New Account

Part 5

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The restaurant they ended up in as a small Italian place, sort of Mom and Pop. It was dark, lit mostly by candles and fake flicker lights in the sconces. There were velvet paintings of scenes of Genoa and Venice on the walls and wine in straw covered bottles. It was crowded, every table taken, but the woman who seated them knew Keith by name and somehow found them a table in a niche behind some curtains.

If it were any other occasion, it would be charming, romantic.

They ordered the antipasto to start and a carafe of surprisingly decent red wine. The food, Brian was assured, was amazing here.

Sipping his glass of wine, Keith started, "So…?"

Brian absently looked over at the neighboring table as he ate an olive.

"Bri? You wanted to talk about this afternoon, didn't you?"

He turned his head back, facing Keith. "Yes, I think we're past due."

"Fair enough, I'll get right to it, then. Look, you know pretty much what I want—I want us together, but only when you're ready for it and I understand that you're in a relationship right now. It's OK, I know that and I wouldn't do anything to push you out of that. This has to be right for us if it's ever going to work out. I know that, you don't have to worry about it, Bri."

"Jesus—you're serious, aren't you?" He had that look on his face when he couldn't believe when—say—Mikey told him some incredible piece of bullshit. "It's been, what? Fifteen years? You don't know anything about me. You don't know shit about me, Keith."

Smiling, slightly indulgently, Keith just shook his head. "No, Bri, you're wrong about that. I know you better than you probably know yourself…Oh, come on, don't look so pissed. I had you pegged almost at first sight back in Pittsburgh and I still read you like a book."

"Fucking excuse me?"

Keith was about to answer when the waitress appeared at their table, looking at them expectantly. He smiled at the girl, calling her by name and making her blush. Both men were remarkably handsome and the youngster was self-conscious to be the object of their attention.

"My usual, Maria. Shrimp in Alfredo sauce over linguini with a house salad on the side. Bri?"

He didn't care. "Um, stuffed shells and a salad." More proof of his discomfort—he was eating carbs without a thought.

The teenager left, returning in seconds with a basket of bread, obviously fresh and warm.

"Do you still watch what you eat? You always were so careful about that sort of thing." Keith took a piece of the bread, smearing it with butter.

"I try to pay attention, yes." Realizing what he had just ordered gave lie to his comment, he sipped the wine again. "You read me like a Goddamned book?"

Keith regarded him calmly. "I understand you, yes. I think I always have and I think that's true because we're so much alike. We always have been. Even when we were in school we connected right from the beginning."

Despite his irritation at Keith's assertion that he was wide opened to him, Brian had to admit, if only to himself, that the chemistry between then had been instant and intense. They had often joked about it—about each of them finding their missing half. The pisser was that it had been true, at least back in high school, anyway.

"We did—fifteen years ago. We've both moved on. I'm with Justin now and I don't see that changing any time soon."

Keith had that smile again. "I know you are and we've been over this. I told you that I wouldn't do anything to break you two up, but if it happens I'll be there to help you pick up the pieces."

"We're not breaking up. We went down that road and we both learn our lesson. You're wasting you time."

Keith didn't dismiss what he'd heard out of hand. He swallowed part pf his salad. "Tell me something—if you and Justin weren't together, if you were free, would you be interested?" He saw Brian hesitate. "The truth, Bri."

"I always tell the truth."

"And?"

This wasn't going the way Brian thought that it would, he had thought that he'd be in charge of the conversation, Goddamnit. Keith was good; he never could have denied that. "I'm not free, so it's not an issue."

Keith laughed out loud, but kindly. "Bri, you always were the master of avoidance. You know as well as I do that if you didn't have someone waiting for you we'd probably still be in the damn Jacuzzi right now."

"Bullshit. You don't know that."

"We'd be wrinkled and happy."

Brian was about to offer a retort when their dinners arrived. Even he had to admit that they smelled fabulous. Fucking Keith was probably right both about the food and the frigging Jacuzzi.

"I regretted what I did to you. I never told you that, but I don't think a week has gone by since I cut you off that I haven't thought of you." He had turned serious and slightly sad. "There were so many fucking times I almost called you—not just from college, but since then. I felt like a complete shit for what I did to you."

You broke my fucking heart, you asshole. "You did what you thought was best for us both at the time. I know that."

"Yes, I did, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it."

Brian started on his meal without tasting it. "So why didn't you ever call?"

"I was afraid. I didn't know what to say to you. I know I'd hurt you badly and I was afraid to talk to you."

"It would have made a difference if you had."

Keith knew that was probably the truth. "I know that and I'm sorry. If I had it to do over again I would have called you, probably from Southern Cal, and told you that I still was in love with you, asked you to make the move to my parents and we would have gone through with the plans we'd made."

"You mean I would have gone to some college near you and we would have lived happily ever after?" It wasn't snide or angry; he was asking a real question.

"Yeah, I think that we would have. I think that we'd still be happy. I'd still have founded my company and you would have still done what you're doing, we'd just be doing those things together. It would have worked."

But I never would have met Justin.

"We talked about it so damn much—it was what we both wanted."

"When we were teenagers. We've grown up now and I'm with Justin."

Keith thought for a moment. "Tell me about him. I want to hear what he's like."

What was Justin like? In words? Shit.

"He's an artist and he's good. He uses a computer now because the bashing damaged his hand but the things he's doing now are exceptional."

"He's smart, isn't he? He'd have to be to keep your interest."

Brian smiled to himself. "He might be smarter than I am but it's more than talent and intelligence—he has passion," Brian actually blushed when he said this. "He fights the battles he thinks need fighting."

Keith was watching him as he answered. "Is he beautiful, Bri?"

A quiet smile. "Yes, Justin is beautiful."

"And you love him?"

"…As much as I can. Probably not as much as he deserves."

"Do you love him as much as you loved me?"

That had been so different, the way he had loved Keith.

It had been fire and hot and passion, all white burning. With Justin it was passion and acceptance, safety and Justin was—Justin was his home.

With Keith, he had ached with love, yearned for him and had never felt deeper pain than when Keith ended it. Even when Justin had come back to the loft smelling of sex with Ethan, even when the two of them had left Babylon together, it hadn't been the same raw pain he'd felt with Keith. It had hurt, it had been terrible—of course it had hurt and he'd bled, but it hadn't been as bad as knowing that Keith didn't want him anymore.

When Keith had gone, he had wanted to die. When Justin left he knew he would live, but without joy.

It was different.

They were different.

"I love him."

Keith regarded him and what he had said. He had watched the play of emotions across Brian's face while he formulated his answer. Yes, he loved the boy, at least for now.  Another thought occurred to Keith, one he would have considered blasphemy at any other time.

Brian was besotted with this boy, that much was obvious—but no one could possibly live up to being the paragon that Justin was being painted as.

Undoubtedly the boy was intelligent and would have to be good looking and well built for Brian to have been attracted in the first place. He probably was talented—in fact he would have to be to get into PIFA—even Keith knew about its rep and the high standards it's students were held to. He would likely have a decent career ahead of him and if he was as good as Brian seemed to think—and Brian would have the knowledge and the experience to be able to judge that—then the boy could work pretty much anywhere he wanted to. An artist was rarely tied to a single location. He might be open to a good job offer somewhere in a couple of years.

And the boy would have had to be strong to have come through the things he had—a serious bashing, an affair with an older man, let alone with someone like Brian. He'd shown the strength of character—or lack thereof, depending how you looked at it—to leave Bri for some kid he'd met at his school, and had then dumped that lover and somehow managed to get Brian to take him back. And Brian was more in love with him than he had been before the breakup, if what he saw in front of him was anything to go by.

A boy—a man—with sort of strength of character would be able to stand on his own, make his own decisions and stay with them, see them through.

Knowing Brian, he had probably told Justin that Keith was interested. He might even have told the boy that Keith had made some kind of a pass at him, that he wanted to get back together and Justin—even if the relationship was a strong one, as it seemed it was—would have to start to have doubts.

It was inevitable.

It was only human.

One of Keith's theories was that it was, in fact, insecurity that made the world go `round. It was what broke people up, what drove people forward, kept them in bad marriages, in terrible jobs and afraid to make whatever change would make their lives better.

If Justin had been told that Keith was still interested in Brian—rich, handsome, successful Keith who had been Brian's first love and broken his heart, well—shit. The boy would have to start worrying, at least in his own mind.

He'd have to.

And where there were fears there were doubts and where there were doubts there was tension.

Just knowing that someone like Keith was waiting for Brian would have to stroke Bri's ego. It would have to—especially after his current true love had already walked out on him once, raising fears that it could happen again.

And Jesus—Keith loved Brian. Honest to shit he did.

He looked at Bri sitting across from him, waiting for Keith to say something.

Brian—God, he'd become as amazing as Keith knew he would all those years ago. He could have whomever he wanted and Keith knew that at least some part of Bri wanted him. This afternoon in the Jacuzzi had proven that. Oh, sure he'd pulled back. This time. Sure he had and then gone right inside and called his lover to purge his guilt.

But in doing so he had likely scared the Hell out of the boy.

Brian had, unwittingly, set things in motion and now all Keith had to do was wait for it to play out.

It could be a while and he knew that. He was prepared to wait.

It could be another year or two, but the seeds of doubt were planted. All he had to do was wait for them to grow and hold out his hand when Bri needed it.

The boy's pedestal was a high one, Keith knew that—and when he fell it would be a long way down.

Sooner or later it would work out the way he hoped. He was sure of it.

He could wait. He loved Brian, he loved almost everything about him and he could wait.

"Bri, don't worry about it. I know you love Justin and you know I won't do anything to hurt either of you. All I want is what's best for you—you know that. That's all I've ever wanted for you." And what was best for Bri would be what was best for Keith.

Brian was finishing his dinner.

"Justin and I are solid, Keith. You have to understand that."

"I do, now, after talking with you." He leaned forward towards Brian, still separated by the table. "Look, I still want you and Vanguard to handle my account—my business is important to me and I want the best working on it. That doesn't change. And I want you as the contact person simply because you've been here now. Besides, you're the best ad man for the job, regardless of anything else and I know that you understand the operation, but you can handle it from Pittsburgh if you want."

Brian nodded. "That would simplify things for me."

"Good. And I won't push, Bri. I promise you that. OK? I know you and Justin are a couple and, frankly I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my company for a piece of ass—not even yours. Do we understand each other now?"

Brian was assessing what Keith had just said, trying to get a read on what he meant beyond the words. Though he was likely suspicious, he seemed satisfied with what he saw.

"I think we do."

"Good. Dessert?"

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