asked Justin to marry me last night. I’ve already made the arrangements. It’s legal up in Vermont so I think we’re driving up day after tomorrow.”

 

“So how come we’re not invited, you fuck?”

 

“No one is invited, it’s going to be just us and then Mom is having a party for us when we get home.”

 

“So this can be like your engagement party.”

 

“Barb, fuck off, please.”

 

He’d had enough. “I’m thirsty.” Brian stood up and headed toward the kitchen leaving the under twenties to talk amongst themselves.

 

“Brian, here you are. Helen and Ken were asking about you. This is my sister, Helen and her husband—Brian is Justin’s friend.” Jen was playing hostess. “Can I get you anything?”

 

“JB, straight up, thanks.”

 

Ken shook his hand, Helen stared at him, impressed by his looks and his body. Yes, he did look good, there was no denying that. Jennifer looked worried that he might decide to get drunk.

 

The evening went on from there. Brian feeling alternately like a caged display and ignored. His mood became worse and the only good thing that could be said was that he kept his mouth shut rather than voice his opinions.

 

Justin held his hand and sat close to him when he could, Brian played along for the sake of the relatives—for once in his life.

 

Finally, after the large turkey had been eaten, the presents opened and the dessert largely consumed, the cousins left for home, loudly saying how they had enjoyed meeting Brian and how they looked forward to hearing how things went in Vermont.

 

Brain was helping to clear some dishes when Jennifer took him aside. “Please, will you at least think about what I said earlier?”

 

Controlling his temper, Brian answered, “This is bullshit. He’s had over two years to get used to it and hasn’t made a fucking inch of progress as far as I can see. Putting it off won’t make any difference.”

 

“It might. I’ll talk to him and my father said that he’d try, too. You know how important this is to Justin.”

 

“What’s so important to me?” Justin was standing in the study doorway.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing, sweetie.”

 

“Your mother has asked me to put off our getting married for a few months or a year so that your father can adjust to the idea.”

 

“Mom—that’s—.”

 

“Craig will never come around, you know that. Even if he accepts that Justin is gay, he still hates me as the pervert who corrupted his son.”

 

“Just give us a chance to talk to him, try to make him see reason.”

 

“Do you think that there’s a possibility? Brian, if he might change his mind, maybe we should just give it some time.”

 

Brian looked at Justin, seeming to weigh what had just happened and fed up with trying to appease a man who wouldn’t be appeased. “He won’t change his mind about me. Ever. We all fucking know that. I’m leaving here tomorrow night. If you want to, we’ll go to Vermont. If you don’t, I’ll go back to Pittsburgh and you can do what ever the fuck you want.”

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