House Guests

She stood in the doorway of the darkened living room, the only light the flickering blue glow from the TV. The sound was low enough that she could hear the two men breathing and the rustling of their clothing against the fabric of the couch.

 

Justin and Brian were staying for a few days while the hardwood floors of the loft were refinished. She knew that Brian had suggested that they simply stay at a hotel, but then Justin has asked if they could use Jennifer’s spare room. She knew the older man had reluctantly agreed only to please her son, knowing that he wanted to spend some time with his mother and sister and likely to show off their coupledom. As he wouldn’t consider separate rooms, Brian had offered, privately to Jennifer, for them to stay elsewhere if she would feel awkward but she would have none of it.

 

They had arrived three days ago.

 

It was around eleven thirty and getting late, both a school and a work night for everyone in the house when she turned out the downstairs lights and started upstairs.

 

Movement in the dim living room caught her eyes as she stopped to watch them roll gently from the sofa down to the floor, both of them lying stretched full out on the carpet, bathed in the electronic glow, one of them—she couldn’t tell which one—chuckling almost silently. Brian easing the way down for Justin, holding him, gently making sure that he didn’t fall the small distance.

 

They were taking their time, drawing out what they had started, making it last and savoring what they were doing.

 

On the screen Fantasia played.

 

She watched as Brian leaned over her son, bracketing his face in the long hands. She saw him stare down at the youngster, smiling. Justin looked up at him with wonder, as though he could scarcely believe this sleek beauty was really his, at least for now.

 

Leaning in, they kissed, their tongues sinuously curling around one another before they closed the distance between their lips and she could see the movements of their heads as the kisses became deeper.

 

Justin’s hands were stroking the skin on Brian’s back, moving to push his shirt up and out of the way. Obliging, he lifted up, briefly, to allow her son to lift it away while he worked the young man’s shirt off. They came back together, at first barely touching as they rubbed themselves against one another, gradually increasing the pressure of bare chest to bare chest, skin to skin producing a duet of sighs and a soft moan from Justin.

 

She knew that she shouldn’t be watching, that she should just turn and go upstairs, but she was hypnotized by what she saw. She knew, of course she knew that they were lovers, but she had never actually seen them…

 

There had been some hand holding, a few hugs. They would sometimes even kiss briefly in front of her, but not like this. Not so that she could feel herself becoming aroused by the sight and sound of them together. She had somehow managed to put out of her mind the fact that it would be so blatantly sensual, that they were actually lovers and not just sex partners.

 

Brian always referred to what they did as ‘fucking’. That wasn’t right. This was making love and she was astounded by the eroticism of it.

 

She hadn’t expected the passion. That was what made her unable to turn away. It was…mesmerizing.

 

They were beautiful, both of them. She hadn’t expected that, either. Justin, still so young to her, still with the look of innocence that she knew was no longer accurate. All blonde hair and blue eyes, still unformed in so many ways but insisting that he was a man. Brian, long and slender yet still strongly muscled and elegant as he moved, sure of himself, confident. She had occasionally briefly fantasized about what sort of a lover he would be. The last few days she had looked at him across the dinner table or lounging in front of the TV, he was beautiful, a stunningly attractive man. She knew about his reputation of being able to get any man he wanted, and it was easy to believe.

 

She had also seen the connection between the two of them. She knew that at first it was just a bedroom affair, but after watching them together the last few days, she had seen that the connection between them was real and deep. Justin always eager to please, Brian protective and subtly guiding.

 

Brian moved smoothly until he was lying full on top of Justin, his weight resting on his elbows. Her son’s legs parted to embrace the slender hips of the older man as their crotches were pressed together, his arms stroking up and down the long, defined muscles of his back. Brian raised his face, allowing Justin access to the long line of his jaw and chin, an involuntary groan coming from his slightly parted lips, his eyes tightly shut to heighten the feelings of Justin’s tongue on his throat.

 

Quickly he lowered his head back down, kissing Justin’s mouth before moving down to reach the pale Adam’s apple, lingering there before continuing to the notch between his collar bones, suckling there for a long moment.

 

Justin’s eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, one hand on Brian’s head, the other on his back, clasping them together but loosely enough not to impede movement. The older man moved to the nipples as he took the gold ring carefully in his teeth teasing and pulling just enough to bring a gasping reaction, his right hand drawing small circles around the matching tit.

 

Jennifer could feel her own breasts aching for touch, for hands or lips to be on them. Craig had been gone for almost a year; it had been a long time.

 

Moving further down and raising up to his knees, Brian undid both the button and zipper of the cargo pants while Justin lifted his hips as they were pulled down and off. Jennifer noticed that he wore no underwear and was embarrassed to see the size of his erection and the soft glint of precum in the dim light of the TV.

 

Bending Justin’s legs at the knees, raising them, Brian leaned over to trail his tongue and a line of kisses from first one knee up to the junction where they met and then turning to repeat the movement on the other inner thigh. Justin’s head was thrown back; his breath gasping and soft sounds were coming from his throat.

 

She also saw the look, the small smiles that the lovers exchanged before Brian bent his head to take her son in his mouth. She heard the gasp and saw his hands clench around the leg of the low table beside them. As she was about to turn away, to leave, she saw Justin turn his eyes to where she was standing and she wondered if he had sensed that she was there or if he had just chosen that moment to open his eyes. He saw her watching them and returned her look with one of complete contentment and love. He smiled at her, his mouth slightly open with his breathing, his face slack and his eyes glazing with his impending orgasm.

 

The look he gave her was almost one of challenge, as if he dared her to turn away and not see the conclusion.

 

His hands went to Brian’s head, gently, his hips carefully thrusting up into his lover’s mouth. His breathing quickened, his eyes closed as he concentrated on what he was feeling, on what Brian was doing.

 

She left, silently going upstairs. She didn’t want to see more. She didn’t want to intrude on them more than she had. Half way up the stairs, she heard Justin gasp out Brian’s name as he came.

 

Jennifer realized that if Craig knew what she had just witnessed, if he had been there, he would have seen none of the beauty of two people in love. He would be outraged, disgusted. He would have interrupted, insisted that they stop, that Justin never see Brian again after throwing the man out of the house.

 

Then he would have tried to take her to bed.

 

Later, she lay looking out the window, unable to sleep, the two men still downstairs. She had seen the tenderness and the feelings between them tonight, she had watched them together the last few days and the caring between then was unmistakable.

 

She had even come to almost like Brian. She certainly disliked him less than she had when she had first met him. He was intelligent, well read, educated, charming when he chose to be and could even be quite funny on occasion.

 

If only she could get past the belief that it wouldn’t last and that Justin would end up hurt.

 

Brian was flattered to have the teenager hanging on his every word and gesture. It was a boost to his already healthy ego to have the boy listen to whatever he chose to tell him, to take any suggestion and try anything new that Brian could think of.

 

She had strong suspicions of drug use beyond the pot she had smelled a couple of times and Brian’s drinking, even when he was apparently going easy for her and Molly’s benefit, was prodigious. How he could function mornings amazed her after seeing what he had swallowed the night before.

 

At some point he would tire of Justin. He would want someone his own age and with similar experiences and at a less naïve outlook. It amused him now, but the novelty would wear off and he would move on to someone as advanced as he was professionally. The simple fact was that at his level, having a teenaged lover would become a drawback to his career and Brian would allow nothing to slow his rapid advancement. It was too important for him, too much who he was.

 

There was no point in saying anything, Justin would never believe her, but she knew that this would play itself out sooner or later.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At seven the next morning she was down in the kitchen chiding Molly to hurry so that she wouldn’t miss the bus when Brian walked into the room, showered and dressed for work. He laid his suit jacket over the back of an unused chair and Jen noticed the Armani label. Of course.

 

“Brian, Good morning, what can I get you?” He had a hickey not quite covered by his collar.

 

“Just coffee, and I can get it. You really don’t have to wait on me, Jennifer.”

 

“Don’t be silly, sit down. Where’s Justin?”

 

“His first class isn’t until eleven. He’s still sleeping.”

 

“He must be tired.” Her tone was carefully neutral.

 

Molly had been watching the exchange. “You guys were up really late. I heard you come up and it was like three in the morning.”

 

“We were watching a movie and what were you doing awake at three?”

 

“You were not. You were making out.” She was staring at the bruise on his neck.

 

“Molly.”

 

“Well they were, Mom. God, they do it all the time when you’re not around.”

 

“Molly...that’s enough.”

 

She took refuge in a glass of orange juice. “God, it’s not like I don’t know they’re gay.” Jennifer gave her a look, which was ignored.

 

Brian studied the youngster for a moment over his cup of coffee. As always, his attention made her self-conscious. “Does it bother you to see us together, Molly? Do your friends ever say anything to you about it?” He was always careful when he spoke to the twelve year old.

 

“Not really anymore. They used to, but now they just don’t care. They think you’re cute, though. If you weren’t like as old as our parents, they would really like you.” She was teasing him.

 

“I am nowhere near your parents ages and I am never cute. I am devastatingly handsome and completely hot.”

 

“Yeah, well I guess Justin thinks so anyway.”

 

Jennifer glanced up at the clock. “You. Off. Now.”

 

Reluctantly, she grabbed her backpack and left, kissing her mother on the cheek and, as an after thought, also giving Brian an unexpected peck. He smiled in return. “Watch it, you’ll turn me straight and then I’ll be ruined.”

 

“And Justin would kill me.”

 

Jennifer looked up from her own cup of tea. “Would you like something? I have eggs or cereal. I think we still have some fruit left.”

 

He swallowed the last of his coffee and rose to put on his jacket. “Thanks, no. I have an early meeting.”

 

“Justin told me that you got a big promotion not too long ago, what was that about?”

 

“I made partner.”

 

“Oh, my goodness. That is big. Does your firm have a lot of partners?”

 

“Two, me and the owner.”

 

“So you’re really quite—what I mean is that you must be—are there many other—?”

 

“Vanguard has just over two hundred and fifty employees in total. We bill currently around twenty million a year. I’m the number two person in the firm. I gross in the low to mid six-figure range depending on what sort of year I’m having. So far this year is pretty good. I have a corner office with lots of windows and my own bathroom, an assistant and two secretaries. Anything else you would like to know?”

 

“Brian, that’s not what I meant.”

 

He was completely unruffled. “Of course it is, Jennifer, but it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” He came around the counter to deposit his cup in the sink and kiss her temple. “Justin is marrying up.” His hand was on the knob of the kitchen door, “The floors should be ready for us to move back in tomorrow.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Around nine thirty Justin stumbled down, still bleary.

 

“Coffee, sweetie?” He didn’t manage to articulate an answer, but conveyed that he would. “You two were up late last night. I don’t know how you manage your school or Brian manages to function at his work with no sleep.”

 

“We’re fine.”

 

“Do you need a ride to school?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

 

“Brian dresses well, doesn’t he? I could never convince your father to buy any really good suits, so I couldn’t help but notice how nice he looked this morning. He said something about having a breakfast meeting he needed to get to.”

 

“Mom, what the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Nothing, sweetie. I was just thinking about the differences between you two…and no I don’t mean your ages.”

 

“God, Mom, are you going to fucking start again? What, have you been talking with Dad?”

 

“No, I’m not starting anything and I haven’t been speaking with your father. I was just—well, it’s just that I don’t see really what you two have in common.”

 

He gave her a look that said it all.

 

“I mean besides—sex. He’s a successful businessman. He’s sophisticated and enjoys things that you’ve never even heard of.” She started cracking eggs to make him an omelet. “ Justin, you’re a college student. I just don’t understand what you have to talk about after you get out of bed.”

 

“You just don’t like the fact that he’s older and male and that I love him and he loves me. And that we fuck.”

 

“…That’s not true.” She looked over at his stare.  “Alright. It’s partly true. I’m not thrilled with the age difference—not for the reason you think.”

 

“That is such bullshit. You think that he’s just using me to get laid.”

 

“Justin, I don’t think tha…”

 

“Well, it’s not true. He doesn’t need me for sex. He can get it whenever he wants it. Guys hit on him. All the time. We’re friends and he loves me and I love him.”

 

She started grating cheddar. Justin drank some orange juice, trying to control his anger. Shit, everyone thought that he was just Brian’s little boy toy, his little fuck. Even his goddamn mother thought that.

 

She started again, quietly. She couldn’t help herself. “I’m afraid that you’re going to end up hurt and I wish there was something I could do to protect you from that.” She dumped the cheese into the egg bowl. “But there isn’t.”

 

“I’m not going to get hurt, Mom.”

 

Putting the pan on the burner, she put a pat of butter in to melt. “…Have you thought about whether you’ll be together in a few years? Have you two ever discussed it?”

 

He poured some more juice from the pitcher. “We don’t talk about things like that. What’s the point?” In fact, Brian refused to.

 

“The point is that I know you think you two are going to be together forever and I’m just afraid that…”

 

“He’ll dump me?”

 

“That he’ll move on. Or you will.” She poured herself some more hot water for tea. “Justin, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I almost married a man who was so like Brian they could be brothers. Steve was handsome and going to be an obvious success. He was bright and when he wanted, he could be charming and funny, but he was self-centered and for whatever reasons, he couldn’t love anyone. He was incapable of it beyond a shallow level.”

 

“You’re so fucking wrong. Brian loves me. You’re just fucking jealous that you and Dad have spilt up and I have someone.” Jennifer couldn’t have been more upset than if he had slapped her, he’d gone too far and he knew that had hurt her. “Mom—I’m sorry…but I’ll be OK. I—understand Brian. I know that he’s never going to marry me or anything like that.”

 

Hearing her son talk about marrying a man, let alone this one was almost too painful.

 

“Mom? I thought that you’d accepted my being gay? You marched in the Pride Parade and you’re in PFLAG” He looked at her as she handed him his breakfast.

 

“I am. I want you to be the person you are. And I want you to be happy. It’s just that—I don’t believe that Brian will make you happy.”

 

“He does, Mom. He does make me happy.” She handed him the finished omelet. “I love him.”

 

“Justin…”

”I know what he’s like, but he does love me. He doesn’t tell me and he doesn’t bring flowers home or any of that, but I know that he does.” She took the pan off the stove, moving to the sink with it, standing with her back to him. “You told me that when I was hurt he was at the hospital every night. He helped me with the therapy, he let me move in with him and he cares about me. You don’t see us when we’re alone, but he’s gentle and kind. When Dad refused to pay my tuition, he paid it. I insisted that it be a loan and that I’ll pay him back, but he did it without even a thought.”

 

“I know that you two are—close now, but, honey…”

 

Justin shook his head, silencing her. “The first night? He knew that I was a virgin and he was so gentle and careful. He was—he made it—I was so scared and he made it as easy as he could. Mom, isn’t that what you’d want for me, and Molly, too for our first times?”

 

“Of course.” She came around the center island, putting her hand on his cheek. “And I love you, too. Justin.”

 

“I know that. I’ll be OK, Mom. I will.”

 

“He told me that the loft would be ready to move back into tomorrow. Would you two like to go out for dinner tonight?”

 

A quick call to Brian’s cel and they found out he had no plans. Dinner was on.

 

“You decide where you two would like to go, OK? Just remember that Molly has to be able to find something to eat there, too.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At seven that evening the four of them were sitting in a booth at the best chophouse in the city. Their steaks had arrived and Molly was shamelessly flirting.

 

“Did you ever go out with a girl?”

 

Brian nodded. “I had a girlfriend for a while in college.”

 

“Well, what happened?”

 

“After seeing me, she realized that she’s a lesbian. I take credit for it, in fact.”

 

“Is that why you became gay, because she broke your heart?”

 

“Molly, really.” Obviously, Jennifer felt the conversation had gone far enough.

 

He glanced at Jen. “No, it’s alright. I’ve always been gay. I was born gay, but for a while I was curious and so was she, I suppose. She’s still a good friend.”

 

Justin smiled at Brian, lending a little support while Molly continued. “Do you mind if I ask you about this? I mean, I know that it’s pretty personal.”

 

“No, I don’t mind. What would you like to know?”

 

“What’s it like kissing another man?”

 

Brian actually laughed. “Very nice. You’ll see when you kiss one.”

 

“God, that’s gross. Didn’t your parents freak when they found out? I thought Dad would kill Justin when he heard. Were yours cool with it?”

 

Brian took a drink of his beer then continued quietly. “They didn’t know for a long time. I guess that if they had bothered to give it any thought they would have figured it out, but they never did. I only told my father about a year ago. And my mother found out by accident a few months ago.”

 

“You didn’t tell them til like now? Jesus, Brian, they must have freaked. So what did they do?”

 

“Molly…”

 

Justin squeezed Brian’s knee under the table. “When they found out that he was with me they were ecstatic, right, Brian?”

 

He glanced over. “Completely.”

 

Molly saw their expressions. “OK, I’ll drop it.” They started looking at the desert menus, or at least everyone except Brian did.

 

“Holy shit. Dad’s here.” Justin was staring across the restaurant. “He’s with some woman.”

 

Jennifer turned around, quickly turning back. “That’s his new girlfriend. They’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We’re not married, there’s no reason for him not to date. Do you understand?  Now behave yourself.” Justin stood up, obviously on his way across the room. Both Brian and Jennifer tried to stop him but he pulled away and kept walking.

 

“Having a nice dinner?”

 

“Justin. I didn’t know that you were here.” Craig was almost as uncomfortable as he was that day in the living room when Brian had tried to return Justin to his parents. “This is Susan…would you care to join us?”

 

“Sure, just let me go get Brian. We can all have desert together.”

 

“I’d rather not, thank you. Please tell your mother I’ll call her this week.” He was dismissed.

 

“Dad…” There was no response.

 

Susan looked up at him. “Justin? I’m sorry that we’re meeting when things are so awkward, but your father has been telling me about you and your sister. He’s really quite proud of you both, you know.” It was bullshit, and they both knew it, but at least she was trying. “I understand that you’re an artist? I’d love to see some of your things if you’d let me some time. Really, I would.”

 

“Thanks, but I don’t know…”

 

She smiled. “Please? I majored in art myself years ago.” She hesitated. “I didn’t end up working in the arts, but I love them. It would be a treat for me.”

 

“Maybe sometime.” Like when Hell freezes over. He looked back down at his father. “Mom and Molly are eating with me and Brian, too. You could come over and see them.” It was a challenge.

 

“Sounds like a happy family. What’s the occasion?”

 

Justin decided to throw it in his face—politely. “We’ve been staying at Mom’s while some work was being done on the loft. Mom insisted, in fact, so Brian is taking everyone out tonight to thank her. She’s getting to really like him.” He smiled that big sunshine smile. “And Molly is ready to marry him.”

 

“You should tell her that bigamy is illegal in this state and that you were under the age of consent when he first raped you. I’m still considering suing the bastard for what he did to you.”

 

“Fuck you, shit head.”

 

“Hey! I’m still your father and you don’t talk to me like that.”

 

“Well, you talk to me anyway you like. It’s a two way street.”

 

“Damnit, Justin…”

 

“Just fuck off.”

 

Brian appeared at his elbow, speaking softly. “A problem?”

 

“He was being…”

 

“Calm down. Come back and finish your dinner.”

 

“But he was saying that…”

 

“It doesn’t matter.” He put his hand on Justin’s shoulder, as much for Craig’s benefit as for the young man’s. “Come on.” Justin looked up at him and nodded. Sending a glare at his father, he headed back to their table, his anger obvious. Brian hesitated then turned back.

 

“You know, Craig, I can’t imagine being as big a prick to my son as you are to Justin.”

 

Back at their table Jennifer was trying to reason with Justin. “Honey, you know how he is and you know better than to let him get to you.”

 

“Brian, what did you say to him just now?”

 

He sat back down next to Justin. “Nothing.”

 

“Just some snotty crack that’s guaranteed to piss him off? Great.”

 

“Nothing to set him off. Now, are we ordering desert?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Returning home, Brian and Justin had disappeared into the shower together for forty-five minutes. Later, they were all the picture of domesticity in the living room; Molly was watching  “Little Women” for the twentieth time. Justin was using the graphics computer to finish a school project, Jennifer was going over some mortgage possibilities concerning a possible sale and Brian was reading a book. He saw the look as she glanced over at him. “I do read, you know.” Getting up, he wandered into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of Cutty. Jen followed as he was topping it for the second time.

 

“Hard day?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You drink too much.” She spoke softly so the other two wouldn’t hear.

 

“Thanks, Mom.”

 

“I don’t mean to criticize you, but I don’t like seeing it around Justin. He’s still so young and he copies whatever you do.”

 

He paused, dismissing a rejoinder. “He’s fine.”

 

“I’m concerned about the drinking. I know you take drugs, too. Please be careful around him.”

 

“He’s alright, Jennifer. I watch how much he drinks and he stays away from the drugs because of his allergies. You don’t have to worry.”

 

“In fifteen years you’ll be on the other side of the counter with Gus. Will you listen if someone tells you not to worry about him?”

 

“No.” He sipped his drink. “If in fifteen years I’m having this same conversation with someone like me, I’ll probably send Gus to a military school. Either that or fuck the guy myself.”

 

“Brian…”

 

“In fifteen years, Gus will be making his own decisions and his own mistakes. Hopefully he’ll learn from them.” He took another swallow and nodded towards the living room, “At some point he’ll leave me, Jennifer. It will all work out for you then, I’ll be gone.” He set the empty glass in the sink. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m tired.”

 

“I don’t dislike you, I know that you’re good to him…”

 

“And I’m as far as anyone could get to being what you would consider appropriate for him, even allowing the fact that he’s gay.”

 

“I never said…”

 

“Shall we count off the reasons?” He was drunk, but still functioning pretty well. “Let’s see.” He started ticking off his fingers. “ The obvious one first, I’m too old for him, too experienced, too much of a slut and a whore. I make too much money and he’ll feel obligated. He’s being forced to give up his youth too soon by being with me. I’ll lead him to drugs and drinking and wrack and ruin. By being with me he’s being swallowed by the gay subculture and he’ll lose touch with the normal hetero world.” He looked up from his fingers. “You want me to go on? I’m exposing him to the risk of AIDS by my life style; his bashing can be tied directly to me. Being with me is a risk to his life.”

 

“Brian, I never said any of…”

 

“No? Well, maybe not but you sure as Hell thought all that didn’t you? I know I sure as fuck have.” He took his glass out of the sink, pouring himself another two fingers. “I know I should send him packing. It wouldn’t even be hard to do, just a few well thought out insults, maybe even change the lock and he’d get the message.” He took another drink. “But I can’t because I—for the first time in my life, I actually love …someone.” Another swallow. “I know I should and I can’t fucking do it. He should be with kids his own age, doing college and getting laid by twinks like him.”

 

“He wouldn’t go if you pushed him away.”

 

“Yes, he would. If I wanted him to. I have a talent for hurting people when I choose to use it. I could hurt him enough to make him go.”

 

“But you love him.”

 

He drained the glass for the last time. “When it’s Gus…I don’t know what I’ll do.” The glass was back in the sink and he carefully placed the bottle in the cabinet where it belonged. “You’re a good mother, much better than mine. He’s lucky to have you, Jennifer.” He moved to the doorway.

 

“Good night, Brian.”

 

“Don’t worry, he’ll leave me.” As he left to go upstairs she could hear him stopping in the living room. “Justin? You coming?” She heard Justin’s “Yes, I’ll just shut down the computer.”

 

Turning out the lights, she was desperately sad. She genuinely was beginning to like the man.

 

He was likely right.

 

 

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