Friends

Edward's weight felt heavy on top of him and they both had sweat dripping down their sides as they lay, still connected, after yet another round of lovemaking. They were breathing hard, still trying to catch their breath and both were completely satiated from the night's activities, even a bit sore, truth be known. Horatio's eyes were fixed on the ceiling above their heads, his face an expressionless mask. After a few minutes he rolled Edward off to the side, not as gently as he might have and relished the absence of weight on him and the relative coolness of the air as it moved across his overheated body. Still on his side, Edward reached over to take hold of Horatio's hand. It was pulled away with a quiet, "…It's so hot."

Somehow their two respective ships had actually managed to be docked at English Harbor in Antigua at the same time and it was their fourth day of leave together. The Commodore had requested, officially, the Lieutenant's temporary assignment to his personal staff to take needed advantage of his ability to speak French. The request had, of course, been granted.

Taking a cloth from the bedside table and wetting it in a bowl placed there for that purpose, Edward started to carefully wipe the perspiration off of Horatio's face and body. He slowly and methodically stroked over the long arms and legs, up and then back down his lean torso and gently wiping the remainder of their lovemaking from his groin and stomach.

The slightest of smiles. "Thank you." His eyes had briefly flickered to his lover then his head turned and he looked out the open window to the lush garden just beyond.

"What is it that's on your mind, Horatio? You've been preoccupied since we both arrived. I've almost felt that you didn't wish to see me here."

His eyes stayed focused outside. "What I wish is that you wanted me as much out of your bed as you seem to enjoy me in it."

Edward was stunned. What the Hell was this? "What on earth are you talking about? How can you think that I don't?"

Horatio turned his head to look at him for a long moment then pushed himself to a sitting position leaning back against the pillows and the headboard.

"We're on a damned backwater island, as far from anything as we could possibly be and you still treat me like a servant outside of this room. Must we be alone in a cave for you to acknowledge that I'm beside you?"

Edward rolled over onto his back, his jaw working in anger. In a sudden movement he swung his legs around and sat on the side of the bed, his back to Horatio.

"You know as well as I do that there are half a dozen of His Majesty's ships in this port resupplying at the moment. If a single one of those officers or the Port Admiral or one of his aides suspected anything we would be ruined. You're as aware of this as I am. For the love of God, I thought that you'd be pleased that we could be together."

"I thought so, also. I didn't expect to be the hired help."

"How else was I to get you off your ship? It was hard enough to come up with some French prisoners for you to interrogate."

"I'd have thought that Spanish ones would be common enough in these parts."

"If you're so displeased with the arrangements, you're free to return to your ship whenever you so desire, Lieutenant."

Edward rose from the bed, slipped on his dressing gown and stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the sea. Standing with his hands leaning on the railing, he stared at the water. Damnit it all to Hell. Horatio knew better than the clap he was spouting. What was wrong with him? They hadn't seen each other in over a year, this was the first opportunity in all that time to be together and he was acting like a spoiled child. No, of course it wasn't perfect, but they were together. If outside they were forced to the roles their ranks dictated, here, in this room, they could just be themselves. But Horatio had been in a foul mood almost from the beginning of the leave and he'd about had his fill of it.

He heard movement from inside and a moment later Horatio was behind him. He had pulled his trousers on, but was both barefoot and shirtless. Edward stood as he was until he felt Horatio's hand on his shoulder, the hand slipped down his back to his waist, joined by the other and then he was embraced from behind. Horatio's cheek resting against the nape of his neck, "God, I'm sorry. We're half way around the world, but for all the freedom it gives us, we might as well be in London."

Edward simply nodded without speaking.

"For a year I've ached to hold you and now it's nothing like I thought it would be."

"You thought that we would be able to just walk down the street together arm in arm or perhaps share brandy and confidences at the local pub?"

Horatio's arms slipped away from him and he moved so that he was leaning against the rail, his back to the sea, next to Edward, close but not touching.

"Is this how it will always be? Hiding in rooms? Pretending that we're nothing to each other than Commodore and Aide? Am I to marry some suitable Captain's daughter as a cover?"

"What would you have me say? If we continue, yes, this is how it must be for now."

"And you can bear this?"

"Better than I think I could bear not seeing you again."

"How can this be enough for either of us, Edward? Seeing each other once every year or two? Writing only occasional in carefully coded letters?"

"And if you were married to some Captain's daughter, do you think it would be any different? You would still be away for months and years at a time. The simple fact is that we are officers in His Majesty's Navy during wartime. We go where and when we're told."

"It sometimes seems to me that we aren't even friends, let alone lovers. We're just occasional bed partners."

"I thought that you loved me."

"Yes, of course. You know that I do."

"Are you saying that's not enough for you?"

"I…" He looked over at Edward. "I'm not sure what I'm saying. Is this enough for you, can you honestly say that you're happy like this?"

"I know that at some point we'll have what we both want. So now, yes. This is enough for now, knowing that there will be more later."

Horatio turned so that he, too, now faced the sea. He had moved a few inches closer and their shoulders now lightly touched.

"Have you taken a lover, Horatio?"

"No."

"But you've had offers?"

"I've not accepted them."

"But you've wanted to." There was no response. After a minute or so Edward continued. "It's alright if you do. I can't bear to see you like this. Perhaps if you had someone on your current ship, you'd be happier."

"I want you."

Edward reached the end of his patience.

"Stop going in circles, for God's sake. If you want to have sex with someone else then bloody well go ahead. I'll be thousands of miles away, there'll be precious little that I'll be able to do about it."

"Transfer me to your ship."

"No."

"Edward…"

"You know that it's the wrong thing for you. We've talked about this before. And I've refused you before just as I will continue to do so. You're not to ask me about this again."

"So we're to limp along for years like this? And maybe, maybe someday when…"

"When what? When we're old? That's when we'll be together? May I remind you that I've over twenty years on you, sir? I'll arrive at old long before you'll have reason to think on it."

"I don't want to argue with you. I just want us to be together. Is that so awful of me?"

"It's unrealistic of you to want it now."

"We have a week left here. Then God only knows when we'll see each other again."

"God and The Admiralty."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not to tell this to anyone. You understand if this comes out, it will go badly for us both."

"What? I swear that I'll tell no one." Edward glanced at him, appraising.

"There are rumors that James Sawyer is nearing the end of his…usefulness …as a Captain. There are plans to break up his officers and crew and retire him when he returns to England. You're to be made Commander and given a small ship, probably a dispatch vessel or some such."

"I'm not worthy of such an hon…"

"Oh, don't be tiresome. Of course you are. I've already laid the groundwork to have you assigned to my fleet when I'm moved back to the Med in a few months. We'll be together every couple of months with any luck. We should even be able to arrange leaves at the same time. Would that change anything?"

"Oh, God, that would change everything, Edward." The first genuine smile he had seen in days appeared. His hand caressed Edward's cheek then moved around to cradle the nape of his neck.

"Yes, I thought that it might. As soon as you lot finishes that business at Samana Bay, you should be on your way back to Portsmouth. "I've longed for you, too, you know."

Just hang on until then, love." His hand moved up to hold Horatio's on his neck.

"I will, easily. Now that I can see an end to this. Thank you, Edward, for telling me this. It will not be a problem now, I promise. Forgive me for how petulant I've been. I had so wanted us to be together and then when we finally were…to have to walk two steps behind you when I wanted to throw my arms around you was so awful. I was translating prisoners' reports when what I wanted was to swim in those beautiful bays with you and make love on the white sand of this place."

"We will do those things, love. Tomorrow. I've arranged a lunch for us along with the use of the Admiral's carriage. I've told him that there is translating I need you to help with on the other side of the island. I imagine that we'll find a cove or two which will suit our purposes."

"You still know me too well."

"I'd like to know you better still, love."

"Aye, I'd like that, also."

"Yes, well, that's alright then. We still have a week here together then I must move over to Jamaica for a couple of months. After that I'll be headed over to the western Med fleet, and you'll join me before you know it."

"Yes, as soon as we clear out Samana Bay."

5/1/02

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