The Dinner

"Josiah, I'm so glad that you could join us this evening. Please, please, come in."

Lieutenant Bracegirdle walked into the front hallway of Captain Sir Edward Pellew's Portsmouth home. He had been pleasantly surprised when he had received the invitation to dine, and had quickly accepted. He enjoyed spending time with the Captain. They had served together for over ten years and were, so the lieutenant hoped, friends as well as shipmates. The dinner invitation had come as a surprise though, they rarely socialized together and he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to this than a simple meal.

As they walked across the entryway into the study for conversation and a glass of port, Bracegirdle saw that he wasn't the only guest. Standing there, apparently waiting to greet him was the Indefatigable's second Lieutenant, Horatio Hornblower, smiling and saying how glad he was to see him again.

Well, perhaps Sir Edward had some ship's business to discuss with the two of them.

"Would you care for a glass, Mr. Bracegirdle?" Horatio was the one making the offer. That was odd, he thought, as the wine was handed to him. He was almost acting as though he were the host instead of Pellew.

"Yes, thank you, Horatio. Are you enjoying your leave so far?"

"Yes, I am. Very much so in fact. It's good of you to ask."

There was an odd expression on the young man's face, almost as though he was trying to hide a smile, no- a blush. "What was that about?" he wondered. He saw a look pass between Pellew and Hornblower and suddenly felt as though he were the odd man out of a secret. Something was going on, but he didn't know what. Well he was a patient man; he'd wait and see what they decided to enlighten him about.

"So, Joss, the resupply seems to be going well. I've even managed to convince that thief of a Provision Officer to grant us two more guns and enough canvas to resail the entire ship. I'm almost afraid that he'll realize what he's agreed to and claim he was accosted by the devil himself and demand everything back!"

"Well, I'll have the marine guard stand watch at the entry ports just in case he decides to try, sir."

"That might not be a bad idea at all, come to think on it,"

A butler entered and murmured a word to the Captain. "Ah, dinner is ready, if you'll join me in the dining room. You still favor chicken, do you not, Mr. Bracegirdle?"

"Indeed I do, sir."

"Well then, I hope that the meal is to your liking."

The three men sat themselves at the mahogany table, all of them towards one end to make conversation easier.

The food was, as to be expected, excellent. Sir Edward was known as a fine host and the meal lived up to his reputation. The talk was mostly about business, but in a fairly light vein. They talked about former missions and shipmates, other ships and their good and bad points. They touched on how the war was progressing and the problems with keeping a ship running smoothly and efficiently at sea under different conditions. Finally, with the cheese course and after a bottle of quite fine wine, Sir Edward turned to Josiah, fixed him with an appraising look and said, "I suspect you've guessed that this is not entirely a social invitation, Joss."

"I must confess that I've wondered, sir."

"I've something of a personal nature that I wish to discuss with you, if I might."

Surprised and intrigued, Bracegirdle merely nodded his head. Glancing across the table he noticed that Horatio seemed tense and kept his eyes riveted on the Captain.

Edward's hands were on the table in front of him, palms and fingers pressed together, then apart, tapping all ten fingers together. He almost seemed to be searching for the words with which to begin.

"In the years that we've sailed together, I've never allowed my personal life to intrude aboard ship. I've always kept things private that should remain so and I've always attempted to maintain a professional distance between myself and the officers and crew who serve under me."

"Yes, sir, you've always succeeded in that." Joss tried to be encouraging.

"I find now that this has become impossible and I fear that I may need to ask for your assistance on board the Indy when we put to sea in a month."

"Sir?"

Edward looked over at Horatio, whose eyes hadn't left him since he's started to speak. He paused for a moment, almost seeming to gather his nerve.

"Horatio and I have become friends, Joss. Quite close friends, you see."

Bracegirdle looked over at the young man to find his eyes boring into his, the tension apparent on his face and in the set of his shoulders. Was Edward saying what he seemed to be? How could that be possible? Horatio was the best young officer he'd ever seen, that was true. He was certainly destined for great things, but he was still just a lad. He couldn't be more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Good Lord. Edward, the Captain was a man in his forties. He looked from one to the other, seeing the confirmation in both of their faces. Finally, somewhat hesitantly, Horatio spoke.

"Mr. Bracegirdle, I realize that you must be surprised and perhaps shocked by this. Believe me, if anyone had asked me a year ago, or even a few months ago if this would be possible, I think that I would have laughed at them." He glanced over at Edward, who nodded at him to go on. "But …" he seemed to be searching for the words, "we've found that we share -- strong feelings for one another." Another glance at Edward. "We were hoping, that is, the Captain and I were hoping that you would be- that you are--that you might understand and would not be opposed to, perhaps occasionally helping us to perhaps spend some small amount of time together whilst we're aboard the ship."

Josiah looked at him with barely concealed astonishment. They wished him to run interference for them so that they would be able to fornicate in the Captain's cabin? Was that really what they were asking from him?

Pellew spoke. "Joss, you must know that we ask this not as my subordinate or even as a fellow officer. I, we, ask as friends. And you must also understand that you'd never be asked to do anything that you'd be uncomfortable with or which would go against …any beliefs which you may have concerning such things. The decision is entirely your own."

Bracegirdle sat back in his chair, somewhat at a loss as to how to proceed. He wasn't particularly shocked by the morality involved and the legalities didn't really concern him either. He was of the mind that if two people weren't harming anyone, what they chose to do was their own business. He had almost thought "affair" himself and had to stifle a small giggle at the thought. But what they were asking of him…how could he agree to this?

For over ten years he had sailed with Sir Edward. They had fought the enemy together, sometimes winning, sometimes not. They had endured starvation and illness and been lucky enough to have known victory. They had reaped the rewards of success and they had suffered the loss of battles and friends and fellow shipmates. They had done all of this together. In all of that time there had never been a single moment of impropriety between them. He had never considered that the Captain was so inclined, never even thought it possible. God! What a waste! Edward…Ned…was the single person in the world whom Joss could honestly say he loved. He had watched the Captain on the Quarter Deck and at meetings in his cabin. He had seen him exhausted and exhilarated, freezing cold and dripping with sweat in the tropics. The one way he had never seen him was in someone's arms or bed. Perhaps, thinking that the Captain had no one was why he had been able to imagine Ned in his own arms so often, why he had spent so many nights drifting to sleep wishing the Captain were with him. And now to know that Hornblower, a boy for God's sake! was in the one place he truly wanted to be. They were asking too much of him. He simply couldn't do this. How could they expect him to clear the way for them to do-those things right on board ship? Knowing they would be on the other side of a bulkhead, doing what he wanted to do with Edward himself.

The silence had gone on too long and he realized that they were both staring at him. Finally, he broke the quiet. "Captain, if I might speak with you alone? Forgive me Horatio, would you mind very much?"

Horatio seemed slightly startled, but nodded and with a look at Edward, rose and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

After a moment he asked, "Sir, may I speak plainly?"

"Yes, of course, Joss. Say whatever is on your mind. I would know what your true feelings are in this."

"He said that you two have found that you have strong feelings for one another." Pellew nodded at this, but didn't say anything. Bracegirdle continued. "Forgive me, sir-Ned-he's less than half your age, how can a man of your …accomplishments be satisfied by a half grown youth? He is exceptional, of course. We are all aware of that, but he is still so…young."

"I know that, Joss. How could I not? I look at him and I see all of that beauty and enthusiasm and that wonderful excitement of tasting life for the first time. I tell you, for the first time in my life, I believe that I am truly in love. God! Listen to me. I sound like a lovelorn fool."

"Sir, I think that, perhaps I've not made myself clear. I can see how you would be attracted to him for the duration of a leave, or even a bit longer...but how can he engage you beyond that? He may be bright, but he is still…what?…untutored compared to you. He has a brilliant future ahead of him, certainly, but you are already so far beyond him that the gulf between you is, surely insurmountable."

"You think that he is simply too young for me, is that it?"

A pause while he considered the effect of his words. "I fear that after the initial rush of feeling has dimmed, you may not have anything to talk about after you're finished in bed…sir.

The look on Pellew's face was of sadness. "And I'm a middle aged man infatuated with a pretty boy, Joss? Oh, God. Don't you think that hasn't been in my mind since the beginning? I didn't go near him for at least six months because I was afraid that was all it was. Let alone that I had no reason to think that he would accept my feelings for him. I finally realized that my thoughts of him weren't lessening. It was all I could do not to caress him during meetings or after a watch report. I'm astounded that no one noticed."

"Edward, what you're speaking of is obsession."

"Yes, I know that, too. So I decided to see if I could be with him and not think of…the flesh. I made a point of spending time with him just as a friend."

Edward looked over at Joss as if to see if he was believed. He continued.

"What I found is that his mind is sharper than mine is, his insights are more incisive, and his creativity far beyond what I'm capable. He quite astounds me. And more than that, Joss. He is gentle and has the kindest heart I've yet to encounter. You've worked with him for over a year now; you know what he's like. He would no more go into this lightly than I would."

"You're sure that your feelings are returned? Forgive me for even asking this, but you must realize that a…friendship with you would be an obvious advantage to a junior lieutenant and, forgive me, a very ambitious young man. You have considered this, have you not?"

Looking at the table in front of him, Edward nodded, slightly. "Yes, of course I've though on that. How could I not? He's a beautiful young man who could choose anyone he might fancy as his partner. God knows that I'm old enough to be his father and no beauty at any time." He looked up at Joss. "But he says that he loves me, his actions say it as well as his words. I have to believe him. Don't you see? I must believe him, Joss. I must."

Bracegirdle had never seen such naked emotion on Pellew's face and would never have thought him capable of needing another person as much as he needed Horatio. It was almost frightening to see.

"You do know the risk that you're both taking. If you were discovered the Admiralty would not go easy on either of you."

"I know that, we both do. Realistically, what would likely happen would be transfers. It would be kept quiet to avoid scandal, you know that."

"It would damage your career and probably end his."

"That's why we need your help."

"Just what is it that you think I might be able to do, sir?"

"Specifically? I couldn't really say. Just …well, perhaps you would be willing to explain to anyone who asked that we were in a meeting, or that I was helping Horatio improve his navigational skills or some such. Whatever seemed appropriate at the time, I suppose."

"Ned, I've no reservations about the two of you being…friends. I must say that I'm not sure that I could be comfortable lying to cover your activities, though."

"Of course, Joss. I understand."

The conversation seemed to be at a dead end, both men at a loss as what to say next. Finally, Bracegirdle spoke up.

"He's that important to you, is he? You're willing to take the risks to be with him onboard the Indy, are you?"

Edward looked at Joss, seeing that he was about to make a decision.

"Yes, he's worth the risk."

"Does he make you happy, Ned?"

"Yes, he does. Very happy."

Josiah looked at him closely, gauging the response. "Then I'll do what ever I can to help you both."

A relieved smile appeared on Pellew's face. "Thank you Joss, I'll not forget this, you can count on that. Shall we ask him back in, then?" Bracegirdle nodded. Pellew rose and disappeared through the door. He stood to stretch his legs and moved over to the fireplace, looking at a sextant resting on the mantle, seemingly left there casually. It was a fine instrument, really a work of art. Such were the things that Hornblower, a poor boy from the Kent countryside, would become accustomed to now.

In the short absence while Edward fetched Horatio and informed him that they would have their ally, Bracey had the thought go through his mind that he had squandered his chance with Ned. All those years of faithful service and unspoken affection were wasted. The Captain would never think of him as anything other than a loyal second. Horatio, young and bright with a brilliant career ahead of him, a career which Captain Sir Edward Pellew, Baronet, would now move Heaven and Earth to advance, would have his love and his soul, his friendship and his body.

Lieutenant Josiah Bracegirdle would have their friendship, yes, he would have that. But he would sleep alone.

Just then the other two came back into the dining room. Horatio coming over to him, smiling almost shyly and quietly thanking him for being willing to help them.

Making excuses that it had been a long day and that he really needed to be getting back, he was seen to the door and thanked again by them both. As they said their goodbyes, Joss couldn't help but notice that Ned had his hand protectively caressing the small of Horatio's back. And that Horatio was almost imperceptively leaning back into the embrace.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning as Edward and Horatio were eating breakfast a messenger appeared with a note for the Captain. It was from a Doctor Booth in town. It seemed that one of the Indefatigable's officers was injured late last evening and, although not life threatening, the doctor thought that Captain Pellew would wish to be informed of his First Lieutenant's wound. Edward immediately readied himself to go to the address indicated, promising that he would return as soon as he could.

The address he had been given was a small, private infirmary. Evidently Bracegirdle had been moved from the inn where he was staying to the Doctor's surgery, to make his treatment simpler. Entering the room where Joss was being treated Edward was frightened to see how pale he was, especially after seeing how healthy he had seemed just last evening. As Joss was resting when he arrived, the doctor took Edward into his office to speak with him and to explain what had happened.

"Captain Pellew, it's good of you to come so quickly, sir."

"Lieutenant Bracegirdle has served with me for many years, Doctor. He's a friend, as well as a shipmate. We dined together just last evening. He will recover, will he not?"

"Yes, he should be fine in a few days. It looks worse that it actually is; it's been cleaned and should heal without incident. He's lost blood, but with rest, he'll be fine."

"Thank God. Please, do you know how he came to be injured? Was he accosted by ruffians?"

"That's one of the reasons I sent you that note, sir. Forgive me, but it appears to me that the Lieutenant caused the injuries himself. He appears to have been…cleaning his pistol when it discharged into his neck; fortunately it merely went through flesh and did no real damage. There was also an empty wine bottle on the floor next to him and I fear that he may have been intoxicated. Was he in that state when he left your dinner, sir?"

Startled, Edward answered, "No, not at all. We had wine with our meal, of course, but only a glass or two. He was perfectly fine when he left us and seemed to be in good spirits. Would you happen to know what time he was cleaning his weapon?"

"I was called about midnight, and came immediately. I had him moved here so that I might keep a closer watch on him."

"Did he say anything to you whilst you were treating him?"

"Well, understandably, he wasn't completely lucid, but he said that he was sorry, though I don't know what for. He also said that he was too young. Kept repeating that 'He's just too damn young', was what he kept saying. I don't know whom he was referring to with that comment, either. Would you know, Captain?"

"No, I'm afraid that I've no idea, Doctor. I'm most grateful to you, sir. May I see him now?"

Knowing that the Captain was lying, but deciding not to make an issue of it, the Doctor simply said, "Yes, of course. You'll not overtire him, sir, I'm sure."

The two men went into the small ward, where Joss seemed to currently be the only patient.

Nodding, the Doctor left them alone to talk. Edward sat on the next bed, facing Bracegirdle.

"Joss, are you alright?"

His voice was a whisper, but he said, "Yes, stupid of me. Damn thing slipped as I was cleaning it." Seeing the look on Edward's face he stopped and just looked down at his hands on the blanket.

"Horatio upsets you this much?"

Again the whisper. "I used to hope that one day we might be friends."

"Joss…"

"But I'm not young or pretty or marked to be an Admiral before I even need to shave daily."

"You are my friend. We 're not lovers, but we are friends. You know that to be true."

Bracegirdle smiled. "He will be an Admiral one day, you know. Even were it not for your help, he'd make Admiral. You're right. He's one of the special ones." The smile faded. "Not like the rest of us…oh, not you, Ned. I mean everyone else. The rest of us who just do our jobs everyday and are even quite competent. The ones who haven't that spark. That dusting of grace blown by God onto the select few. It shines on him like gold."

Knowing that what he was hearing was true, Pellew didn't insult Bracegirdle by trying to convince him that he was mistaken. Instead he simply said, "Yes, I knew it almost from the first moment I laid eyes on him. He is one of the special ones."

"He is good enough for you, Edward. For a long while I feared that no one was your equal, but he is. Or will be. He'll do well with you and I suspect that you'll do well with him, also."

Pellew nodded in acknowledgement and agreement.

"I'll do what I can to help you both, Ned. You've my word on that."

Standing, Edward said, "I'm not to tire you, Joss, but I'll be back tomorrow. Horatio wishes to see you, also, if you'll allow it." Bracegirdle nodded. Leaning over, Edward gently kissed him on the forehead. "You were my friend long before I knew him, and you'll still be my friend, and I yours, for many years. My word on that."

The Lieutenant nodded, a small smile on his face as Pellew left the room.

At least that was something. Joss knew that, often, friends lasted longer than lovers did. He could wait.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day as Bracegirdle was sitting at the small table in the infirmary eating his luncheon; Horatio gently knocked at the open door and stepped into the room.

"I'm glad to see that you're up, Joss." He caught himself. "Forgive me, that was forward of me to call you that."

He smiled. "After what you and the Captain asked me at dinner the other night, I'd say that you are close enough to call me by my Christian name. Come in, sit with me while I eat."

Hornblower did as he was asked. He seemed to not quite know what to say next, Bracegirdle thought. I was right, he is so young. Beautiful, yes, and with a certain innocent charm, but so very young.

Finally, Hornblower spoke, looking directly at the older man, as though he had been reading his thoughts. "You don't believe that I'm old enough to keep Edward interested in me for longer than a few months, do you? You don't think that I have enough to offer him."

Joss gave him a wary look, almost an appraising one. This was unexpected. "You're blunt, if nothing else. All right, then. No, in all honesty, I don't think that you'll be able to maintain the level of feeling that you seem to have for each other. I believe that the differences are too great.

"You think that he'll become bored with me and that I'm only in this for the career advantages." It was a statement.

"I think that those are possibilities that, if I were in either of your shoes, I would be forced to consider."

"You're wrong. Whether I'll be able to keep him interested in me or not, I've no idea, but I do know that I love him and would do nothing to ever hurt him."

"Whether he were the Admiral or the dustman, you'd feel the same, is that what you're saying? That his position has no bearing on you feelings?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying and it's not true. He wouldn't be the same person if he were the dustman. Part of what I love about him is his power and his command; those things are part of him. But I'm not a whore selling myself to either the highest bidder or into the most favorable position, either."

"Indeed? I suspect you'll land on your feet whatever the duration or the outcome of this is."

Horatio looked closely at Joss and saw that behind the bitterness of that statement was jealousy. Mistrust his motives as much as he wanted, Bracegirdle wanted the Captain and now knew that he couldn't have him, in fact he knew that he belonged, at least for a while, to the youth sitting before him. "Why didn't you ever say anything to him before this, Joss? He would have welcomed you, I'm sure of that."

With no trace of anger, Joss answered, "Are you? Well, that's one of us who are, then. No, he wouldn't have wanted me. He was looking for you, Horatio. Edward always demands the best, you know that."

Hornblower blushed and looked down at his hands resting in his lap. "I'm sorry that you've been hurt. You've always been kind to me." He looked up. "I-we-didn't want to hurt you. I guess that we were so happy that we were thoughtless."

Bracegirdle sighed and gave a small smile. "It's of no matter, Horatio, truly. How long has it been going on?"

"A few months. Since I got back from prison."

A nod. "Yes, of course. He did seem to spend a good deal of time concerning himself with your recovery from that."

Horatio spoke quietly, remembering. "He asked me, several times, if I felt that I was truly over being in El Ferro, asked me what it was like there, what it was like to be tortured. Edward was the only one who seemed to really understand why I went back when I could have stayed on the ship. Everyone else on the Indy seemed afraid to ask me to talk about it. He seemed to really care about my answers. The day he told me he didn't know if he could have stood being tortured was when I first started thinking about him as a man, not just as the Captain. I had never imagined him having any weaknesses, and then I realized that he's…human. He's an exceptional, extraordinary one, of course, but he's just a man."

He looked over at Bracegirdle. "Do you see? I love him as a man, Joss. Because I know that he does have fears and weaknesses. Does that make any sense?"

Bracegirdle looked at the young man and nodded. He was beginning to understand what it was Ned saw in the lad.

"It's all right, Horatio. As I told the Captain, I'll do what I can to make things easier for the two of you. I count you both as friend, you know."

Horatio smiled as he rose from the chair. "I must be about my business and I know that you need to rest. I'm glad that you would see me after the other night. I was afraid that you would refuse. Thank you, Joss."

"Thank you for coming to see me, Horatio. You and Ned are well suited, I believe."

The lad favored him with one of his rare full smiles, blushed just a bit and left the room.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"He loves you, Edward. You do know that, don't you?"

Pellew turned is head on the pillow they were both sharing and said, "Yes, I've known that for years. Much as I like Joss, I simply never felt the way about him that I feel for you. Would there was a way not to have him hurt by seeing us together."

Horatio turned onto his side, head on hand, other hand caressing Edwards right breast. "If he had someone of his own, he wouldn't feel so about you."

"True, but one can't simply turn love on and off. I'm sure that the thought has occurred to him as well." Edward's hand began stroking the hand on his chest.

"Archie would be perfect for him. I'm sure of it." Edward pulled his face down to his for a long, tongue-sucking kiss.

"Perhaps, but don't you think that should be their decision?" His hand moved lower to Edward's belly, tracing firm yet gentle circles ever lower there.

"Of course, but couldn't you assign them to do, I don't know…things…together?" Edward's hand moved to Horatio's hip, pulling him over to lay the lower half of his body across that of the Captain.

"Yes, I suppose that I could do that." Horatio's hips began to gently grind against Edward's pelvis.

"He could help Archie with his mathematics, for instance." His legs eased Edward's apart and his organ pressed…almost…into the warmth there.

"Oh, does Archie need help with his Mathematics?" He pressed all the way home, his mouth covering Edward's, his tongue mimicking the movements of his hips.

"I think that they'll find things to discuss. Archie could teach Joss Shakespeare."

"You mean the part where Juliet says, 'Stay but a little and I will come again.'"

"Uuummmmmmm."

And they did.

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