Fathers

Carlisle

Part Twelve

By Memya, Empress of Edit

If. Is there any word in the English language more tragic than `if'?

If Bella hadn't cut her finger. If Jasper hadn't been trying to go longer and longer spans without feeding. If Edward hadn't over-reacted. If Alice hadn't set everything on a glass-topped table. If only Bella had acted like an adult and not a petulant child, snapping her finger under the wrapping paper in a fit of pique because my family dared to care enough about her to give her lovely gifts.

Doesn't matter now. We're on our way somewhere, away from Forks, away from her, away from the place that is the most home to us.

Bella's birthday was an unbelievable disaster. She didn't want to be with us for her party. I can't say I even begin to comprehend her attitude to the whole thing but from the moment she walked in the door, you'd have thought she was being seriously inconvenienced. Alice and Edward tried to convince her to show some enthusiasm but she wasn't able to rise to the occasion. I do think it might be some of the worst manners I've seen exhibited toward one's friends during the centuries of my existence.

And it ended badly. Jasper went for her. Edward went to protect her. She fell, shattering the glass table and suffering a serious laceration to her forearm.

Everyone had to leave the house while I stitched her wound and cleaned up the blood from the procedure while Esme, finally able to return, scrubbed down the living room.

Edward came in and insisted he was able to safely take her home but there was something that had changed in him. His eyes, so lively, so happy, had died. The small flickers that I'd noticed in the aftermath of what happened in Phoenix were settled there. Something was terribly wrong with my son.

The next night he called a family meeting, well, what was left of the family. Jasper and Alice had already left to spend some time with friends in Denali. Jasper was utterly humiliated by his behavior. Had he been there for the meeting we'd have lost him completely, I'm sure.

Edward stood at the head of the table, his eyes flat and lifeless.

"We have to leave now," he said quietly. "I can't put Bella at risk anymore. We must leave."

"Well, that's just great!" Rosalie sarcastically stated. "You go get involved with a human and we have to pay the price. We've only been here two years and now we have to start all over again. I like it here. How about if just you go?" she asked, pointing a finger at Edward.

"I don't think she'll let go if she thinks I'm coming back," he said, the sadness on his voice heartbreaking.

"So we all have to pay for your recklessness? For getting involved with a human? Didn't I say we should have destroyed her in the beginning? Why can't we do that now?" she questioned. "We'd probably have to take out her father as well but it's not anything we haven't done on occasion."

"NO!" Edward shouted. "NO! That can't be the solution. Killing her. We can't."

"Edward," I said, standing up and putting a hand on his shoulder. "We won't harm her, not if there is any other way. But are you certain this is the course you want to choose?" He began to shake his head as I continued. "Why not give yourself a few days to calm down and look at the situation more clearly?"

"I have, Carlisle," he said, agonizingly. "Do you think this is what I want?"

"I think you're enjoying the drama of the whole star-crossed lovers bit, yeah, I do," Rosalie said, folding her arms and sitting back in her chair.

"Rose," Emmett said, placing a hand on her arm, "be fair. Edward didn't do anything to personally inconvenience you." She glared at him. "Come on, how many times have we all moved because I've made mistakes?" She started to answer but he hurried on without giving her a chance. "Not so much lately but I've fallen `off the wagon' more than a few times over the decades and no one complained when we had to make tracks. Now it's our turn to be understanding."

Rosalie stared at Emmett for a long time. "Fine! We'll go but I want your word that you'll never get involved with another human," she snarled at Edward.

"I'll never get involved with anyone else," he replied in a flat voice.

Rosalie stomped off to her bedroom with Emmett following in her angry wake.

"Are you sure you can do this?" I asked Edward after they left the room. "Our kind don't change easily and once changed like you have been with Bella, it's almost an impossible bond to break. Surely there's some other way. . . "

"Carlisle, I've thought of nothing else the past few days," he said, scrubbing his hands through his hair as he always did when stressed. "You've met Bella. You know how stubborn she is. I want her to have the full long life she deserves, a life that she'll never be able to have with me, I see that now. It's far too dangerous."

"Son, you could change her," I suggested as he began to vigorously shake his head. "Please, just hear me out. If we have to leave anyway, take her with us. If you love her, why leave her behind?"

"Carlisle, I can't do that to her," he stopped me before I could suggest that he didn't' need to be the one to do it. "I don't want you to do it either. We can't sentence her to our existence. She deserves more."

"But if it's what she wants," I countered.

"No, Carlisle, please don't tempt me with something I'm not meant to have," he pleaded as his face began to crumble. I nodded and silently left the room as he broke down in dry sobs in the arms of his mother.

 

* * *
 

So we each packed up the things we couldn't leave behind, closed up the house and left. Edward followed at the end of the day, after he said good-bye to Bella.

He met us in New York state, at the house we have there. He hasn't said a word about Bella since his arrival and I'm worried about him. He just sits and stares or else curls himself in a tight ball and puts his head down. I know he doesn't sleep as our kind don't sleep. If only he could for the release of a few hours of oblivion.

Alice and Jasper arrived a few weeks after we set up housekeeping here. Jasper must feel guilt every time he looks at Edward suffering and it's so much worse for Jasper as he can also feel Edward's emotions. It's taking a toll on Jasper. How hard he's working to send Edward positive feelings; anything to try to counteract the immeasurable misery we all know he's experiencing.

Edward's barely feeding, only going when he can't stand it any longer and he won't let anyone go with him. He is isolating himself. Esme had a piano sent out for him but it's simply gathering dust. He won't touch it. I don't know how much longer he can continue like this.

Esme has spoken to him about starting school here, either high school again or college but he wasn't interested. I've been on the verge several times of picking up the phone and dialing Chief Swan's home, just to see if perhaps speaking with Bella would ease his hurt somehow but he is determined that we have no contact with Forks whatsoever.

Much as we all cared for Bella, I'm beginning to wish the girl had never entered my son's life. True, we'd never seen him truly happy as we did for the past few months but I'm not sure it's worth what it's costing him now.

 

* * *
 

Edward is leaving. It seems inevitable. He told Esme and I last night that he wants to be by himself, needs to be by himself, away from everyone and everything that reminds him of her. He couldn't even say her name. Just her.

Esme asked him when he planned to return and he said he didn't know, that he wasn't sure he if would ever return. He doesn't have any plan where he'll go or what he'll do, just that he's leaving.

Even though Edward isn't physically my son and is only chronologically less then ten years younger than I am, he has been my son for the past ninety years. Even during the years of what I refer to as his teenage rebellion, I always believed that he would come back to us. This time I'm not so sure.

He's leaving when night falls. He's packed a single bag with clothes and nothing more, except for a bottle cap that I saw him tuck into his pocket. He's kept it with him for months. I don't know the significance but it must be something sentimental for him to always have it with him.

Esme is trying to put on a brave face but she's already missing him. We all are. We miss the boy who lived with us all these years before Bella came into his life. We miss the happy young man we saw grow and mature over the warm summer with his love by his side.

Will we ever see him again?

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