Friends Talking

"You're different than you were before, Horatio."

"I'm not. I'm just the same as I ever was."

"No, there's a-peace about you, a calm that wasn't there before. Almost a contentment, it seems."

Horatio turned to face his friend as they stood at the rail of the quarterdeck. They were both just off watch and were lingering on deck, enjoying the sun and warmth after a week of rain and chill winds.

"Archie, you're daft. I'm just the same as I ever was. If anything, I'm simply tired after that storm. That might account for my calmness; it's exhaustion."

Ignoring the feeble attempt at a joke, the blond man stood studying his darker companion before speaking. "You act like a man in love." Startled by the observation, Horatio said nothing for a moment, just stared at his friend. Many people discounted Archie, thought him less than bright and a friendly fumbler, but Horatio knew him well enough to understand that behind the affable face was a shrewd mind, more adept at reading people than he himself was.

"What do you mean? How do I act?" He seemed almost frightened by the statement he'd just heard and equally concerned about the answer he might receive now.

"You act-happy. No, more than merely that. You act as though you've found something that you've been missing and now you're complete." Archie was watching the reaction that his words were having. "You act like a man who is fulfilled." He saw the blush creeping up Horatio's cheeks and knew that he was correct.

"When did it happen? When we were in Portsmouth?"

"Archie-please…"

He burst out laughing. "Horatio! For the love of God, it's nothing to be ashamed about. Good Lord, I'm happy for you, I think it's wonderful."

His head lowered, Horatio begged, "Can we not discuss it, please? I'm really not comfortable talking about this sort of thing, Archie."

"Horatio, you are the only man I know who won't talk about being happy. Why, in the name of God, won't you allow yourself the joy of this?"

"I-do. I just don't want to talk about it."

"…With me."

He saw the hurt he'd caused. "No, that's not what I mean. Not with anyone. Please, Arch, just drop it, all right?" He saw the hurt he'd caused. "I'm sorry-truly I am, but I, well, I just can't talk about it."

Archie looked over at him. "But I'm right, aren't I? You are in love."

Possibly the most unselfconscious smile Archie had ever seen on Horatio's face lit him from within and blushing with happiness he nodded, "Yes."

"Is it serious, Horatio? Are you thinking of marriage?"

A shadow crossed his face. Reluctantly he admitted, "No, I fear that's not possible. I wish that it were."

Archie thought that he understood. "She's married already? Horatio, I'm sorry, that must be difficult for both of you." Horatio just shrugged, almost dismissively. "I wouldn't have thought you one for an affair with a married woman, though"; he looked up, realizing what he had just said, "-forgive me, that's not my concern."

Another shrug, shy, almost embarrassed. "It's not anything I ever would have thought I'd be involved with myself, but when we can be together-Archie, I can't describe what it's like." His eyes were shining with the obvious joy he felt just thinking about his lover. "To be with someone who is the other half of my soul, to know that I'm actually-wanted, that there is someone on the other side of the door waiting for me, God, I can't tell you the joy of that."

"I'm happy for you, truly I am." He looked at his friend, the joy that went through him for Horatio was genuine, heartfelt, but there was something that wasn't quite right about this. If the lady was tied to another, but her feelings lay with Horatio, then perhaps there was a solution. "When we get to Portsmouth, will you see her?" He saw the warning look from his friend, knew that he was treading on thin ground now, but met the glare evenly. Finally, he received a grudging reply.

"We have made plans to be together, yes. I'll tell you no more, Archie; don't ask me again about this." He was becoming genuinely angry. At this he turned and walked away from the railing, leaving Archie to his thoughts. The next thing he heard was Mr. Bowles voice behind him. "Ah, Mr. Hornblower, the Captain has passed the word for you. Please report to his cabin, if you would." Archie heard the acknowledgement, wondering what that was about but knowing that he would not ask and likely never be told.

Three days later Indefatigable put into Portsmouth for a two-month layover and refit. After the first week in port, everyone who was still aboard for finishing up was done and had been released to their own diversions. Archie had decided to see some of his family, the ones he was still close to, and took off for London. Where Horatio went and with whom, was a mystery.

The two months ended, the men reported back to the ship-or at least most of them did. Navy life could now continue for Indy's officers and crew.

It was a hot day, the first afternoon back. Archie was sitting on his cot when Horatio opened the door of their shared berth and walked in carrying his portmanteau. It was stifling in the small space.

"Well, hullo. Have a good time, did you?" Horatio smiled his welcome.

"Yes, thank you, and you? Enjoy yourself?" Horatio actually blushed. "Yes, I did, thank you." He opened his bag, unpacking his clothes, then pulled off his jacket and loosened his cravat. He was wearing a beautiful gold chain around his neck which wasn't there before he left for leave and Archie couldn't help but notice that there were several large bruises on his neck and throat, some of them seeming to even have teeth marks. Evidently there had been quite some farewell party for the lad.

"See your 'friend', did you?" It was asked mildly, almost apologetically. Horatio looked up sharply from where he was storing his things.

"Excuse me?" It was a challenge.

"Horatio, your neck-keep your neck cloth on if you go outside." His friend looked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment before the penny dropped. He looked in the tiny looking glass in horror.

"Oh God, this wasn't supposed to have happened. Bloody Hell."

Archie was smiling at him. "Don't worry, you're not the first and you won't be the last."

A dirty look was his only answer. "Well, no one will know about it unless you strip on the quarterdeck and I'm not about to go trumpeting it about the fleet---Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Horatio Hornblower has managed to find himself a lover!"

"Archie-enough." He was blushing with a combination of embarrassment and annoyance.

"All right, I'm sorry, truly I am. Your break was a good one, though, I take it?"

"Yes, it was good. We managed to talk and I think we might have resolved some of the things that were concerns."

"So you'll be able to marry?"

"No, but it's all right."

Archie was confused by that remark. He would never have thought that Horatio, of all people, would be unconcerned about the possibility of the Admiralty finding out about his having an affair with a married woman. Although common enough, it was hardly the thing to bolster one's career. Beyond that, Horatio had always impressed him as someone who was too conservative, too conventional to play that sort of game. Evidently, he was wrong. Wondering who the lady might be, Horatio had said that they had seen each other while on leave, so she was obviously English, instead of being from Gibraltar or some other port they frequented. She would have to be intelligent, to attract Horatio, and physically attractive. Horatio was more vain than he would let on, and would probably not have an ugly mistress. She was likely older, being married and having had time to become unhappy enough in her marriage to take a young lover. Also obviously, their relationship was not just one of the mind, judging from the state of Horatio's bruises.

Archie was intrigued.

The weeks passed, day-by-day, watch-by-watch, and drill-by-drill. They were on blockade duty and the tedium was becoming hard to endure. There was little to do to really fill the off time. There were endless games of whist and canasta and chess. There was speculation about when they would see action. There were letters written and letters received.

It was boring.

Archie, possibly because he had little else to do, began watching Horatio. He noticed his comings and goings; he began to be aware that his friend was often not to be found when he would be thought to be in the berth or in the wardroom.

At first Archie just thought, when he thought on it, that Horatio had found some quiet corner of the ship to gain some privacy, but that began to seem an unlikely explanation of his disappearances. He would often be missing for hours at a time and return to the berth they shared quiet, tired and unwilling to talk about his whereabouts.

Early one morning, near dawn, Archie woke to find that Horatio was just starting to strip in preparation for bed. Odd. He hadn't been on watch. As he took off his shirt, Archie noticed the fresh bruising on his neck and chest. Silently, he continued to watch his friend remove his clothing. The marks were not on just his neck and chest, but on his shoulders and his back as well.

No one would assault a commissioned officer on the Indefatigable. Pellew would have him hanging from the yardarm that very day, should anyone be so bold.

The realization hit. Horatio obviously had a lover on board the ship. Was this the same one he had been talking about? The one he had said was his soul mate? The person he was saddened by the knowledge that they couldn't be married?

He looked up to see Horatio's eyes boring into his own, saw his friend looking at the marks on his body.

Still holding Archie's eyes he sat on the edge of his own cot, swung his feet up and pulled the cover over himself.

Settling on his back, his face now turned to the ceiling above them he whispered so as not to be overheard. "Are you going to tell?"

The whispered reply. "…Horatio-what would you have me say?"

"Are you going to the Captain to report me as a sodomite?"

"Are you one, Horatio? Was it just last night with someone aboard, an impulse or some such?"

He turned his head and the dark eyes were focused on him. "You know that's not the case."

"How long?"

"…Over a year now."

"This is your lover? This is who you spent leave with?"

"Are you shocked?" He seemed to truly want to know, to not want to upset his friend and to know if Archie was offended by this knowledge.

There was no answer and the silence was stretching too long. "Archie?"

"I just never suspected it of you, that's all. I'm surprised. Why didn't you tell me? When you said that you were in love and I ranted on about some paragon of womanhood, you must have been laughing up your sleeve at me."

"No-that wasn't it at all. I was afraid that you would be disgusted and that you would want to change berths, that you would be afraid to be alone with me. I thought that you would end our friendship, Arch. I didn't want that to happen."

"Were you really afraid that I'd report you to the Captain?"

"Well, no, not really. Why? Are you going to?"

Archie looked at him. "Why in the name of God would I do that?"

"Because what I'm doing is against…"

Archie finished the sentence for him. "…The laws of God and man? Horatio, you're my friend and in all the time I've known you, you've never been as happy as you've been these last few months. Don't you understand, you great fool? I'm happy for you."

"Even though…"

"…You're a debased, vile, unnatural creature condemned to eternal Hellfire?"

Horatio smiled at the absurdity. "Yes, something like that."

"He makes you happy?"

"God, yes."

"Horatio, tell me in truth. Is whoever it is good enough for you? Is it someone who will be good to you? I see those bruises, did you agree to that? You weren't forced, were you?"

He was blushing, smiling. "No-I agreed. It feels…good, believe it or not."

Archie looked closely at him. "You really are happy, aren't you?"

He nodded.

"I'll not ask you who it is, but know that I'll do whatever I can to help you, if you wish that. Just answer me one thing." Horatio nodded. "Why not-me?"

"Arch?"

"If you had thought that I was interested in you that way, would you have been willing?"

Horatio looked at his friend in surprise. "I don't know, I hadn't thought of you like that." He stared at his berth mate. "Yes, I believe that I would have welcomed you, had I known and if I weren't involved with another."

Archie slipped out of his cot and knelt on the floor. The space was so small that the movement put him next to Horatio. Their eyes were locked and Horatio knew what Archie was about to do, he didn't stop him.

Placing one hand on his friend's shoulder and the other one on his cheek, Archie leaned in and kissed him full on the lips. He felt Horatio's arms come up around him and he rose to sit on the edge of the narrow bed, the ropes creaking under their combined weight. Horatio's tongue was gently gliding across the other man's lips, carefully parting them and slowly sliding inside to meet the tongue pressing outwards to meet and caress his own. They remained like this for long minutes, exploring one another's mouths, Horatio's hands gently but firmly stroking his friend's shoulders. When they finally broke, Archie looked at him in confusion.

"Why did you allow me to do that? You love someone else."

"Yes, but you're still my friend and you wanted to."

He sat up, gazing down and marveling at the fact that Horatio had never seemed as beautiful as he did at this moment, his eyes wide, dark and luminous, his lips slightly swollen and with a small smile, his skin flushed. His hair loose on the pillow.

"How far would you have gone with me now?"

A small laugh. He touched the gold around his throat. "Not much further. I am a married man, you know."

"So that's what that is."

They were silent as Archie stood to dress. He had the watch in fifteen minutes. "You're sure that you've no reservations about this, Arch?"

Pulling a shirt into place, he just shook his head. Suddenly he knew. "It's the Captain, isn't it?"

Horatio's face went carefully neutral. "What makes you say that?"

"Your reaction to my saying it, for one thing. Horatio, he's the only one who would hold your interest. He's the only one who's your equal in intelligence and ability. It has to be him."

Horatio looked almost frightened for a second. "You'll not let on? You can't let--you know what it would mean-Arch--please?"

Archie continued to dress in silence, Horatio's eyes not leaving him. Finally he spoke, his words low.

"You've never anything to fear from me, Horatio. He's not the only one who is in love with you." Turning, he left the berth, closing the door behind him.

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